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You obtain a worn leather bound book.(Journal) - Lightningtear - 05-19-2014 [A journal for me to keep for August Lansborough since I started playing again a month ago. Please do not post but feel free to read. August will likely have a wiki but I'd like to keep his journal here. For my reference, I started playing again in late April. Dates and time are all speculation as other players' (those I've interacted with) might visualize a different time.] Third Astral Moon, Ninth Sun Dear Diary, Is that how this begins? I'm not sure, it's been so long since I kept a log of anything I've done. It's been better that I haven't. But that's a story for another time, right? Today I arrived in Gridania, I was fortunate to make the journey with a fair haired Mi'qote. We didn't talk much, I think she was nervous but I was just in my head. A place where blessings and elementals watched over you was the last place I'd thought I'd end up, and it's why I came here. It wasn't as if I'd never been here, but it was the place I'd been the least in all my travels, a place that wanted nothing to do with outsiders, especially us technology advancing Hyur.  Before I forget myself I must add that I write this not from a warm cot nestled within the confines of a clean inn, but in a saw dust riddled closet the carpenter's guild. Lacking Gil I've struck up a deal to work for my stay, luckily I've already had a hand in this work. Oddly enough, it is the claustrophobic sensation of being in this closet that is bringing me the most ease, for it has been some time since I've known I could walk out this door with nary a worry. No Diary, I am not being hunted. I clumsily straddled a bow between my legs, the archer's guild was eager for a new recruit and with an eager smile and this old wood I found I've been able to undertake some tutelage among them, with others of course. The City-States have become quite the hot spot for adventurers. But enough of the boring stuff everyone talks about.  I met that Mi'qote again, Eudalie is her name. She drinks milk tea, it was an interesting palette cleanser. Far different from gin and the other spoiled fruit concoctions I grew up accustomed too. She was kind of funny, a little naive but intriguing. She came for the conjurer's guild, something about wanting to save the world or whatever it is conjurers usually preach about, not that she preached.  Anyway, that's all for today...  Oh yeah, it rains a lot here. It's cold out here. - Lightningtear - 05-19-2014 Third Astral Moon, Sixteenth Sun I already nearly forgot I had you. It's been awhile, you've got quite the lovely coat, though sawdust isn't exactly in season. Actually, I'm finally staying at an inn. Carpentry is pretty lucrative, but not when you have to pay for supplies so I've been out there doing that too. But let's skip the boring details this time shall we? Eudalie is a cute kit, and it's been quite helpful to have her around. I've never been around anyone willing to heal me so much though admittedly it's a bit strange watching my wounds seal themselves so quickly. Even now I took a moment to flex my fingers and though I know I'd been gashed by a buzzard's talon I've got no idea where or how big it was. Even the pain feels like such a long time ago.  More importantly, I should tell you about the bet. Taverns are a good place to meet people, to make the usual bets but the Guild's archery field is a good place to practice and make bets.  This Elezen, Jovanzil I think his name was challenged me to hit the farthest target and then to do it again while piercing my own arrow. Of course, I knew I could pull this off, and the first arrow landed near on mark.  The second one arched so beautifully as it soared from my bow and carried my pride to victory. The victory of Jovanzil as the damn thing flew off into the brush to plant itself in the bum of who knows what. Next thing I know I'm arguing with him to prove he could do it, and not only did he land the arrow into my first one but added another to it. Normally people gamble to get money, or earn honor and glory or something but this... this was a foolish game among idiotic men. Or at least I was the idiot. Have you ever roamed Gridania in nothing but a pair of armored briefs and begging like some poor vagabond, not for gil, but for the hand of any kind soul so that you could be freed from this curse. I know, I'm being dramatic, but you try having people stare at you like you're nuts because you just want them to shake your hand while half naked.  After a couple of hours of pleading and knowing I couldn't tell anyone why they had to shake my hand I decided to stumble into the conjurer's guild. Surely these souls, hell bent on saving every soul could help. I'll tell you this, there is nothing like walking into a tree stump to a room full of robed figures while you're down to your skivvies.  Luckily, another Mi'qote, one with the kind of eyes that look through you but see nothing. Her name was Blue, and she was even more out of her head than Eudalie. What is with Mi'qote girls who do magic? It's like they trade their marbles for it.  This Mi'qote named Blue, with blue hair and eyes like sapphires without any shine looked at me without any sense of humility, though I'm sure I could have dropped my pants and done a ridiculous dance and she'd have been none the wiser to how inappropriate it was.  It was a pleasant conversation over all, to be honest I was cold and shivering and just grateful to know I could put clothes on that I forgot most of the conversation. But I thank the girl, giving her a wand I'd carved not long ago that I was proud of. I hope it serves her well, however briefly.  I'm not sure I'll make any such ridiculous bets again, at least not soon. Legacy? - Lightningtear - 05-27-2014 Third Astral Moon, Eighteenth Sun Dear Diary, I forgot to tell you that last time didn't I? It's weird writing dear, it's not like you're my lover or anything... my dear... feels weird to write. Well....dear,  What do you know of Legacies? What makes them so important? Family, friends, love, honor, glory, being remembered- what makes up a legacy an how does one weigh it's worth? I only ask because I met some of Eudalie's friends today. A young Mi'qote named Rynn... I think he was a boy, had to be fairly young because I coulda sworn he'd be a girl.  