(04-23-2015, 12:37 AM)Tiergan Wrote: However, I've noticed people treat me differently now than I was before when I was just another catman-player derping around the forums. I've had people say they're intimidated and scared to speak to me because I'm 'well-known'. I've had people assume I must have my finger in every RP pie on the server or that I must be BFFS with every single "big-name" I have painted. I've had folks try to RP with me purely for my 'status' assuming that if they RPed with me, they'd magically get the keys to the RP castle, and then seem irritated when that didn't happen. As though I was holding out on them somehow. I've had people get resentful when I kept having to push back RPing with them for the first time because of real life slaughtering me in ways I had no control over.
No apologies needed, Tiergan, this is the perfect place for it! I quoted this specific paragraph because it really rang true for me. I tried not to delve too deep in my story in the initial post because I wanted it to be a general statement of advice, but to elaborate a little on my own experience, my previous MMO was my first MMO. I started playing it during its closed beta, and its role-play community--and the server's community in general--was really really small.
At the time, I was neither going to school nor working for personal/medical reasons, my boyfriend was going to school full time, and all my RL friends and family were 2+ hours away. Since it was my first MMO, I had yet to meet any friends and role-play partners. I was suffering from really bad depression and social anxiety I hadn't yet seen to get treated at the time, so in short, I had a ton of free time and I poured myself into the game.
I made friends with everyone. I chatted with everyone, RPers and PvErs alike. I role-played with everyone. I was no stranger to goofing around in the global chat. My boyfriend and I made a role-play guild together, which got passed to me when he got bored with the game. And then something really weird happened--I became "popular." My name was suddenly tossed around with the words "server celebrity." Being so active in such a small community, people took notice of me pretty easily. And it was great at first! I met lots of people to hang and role-play with, I had lots of friends!
Then I got "fans." People would send me mail telling me they admired me, they'd cheer me on, or someone would whisper a member of my guild to tell them how "lucky" they are they get to talk to me all the time. It was.. flattering, but strange, and kind of uncomfortable. Then, I started getting the, "I want to role-play with you, but I'm too intimidated," messages. Those were still flattering in a way but... really just made me feel sad. I didn't consider myself unapproachable. I was always willing to role-play with anyone, even the people whose posts often made me cringe. Why be afraid of me? It baffled me, and made me sort of resentful that the popularity that first got me friends was now pushing people away from me.
And then, I got hatemail, I'd messages about me in public chats like I wasn't a real person there capable of reading them. I usually try not to take someone disliking me personally because they may have a decent enough reason, but what confused me was that I didn't recognize these names. These weren't people I had spoken to at all, ever. When I spoke to them, or when others would speak to them on my behalf, they even admitted as much themselves. "Well, Faye always seems..." or "Well, I heard that Faye..." were always the answers given, and weird rumors began to fly about me and every male character I role-play with more than once "dating IRL" and how I "left my RL boyfriend" for them.
When I came to XIV, I actually tried to keep a low profile at first. I wanted to leave all that behind me. Unfortunately, I didn't really go to any great lengths to hide my identity, and not long after launch people would send /tells to my RP partner with nonsense like, "You mean Fae from TERA? I heard that she..." My "reputation" had followed me to another game. At that point, I stopped caring about keeping a low profile. I realized just how small the entire MMO RP community really is. It didn't matter anymore. But rumors flying and people who've never even taken the time to speak with me gossiping and forming judgments stings no matter how hard I try to ignore it and brush it off.
I don't want XIV to be like my last MMO. Fortunately, being a larger community, it hasn't gotten that way yet, but all the stigmatizing of the "popular people" and the "old people" really makes me fear it's veering into that territory. I don't know if I fit into either of those categories on the RPC, but whether it's me or someone else, I don't want someone receiving hatemail and being the target of the rumormill simply for being popular.
Most people didn't ask to be "popular." Most people didn't do it on purpose. Most people don't even realize it. Many may not even enjoy it. Our society tends to dehumanize celebrities--it's why it's so much easier to send hatemail or write cruel things about them than actual people you may know. Please don't do that to people here. We're all still human, and fairly normal ones at that. The "popular" people here are no different than anyone else, they just probably have a little more time on their hands to make posts and talk to people.