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+--- Thread: [Critique/Help Wanted] Two Au Ras - Two different styles (/showthread.php?tid=12184)
[Critique/Help Wanted] Two Au Ras - Two different styles - Hawkblade - 06-21-2015
So in the connections thread I talked about a pirate Au Ra-- I still want to do one, cause I still want to try my hand at EVIL. Though I know in a game like this, its hard. That is understandable.
I actually have plans for 2 Au Ra characters. One is the "Bad Guy" and the other is a bit of a "Druid" (I suppose). Oddly enough, the "Druid/Hunter" to me feels more alive, then the Pirate does and that actually bugs me. Maybe because something about the Pirate route is cliche or something.
Though I am not sure what other evil direction to go in. Could do Ascian servant-- but that is probably a massive red flag of "do not touch". So I'm open for ideas on him (I actually have him generated, not the Druid/Hunter-- I'm gonna try to get him generated later this evening or early tomorrow morning).
Anyways, here is the two and please, please please please, let me know what you guys think. Any suggestions, thoughts, comments, whatever. Thanks!
Katsumi Duskblade - (The Bad Guy)
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Birthday: 26th Sun of the 3rd Astral Moon
Known Job: Pirate & Criminal
Side Profession: Treasure Hunting, Scavenging, Illegal Trade
Information:
Katsumi Duskblade was born in the lands of Othard but for his parents to avoid him being in the servitude of the Garlean Empire any further, they managed to sneak him out to a pirate vessel that was stationed along the coastal borders.
Pleading with the captain, the man took the young boy and made him part of the crew. Katsumi was nothing more for the longest time one of the deckhands and used for the labor of the ship. Treated as an outsider, but eventually took notice during a battle where he actually protected the very captain.
From then Katsumi was given more respect as one of the crewmates and dreamed one day of having his own ship to sail the seas. Being a pirate like the Captain, who learned that even with all the cruelty the lad endured, he always respected him and wanted to be like him. Now though he is on his own and working to become just like that Captain. To also become a name that not only be feared on the seas, but all will come to fear his name in time.
Lukong Drake - (The Hunter/Druid)
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Birthday: 25th day of the Fourth Umbra Moon (8/25)
Known Job: Hunter (Lancer, archer)
Side Profession: Tracker, Scout, Animal Whisper
Information:
Lukong came from a small hunting village, but a heavy storm came and it destroyed everything, including claimed everyone's life -- all but his. He was spared and started to roam alone. This eventually lead him to Eorzea and he made home in the Black Shroud.
He was drawn to the nature and beauty of the forest, including the game he could hunt, but he never did so with proper tribute for any that he would kill. Spoken in a tongue of his ancestors and ancestors before him.
He is quiet and doesn't talk much. Typically is someone who may come across mute and is more apt to display physical expressions than that of words. If he does speak, it is short, sweet, and blunt. He will also sometimes speak in the language of his ancestors in silence to himself, but he never shows a desire to share the knowledge, seeing it as an act offensible to the Dusk father and mother.
He also doesn't smile often and he loves the creatures of the forest. He hates poachers and desires one day to teach people too how to tame creatures, like he does. Including even beasts thought untamable, but that will take time and like with the beasts, along with hunting, he is patient. Very patient.
RE: [Critique/Help Wanted] Two Au Ras - Two different styles - Nero - 06-21-2015
The summaries are too sparse for me to form a solid opinion on the characters, but the basic concept seems plausible for both of them. Ascian servant isn't too terribly implausible, but the Ascians generally only meddle in major affairs, so if he were a servant of an Ascian he'd need to be involved in something significant for it to be believable.
From what I can tell, you have qualms about the pirate concept because the druid concept feels more "alive". In other words, you view your druid concept as more of a person--as someone you might encounter naturally-and you view your pirate concept as more of a character--someone who is artificial or feels deliberately written .
Based off the summaries, you have Lukong's personality more sorted out with deeper detail, whereas the summary for the pirate gave me no idea as to what kind of person Katsumi was other than "ambitious". I think part of this is it seems like you wrote Lukong in terms of thinking what he is like as a person, but you wrote Katsumi as a concept--as an evil character or villain.
The key to writing a compelling antagonistic character--or really, any compelling character--in RP is to let them become an antagonist on their own. What I mean by that is you should write their personality, history, and so on completely independent of any sense of morality. Essentially, stop thinking in terms of "good guy" and "bad guy", and start thinking "person". Don't write that Katsumi wants to be a pirate captain with "because he's a bad guy" in mind. Write that Katsumi wants to be a fleet admiral of pirates because that is what the character would want for reasons x, y, and z.
Add more detail. Write justifications. Constantly ask yourself "why". Why does the character act this way? Why do they like certain things? Why do they dislike certain things? Why does he want this?
Write them as people, not characters.
RE: [Critique/Help Wanted] Two Au Ras - Two different styles - Hawkblade - 06-21-2015
Thanks for writing back!
I see what you mean about asking why and I will admit that with Lukong I was doing this, but when writing for Katsumi I felt like I was forcing myself to get into his head to figure him out. Which I know from my years back in the days of Message Board RP and so on, is a massive big no-no.
So the critique there does bring that into proper prospective and I may need to slide Katsumi on the backburner to let him stew I suppose, while maybe running Lukong out. Like you said, look at him as an individual, sit down, and try to get him to talk up about those why's instead of trying to force feed the character what I /want/ them to be.
Though I do admit on that, I'm not sure what a good villain direction would be. I know about the Ascians, the tempered, the Heretics, the Pirates, Black Market... Almost wondering if I shouldn't hook up with an already established group and maybe see if something could be worked out to figure a good starting spot really.
