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+--- Thread: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater (/showthread.php?tid=14677)
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - Kellach Woods - 12-21-2015
That people look at the various things that compose the character as being far too out there or outright special snowflake to warrant ever interacting with him.
I mean look at this.
- Effeminate looking Midlander with pink highlights with an inclination to showing hella skin.
- RP job doesn't exist in-game (Mime)
- Doesn't come from Eorzea or any of the known continents
- Has a part-time job as a postmoogle
And that's scratching the bullshit surface.
That people go out of their way to avoid my character when I can actually show up at events.
That most everyone'd rather stab their eyes out with a fork than deal with me OOC to set up anything.
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - Parth Makeo - 12-21-2015
(12-21-2015, 08:06 PM)Kellach Woods Wrote: - RP job doesn't exist in-game (Mime)Mime as in the actual job mime or Mime as in actual street performing mime? Cause if first, then that is nifty!
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - Edda - 12-21-2015
My writing.
The blurry line between being so heavy-handed and obvious with Edda's TWUE FEEWINGS that people get annoyed with how trope-y it might seem, and being vague enough that people perceive her as a boring bitch and OOCly want nothing to do with me.
Also, those that I have put considerable time and effort into RP with, and yet Edda does not seem to exist to their characters outside of our own, personal RP. I am still uncertain as to how that works, so maybe it's normal. RP is very complicated. I actively avoid making Edda the center of attention, in any situation, ever, since there seems to be some huge stigma associated with that kind of behavior (intentional or otherwise!). But at what point does it become too much, and not enough when your RP is not treated as significant? LEL this probably makes no goddamn sense but whatever. Either way I am aware that my RP tends to be suck and am grateful to those that appreciate it, everyone is so great.
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - S'imba - 12-21-2015
I'm self conscious about whether S'imba is boring, annoying, or just a bad character in general. To the point I get surprised that people want to rp with me.Â
I also get hyper paranoid that I've made him op. Especially since when I originally wrote him he was just supposed to be some dumb kid who tried to make a difference in a wold of powerful people and dangers, and despite his hardest efforts doesn't really have the power to make a difference. Well after doing that for a while has caused people to give him abilities. So after a lot of that it's left me worried if I've let it go too far to the point he's too special now.
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - Nebbs - 12-21-2015
(12-21-2015, 04:51 PM)Ha Wrote: I've lost most of my RP partners. I can't help but feel like it's my fault.
Or.. you have had the joy of RP partners, and found new ones. So there are likely more in your future. At least that is what I tell myself but that nagging insecurity is always there. Â Still, there is always tomorrow.
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - freyaliesel - 12-21-2015
I worry that I've painted my character into a corner, and there's no way out of it.
I've made a character that doesn't go out, doesn't approach people, doesn't want to go adventuring, and is underpowered, not particularly knowledgeable about any subject in particular, and has an atrocious stutter and a tendency to cry at everything (and tends to end up crying in nearly every scene she's in)
I've tried coming up with a plot to try to get her out of it, but what was intended to be a plot for the entire FC to partake in has resulted in maybe 2-3 people being aware anything's going on at all, and all the hints and mannerism changes and stuff that I was hoping people would pick up on have gone unnoticed or unremarked upon.Â
I don't RP with her outside the FC and though I want to change that, I don't really know how to go about it, and I just end up feeling so discouraged that I've basically stopped logging in on her unless she's specifically requested.
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - Alerie - 12-22-2015
I worry about making backstories that are good enough. Like, really really worry about it. >.<
I work on them so hard, but end up scraping them over and over because I think they are too lame, or boring, or cliche. The past few times I've managed to finally get into the game to RP with people after making a complete character, I get terrified of other's reactions and never end up talking to anyone. I'm kinda pathetically insecure, heh.Â
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - Jana - 12-22-2015
fuq u Warren, I checked NML before this subforum.
