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Hiding From Some Beast (Fen's Journal) - Fen - 10-03-2013
((Fen's Journal is stashed either in his room when staying in a city or in his bags when travelling. If you want your character to get their hands on it for whatever reason, message me. Otherwise, do not use this IC! :3 ))
[youtube]GP8TAvQetyo[/youtube]
I am hiding from some beast, but the beast was always here...
-The Bravery, Believe
[No date is given on the page, words scrawled across the paper with surprising fluidity. Pages prior to this one appear to have been ripped out.]
They started again. They bloody started again. I thought I'd rid myself of them, but obviously I was wrong. So now they're back. I may be walking on the path Nymeia gave me, but does she always have to remind me of the beginning of that thread? Every bloody time I think I might settle in, they bloody start again. And then I just move on to someplace new, and they go away for awhile. There has to be a less cruel way of nudging me on my way.
Oh well, the Gridanians were never that keen on me anyhow. Talk about holding a grudge, I didn't invade their city, that was a hundred blooming years ago. You don't see me holding grudges against them. I have principles. I have honour.
I'm an Ala Mhigan.
...
Oh, who am I kidding?
RE: Hiding From Some Beast (Fen's Journal) - Fen - 10-04-2013
...watching without eyes, because the beast is just my fear.
-The Bravery, Believe
[The entry came much later than the previous one, writing still neat and flowing.]
First Day of the Fifth Umbral Moon (1/10)
So… It’s been awhile. From Gridania, I set out and wandered for awhile, and I’ve finally come upon Ul’dah. The heat’s a bugger and the city’s dodgy, but I rather like it around here. Outside the city, I’ve found a group of people that hold organized fights. Those are fun. I like going out there, even if I keep blowing my gil on entering the tourneys. I’ll win next time, I know it!
Speaking of blowing gil, I need to go find some sort of job through the guild so that I… actually have gil to blow. But that’s not important, money’s never been what I really care about.
Speaking of caring about things… (today is the day of meandering topics) I think I met someone that I rather fancy. We met some days back, and… well, she’s a rather fit girl, and fun to be about. We sparred just earlier, but I lost to her… I’m not sure if I actually lost due to a difference in skill or if it was because she kept distracting me.
Anyroad, we were talking afterwards, and… we kissed. I mean, we weren’t snogging or anything out there, but we kissed once… or twice… or thrice… No, Fen, stop it, you’re getting all daydreamy, again. Honestly, this is all frightening. I think I care about her, or at least fancy her, and she beat me, so I suppose she should be alright, but…
What if she’s not?
Bugger it all, I worry too much...
RE: Hiding From Some Beast (Fen's Journal) - Fen - 10-04-2013
...that I am just nothing, now that's just what I've become...
-The Bravery, Believe
Third Day of the Fifth Umbral Moon (3/10)
Today wasn’t too bad. I suppose I should talk about yesterday, though, since it was rather significant. The group I mentioned before had another tourney, which I of course entered. I did not win. Next time. Next time, I will. I did win my first match, though. Of course, it took accidentally dislocating that poor girl’s shoulder to do it, but… What? Don’t look at me like that! It was an accident! I don’t want to win a match just because I caused her crippling pain. I did apologize and try to explain, but the bugger just got angry at me for pitying her. Why is it so hard for people to realize that I happen to be a compassionate person?
...Of course, had the roles been reversed, I’m not sure I’d have reacted any better.
I lost the second fight… It was against another hand-to-hand expert, which I wasn’t entirely prepared for, since all the past opponents were sword-users. I lost hard. Arse handed to me. I shouldn’t have kicked, I knew those are easy to counter. Anyroad, she was a right sportsman about it all, let up as soon as I acknowledge I was pinned, and we had a decent conversation after that. So no hard feelings, there.
Today was my day of rest after fighting so hard yesterday, so I sat by the river and talked to a few of the fighters from that group. Watched a fight between the leader and some dimwit who thought it’d be a good idea to face off against a sword while not wearing a shirt. Then walked through the desert to visit Little Ala Mhigo with someone. That one’s a curious sort, but seems harmless enough.
RE: Hiding From Some Beast (Fen's Journal) - Fen - 10-05-2013
...what am I waiting for? It's already done.
-The Bravery, Believe
Fourth Day of the Tenth Umbral Moon (4/10)
Today was… um… interesting? Not bad, but… Seriously. The weird stuff. Always happening to me. It’s like it just follows me around.
So basicly, the Company was having a “day off†before work picks up in the next season. Harvests bring jobs, for whatever reason. So we went to a beach, and it was nice and stuff… Oh! And Klara was there! The girl I talked about before! Not the weird one that took me to Ala Mhigo, the one that I said I like. She was there. It was nice.
Until the jellyfish attacked. I don’t even… I don’t know. They attacked up, and so we opened up a can of whoop-ass on them and stuff, even the big one. Like I said. Weird. Stuff. Anyway, Klara left and I needed sleep, so I made the trip back to Ul’dah, and here I am! Another tourney tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll improve.
On a side note, they haven't come back yet since I came to Ul'dah. Hopefully that's a good sign. I like it here, I don't want to leave...
RE: Hiding From Some Beast (Fen's Journal) - Fen - 10-07-2013
Sixth Day of the Fifth Umbral Moon
Today was… long. Hard. And not from fighting. I didn't do any of that, today. But gods, if I've ever had a longer, more tiresome day, show it to me now. A lot to think about…
No one really cares, do they? That I’m Ala Mhigan? There was such a pride inside the city, I just assumed that was normal everywhere. Is it not? I’m Ala Mhigan. It means I’m strong. Honorable. Courageous. But if that doesn't matter, what am I? If I don’t have any of that to live up to, then… then I’m only me. I don’t want to only be me… “Me†is weak, he can’t protect anyone. Not really. “Me†is deceitful. “Me†is a coward.
...Maybe I’m all of those things, regardless.
I need to stop this bloody sulking! People are going to see it! Then they’ll… what will they do? Really, I forget, sometimes, why I save face. Because they’ll think I’m weak? Soft? Pathetic? Bah. They’d be right.
No! No, I need to stop this! I’m only weak because I keep this sulking! I need to think of how to help myself. No else will do that for me. I need to be strong. Not because I’m Ala Mhigan. Because… because why? I’ll figure that out some other time, I guess...
RE: Hiding From Some Beast (Fen's Journal) - Fen - 10-08-2013
Seventh Day of the Fifth Umbral Moon
...I’m trusted. I don’t know the last time I was seriously trusted. It’s… weird… Klara trusts me, which I found mildly surprising, considering the spectacle she just saw prior. Don’t you dare give me that look, journal. That other woman is strange, and she puts me a bit off. And she has issues with personal space. And she uses words I don’t understand. Klara says she trusts me, though. I’ll not betray that.
More surprising is that Cold Flame seems to trust me. At least a small bit. Tiny bit. Wee tiny bit. I can’t say I was expecting that. This is really weird, though, all she did was toss me a bag of linkpearls, but I feel honoured by it. Maybe a step in the right direction. I really would like to be useful.
And They still haven’t come back. They didn’t come back right away when I was in Gridania, so I suppose they still could… but… here feels different. I’ve been praying, as usual, and I’ve not felt any tug or nudge away from the city… in fact, the opposite. I want to stay here. Klara is here. The Grindstone is here. For now, I’m here.