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+--- Thread: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? (/showthread.php?tid=10906)
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Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Pascaleret - 04-01-2015
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Aduu Avagnar - 04-01-2015
if they keep harrasing you? report them, and blacklist them and move on.
I wouldn't retcon it, relationships inspire growth, and you would have to either get rid of that growth or come up with another reason, but I wouldn't acknowledge them from now on.
but thats just me.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Meena - 04-01-2015
Well, if they're OOcly being a butt, you might want to do what is best for your emotional state.
It doesn't need explanation - if it is harassment that is against the TOS. Just have them not talk for a while - that sort of distance, might be enough. perhaps Your character gets busy and makes other friends?
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Enla - 04-01-2015
I think it depends upon the individual honestly. I don't retcon when I can help it, though I do have one character in this game I'm remaking even though the incident is long since passed. However if a person feels that retcons are necessary then who am I to nay-say them? Sometimes people are intolerable to deal with, and when that occurs you do need to put your own mental well being first - particularly if the people are using their characters to act out their OOC frustrations. This can either come in the form of waiting it out, trying to be civil and hope it'll breed civility in return, or to just walk away and hope for the best in the long run.
I will say however that complete retcons do affect more than just yourself and the other party, particularly if you have friends or other people have characters who have interacted with both sides. They're sort of stuck out in limbo, where one party says one thing but another says another - and it can be at times hard to reconcile that. However, again, put your mental wellbeing first.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Imo - 04-01-2015
If someone is a jerk OOC and you don't like them, then cutting IC contact is not just okay, but it's also the only healthy thing to do. Furthermore, if they approach you, it's perfectly okay for you to ignore them or tell them you don't want to play with them. Nobody has the right to force you to RP with them against your will.
What I'd do in this situation? Ignore them, and if they want to contact you IC, tell them "sorry, I don't want to play with you" in OOC tell/say. You don't have to retcon the relationship, just don't mention it anymore. It petered out.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - No Longer Exists - 04-01-2015
*Peers out from under the hat on the floor*
Tricky thing, isn't it?
Think of it like a regular human friendship, these ebb and flow with time. While you may never have the desire to speak to said player(s) again due to the nature of their behavior, you may salvage what one could call the "memory of kinship" by continuing on with your character's life. Perhaps it takes them away from said characters and this absence means distance disrupted the friendship. It doesn't mean your character hates them, but it does lend credence to the lack of involvement. As such, your character can wistfully reminisce about these individuals and the feelings they had.
For example,
Seishuku came from another server originally, practically another world and when he was there, he'd made friends, enemies, and contacts of plenty of PCs. He remembers them all, though many do not speak with him anymore for obvious reasons. There's no animosity IC, even if I (the hat) felt some of them were downright snots OOC. What it did was give the Good Captain a robust background and history for me to expand upon with my RP.
On another note,
With RP, there's a fine line to be watchful for when it comes to severing ties. I, personally, deal with this line by never making judgement about a character based on the player unless in extreme circumstances (violence, abuse, that sort of thing). I'm capable of RPing with people I don't particularly like or agree with, based solely on the fact that I am not my character and vice versa. This can be frustrating for some, but I find that it works best for me. Everyone has the right to choose, because we're all here ultimately to have a good time. So my suggestion is to find your comfort level and decide from there how to proceed but there's no rule that says you must hate a character for the actions of their player or (of course) vice versa.
I hope this helps!
Cheers!Â
-Black Hat
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - ArmachiA - 04-01-2015
Don't retcon if you can get away with it. It's messy and complicated - especially the longer you've rped with someone. The best thing to do is find a reason ICly to cut ties and use it as part of your characters past. Though it seems kind of annoying now, looking back you'll be happier you didn't touch any of the organic stuff that did happen.
First, have you tried talking to them? I mean, really talking. "I don't like your behavior OOC so we need to talk about it or I can't RP with you anymore." type stuff? If you haven't, then DO SO. People don't have conversations they need to have (That could honestly fix EVERYTHING) because they're afraid of upsetting someone, but it's okay if they get upset. They're going to be upset, you're accusing them of something and they are going to see you taking away rp as punishment for the accusation. That's fine. Let them get upset because eventually - if they actually WANT to fix something - they will calm down and you can talk about it. It's better that they know then if you're just leaving them high and dry with no explanation. Try to fix it first.
And hey if they go "Well eff you buddy!" and never calm down, then you know they weren't really worth it in the first place.
These talks can be very long or very short - it really depends on the nature of the person. Take all the time you need to take.
Second, have you tried talking to them but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere? They dismiss you, call you crazy, laugh or whatever? If you and your friend have talked to these people and it's doing nothing, then it's perfectly okay to cut ties. It's only more stress for you to TRY and if they dismiss your concerns or just aren't listening or making any effort to try - then they are really only doing it to themselves.
In public? Generally, regardless of where I am in RP, I try to be civil to everyone. If I run into someone I've had drama with in the past out rping, I'll still rp with them because Armi isn't really me and try not to ooc bleed at all. It's generally been fine since both of us are adults and can act like adults. HOWEVER, if they aren't acting like an adult and harassing you OOC, just blacklist them and ignore them. That isn't cool and is taking it a step too far. You are under no obligation to treat them as a rational human being if they refuse to act like one.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Warren Castille - 04-01-2015
I know most of us tend to take roleplay pretty seriously here, but your mental health is always going to be more valuable than cohesive continuity in your fanfiction.