(12-22-2015, 01:02 AM)Jana Wrote: ...I do worry sometimes that my young character is gonna be too skilled/powerful for others to RP with, or that her speech (with some stutters and ellipses) is just annoying instead of conveying actual shyness/anxiety... For someone I intended to be creepy, gloomy, and an overall terrible person, she sure gets hit on a lot.
I'm glad I'm not alone on the "worried about being OP" front; Shoshopu and Jana are both SMNs so maybe it's just the community stigma on playing a capital-J Job instead of Pauper #45.
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - Val - 12-22-2015
Val: I'm afraid he comes off as incredibly annoying or tries too hard to be funny/offensive, or that people won't or don't want to be around him because of that. I also get afraid that people get tired of him referencing his woman all the time. He doesn't do it to try to flaunt it around or because he feels he has to, he's just that devoted and I feel like it comes off wrong a lot of the time.
Cyrus: I'm afraid he's incredibly boring and one-dimensional. I've tried to breathe some life into him through various events and tragedies, so I hope that helps a bit, but I just don't know what to do with him. The last relationship he was in, while it was incredibly fun, didn't give the two a lot to do as they were both very goody-goody and didn't have a lot happen to them because of it.
Melfice:Â He was always meant to be my wild card to help make up for weird and crazy ideas that other people have, but that turned into me being afraid to RP him in public because of the various things he helps people with. I don't want it to seem like too much, and I don't want him to come off as a swiss army knife of solutions. He can't help people with physical combat, and he can't help people with most things that aren't related to aether, but when it comes to that he's incredibly knowledgeable. This has meant some lore bending, and I'm not certain people would find it very friendly outside of the circle I RP him in.
Vallois: He's a biproduct of Melfice and, in that respect, I think I'm worried people will just think he's weird/strange. He also doesn't have much of a personality (on purpose) and he's very off-putting, which I know will turn some people off immediately.
Vincent/Turks: Already helping out with an FC, I don't really have the time to run the organization myself. I was supposed to have two/three other people helping me out with it, but they all quit the game or we parted ways before Heavensward released and we had a good chance to bring it out into the opening--which left me solely to focus on it. Between other RP, RL, and my admittedly, rapidly dwindling interest in the game, I fear I've let the people down that had an interest in it as I can't and couldn't be there 100% of the time or try to make it an active organization. I had hoped that, should the community like the idea enough, people pick it up and do some RP with it and it become a group all in its own right. Unfortunately, not many people messaged me about it.
Myself:Â I'm afraid my writing is awful and stale. I find myself using the same words, the same descriptions, the same way of going about things time and time again on the various characters. I want to improve, but I don't really have the time to sit and just enjoy a book or work on it like I used to. Part of it may come with me just finding the game itself uninteresting now, but I'm not certain how to get better from where I currently stand. I hope to work on it, both to improve the experience of my partner and those around me. Also, to not feel like my writing is terrible =)
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - Edric W. - 12-22-2015
Edric isn't a very happy bunny most of the time, and I often feel myself having to OOC make up for how big a douche he is. As an example, I OOC donated some gil to a waiter at an event, even though Ed would laugh at the idea of giving his money away to someone when he had the option not to. He's very selfish in general too, and even though people could blab their whole life story to them, he'd still tell them barely anything about himself.
There's also the fact that I can't attend a lot of events simply because Ed wouldn't spend time that could be used on a job attending some purely-for-fun get together. My usual excuses run dry pretty fast, and I feel like he wouldn't be duped in to an event again. Also, because he normally doesn't talk to people much and is rather rude, I often worry that there's little to no incentive for other players/characters to walk up and chat with him. I've temporarily altered his personality before so he could be more social, but it just felt wrong.
Other than that, when I use the same word during an emote (or in general) multiple times in close proximity, it makes me want to headbutt the nearest blunt object. I'm also a devil for looking up words on Google to make sure I've spelled them right, and then having the internal battle of whether to use the American spelling or the non-American one.
