Hydaelyn Role-Players
If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - Printable Version

+- Hydaelyn Role-Players (https://ffxiv-roleplayers.com/mybb18)
+-- Forum: Off-Topic (https://ffxiv-roleplayers.com/mybb18/forumdisplay.php?fid=42)
+--- Forum: Off-Topic Discussion (https://ffxiv-roleplayers.com/mybb18/forumdisplay.php?fid=14)
+--- Thread: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. (/showthread.php?tid=11586)

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - Cato - 05-13-2015

(05-13-2015, 10:36 AM)allgivenover Wrote:
(05-13-2015, 09:22 AM)ProvaDiServo Wrote:
(05-13-2015, 09:10 AM)allgivenover Wrote:
(05-13-2015, 08:48 AM)ProvaDiServo Wrote:
(05-13-2015, 08:03 AM)allgivenover Wrote: Speak for yourself, unless you just mean your own social circle?

Seriously, this is not something "we all" do.

Show Content
Look over my post history, if I talk anything close to shit I'll do it publicly. It also helps that I don't really talk to anyone here outside of the forum itself.


Yeah dawg that's what  I'm saying, if you make call outs publicly, I'm pretty sure you make em privately. Everyone complains about something in privacy even the most openly vocal, regardless of your association.

Except I don't.

Like I said, it really helps that I don't interact with any of you outside of the forum.

So you've never:

- Complained about a teacher behind their back when they gave you homework
- Expressed exasperation over the behaviour/attitude of a friend/colleague
- Confided in a friend your frustration towards something a relative/partner has done
- Received a perceived dirty look from a stranger and then mentioned it to someone else later in the day

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - TheLastCandle - 05-13-2015

(05-13-2015, 10:19 AM)Flickering Ember Wrote:
(05-13-2015, 03:21 AM)Clover Wrote: I use Tumblr on a daily basis, and I must say that I never notice any drama. Granted, I can't check every single entry from the FFXIV tag, but still, I don't understand where the idea that Tumblr is a dramafest for immature people came from (?_?)
Most of the things I see are people posting screenshots and having fun.

As for this case in particular, I can't comment because I don't know what it's about.

Same. I am following 70-something people, all Balmung folks. Not seen any drama. I have one time seen people talk about RPC on tumblr and it was all reasonable feedback that one of the mods even responded to. 

I guess I am just not following the people doing this? I don't have any examples to go off here. I don't think we can forcibly remove someone from RPC for doing that on tumblr but I can at least agree that tumblr is a part of the Balmung community too, not just RPC. We gotta take care of our community and that's all I'm gonna say.

This is in line with my own experiences on the Tumblz. What toxicity (lol) I have seen comes from someone who used to post on RPC ages ago - before ARR was even released, if I'm not mistaken - and who is generally understood by all to be a troll and a bully so nothing he says is taken seriously anyway.

I dunno. Generalizations suck, and while I appreciate the sentiment behind not naming names in the OP, when you choose instead to address your complaints to an unseen, ubiquitous Tumblr, it comes across as just that. .

The way I see it, the RPC and Tumblr are on pretty equal footing. The main difference between the two is the former has moderators, who can (and let's be honest, frequently do have to) close threads that devolve into various sorts of jerky and/or otherwise negative behavior. -shrug- Choose your poison, filtered or no.

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - Warren Castille - 05-13-2015

(05-13-2015, 10:43 AM)TheLastCandle Wrote: The way I see it, the RPC and Tumblr are on pretty equal footing. The main difference between the two is the former has moderators, who can (and let's be honest, frequently do have to) close threads that devolve into various sorts of jerky and/or otherwise negative behavior. -shrug- Choose your poison, filtered or no.

That's a pretty large difference, though. If someone here is a dick and they get shiny green numbers for it, they can still be smacked down in public by an authority figure for being a dick.

That doesn't happen in this hypothetical on Tumblr, it's just an echo chamber. I'd argue that the circlejerking there is far worse than anything similar here, if only because there's no giant list of

Warren liked this
Warren reblogged this
Alothia liked this
Alothia reblogged this

on and on and on. It just perpetuates, with no louder voice to go NO SERIOUSLY, SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT WHAT A HORRIBLE PERSON YOU ARE. There's plenty of fine people and cool dino porn on tumblr, but there's also a colossal amount of unwarranted self-importance who feel the need to help police the community.