Aside from him I met two rather interesting characters, Jon and Lady Rivienne. Oh certainly the meeting was pleasant enough, but it was how things flowed along that grabbed my attention. Rivienne, initially a stern and aloof woman spoke little at first, though she seemed to open up little by little as Jon taunted her. Jon, knew her well it seemed, though he quite obviously worried over her, to the point that I'd thought them lovers.  His reasoning has to do with the start to this page, Legacies. Apparently he had one, or has one he is seeking. He talked in the manner of a man with a past he was concerned for, and a path he knew to be wary. But the way he spoke of this Rivienne caught me once more, for she sought her own Legacy.  From what I gathered, it was one she intended to write in blood. I didn't understand it. I riled Jon up with my words, but I wasn't wrong. What good is a Legacy? The way they talk about, you die and people remember you for it. They want to walk some dangerous path only to die. What merit is there in death? Why would you want to have your grand tale end in such a way. I couldn't bring myself to agree with their opinions, though Rivienne had long since walked out at this point.  I don't care for legacies. I know my own is uninteresting and ends with the relieved sighs of some who shudder at uttering my name.  You would't care either would you? You're just leather bound parchment listening to my scribbles.  Listening to my scribbles? Perhaps I've had too much milk tea. That drink that Eudalie got me interested in. That girl has so many strange folk flutter towards her. So honest and innocent. It reminds me of who I really am and how I can't stand the way it makes me feel. Legacy Legacy Legacy Legacy Who gives a damn about such things, really! When I next speak to Rivienne I'll ask her, find out what's so great about possibly getting conked in the back of the head by an Amalj'aa and being left in the dirt to die in some ditch where no one will know for months at a time.  I sigh as I write this. I still can't bring myself to care about having others remember me. Actually, it's really funny thinking of how others might remember me. Still, I don't understand the need to drive one into your own heart.  Reading back... I wonder if I should get a mirror. Irrational Displeasure - Lightningtear - 06-01-2014 Third Astral Moon, 22nd sun Dear Diary, Coming from Limsa Lominsa to the barren dunes of Thanalan, I met a man, one interested in providing education to others. A man named Garrett, I later learned from Eudalie. I was traveling through Horizon, the ponds to the west are a refreshing, and the area is quite lovely. It seems like it'd be a romantic spot if not for the monsters that lurk here and there. Though if we left them be maybe they'd do the same for us, not that it's a major concern. Ah but, back to my story, I apologize for getting distracted. If there is ever another calamity it might be nice to have a written account of some of the beauty of the world. Though that is where this man, Garrett came in.  An archaeologist, someone seeking to uncover the mysteries of the old world. Far closer to accounting the old worlds than I am. Ah but, I wasn't in the mood during this encounter. An unfortunate event, I think he might have been interesting and Eudalie was distraught when she came by to ask me about it. The man was on his way out when I met them anyway, but by that time I'd run into so many people just on their way out my sour mood wasn't in the mood to endure the world's exit strategy for company. So yes I left.  Was it childish? Perhaps Was it stupid? Maybe I didn't bother going back to apologize, though it wasn't as if I'd been rude beyond a hasty retreat. Heh, to think a charming guy like me would get frustrated by people leaving the moment he gets there. I wonder if I've really changed, or maybe I changed too much. I can't remember that being too much of a bother back in the day. I don't think my father would approve. Hell I don't approve, so instead of completing the task of hunting some rampant beasties I went to fish at the docks. It'd been a long time since I'd fished just to calm myself. I had a good deal going with the white kitten too. I gave her fish and herbs I found out in my travels and she in return supplied me with meals.  The kitten came to inquire what was wrong with me. I admitted my strife, with a rather dapper attitude I might add. I grinned and passed off my disappointment as something trivial, in truth it was. I felt like something I can't remember was the primary source of my frustration. Damn shame I can't just transmit my thoughts to this. It's an ordeal dealing with her, but I kinda like it. She's pushier than you'd think, and is always hopping around and seeming happy. I'm not sure why but I gave her a hug. It was innocent, but it offered a comfort I'd never known hugs could bring. I used just think they were tools to simulate familiarity, but maybe this isn't so bad. Our ways are parted and I'm currently en route to Limsa again. The moon is lovely tonight, for what can be seen of it. A new moon is on it's way. Wings over the Sea - Lightningtear - 06-09-2014 Third Astral Moon, 28th Sun Dear Diary, Eudalie and I have taken up fishing together more often, which has given me a chance to witness her skills at cooking in person. She's gotten quite good, and even showed me her skills as she took to preparing a few meals of the freshly caught fish. She's quite skilled at removing the bones, part of me wonders if perhaps Conjuring teaches you more about anatomy than I first suspected. Either way it made for a pleasant enough time while here, though admittedly it seems as though for now I'll be doing most of the fishing while she works on her craft. Something she intends to use to aid those in need.  She's kind, but it makes me wonder of the damage her kindness could do. Give a man a fish, right? Admittedly, I've came back to Lominsa in search of some new supply. The lush vegetation here offers some supplies that even the forested green of Gridania isn't equipped with. Perhaps it's all the sea air. Regardless, Eudalie decided to travel with me again. En route to the north shores we encountered a rather untidy mess of Dodo making a mess in the southern edges of Middle La Noscea. Kwehley got excited, my chocobo. Ah I never wrote down our little meeting, well I don't want to forget her. I wonder if I can make this a rhyme, well let's try this out: A girl was adrift at sea, a chocobo and her, in the distance as a flea With my pole arm strong, I took my cast against the sea wind's song The girl called out as I snagged them with my hook, surely this sort of meeting belonged in a book Now as their savior I watched my behavior For the girl Kelly then said, as a thanks take my stead, for I have trained her to travel with care Surprised at this fortune I took reins strong and true, for my travels alone were now travels for two So poems aren't my forte', but you certainly comprehend the gist of it? Oh yes, I gave the bird the name Kwehley, in remembrance of her old master trainer. This bird of mine starts playing with these dodos like their best friends, chasing them around and bouncing like she's trying to be one of them. Needless to say I didn't know whether to laugh or give the thing up. At one point she stuck her beak so far into another one's keester it bawked and started snapping at her. I'll warn you here, Chocobo have a mean kick, even if this one acts like a dog at times.  