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+--- Thread: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC (/showthread.php?tid=6615)
Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Kage - 03-11-2014
Perhaps people from FCs and those who might have been in a similar situation may have better input so I'm hoping that I can see what others' thoughts are on this.
I'm currently feeling a little out of place or uncomfortable in the FC I am in. Perhaps I'm just not meshing well with what the FC is for. I joined the current FC I am in because practically all of my irl friends are in it (I'd say a quarter to a third of the actives in the FC are my irl friends and I). I came to FFXIV to enjoy the game with my friends. I currently do but now I'm at the point where I just don't... feel like I'm meshing with it well. Perhaps it's because I want to experience and learn to raid Coil with a group of friends and not have to pug it all the time because my FC's just small enough to really only support 1 static. Or that I also really want to involve myself into RP things and yet I lack the imagination or creativity to plot anything.
At the same time, my FC and I do enjoy doing small things together such as tome runs between 3-6 of us. We did relic/HM primal runs on Sunday for a while together... A few have greatly helped me to get where I am at in the game as well. So I also feel like if I leave that it feels like I am betraying them.
It's been something that has been bothering me for a month or so, at least around the same time I started to RP and join RPC @_@.
tl;dr I really don't want to leave my FC behind and yet... I do. Thoughts? Advice? Opinions?
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Melodia - 03-11-2014
I think that it's tough because of the irl aspect of it. I think everyone goes through lulls and that's just part of it I think. I know in my other server I play on, I am in a great FC but am thinking of leaving as I just do not mesh well with the group. I am friends with a couple of folks but outside of that, it's just not productive. But I do feel bad because of my friends, so I completely understand that feeling. What I think is, you pay for this game, an you need to do what you need to in order to enjoy it. And if that means leaving the FC to see what is out there, then you should.
1) You will still be friends with your irl friends, and they should support you if they are your friends. You can still run with them, etc. It's as simple as a party invite.
2) You can still RP with them as well, even in a different FC.
3) And maybe if you leave and see how it is another FC you may find your group is not so bad and go back. or you may find the new group is great and you will find newfound enjoyment of the game.
I think it's important in this game to do what makes you happy. Anyway....I rambled and maybe didn't help. But, I hope you decided to do what makes you happiest.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - cuideag - 03-11-2014
Don't feel obligated to stay in an FC if you aren't enjoying it.
Also, linkshells! Network! If you don't end up staying with your FC, see if you all can set up a linkshell for yourselves and friends to keep in touch.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Melodia - 03-11-2014
(03-11-2014, 02:43 PM)cuideag Wrote: Don't feel obligated to stay in an FC if you aren't enjoying it.
Also, linkshells! Network! If you don't end up staying with your FC, see if you all can set up a linkshell for yourselves and friends to keep in touch.
This. Yes. This. ^^^^
I forgot to mention, that's my whole life on the other server. All of my best friends are in another FC and we just use linkshell and run parties together.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Kage - 03-11-2014
(03-11-2014, 02:43 PM)cuideag Wrote: Don't feel obligated to stay in an FC if you aren't enjoying it.
Also, linkshells! Network! If you don't end up staying with your FC, see if you all can set up a linkshell for yourselves and friends to keep in touch.
This is pretty much all set up. As soon as I joined all of my irl friends were in a central LS and then there was a LS that my FC has used with others. At this point I'd be 90% out of the gate of leaving it... But I'm also worried that if I leave I'm not sure where to go and that my friends won't feel like I've betrayed them. @_@ Or used them and then left.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Steel Wolf - 03-11-2014
Have you spoken to your friends to let them know how you feel? If as many of your IRL friends occupy this FC as you say, and if your relationship with them is tight, you should be able to approach them with your feelings and see if you can't all hash it out.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Kage - 03-11-2014
(03-11-2014, 02:55 PM)Steel Wolf Wrote: Have you spoken to your friends to let them know how you feel? If as many of your IRL friends occupy this FC as you say, and if your relationship with them is tight, you should be able to approach them with your feelings and see if you can't all hash it out.
I've mentioned it a few off times with my closest friends that I run with more often. The ones I see almost every Friday ish before they have to do coil with the static. it's just something that wouldn't really happen if I wanted to do Ex primals or end-game things with them because they'll always have someone better geared than I am, etc.
But I don't enjoy Pugging new things with people I don't know (it adds waaay too much anxiety for me) and the last times I've put up party finder groups for Garuda Ex it never even formed a group.
My social anxieties are really coming into it #_#;
I know I should be trying to PUG things more but it feels like since they have much better options (people on their 7th relics, 3rd or 4th job geared, etc) that I should find my own place. A little less than content as I yearn for more..?
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Steel Wolf - 03-11-2014
You don't gotta talk to me about social anxieties--you know how I be, Kage.
The thing is, though, you shouldn't try to get too caught up in the endgame arms race, especially the attitudes that most of those PUGs seem to foster. You're perhaps getting pressure laid on to you by complete strangers and you're feeling like you need to hurry to catch up.
You don't. Not really.
I think the LS contacts advice is sound here--form your own static, or try to find some others who will fold you into theirs. I have to think that there's places and folks in this very forum who will take someone of you iLVL BLM'ness into their rotations, especially if they're forming multiple statics.
The best advice I can provide you, personally, is don't feel pressure. You're supposed to play this game for fun's sake, not to be under a falling Damocles of raider's pressure.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Magellan - 03-11-2014
I'm not sure if I'm totally reading this right, but.... shouldn't they want to include you in static if you're their friend? Or help you get geared up for it? Why wouldn't they make time for you to do these things?