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - Kurt S. - 12-22-2015
Half the time I have absolutely no idea if I'm walking into a minefield, if I end up breaking some unspoken rule that involves roleplaying. And worse still, not knowing that I broke that rule to splinters, threw it out the window and set it on fire as well.
It fuels a fuckton of anxiety whenever I try to approach people for rp. More to the point I know how much of a pancake I am and how inconsistent is an understatement about Kurt. I want this, no wait I want that. Took a step back, took a deep breath. Rewrote him to varying degrees. Like write > scrap > write again. I've settled on a nice little idea on how to clean him up.
But wait, is he good enough? Can I present him well enough? All the changes under the hood? Hell would things go back to the way they were of 5min rl exchange before I get swept under the rug and out of someone's mind? Do I even present an interesting skillset?
I guess that also comes with the 'I don't know what to do with him' package. Sure he's starting to take up Thaumaturgy and work on one of his handicaps. But how many people would be interested in a little adventure with him? How many would even want to go out there and do something?
Then there's me. Am I writing well enough? It's not stale is it? This idea? Too much? Too little? Is it over what your character would do? Are you sure you just don't feel forced to tag along? I'm not overbearing? Am I talking too much? I'm probably talking too much.
*Random character looks at me* Oh god they're judging me! Oh god they probably know how much a trainwreck Kurt is! Oh god they probably don't want to rp with me. Roleplayer-senpai notice meeeeeeee </3
I'm also afraid I'm blind to the people reaching out to me. Earnest attempts to get me involved with something and that I'm probably looking stupidly ungrateful.
Do you like McDonald's? I like McDonald's. Can I have you number? Can I? Please? Have? Your number? Is there ice cream in the fridge?
tl;dr Overthinking.
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - Aysun - 12-22-2015
This thread has been a good read. It's nice to not feel 'alone' in some things..
Though, I'm not terribly worried about anything regarding my character anymore. I've grown more than comfortable with her over the time playing her, and am well aware that there are plenty of parts of her that people won't like. Whether it be that she's snowflakey (Echo, Carteneau time warpy person - hi my name is 1.0 x_x) or just too bitchy to get close to. I have a small circle who enjoy her and can use her for their plots, and I enjoy her, so here we are.Â
I suppose one thing I do worry about is that people will think that I put too much of myself into her. She does have some of my personality traits, albeit exaggerated, which is probably why she is so easy for me to play. Her overall personality is her own still, and has been shaped by her experiences (both in her history and through RP). Sometimes people don't like those traits, but I am able to separate the two easily enough. If someone criticizes one of those traits in her, I'm not exactly going to mind - they're criticizing her character, not mine. And while she's my mindbaby and I love her, I don't expect everyone else to! xD
Most of my uncertainty/insecurity is all OOC and with RP in general.
I worry that I come off as unapproachable, uninterested, or stuck up. Anyone who knows me knows I struggle with asking for RP, or being asked for it, even though I pretty much always want to RP. The actual asking will kill my RP mood. The idea of setting up a plot or discussing a meeting OOCly or starting a scene on Skype to RP sends me into a fit of anxiety and I shut down and can't do it. Thus, I rarely, if ever ask someone for RP, no matter how interested I am in their character, or how good a friend they may be OOC. When I ask someone, I feel like I'm putting myself on the spot, almost like stage fright. I am afraid that there are all these expectations, that I am supposed to bring something specific to RP about... when I usually don't have anything specific in mind, I just want to RP and see what happens. My preferred methods of starting up RP are simply different than most people. I like linkshell RP, as it allows me to just slip IC whatever I am doing, and often leads to meeting up with people at a location naturally. Or, if someone wants to ask me OOC, just a simple "are you available for RP?" and a quick decision of where to meet is best.