Before I knew it I was pegging the birds with with arrows as they rushed her in a frenzy. Despite all my efforts she was hurt, but Eudalie tended her. I hate to admit it, but the kitten is growing on me. Even my smiles are turning sincere. Makes my cheeks hurt. So now I've got a kitten and a bird, seems like quite the odd traveling companions.  It's been two days since, and tonight I met with Lady Rivienne once more. I found her at the Bismark, enjoying a meal alone. Hungry myself I joined her, noted her new scars and got straight to the point of inquiring about the curiosities of Legacies.  She confirmed for herself of her desire for a grand epic. A trial by fire where her name is forever singed into the annals of history, though her life be forfeit. She doesn't know how she wants it to occur, but she wants to rush into danger in search of this ending.  I can't say I don't respect her bravado, though I made it apparent how foolish I thought it was. Of course I wasn't out to deter her, and as she complained about her companions who worried over her, particularly Jon, I assured her I had no interested in concerning myself with her well being. I was not going to be another to bark at her ear, I simply wished to sate my curiosity. With it satisfied for now, we spoke of more pleasant things as the sun set, and sank below the sea. So much has happened - Lightningtear - 06-11-2014 The Sixth Sun of the Third Umbral Moon [sub]Apparently I have been writing this incorrectly... I was being barbaric...[/sub] Where to begin... oh yes... as per usual. Dear Diary, Other than a lot that I don't want to tell you about my past, there is a good deal of information I have omitted. Whether it's to prevent myself from remembering, or to ensure prying eyes don't learn my secrets I can't remember. But we all have secrets don't we?  To begin, I'll talk about Eudalie. She seems to make her way into my pages quite often, to the point that my last entry about us fishing seemed redundant. Perhaps my memories are melding inefficiently. This kitten, who I remind you is out to save the world with her food and conjuring continues to stay around me. She has affiliated herself with a company that will be selling pumpkin items, she attends classes about Archaeology. Oh yes, the man who I hurried away from, his name is Garrett and last I saw him there was a flash of metal in his coat, (a gun to my surprise) alerted me to less than peaceful interests. Despite his inability to hide it he chose not to speak of it. [sub][In quick written hand is a newly added note: I'm pissed diary. I found gun powder on Eudalie the day she was dishing out meals. I need to have a word with her friend the Archaeologist...][/sub] She is quite good at making friends, yet like a stray I always find her nipping at MY heels. As though I possess some hidden elixir that she wants. Perhaps she's just friendly, or maybe she wants to heal my soul and the faux friendliness I portray, or maybe it's not a lie, who knows, this damn Mi'qote makes me wonder too damn much.  But I can't say we haven't been through a great deal together, from arriving at Gridania to being knocked out by Amalj'aa to be sacrificed to their deity. We escaped of course, having no interest in fanning the flames of their lord. Still I question why she always seems to make it into my periphery. Admittedly, though I'm sure I've said this before, I'm growing fond of her, and it's frustrating me. As for myself, I decided to repair an old injury. A wound, from a vengeance order taken out upon me that wasn't quite completed. For his reasons, I won't write his name but MO, is a strange aether master. He speaks like a sylph who coincidentally I had met a short time before with Eudalie. You see I have done so much that with such great gaps in writing I cannot keep to dates as well. So tonight, this will be my best attempt to gather it all.  I found this man for a class, but when it came to a rather unpleasant and abrupt end I became outraged. So close to claiming my prize I refused to be turned away, and hunted this mage for myself over the next two days. When I found him, we spoke and I confessed. Sort of. Details weren't important and he unlocked the ties to the Aether I had lost. Instead of getting hammer on Ether he recommended meditation, so I vanished for a time. [sup][Avalt: A quickly written name indicates a return to this paragraph.][/sup] Upon my return I met with Rivienne at Camp Tranquil. We traveled to the Forgotten Springs, a place where Eudalie and I had tended to some trivial matters. So I aided Rivienne, and she spoke of Jon, and her duty and of another man who'd likely prefer to avoid being named. David Black, as if I care if people want their names hidden. Turns out he is leading some research company, and Rivienne hasn't been the most dedicated in her reports, even if she sticks well to her duties.  It was, of course, a trying day for Rivienne and before I knew it she was resting after overworking herself. Though I could see her inquisitive eye wondering where I had learned to manipulate Aether, though I am still very weak in it. Eudalie who happened to venture out... nipping at my heels,  joined us in dissuading some eager worms from making a meal of the town and she went off to bathe in the springs.  I cannot fathom why my luck with Mi'qote is so... unfortunate. With David around, and knowing of the prying eyes of others I put my hunter's skills to good use and decided to keep an eye out to protect her, all the while David and this robot moogle were in my ear. David, was far more willing to look than I, even if he was not personally attempting it, but IT WAS ME who fell into the water. Me who splashed in front of a nude cat and made her caramel cheeks blaze as those too big eyes focused on me. I was unwilling to put on the act I had for Blue, I did not wish to play the fool and hurriedly apologized and turned away. Though... the hero always peeks.  [Added in the margins] I told her "There's nothing to look at!" To dissuade her idea that I was being lecherous, but I regret it a little. Heroes don't peek, or maybe I'm not a hero because I didn't, though I don't see why I lied to a book...you're a book... right? Much to my dismay I have not been able to find my master in Aether, but I have begun using my skills on my own, and not always for the best of means. I've another man who needs me to speak to him. It seems no matter how good a man I wish to pretend I am, my bad, my less than scrupulous skills are usually what are called upon. And this man wanted some help. I need to deliver to him a pumpkin cookie, and make the connection I have avoided for fear of involving the kitten.  Last I met Eudalie, it's been some time now, she was asleep in Pearl Lane. She was giving out home cooked meals to the homeless and had been awake so long she had nearly collapsed on some steps. She tried to offer me food, but I... who had done so much out of her eyes only took a small bit and refused the rest so she could continue her task, even if it would harm her to keep trying. I can't stand those pure and innocent eyes. They scorch me, and make me doubt and make me feel foolish. I knew that I needed to put more distance between us.  That was when David came to me, or rather I stumbled upon him in the Central Shroud while I was attempting to distract myself with some simple lumber work. This honest job had allowed me to meditate in pockets of Aether I found, just little sparks in the air, and keep to honest work. But it didn't suit me and I was growing bored, so I jumped on the chance to lead him North, into Coerthas to hunt for Rivienne. I had met her just a week before there, for a task of hers. We went onto Dragonhead, and onward North. We searched in caves and fought off a band of Ixali we stumbled into.  Eventually we found ourselves facing off against Dragons, David became seriously injured when a powerful wallop had his head cracking. We found Rivienne among the dragon corpse, she was furious to see us there, especially David. I won't go into details but she wasn't happy, and in the end they parted ways, leaving it to me to deliver the contract that would forever end their collaboration.   I spoke to Rivienne one more time, and she told me of how she had chased her dead brother's trail here, had learned of her other brothers but had refused to see them. She spoke of the noble lord watching the land and how she was enjoying fighting Dragons. Rivienne always gives me an odd, yet warm look. She had opened up to me quite a bit since our first meeting. Oh yeah, I opted to become her partner some time ago, to watch over her in a sense. This this union is unofficial, and limited strictly to our occasional interaction. But I have to say, I'm starting to understand her drive more. Perhaps a Legacy, if nobly one isn't a bad thing. Though who would call me noble I dare to laugh at. With the deed done I continued to focus upon my meditation... I need to find my master... I can already imagine the things I want to do. Without that sylph wannabe of a man I'll likely end up doing something others will regret. My old ways are catching up to me, but I can't say I hate it. With this, I hope to keep better track of my journeys. Thank the twelve that kitten isn't here to give me those innocent eyes... Long time no See - Lightningtear - 06-14-2014 The fourteenth sun of the third umbral moon Dear Diary, My meditation came to an abrupt end recently. The man who returned me to the ways of using Aether has been more difficult to find than I'd hoped. The trail, oddly enough led me to Limsa Lominsa, for a meeting I had long forgotten I'd made obligation to attend. The Piquant Pumpkin opened it's doors today, though I admit I was a tad bit late. The area was booming, I could hear it from the most distant of docks. Though I did not know it's location it was easy to follow the crowds. I found myself forgetting why I had come as my previous obligation came rushing back. I knew inside would be a girl I had not seen since I started my meditation. It has been suns, weeks even since I've seen her. Anticipation swelled and minutes turned into bells. Eudalie, wearing mask and uniform was still too obvious to see. Though I must admit, that uniform... gave her an appeal I'd scarcely noticed in her modest adventuring robes. It was a brief greeting at first, I'd ordered some cookies and left her to work. Nesi on the other hand, a woman who had been so perturbed by my nudity that she weaved a shirt just for me in the span of our first meeting, was someone I did not recognize until the mask came off later in the evening.  I met a woman today, Meriel, a name that was difficult today. She was talking to herself, trying to psyche herself up, though admittedly she could have been mistaken to be far less, correct in the head by the wrong passerby.  I decided a cookie and some pep would aid her in becoming a 'socialite'. Little did I know the night would end with many more meetings, a gathering of familiar faces. It was more than I had expected, in fact I was proud of Eudalie for holding such a career, and amazed that the business was already booming. It reminded me of the meeting I was supposed to set up. Though the intentions I had might have wounded this business had I succeeded. Still, I will try again.  While I wasted my time chomping on cookies and trying to teach my new friend the ways of ridiculously engaging others, I noticed Eudalie was, as usual being flocked by men. I look back at previous pages and realize, it bothers me. But I have no right to be bothered, though no doubt I'm just one of many being pestered by these strange... emotions. I'm not stupid, I know what it is, but something this small needs to be nipped in the bud. Still, I crushed more cookies than I ate thanks to that. It frustrates me that this of all things is where I stumble. I can't stand it, but I also can't stand being just another one in the crowd. Is there satisfaction to winning...? Do others have it easy? I'm telling you diary, being around her has done something severely unpleasant to me. I... remember who I was before the attack. What had started as eager anticipation, festered. My hand trembled, and I couldn't hide it. The attack is fresh in my mind now. I tried to hide it, like I hid my brooding. Rivienne was getting along rather well with Thaarus, a kind Elezen of many talents who may as well be the origin of sophistication. I can tell my pointing it out wasn't appreciated, someone he called 'dove' had arrived. I don't know their relationship, but I needed to change the subject from my hand. My seal, though the man I must call 'master' broke it, it seems there was a safeguard, a trap. It's doing things to me, and I can't hide it anymore. Meditating isn't fixing it, and I recall his teachings of not gaining power by downing Aether, unlike the Ossuary.  