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - Blue - 05-13-2015

I honestly feel this is kind of a lost battle. I don't know what tumblr is (is it some iphone thing like Whatsapp? I don't have an iphone <_<; *looks at her pitifully old non-android smartphone* ), so I'm not sure what kind of behaviour you are talking about.

But, I do know the internet. And I think what you are asking/telling these people is of the same flavor as "if you are rude to living people on the internet, then you shouldn't stay in real life". People will act the conventional, polite way where it is required (real life/RPC *most of the time* ), and go all out where they can go all out (internet/tumblr? ). We all wish people weren't trolls or dicks on the internet and behaved as much as they did in real life, but sadly where there will be no rules, they will not be forced to keep an etiquette.

Some sites are extremely careful with membership behavior and will punish them accordingly (and sometimes too much. I have been permanently banned by the FFXIV Official Forums for posting a picture of bots with not-censored names, and for using the word "prick" once *eyeroll* ), some others (as I am guessing from your description, tumblr) will have not so much moderation and people will take it as a chance to let out all their constipated frustration and meanness (is it even a word?). I honestly doubt making threads to tell people to leave will bring any result. At most, I could see it fueling the opposite effect.

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - Alothia - 05-13-2015

(05-13-2015, 10:40 AM)Alothia Wrote: Again, just as I've said here before, if you feel like you're getting emotional over something, it's probably best to step away from forums and social networking.

Perhaps people don't intend for it to become bullying when they first post. Sure, they're just venting about stuff. But people have a hive mentality sometimes. And when someone responds to that and adds on, then yeah, it's justified. I should keep doing this. And so they do.  It's a vicious cycle.

One thing I love about Tumblr is the draft system. I can write something, save it as a draft, and then go back and read it later, decide if it's really what I wanted to say. Most of the time, I realize it was something I wrote in the heat of the moment, and it gets deleted.

I don't know that people go there inherently to start drama. I like to think that people don't. Sure, it happens. Sure, there are those people that will. But I think most people don't go to social networking with the intention of starting something. They just want to vent, want their voice to be heard, and move on. And that's great, as long as it doesn't make someone else feel like poop.

Are there times where I'd like to hold people accountable for their actions on other sites here on the RPC? Sure. But we don't moderate the rest of the internet. We can't. If people hold to the rules here, I can't hold them accountable for what they do elsewhere. 

I'd just like to ask, again, that people really think about what they're posting and not post in the heat of the moment: here or anywhere else. It's hurtful to other people sometimes. It can be hurtful to yourself. You never know who sees what you're posting. There's really no way of knowing. And if you wouldn't say those things to the person's face, you shouldn't say them anywhere else.

That's my 2 gil on the matter. Take it or leave it. Smile

(05-13-2015, 10:49 AM)Warren Castille Wrote:
(05-13-2015, 10:43 AM)TheLastCandle Wrote: The way I see it, the RPC and Tumblr are on pretty equal footing. The main difference between the two is the former has moderators, who can (and let's be honest, frequently do have to) close threads that devolve into various sorts of jerky and/or otherwise negative behavior. -shrug- Choose your poison, filtered or no.

That's a pretty large difference, though. If someone here is a dick and they get shiny green numbers for it, they can still be smacked down in public by an authority figure for being a dick.

That doesn't happen in this hypothetical on Tumblr, it's just an echo chamber. I'd argue that the circlejerking there is far worse than anything similar here, if only because there's no giant list of

Warren liked this
Warren reblogged this
Alothia liked this
Alothia reblogged this

on and on and on. It just perpetuates, with no louder voice to go NO SERIOUSLY, SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT WHAT A HORRIBLE PERSON YOU ARE. There's plenty of fine people and cool dino porn on tumblr, but there's also a colossal amount of unwarranted self-importance who feel the need to help police the community.


I'm quoting myself because I think my post got lost on the last page. It's a cycle on tumblr. There's no dislike. No way to really say that you don't agree with something, because you'll get lost in the void or shot down because of that same sort of hive mentality. 

I think we just need to self-police more...which is a lot to ask, but it's what we need as people.

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - Kage - 05-13-2015

Even if you reblog something to disagree with something it may get lost and never answered/responded to.

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - Alothia - 05-13-2015

(05-13-2015, 10:57 AM)Kage Wrote: Even if you reblog something to disagree with something it may get lost and never answered/responded to.
True.