I worry that my reputation is poor and still follows me. I've been told I'm a bear to moderate when it comes to forum/linkshell/etc. I tend to lack a filter at times when it comes to my opinions, and can come off as hostile. I'm also not afraid to call someone out. During the downtime between 1.0 and 2.0, we were not all on our best behavior, me included. I was involved in more than one heated discussion both here and in our old Skype group. I still have some topics that get me fired up around RP and lore, but I deliberately avoid such conversations here and elsewhere. I'm focused more on just enjoying my time than worrying about what other people may be doing these days. I'm learning to accept more things outside my comfort zone. It's been a good experience.
I worry about my writing (who doesn't?). 5~ years of XIV RP and my writing style has definitely changed when it comes to RP. Though I have my roots in paragraph-roleplay, I am not all that comfortable with it anymore. I am descriptive when I want to convey emotion or mood, but I do not get very creative with my words. My posts are short and often speech-only, especially for conversation-RP. I would rather the conversation progress and be able to talk about more things IC with shorter posts than have lengthy, descriptive posts and have a 30 minute conversation last five hours. That's the preference I've developed, though. RP has become more about playing the character than the writing for me. Seeing her and those around her develop, building relationships, and so on. Something I'm most self-conscious about is my use of past- and present- tense in my writing. I tend to switch tenses frequently and seemingly at random, and I have no idea why. I heard this is a pet peeve and ever since then I've become aware that I do it and self-conscious about it.
..That got long-winded. I have enough anxiety and insecurity to write ten more of those paragraphs probably, but that gets away from RP and just social anxiety in general, so I will spare you all.
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - Solenne - 12-22-2015
(12-21-2015, 07:04 PM)Ashe Wrote: I get worried about how my IC decisions OOCly affect other people...I was a little intimidated by you at first, but I wouldn't call you stand-offish.
Like sometimes Ashe does weird things or gets into weird situation and I'm always scared to OOCly piss someone else off because of it.
I'm also scared to plot things with new people 'cause I'm worried if the idea is stupid...also scared to plot things with people I know...I'm afraid that I'm too....overbearing about ideas even when I try to step back from IC situations I get worried then that people think I am ignoring their characters.
Another insecurity would be that my insecurities to people I don't usually RP with come off as stand-offish in OOC or people think I am intentionally slighting them when it's really just me being unsure how to proceed or trying to be general in communication when my character is surrounded by 10 other people >.<
 And I think Asheloux is a delight. Characters who act unexpectedly keep RP fresh and entertaining.It's so unfair when people judge you (general you) by your character. I sometimes wonder how other RPers see me when they only know me as Solenne. She's reckless, snobbish, privileged, slightly diabolical, and very used to being the queen bee, while I'm this little mouse of a person who spends most of her free time hiding at home because people are scary. That's not to say Solenne doesn't have a lot of good qualities, but they aren't always what people see first. I just hope that doesn't end up reflecting too poorly on me.Â
On a completely unrelated note, I'm now slightly paranoid because one of my characters recently got OOCly rejected by someone whose character was romantically interested in her. His reason? He found out that I don't ERP. Now, I don't have anything against ERP - I want to make that perfectly clear. I just avoid it for personal reasons. But now I'm wondering, do I not write interesting characters? Are they not complex enough, not dynamic enough, to be worth pursuing for their own sake? Ugh... this is why romantic RP is such a minefield, and why I usually don't actively pursue it.
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - ɴᴘᴄ - 12-22-2015
I take most of my interactions while afield. They generally end up being the best part of my gaming session, memorable, though they always seem to be brief and rather open-ended.
I suppose my insecurity is that I'm the only one who remembers them.
RE: Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater - Solenne - 12-22-2015
(12-22-2015, 03:25 AM)Kurt S. Wrote: I guess that also comes with the 'I don't know what to do with him' package. Sure he's starting to take up Thaumaturgy and work on one of his handicaps. But how many people would be interested in a little adventure with him? How many would even want to go out there and do something?
OMG, you dear thing. RP with me! I want to go on adventures with Kurt. Will he wear pink?