It sounds like you're on the outside of a clique. And I'm sorry. I've been there, and it really hurts, and it really sucks. Especially with people considered to be friends.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Evie - 03-11-2014
*huggles the Kage*
It really sucks when you feel you don't belong with a group of people, especially when a few of them with your friends. I've been there before in another game, and I stuck around for months and months longer than I should have. It weighs down on your heart and really does more damage than good. If you're already 90% out the door, my recommendation is to go, find another FC. It'll be liberating and you'll feel so much better. Don't let it get to the point of you dread getting on to play because of where you are. If the bad moments out weigh the good it's not worth staying. Your friends will still be your friends no matter where you go FC wise. Some maybe a little butthurt, but they'll come around. And the others who don't....well don't want to judge people I don't know, but from experience they probably weren't friends to begin with. But in your case with them being IRL friends I don't think you'll run into the last issue.
That's just my experience with being in a similar situation and how honestly walking away was the BEST thing I ever did. It hurt at first, but really was the best for my health and sanity.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Candor - 03-11-2014
ExKage, I actually went through something similar to this very recently. Perhaps my solution will work or you - after I left the group that my friends were a part of, I set up a new independent LS and invited them all to it. Many of them were all still part of another LS, but as it turns out, my new one is pretty active too and I stay in touch with all the people I like to game with quite easily.
It's important to remember that this is a game, and games are meant to be fun. If you're not having fun, then it's a chore - and why would you pay to perform chore? Though the people you're concerned about are your friends, everyone has different tastes. You sound like you want to explore end game content more, while some of your friends prefer to focus on slice of life RP. That's fine, and as friends, rather than remain beholden to one another and bring each other down, you should understand that your game styles lies in different directions, and that's alright.
Another tip I can offer is to set up a group skype chat for your people. This is something I did parallel to my new LS, so even if the LS itself falls out of favor as people begin to focus on other LSs, we're still a crowd of friends in the skype chat.
tl;dr: People aren't made of stone. Do what you have to do, and people will flex to remain friends.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Kage - 03-11-2014
I feel like I might have misrepresented. A few friends/FC-mates (IRL or not) have definitely helped me in gearing up both as my main BLM and my secondary PLD that just hit 50 last week. It's been of help with the easier after-reaching-50 content but content outside of the HM primals... I've not.
The only time I was invited to do Coil with them was "oh you should be geared for T1-2... well since we aren't going to have the static work this week we can do this" which really did help me gain the confidence to start Pugging T1-2 but that's all I've done since then. Pug.
And... I don't know. I didn't join the game to pug end-game content. I'd rather make friends and progressed through the game than constantly and slowly pug away while I yearn for more.
((I've felt like I've done a lot more end-game and FUN things with the FoM LS than I have with the FC lately... and it's just something that I... expected? more from an FC?))
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Magellan - 03-11-2014
(03-11-2014, 04:40 PM)ExKage Wrote: ((I've felt like I've done a lot more end-game and FUN things with the FoM LS than I have with the FC lately... and it's just something that I... expected? more from an FC?))
Ah yes, I can clearly identify with this. I actually never got to end game in ffxiv, but after hanging out with my FC at the time (not my current one) all summer long pre-launch, I really felt we were going to be a tightknit group that really looked out for one another.
Then the disastrous launch happened, and by the time I was able to get into the game, I was no longer part of their crowd. There was a core group of 5-6 who raced ahead and did everything together, while I Â was pretty much stuck doing everything alone. It was pretty disheartening, and above all, disappointing. After how much time we spent together over the summer rping and whatnot, Â I really expected a lot from the FC, and what I got instead was a feeling like kicked to the curb.
I tried to stick with it in the hopes things would improve, but they did not, and in the end I only subjected myself to more pain. Logging in became a chore. Games should.never feel like that. As many have already stated, best you get out there and look for a group that feels like 'home', rather than having your gaming experience seriously diminished by a place that is a poor fit.
I'm sure you can find awesome people to game with!
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Kage - 03-11-2014
I yearn to progress through the end-game content but the anxieties I have with PF (and my lack of success at it) really... hinders me. And at this point it feels like (in my opinion I can't say it's the truth of the FC group), that i'll never catch up so long as I'm not pugging and getting i90(+when 2.2 comes out)Â BLM before I can "eventually" or "maybe" find myself starting my own static within the FC... which is.. yeah I dunno not something I want to do?
I want to get the courage to and yet I far enjoy doing content with friends than I do by myself in a PF group.
((And my FC's not actually an RP FC. In fact I only know of one friend who RPs and they're not in the FC... perhaps I've also grown to want one? I'm not sure if that's the case but once I hit end-game I really started to feel the disconnect between myself and the 'core static' group barring the people I see irl on a weekly basis.))
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - synaesthetic - 03-12-2014
You should consider Unity.
 We have three Coil groups running currently, and though I don't have any plans to add more, we run them intentionally over-capacity (yes, this does mean people swap out from time to time) to make sure everyone gets a chance to go.Outside of that we have lots and lots of people who run everything outside of Coil at pretty much all hours, so there's rarely a shortage of things to do.
Even though it's not specifically a roleplaying FC, Unity is full of roleplayers. We also just recently got our FC house and decorated it as a roleplaying space--I'll be setting up a thread soon to reserve timeslots to use the house for RP--so it's not the gaudy, furniture-stuffed mess that most FC houses seem to be.
Anyway it sounds like the FC you're in, despite having friends in it, is kind of giving you the third wheel treatment. That's unfortunate and since they seem to be leaving you to fend for yourself (which is even more unfortunate) I think you should look into other companies. Like Unity.