I'm being plighted by the things I have no control over. By stupid little things I have nothing to do with. I need to sink myself into this, I need to find David, I need to speak to my contact. I need to forget about what ails me and try to gain back some of that bravado I'd once possessed before those damn bastards decided to curse instead of kill me! I wonder if things could have been different if I'd taken the opportunity that had once been presented, instead of letting HIM drag me back into his abyss. Even now, my ha  n d trem bles and t h e se words a r e b eing sc ri b bled alo  n g th e pa ge.  [sup][The next line is dark, obviously written with intense pressure and a slow hand][/sup] I wonder if I'll be able to read some of this later. All Hiro's Fault - Lightningtear - 06-21-2014 The nineteenth sun of the Third Umbral Moon Dear Diary, Before I begin, the smell of alcohol lingering on this page is not from my breath, but that is a story i'll come to later. To begin, my knack for intervening in people's lives led me to another interesting dilemma. I'd returned to Gridania, it had been some time since I'd come here. I'd intended to be here in leisure, but of course that would not be fate, for upon entering The Roost I stumbled upon a face I had briefly met at the Quicksand nights before. A woman garbed in red, with hair to match sat with a book in lap nestled along a swollen belly. I greeted her, asking for her name, because of course there was no way I could not know the name of lovely face I'd seen before. She was kind, and took my play at prince charming rather well. Though last I had met her I congratulated her on her ability to maintain her appearance despite being with child, today I had learned so much more. Apparently, a troubled man had been the receiver of this woman's, Avalyn Piper, kindness, and eventually her affection. Though things did not seem to go well and when another man showed interest the first man, a highlander apparently, forced himself upon her. At least it seemed that way. I couldn't help but feel a bitter disgust coil in me, and when I spotted a scar on her neck she revealed he had bitten her and it had become corrupted. The man, was either a voidsent in disguise, or void-touched. He is gone now, a victim of some blade I hope. Still, his attack, as well as her claims of an Ascian attacker have her practicing to defend herself against dark magics, something of which I still have little practice in... I'm getting better at hiding the trembling. My master is still at large. In the end, I offered to find the second man, a monk by the name of Corbec Dreyn. He was supposed to be kind enough, but they still had a falling out, an unpleasant one it seems. From what I gather he kicked her out to prevent her from baring the guilt of being the one to end the relationship, as she was trying to do. Hopefully, that's a good sign, though he disappears for weeks at a time, and after a day of searching I haven't gotten any clues on him. Then again, it's been one day. She asked if I thought they'd be happy if I did this, found out the answer but in truth I didn't care about that. I just wanted an answer, even if it has nothing to do with me. It'll distract me from the broken seal, from the pain. Alas, I have something pleasant to tell you diary. It's been too long since I could. During my search I traveled to Limsa Lominsa, at the Drowning Wench I stumbled upon Rivienne and Thaarus. I was delighted to see they had become a couple, admittedly my prediction was correct, though it had occurred in my absence. Thaarus doesn't appreciate the way I speak about these things, using words like 'hitched'. Then again, the two were garbed in similar shades of red and lovely robes, they looked like they should have been married. It was really amusing. Still I couldn't help the thought as it left my lips, "Flowers bloom well when there are no weeds around." It was rather engaging, taunting Rivienne. She turns red too easily now, I wonder if her warrior side protests this change in demeanor. I'm glad she's doing well. Thaarus seems rather pleased as well, they're so sweet to one another. But that isn't the best part. My coat, one I wore to look a bit like a poor man, in hopes of seducing the riff raff of the taverns into giving me information. Well, it didn't work out the way I thought. Thaarus was so close to me I could smell him, it was eerie the way he looked at my coat. "Remove the Coat" he said. I'd had people complain about me taking off my clothes, but never has I been ordered to remove them. It was amusing and I of course taunted him but my coat came off and he was away. That crazy tailor. I tried to talk to Rivienne, checking if she was happy, and then, as I went to pry further, Thaarus showed up as I noticed something off about Rivienne. The coat he returned was incredibly fine, but it ruined the purpose of the poor looking coat. Still I thanked him and let Rivienne off the hook for now. It was nice seeing some faces I knew again. It's been too long since I've really 'seen' anyone. Ah but my night wasn't over yet. Continuing my task I decided to saunter over to a table it’s occupants already quite inebriated. One of them being Meriel, the girl I met at the Piquant Pumpkin. A Mi’qote they called Q, and an elezen named Hiro. I asked them about the man I was looking for, and the one called Q was surprisingly sober in his responses, though the other two kept going on about “Q”, and “Hiro’s fault”, so of course I purchased more drink for them, despite no one having the answer.  