Hydaelyn Role-Players
Think I'm ready for character feedback... - Printable Version

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+--- Thread: Think I'm ready for character feedback... (/showthread.php?tid=2474)

Think I'm ready for character feedback... - Imsey - 06-27-2013

Hello... new Keeper of the Moon to be here (yes, another, the Miqo'te being rare was a lie!  u__u).  I've gotten some great feedback from my mentor so far, so I thought perhaps it might be ok to officially ask others for their thoughts as well.  

I know most feedback threads I've seen put the text here... but I feel bad making giant posts (and the use of the spoiler cut seems to baffle me).  So while I feel bad sending people to my wiki, the info looks much nicer there?

Zha'li's wiki

When it comes to the 'traveling Hyur' tied into his story, I'd like to keep it somewhat flexible. I'm not certain just what path I want to take with the man (Coincidental meeting? Sinister intent? Benign? Is he a Garlean on the run and in hiding?). Suggestions or thoughts for him are welcome, though Zha'li is the focus of course! XD

Also, if anyone likes him enough to want to collab any connections, that'd be fun, too. Circles of friends are wonderful.

RE: Think I'm ready for character feedback... - Savarah - 06-27-2013

Other new Keeper here...no worries, I see more Seekers and Hyur than us! I really like the idea of the chocobo farmer. I'm personally obsessed with the things, and I would also be one happy camper if I could breed them for the rest of my natural life. I see no issues, and it's an nice backstory.

Only question here would be if you plan on making your mysterious Hyur a PC or an NPC. That's just out of my curiosity.

RE: Think I'm ready for character feedback... - Imsey - 06-27-2013

(06-27-2013, 11:20 PM)Seregelleth Wrote: Other new Keeper here...no worries, I see more Seekers and Hyur than us! I really like the idea of the chocobo farmer. I'm personally obsessed with the things, and I would also be one happy camper if I could breed them for the rest of my natural life. I see no issues, and it's an nice backstory.

Only question here would be if you plan on making your mysterious Hyur a PC or an NPC. That's just out of my curiosity.
 Chocobo forever! Why they didn't make this a class I don't know! XD
But thanks so much, glad nothing stands out as glaringly wrong.

I think at this stage, trying to get into RP with two characters would overwhelm me, so he's slated for NPC. That said, having him as a PC would be interesting as well.

RE: Think I'm ready for character feedback... - Uther - 06-27-2013

I really like the story-telling theme. It should be interesting to hear what your character has to say should one of mine ever run into him on a slow afternoon. Other than that, it's a very simple tale.

Don't take that the wrong way. Simple is good. I'm not a fan of too much fluff, since I believe the characters' stories should come from the game itself, not from prologue.

It was an enjoyable little read.

RE: Think I'm ready for character feedback... - Shuck - 06-27-2013

This is a fair enough origin story, and serves as a nice, reasonable jumping point to have this character travel the world.

Here's some ways to make it even better:

1. Let's explain why the calamity pushed him to leave his tribe once he'd already "refused" the call to adventure, so to speak. What was it about the rock dropping out of the sky that said "Hey kid, go live life"? You don't need much, just a little touch-up.

2. Not something you need to publish on the Wiki, or via any kind of extensive writing, but why Chocobos? Why not sheep? Why not marmots? Opo-opo's? Everyone's got their favorite something or other, and that's a given, but I would suggest that you think about the "why" in regards to the character themselves.

More as I think on it, but these are the most obvious areas of (admittedly minimal) improvement that I can spot.

RE: Think I'm ready for character feedback... - Imsey - 06-27-2013

(06-27-2013, 11:27 PM)Uther Wrote: I really like the story-telling theme. It should be interesting to hear what your character has to say should one of mine ever run into him on a slow afternoon. Other than that, it's a very simple tale.

Don't take that the wrong way. Simple is good. I'm not a fan of too much fluff, since I believe the characters' stories should come from the game itself, not from prologue.

It was an enjoyable little read.
Thanks, that's sort of the feeling I have as well.  I want Zha'li to really cone to life in game through RP. 

Hopefully he can make some of those slow days interesting for those around him.

(06-27-2013, 11:29 PM)Shuck Wrote: This is a fair enough origin story, and serves as a nice, reasonable jumping point to have this character travel the world.


Here's some ways to make it even better: 


1. Let's explain why the calamity pushed him to leave his tribe once he'd already "refused" the call to adventure, so to speak. What was it about the rock dropping out of the sky that said "Hey kid, go live life"? You don't need much, just a little touch-up.


2. Not something you need to publish on the Wiki, or via any kind of extensive writing, but why Chocobos? Why not sheep? Why not marmots? Opo-opo's? Everyone's got their favorite something or other, and that's a given, but I would suggest that you think about the "why" in regards to the character themselves.


More as I think on it, but these are the most obvious areas of (admittedly minimal) improvement that I can spot.
Ahhh... very good points.  I'll definitely work to round those out more.  This is why I need someone outside my head to poke me. =)

RE: Think I'm ready for character feedback... - Xenedra - 06-28-2013

I rather like how straightforward your story is. One little point in his life had so much influence on him as to be a driving force into a new lifestyle. It's fun! And I can't wait to share stories with you. There have definitely been times when the phrase "I'll trade you for a story" has passed over Xenedra's lips :>.

RE: Think I'm ready for character feedback... - Imsey - 06-28-2013

(06-28-2013, 02:23 AM)Xenedra Wrote: I rather like how straightforward your story is. One little point in his life had so much influence on him as to be a driving force into a new lifestyle. It's fun! And I can't wait to share stories with you. There have definitely been times when the phrase "I'll trade you for a story" has passed over Xenedra's lips :>.

Thank you! And I look forward to it as well. n__n I'm hoping to have some really fun ones to offer those willing to lend an ear.