The likes though, and the reblogs that get agreed to...they keep going around. And the person who made the OP has that validation for whatever rant they went on. It really is kind of a broken system.

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - Accurator - 05-13-2015

...The worst thing about bullying... For me it's my copycat behavior. I just copy mean people for no reason. Guess I just want to "fit in" or something. 

So um.

I forgat when I started rping, but there was this guy named "Kai". He's not the bully here, he just was the host in one rp and we became friends. I don't really know him, but it's just like, if I think of someone as "nice" or something like that the one day, then the next day I just decide they're my "friend". So I kinda just liked him cuz he was nice.

There was someone else. I'unno why she was there, but she was. I assumed she was a friend or something of Kai. "Bedhorsegutter", was her name. So, she was pretty much the only host that was online when I was. Yeah... The site I rped on was KINDA dead. Anyways, I always used to rp in her group when I just returned to the site (because I left often, because... Just read along.), rped a bit, and then left. She was always mean to everyone just because they were stupid or something. Yup, I copycatted(is that the right spelling...?) that behavior... And after some time, in the rp she asked stuff like "can your char lose an arm" a few seconds after the rp started. After that it always got worse, and everyone laughed at me n stuff, and I lost the will to rp, got bored, and left the site. Each time I came back, I forgat what happened previously, and joined the group she had made that time. She always had another name then before, too. Ultimately, she got really mad after I "messed up" a rp (and she insulted me in various ways n stuff) and, according to her, "made myself the victim", with which she probably meant I wasn't one. I "apollogized" (the group that time was.. Like, ace attorney :P), but she wanted me to like, "confess" something, I don't really remember what. I decided to just, like, stop rping there. The site was like, gonna be gone for good soon. So yeah. Now I'm here. I'unno. ...

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - TheLastCandle - 05-13-2015

I'm not even sure how to respond to the implication that there's a Tumblr hive mind. So.. I won't. What I will say, though, is from what I can see, there's a lot of passive aggression on the RPC that goes unnoticed, while Tumblr bloggers (since they are posting on a personal blog) are much more, shall we say, open. Different methodology, same anti-community behavior - though not from all, in both cases. We can pretend otherwise all day, but it is what it is.

(05-13-2015, 10:57 AM)Kage Wrote: Even if you reblog something to disagree with something it may get lost and never answered/responded to.

At the end of the day it's a blog, not a discussion forum. Even if there are plenty of people who use it as one. If you have an opinion, post it. If people don't "like" it or reblog it, maybe they just don't agree. Everyone has exactly the same means as everyone else to have their opinion heard. I really don't see the issue with that aspect of it at all.

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - Maril - 05-13-2015

(05-13-2015, 10:50 AM)Blue Wrote: I honestly feel this is kind of a lost battle. I don't know what tumblr is (is it some iphone thing like Whatsapp? I don't have an iphone <_<; *looks at her pitifully old non-android smartphone* ), so I'm not sure what kind of behaviour you are talking about.

Tumblr is a blogging site. You have your own page where you can write blog entries (Can be text, video, pictures, ect). Then, if people like the entry they can click a heartshaped like button. They can also choose to re-blog it, which means that your entry gets shown on their page, and your page may be followed by different people than the original, who can then reblog it to their followers.. And so on. So something you write there has the potential to spread really far in no-time. You can get a tumblr app on your iphone im pretty sure, but it's also a website Smile
Oh, also - people can freely follow and unfollow these blogs, it's not like where you have a friends-list where you approve who gets to see your blog and so on. It's all very public.
I'm still super new to it, but that's how I understand it anyhow. Some peoples blogs can be really impressive, and there's a lot of artists on there too.

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - Cato - 05-13-2015

(05-13-2015, 11:00 AM)Alothia Wrote:
(05-13-2015, 10:57 AM)Kage Wrote: Even if you reblog something to disagree with something it may get lost and never answered/responded to.
True.

The likes though, and the reblogs that get agreed to...they keep going around. And the person who made the OP has that validation for whatever rant they went on. It really is kind of a broken system.

It is.

GW2's unofficial role-playing community made use of Enjin. The forum aspect was moderated whilst people's Enjin walls weren't. This led to a lot of drama where people would say some very nasty things on their Enjin walls because they knew they could get away with it. They'd call people out by name and then if that person responded to try and tell their side of the story they'd be blocked, ridiculed or ganged up on by the poster's friends.