Q admitted to being some kind of rancher, though he seemed more like the caretaker for the two with him. It seems Meriel quickly took my lesson to heart and has become quite the socialite. Before I knew it I was carrying a drunk Meriel, praying she didn’t empty her guts on me as I took her for some fresh air. The scene was somewhat romantic, glowing Aether in the distance, clouds rolling back as the night sky broke into dawn. Honestly though, I couldn't care less. Even with my coat draped over her and an arm around her to keep her war, I felt nothing. Most men, at least what I gathered from Avalyn seem to have ill intent given even the slightest opening, and for all my charm, none of it is meant to be sincere desire. I debated dropping Meriel  our perch into the sea to sober her up, it was an amusing thought but I wouldn't actually do it, though the twelve must have been listening because it began to rain, waking the girl up. She was soon on her way to bed, I left her at the counter, and I had work to do. Sleepless work. [sup][scribbled quickly below is another line in very quick small hand][/sup] [sub]I begin to wonder if this diary is carrying my feelings, or if I am simply recording my days. You're a good listener regardless diary.[/sub] It's raining men! - Lightningtear - 06-23-2014 Twenty Second Sun of the Third Umbral Moon Hello again Diary,  I've realized something. I've been brooding. The issue with the seal, my inability to find Avalt, it's been dampening my mood and I've been taking it out on my tales, well no more. I can't be who I was.  To begin, the trembling is getting worse, and there are small pangs of pain, but I'm hiding it well enough. If I cannot find my teacher then I'll need to find something else in the mean time to hold me over.  DID I TELL YOU RIVIENNE FOUND A MAN!? [sup]Oh... I did.[/sup] Busy busy busy, I'm always busy. No sign of Corbec, but I did meet a few more friends of Eudalie. A hulking man named Seth who glistens from combat. His large calloused fingers wipe tenderly at the silver sheen forming upon his caramel coated muscles. Heheh, I should be a writer. I mean... other than in you. Jinxi is a Mi'qote I met, one who actually isn't interested in Eudalie, I know, what a queer meeting. He had a sharp tongue, gave me back my dastardly sarcasm. I was wearing some combat gear: It made me look like a hooker and a soldier at the same time.  Everyone who got a little more than a flesh wound vied for Eudalie's healing kisses, but don't worry, I offered up my own lips to our ailing friends in place of Eudalie- Seth quickly felt better as I approached. Heh, it's nice to let go of the stress and just be ridiculous once in awhile. They were a blast, a spritely pair, and we stumbled upon them a short time later after we'd completed our brief assistance into excavation. Rather they stumbled upon us. They're good company, we spoke of rumors and women, and rippling pectorals. Turns out Jinxi has quite the thing for a gruff demeanor and rippling muscles, though Seth seems to be playing with a priestess. I like his honesty though, didn't hide it at all.  I should make it up to Eudalie, we didn't get to have a proper conversation last time. Lies breed hate, but truth is a memory - Lightningtear - 06-26-2014 The twenty-fifth  sun of the Third Umbral Moon Dear Diary, I’m not sure how to explain this one. In short time I’ve managed to upset two pregnant women, and turn a whole clan of keepers against me. The shining grace in this entry is Rivienne’s tale, it’s been some time since I told you of her plan for her legacy. But… to the beginning. Avalyn, you remember her don’t you? I’ve been searching for an ex-lover of hers, but it’s been more difficult than I’d hoped. So, I found her again, glimpsing as a book of charcoal drawings she herself had done. She’s quite talented, and I was able to see a few faces she knew, including the one of the man who gave her child. But he wasn’t the one I was looking for, and to be honest, she’d very nearly ended my search. Avalyn had spoken to an old friend I think, someone who knew Corbec and told her of his despair and how without her he has become a recluse, or gone mad. I’m not sure, if they really should have been together or not, for the man seems unwilling to rectify this distance. I still wish to see it through if I can, I don’t like not finding someone, but such weakness in a man, it inspires curiosity and disappointment. So we focused on Avalyn, and this is where my first mistake began. My father taught me a great deal of ways to ‘handle’ people. When you’re but a boy, some prefer manners, others chivalry, and even more find confident, flirtatious young men charming. But I was but a boy then, and my antics were endearing to women. Taunting Avalyn, though I’d like to believe I wasn’t rude about it, had upset her when she’d turned too red and I’d revealed I was simply gauging her limit on proximity. She took to insult, and got up to leave. I knew then that I really didn’t remember how to handle people, or perhaps my father’s ways had been incorrect. Maybe I didn’t mature enough, but it’s all I knew. Perhaps, I will never do my old friends justice. I followed her, wholly apologetic and trying to explain myself. I meant no harm, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t wrong I suppose. I’m trying to write this from the view of the outsider, but… I don’t understand why my actions had such effect over her. She forgave me, to my relief and we walked, farther and farther out of Gridania and to a cave where she said she spent much of her youth. She told me of her mother, of not having a father and how she had ended up where she was. I’m not sure meeting a father is always good, if you think of mine, and hers refused to even acknowledge her and her mother, apparently he had a real family. I attempted to simply listen and ask here and there, understanding a little more how she had fallen for the first man she did, and was now with his child. He bit her here apparently, he liked to bite her. I think her child might be void-touched as well. But, as of right now it was no concern of mine. Avalyn wants a man in her life, but she can do better than me. I have never been in one place for long, like many, and it’s clear my understanding of humanity is limited. Still, I offered her my arm and returned her to the inn, where a Mi’qote claiming to be a bodyguard addressed her. She spoke to him,so they knew one another, and despite my warning not to keep her up late, he ignored me. Looking back, I wonder if I have any tact with Mi’qote. A day or two later I met Rivienne again, surprisingly enough in The Roost just as I had with Avalyn. I did not think I would be frequenting this forest. She wanted to speak to me, according to a letter she had sent, but upon seeing her I began to state that it was strange to see her without Thaarus, ‘a matching pair’ as of late, when the man showed up. They were quickly