If you can ignore them in public places, do so. If you're forced to interact, make an excuse to leave. If they're being antagonistic, just ignore the trolls. You don't have to retcon anybody, but if you just... stop letting them exist in your headcanon it's the same effect.
"Hey, whatever happened to Jeff?"
"I don't know, look over there!"
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Romy Leonhardt - 04-01-2015
I think RP is essentially fun consensual pretend play between people who enjoy each other's presence.
OOC > IC. If someone isn't fun to rp with anymore because of OOC conflict, don't RP with them. No drama or fuss about it, just cut ties and move on. There are lots of rpers you will mesh with, and some you won't. And thats okay.Â
As far as the retconning thing that happens, if MajorPast Character & I don't get along, I don't change or retcon much beyond changing the names of the people. The rper who beat me in a game of dice just becomes NPCNameHere who beat me in a game of dice.
It's harder if you have a problem with a group or person that your core group of friends does not have a problem with, but extrication is always possible, esp. with some gentle ooc remarks ( ie. telling your friends: Please don't include me with Mr. X's plots, thank you) via tells. The key thing is to be polite about it, and not engage with furthering any drama.Â
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Berrod Armstrong - 04-01-2015
I believe that cutting IC ties in such a situation is fine.Â
Whether you retcon or not is your choice, it's your right. If you're on the fence about retconning, however -- consider how the having the elements of the other person's story meshed with yours makes you feel. If the memory of them, or things associated with them make you uncomfortable or just irritate you, a retcon may serve you well. If it doesn't bother you so long as you no longer need to interact with the person again, it may do no harm to keep their character in the background story of yours!
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Dis - 04-02-2015
I have people I've had to cut ties with ICly because of OOC behavior, and it usually ends the same way. Â Our characters either drift apart, or it ends up being an outright betrayal, depending on the way things in the RP have gone prior to the OOC split. Â
My character has had some rough times because of that, everything from outright betrayal by people who claimed to love her very deeply, to a very sad parting of the ways before she later found out that the person who had parted with her had actually betrayed her, and she had to find out second hand that it had happened. Â
In another case, my characters wife just up and left him after the player and I had a massive OOC spat. Â Made for interesting, but head-screwy RP. Â I think it all depends on the situation. Â It also depends on how mature both players can be. Â I've had some who, while the player and I don't get along OOCly at all, the IC aspect is maintained because we keep firm distance. Â Just because I hate the way someone acts, doesn't mean their character and mine split. Â
There are a lot of factors, and I don't think any one blanket statement will do, but when someone is actively breaking the ToS, I do agree with others: cut your losses and try to find something ICly that will leave your character not too wrecked. Â I don't retcon anything, ever, even if it kind of sucks for my 'toon (and conversely, for me as well), but that's just personal choice.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Nebbs - 04-02-2015
I'm not replying to the main question here but I just wanted to say there are many people either in this situation now or who have had to deal with this experience. I have met several (dozens even) in the past few months.
That leads me to two points:
1. You are not alone, and there are others out there affected by similar experiance and still hoping to find some others to RP with, and they are clearly wary.
2. Try to come to terms with why this happened to you and why it upsets you so much, so that next time you might spot the signs or at least be prepared. However, each situation is different and hope seems to be more powerful than fear.
Find a group of people who support you and build you up, don't put your energies into things that drag you down.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Parvacake - 04-02-2015
I've both done it and had it done to me so I can understand it and also understand what it's like to get harassed when these ties have been severed. Best you can do is be cordial and polite on both fronts and don't be afraid to block if it gets excessive.
If it gets REALLY bad? Sometimes going as far as to retcon the past associations also becomes necessary.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Ryanti - 04-02-2015
(04-02-2015, 06:49 AM)Nebbs Wrote: I'm not replying to the main question here but I just wanted to say there are many people either in this situation now or who have had to deal with this experience. I have met several (dozens even) in the past few months.
It's happened to me before.
This kind of thing is a very racy, and dangerous social situation to deal with. I despise every waking moment of it, but it happens. Luckily, it hasn't happened in this game to me. But usually, if someone else and I just can't get along, and things are getting toxic, unless my character's relationship with the other person affects other people, I would basically cut it off.
And I don't mean IC. I mean OOC. I would respectfully choose to cut off contact, and write around the reason why. Then I would label that plot as a loose end and move on.
If it affects others that you still enjoy rp'ing with, I would talk to them about it. If they're worth RP'ing with more, they'll work around your situation. Remember, your mental health > any obligation you have IC. We're all here doing this to forget our problems and worries and have fun with our free time. Don't let it become a personal nightmare.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Kellach Woods - 04-02-2015
I'm fortunate in that I have a nice talent for tying up loose ends that even if I decide to fumble together a retcon it won't be as bad, and even if it is, I'd just recognize it's bad writing and that I did this for OOC reasons, one of which was cutting out an incredibly toxic RPer from interacting with me.
However, I'm of the opinion that if you don't have to retcon, don't do it, but don't feel like you should be forced to acknowledge the entire thing IC if it's too much for you to bear.