I have no doubt that the same thing is happening on Tumblr - even if some people are thankfully spared the sight of it.

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - Arrelaine - 05-13-2015

I don't see it, either. Not on my tumblr anyway. I've only ever gotten two 'hate' anon messages, though I do have anon messages turned off. Even if someone wanted to send me a positive anon, I'd rather know who you are so I can hug you. Then again, I'm usually not the type to pay attention to drama or rise up to give it attention. Someone tries to start drama, I commence jazz hands and walk away. I don't really care what some internet person says about me. I've seen my fair share of RP/game drama way back when, and I've learned to just not care. In fact, I've been rubbing my chin thinking on whether or not to respond to this thread with my own experiences/advice. 

Drama tends to follow around those who facilitate it, and feeding it by trying to 'get back' at the people who start it with them. The people who start drama tend to have major problems in their own lives, and will move from game to game, making 'friends' and then eventually pushing them and others away with it. They bemoan their fate and continue to move onto another game, repeating the process. Over the past ten years, I've seen this exact same thing happen numerous times. These people do not have to be a permanent fixture in your gaming life, because it's very likely they're not going to be a permanent fixture in the game you play.

That being said- You control whether or not you're going to be hurt, angry or sad by what someone says. Words only have as much meaning to them as you give them. Don't let them control your feelings; don't let them ruin your life. It only took me about half my life to learn this through many RL trials and errors. If the person is important to you, or a friend, then you can try to work things out. The worst thing you could do to a person who is trying to call you a name/bully you is to smile and continue on with your life.

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - Alothia - 05-13-2015

(05-13-2015, 11:03 AM)TheLastCandle Wrote: I'm not even sure how to respond to the implication that there's a Tumblr hive mind. So.. I won't. 

I apologize if it comes off as if I meant there's a Tumblr hive mind.

I just meant that in general, we, as people, tend to have a hive mind sometimes. It doesn't matter where it is. We follow where we see there are people, we agree with people because other people agree with them. It happens anywhere. It's just an aspect of human behavior. Sure, there are those people who don't go along, but I think there's an overwhelming majority that will follow the leader, no matter what the venue is. That's all I was trying to say. Smile

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - allgivenover - 05-13-2015

(05-13-2015, 10:40 AM)Graeham Ridgefield Wrote: So you've never:

- Complained about a teacher behind their back when they gave you homework
- Expressed exasperation over the behaviour/attitude of a friend/colleague
- Confided in a friend your frustration towards something a relative/partner has done
- Received a perceived dirty look from a stranger and then mentioned it to someone else later in the day

Of course I have. None of these behaviors are shit talking.

This is shit talking:

Graeham is probably just another yaoi obsessed girl roleplaying a "bisexual" guy in an eye rolling way. You know that way where you can tell the person has never been in an IRL relationship before and you can just tell? Her only saving grace is that Graeham isn't Miqo'te.

THAT is shit talking. It's subjective mean spirited opinion that doesn't even care about the truth. Also please note I don't think any of this. It's just an on the fly arbitrary example.

This is not shit talking:

Graeham made a post that conflates telling a friend about a dirty look as shit talking. I think that's way off the mark. It's kind of irritating that people think my public disagreements and opinions about how role play should be means that I must participate in the same closed door private shit talking they all do.

RE: If you can't be nice to people outside the RPC, you don't belong on the RPC. - AquiziTC - 05-13-2015

I'm somewhat glad I never got into the whole tumblr thing. I mean, I know what I see and hear about is cherry picked, and I take that into my opinion of the service it provides as a whole, but some of the shit I've heard and read -- good lord.

It's the internet as a whole though, isn't it? Every 'meeting place' (imgur, tumblr, reddit, RPC, etc.) eventually over time turns into a bit of an echo chamber. At least the vocal types make it that way. Plenty of people who use social sites don't always post anything, or never say anything... y'know, the lurkers. I'm mostly one here (I need to change this. I want friends!) so I totally get it.

Regarding the main sentiment that set off this thread. I am in general agreement. People need to be treated with respect no matter the flavor of the interaction. Disliking traits and quirks of an individual is always fine, but attacking the very core of their existence because of it is not.

I don't have to like a person to respect him or her, but I will always try to.