upon one another, with sweet nothings and affection. It made me happy to see her, but I felt like I couldn’t speak to Rivienne as I once had. We spoke for a bit, the three of us, of what I can’t recall. Eudalie arrived, I greeted her warmly, just as a drunken man strode forward and spilled his drink onto Rivienne’s lap purposely. Needless to say she and Thaarus were furious in tandem. It didn’t take long to make the man back down, but I was thoroughly amused. More so than I should have been, of course Thaarus and Rivienne took to my comment of disrobing and washing the garment together and alone without pleasure. I wonder, am I relying on this persona too much? While they cooed over one another I spoke to Eudalie until I heard a man speak of Odin, and the armor he had obtained from him was dropped with a mender. So of course, I dragged Eudalie over and started speaking to the Mi’qote whom I called ‘Black Cat’. He didn’t like company, but it didn’t dissuade me and soon I had the entire entourage around him, making him more uncomfortable as I inquired further. A man who slayed Odin, caught my interest of course. I like strangers, so I spoke to him of more and soon we all handled the introductions. Eudalie though, is worth note. Flustered by her rudeness, for not introducing herself sooner she bowed so hard and quick she hit her head upon the table. It was thoroughly amusing, though… she damaged the new hat of mine I had slipped upon her head! Ah but, Thaarus is a tailor. She didn’t seem to notice her own pain and just continued to despair as she realized she had also wounded my hat. Eudalie never ceases to amaze me with her purity and sweetness. Ah, but the Black Cat Lathu’a left, pardoning himself for another journey. Thaarus who’d grown weary headed for rest. So Rivienne took the stage. She told me of her family in Ishgard, how they had once been a family of nobility and how her brothers had chosen to keep it from her to keep her safe. She had disguised herself, sought them, and in the middle of Dravanian attack found  one. Marceloix, if I remember the name, had died some time ago and was the brother they all sought to belike. Louix, she found him and tried to protect him the field. He recognized her despite her change in appearance and saved her instead. He smiled and died listening to Rivienne singing their mother’s lullaby. Lanceloix had left some time ago and she did not know where he was. Despite all this, and her desire for her own bloody legacy, her brother died loved and not alone, and instead of sinking into despair she found Thaarus and now seemed happier than ever. I was grateful to the twelve for this turn of fate, and I assured her that she would be well. I’m not sure if my words really did much for her, but I’m glad she is no longer seeking a bloody end. Still, it made me wonder. We parted ways then, and I choseto follow a Mi’qote who seemed troubled. [sup]This entry is lengthy, but perhaps it is the greatest sign of my growth thus far. Or perhaps I just listen too frequently.[/sup] I approached her at the Lavender Beds, we spoke of overcoming one another’s senses, I tried to push her into the water and cast my magic to prevent myself from falling in as I stumbled. My hands trembled and the ice floor soon shattered. I am getting better, even without Avalt, but it is taking time. As long as I don’t have another outburst. Anyway, despite my better instincts diary I followed her to her home to meet her clan. I used my usual demeanor, not my charming self, but the one who seems flirtatious, keeping people at bay while being inviting. Their home was grand, but I wondered how a Keeper clan could happily live so close to civilization and allow guests within. Ah but this is where things became deranged. They asked me to remove my weapons and I did, lots of them. They wanted me to jump and I taunted to take my clothes off. The guard kit was not impressed. She called me pasty and someone informed me that I was a ginger, so I joked that I had no soul. Eventually, I satisfied them that I had no weapons. A lie. I met a few of them, a dark skinned man named Ken introduced himself at the door, but the others were less than inviting. I didn’t mind. I found out a short time later why. Some attack had occurred and it made me wonder why Rhoe would invite me in under such circumstances. I had no ill intent but how were they to know? After a brief tour we ran into a Mi’qote being rude and bratty. At first I tried to confront her with reason, but she pissed me off and I called her a brat. Things went bad from there. Her husband arrived, and though I apologized, not out of fear but annoyance things did not get better. A screaming Mi’qote was being tended to by the group and I wondered why I was here, but curiosity bade me to stay. One room after another I infuriated a new member of this clan. I tried not to, I fell into a habit my father had taught me once again. I tried to be quiet, simple, insignificant. I heard one inquire as to why I had been acting like I mattered. I was only trying to get an answer for Rhoe, not intervene. The husband Hyur of the onion mi’qote didn’t take to me, despite confessing that I apologized. I didn’t need to be liked, but I needed to be tolerated if I wanted to see the end of this story. So I did what I could, apologized here and there, became a silent little apologetic thing. It disgusted me to do so. Though I wanted to learn about a clan I have to say, I hope they are not all like this. Those I’ve met, while weary of outsiders had more control. But I did want to learn. They tolerated me when they should have kicked me out. Their mannerisms were garish, and I realized what was happening a short time later. They were not individuals, and when I speak to people, including the pissed off onion mi’qote I consider them as individuals in what they do. But this was a family, and one who did not know how to handle my presence. They wanted me gone, but refused to say it outright at first. I tried to speak to another Mi’qote, Cemi I think her name was. Honestly, she seems kind but the girl doesn’t look like she had been beyond the front porch despite her claims. Oh yes, before I forget they all repeat themselves. Atticus Buffalobane, told me not to upset people more times than I can count. My ignorance is not abstinence from my mistake, but I agreed more times than I can count. I don’t think they are used to the answers of outsiders. I was warned so many times despite my having switched to what I assumed was a less intimidating mode, that