Cause the other hang up I have is I know his origins have to start in Othard and I know Othard was Garlean Territory until recently... but I really don't want to play the Garlean card, cause that is probably an overdone card.
RE: [Critique/Help Wanted] Two Au Ras - Two different styles - Nero - 06-21-2015
I wouldn't worry about a "villain" direction unless you plan on running a sort of campaign where they're the big bad evil guy. What is your goal with roleplaying a villain? Are you actually looking to be a villain--someone who is morally deplorable who impedes in the progress of other player character--or to be an antagonist? Where do you want this character to go, and why is it important to you that he be part of a "villainous group" like zealots, Ascians, etc.?
RE: [Critique/Help Wanted] Two Au Ras - Two different styles - Hawkblade - 06-21-2015
(06-21-2015, 09:14 PM)Nero Wrote: I wouldn't worry about a "villain" direction unless you plan on running a sort of campaign where they're the big bad evil guy. What is your goal with roleplaying a villain? Are you actually looking  to be a villain--someone who is morally deplorable who impedes in the progress of other player character--or to be an antagonist? Where do you want this character to go, and why is it important to you that he be part of a "villainous group" like zealots, Ascians, etc.?
I think I want him to be an antagonist. Someone who doesn't have any real morals or any real cares about morals. He makes up his own rules and screw what anyone else thinks. He likes money though and probably make it worth his while, he may actually play nice.
Someone doesn't agree with him, he may just smile at them or threaten them with a knife. If some woman calls him a jerk, he may just push further until she runs-- and if she slaps him-- he may actually see it a push harder move. So a real a-hole, if you know what I mean.
Maybe a little bit crazy, maybe just a bit intelligent enough to know the lines, including how to walk around them to not get caught. That kinda guy. Which is probably less bad guy really and more just someone who gets on everyone's "sh*t list"? Maybe...
RE: [Critique/Help Wanted] Two Au Ras - Two different styles - Nero - 06-22-2015
Well, here's the cool thing. Your character doesn't need to be a villain to do any of those things. He doesn't need to be a bloodthirsty pirate, or an Ascian, or a Dravanian in disguise, He certainly can be those things, but what affiliation he has or what profession he works as is pretty much totally arbitrary.
I mean, did you see how you just described him to me in your last post? You described your character to me by telling me what kind of person he is. You told me that he liked to sort of push people around, he's completely independent with no respect for authority or order, but he can occasionally be persuaded with coin. Morality is a burden to him because morality doesn't make him any money.
Go further with that! His profession or his affiliations, do that later because he doesn't really need those. Think about why he does things, and craft a history based around why he acts the way he does. Ask yourself "why". Why does he like money? It could just be simple greed and a desire for luxury after having lived in terrible conditions. Why is he independent with no consideration for authority? Once you have the basics of the "Why" down, then you can start filling in details like his ambitions, what he does, and who he associates with.
And like I said, don't pour him into a "bad guy" mold, so to speak. Let him grow into it. Let him become a villain or an antagonist by interacting with other player characters in a way that's consistent with the personality you've established. Don't think "I need to do this for him to be the bad guy", just think "What would he do in this situation?" Hell, he may even be a protagonist or an ally, which is not the worst thing that could happen.
RE: [Critique/Help Wanted] Two Au Ras - Two different styles - Hawkblade - 06-22-2015
So taking into account this whole conversation we been having and doing some deeper stare down with Katsumi to feel him out as an individual and less as a character. I have written up this tidbit of a summary.
I think this is far more fleshed out then it was earlier and now actually feels like someone, then well, something. Also thank you for the advice and direction. it has been a great help!
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Birthday: 26th Sun of the 3rd Astral Moon
Known Job: Mercenary
Side Profession: Treasure Hunting, Scavenging, Illegal Trade, Whatever
Information:
Katsumi was never happy with his life among the mountains and at a young age found himself running away from home, including find the means to get onto a passing ship in order to be a stole away. Once the ship got to its destination, he quickly darted off and hit the streets of a foreign land from land moving from one adventure to the next.
Though that is how he would explain things, but the truth is hard to find in his web of lies and tall tales. It goes from everything of him being a pirate, a trader, an explorer, and even a gladiator. While perhaps he has been all of these things at some point, what is clear about Katsumi is his down right greed. He is a mercenary through and through, willing to do anything for the right price.
He has no true moral compass, but his own, which can change on the fleeting whim of how much he likes or dislikes someone. He holds no true friends, but only those with deep pockets, but once they are dried up, he is gone. He loves to kill-- anything really and he loves a good fight. He doesn't care about family or home. Not even the troubles of the poor, little man. He rather using them as a stepping stone to get to his next ticket of fortune.
Katsumi Duskblade is also egotistical and prideful. Only thinking of himself and never anyone else. At least not what can be observed on the surface and perhaps even deep in too. There has been no reason for him too, as it has always been him. Which is the way he likes to keep things. Oh sure, he'll work with people or for people, but by the end it is always hard to say where he'll be next or with who. One night stands are even a common thing, as he sees himself as a charmer to the ladies and doesn't exactly take no as an answer-- only because it could lead to a fun fight.
But he is no idiot. He knows when to pick his fights and also how to back out of them if he believes they will cause more trouble than they are worth. Not desiring to find himself behind bars without a contract deed to throw his own tracks clean. Though he may have faced a time or two behind bars, including found ways to get himself out.
His motivation though seems to be self serving, greed and perhaps even fame. He wants the world to come to know him, ladies to bask at his feet, and to sit upon an empire which he can call his own one day. To rule over all pirates, scoundrels, traders, and royalty alike. He wants to be on the top of the food chain and everyone below him. Willing to risk it all in his chase of greed and power. To be the king of his own world.