it became tiring and well tedious. These are not complains diary, these are observations, for honestly, they intrigued me above all else. I caught whispers of their conversation, a whisper of a man named Roen. I’d thought a Mi’qote was giving birth but it seems it was some tragedy going on. Oh yes, they are so protective I could not even tend to a wounded companion of theirs. She was alright regardless of course. I have never seen this much of a clan, I tried to remain an outsider to watch them after my mistakes but they pained themselves to keep an eye on me. I think they really thought I believed myself important, but there is a reason I let others tell me of themselves and not the other way around. I don’t make myself important. It’s too attention grabbing. I have not been exiled, and the Mi’qote vice matron had recovered, questioned me and allowed me to come back if Rhoe allowed. To make a better impression. I accepted, but I hurried out with obscure words. I wonder what her tree looks like. I wonder if I should simply be myself next time. I wonder who myself is at this point.  Hopefully, when I next meet them I will have found some semblance of that answer. Not for any grand purpose mind you, but so that I don't have to put on that outrageous apologetic persona. Oh yes, before I close you, Atticus knew Avalyn. I admitted to being a apologetic to his fiance, whom I called his wife several times, because of Avalyn. I did not mean to wound a woman with child.  [sup]For my reference, Mi'qote clans are very traditional and do not like being referred to as cats. [/sup] Father, wherever you are,  if you ever read this, I damn you for what you did to me... Drugs, Magic, and a little bit more Detachement - Lightningtear - 07-03-2014 [The page is crinkled, thunderbolts tear across the parchment with half of it torn free, as though the owner had intended to remove this entry upon it’s completion. Clearly he changed his mind.] The second sun of the Fourth Astral Moon Dear Diary, Looking back my friend, you are simply a book of stories thus far. My last chapter, seemed like the ravings of a child.  Of course, a man like me, sitting behind a mask and thin strips of honesty woven among lies- I realize I seek to become someone apart from who I was raised to be. It has been some time since we’ve spoken dear, but there is much to speak of. A trip to the beach ended as abruptly as it came, though not without Aaron making a ridiculous request of wishing to be addressed as a king. Some companions thought assistance combing the icy tower of the stone vigil. Dragons, no matter how many you vanquish another chooses to take it’s place. Like roaches, hiding in the cracks and crevices just waiting for their chance to get at the nectar. I had intended to remain with them, I did, but as of late I kept brief company and chose to answer a very old question. A question, which was simple, and possessed a simple answer.  I felt my heart ease at the revelation, though I cannot help but wonder if I am letting the concerns of others begin to affect me. I sensed I interrupted something at this particular meeting. Distance suddenly seemed like the most satisfactory remedy. But I still inquired as to a Eudalie’s  healer touch. It did not soften the pain inside me, the strange disconnection from aether. The surge that ruined my ability to use magic effectively. I could feel it there, so close yet just out of my grasp. A breath you could not steal, a thirst you could not quench. But that is exactly why I have been attempting various methods of releasing the cork upon my essence. I’m actually pleased to report a few days of simply mingling among companions. Though I returned to the Mi’qote manor seeking a man who may or may not have an answer to a man I’m seeking. Alas no one was home, and I later found I had stumbled upon the clan leader when I left the manor, something that acted as a grand source of amusement when I discovered this. It’s strange, this urge to go back to places you know you aren’t welcome. Perhaps it is another side effect of my father’s teachings. Still, I have questions that I wish answered, and the ill will of others has rarely halted my attempts. Days later, mingling with acquaintances, I drugged Aaron. He became maniacal and made a scene in the bar before punching me and chasing Deverell, all the while I was trying to aid some shy girl who I’d mistaken for a tavern guard. Before I knew it I could hear screaming, and Aaron was fighting with Deverell. I missed most of it, and could not shift blame onto myself but I know I will drug Aaron again. It seems he used to be a pirate, which means little to me but he blamed Deverell for my plan, my concoction and my actions. This makes me realize just how attached they are, or detached I am if I cannot even be blamed for what I’ve done. Aaron is a fool for misguiding his fury, and I am for daring to use my left overs for amusement. Still, I did not realize my level of distance until this. To not even be worthy of another’s scorn, like a child ignored by their father. I am grateful to not know siblings, if they may have suffered in congruence to this situation. Sorry dear, I focused on the negative. Prior to all this I had Aaron screaming in the tavern, saying he was a single black woman and making quite the scene. A Roegadyn joined us and they danced merrily as I clapped for them. In the end, I could not truly speak to the girl, and I seemed too distant from the group to care to stay for long. It is tonight that I truly wish to speak to you about. I met with Q, or K as he corrected me. A young Mi’qote who has been through quite a bit. Like the man who was supposed to be my mentor he spent time among the sylph and speaks like them. He has a disharmony which makes it so Aethernet travel makes him ill and gives him seizures. He weaves music from ink in the air and strums the luminous chords. K hides what he means in his words, but he is not dishonest. Still, there was no reason to imply that I knew what he spoke of. His face turns bright red whenever he had something he isn’t sure he wants to say. Mi’qote wear their feelings quite openly it seems, and though this young one claims to have accidentally summoned Titan with one of his experiments, he seems to seek more. His attempt to cure himself is also him attempting to make himself into a weapon with temporary inks upon his body. Those that use magic want so much… I’d be happy just to have my magic working. But it proved intriguing. Perhaps it’s time I seek to will myself farther.