Some days, I miss my last job. Other days... not so much.
Every April to December 24th, I worked almost exclusively in the garden center of <insert big name hardware/home improvement store> as a cashier, because for some reason I knew more about plants, seeds, soils, and fertilizers than 80% of the garden department. That whole situation can have it's own discussion another time... I wanna tell stories about what I would do from December 26th to when the garden center re-opened after the winter:
Returns Desk.
Doing a return should be an easy task. You come in with the unwanted/extra/wrong/broken item along with the package and your receipt before ninety days pass. I check the item, ask you why you're returning the item, you answer truthfully, I scan the receipt and item, stick a tag on it, hit a few more buttons, and you get your money back in a way that reflects your original purchase. The ONLY trouble we should have is if the package was destroyed/lost and I need to manually search the system for a UPC or SKU.
But some people want to make up stories. Or prove that they shouldn't have bred, or just be all-around pains in the butt. Sometimes they're innocent and it's just a horrible misunderstanding... but that was always VERY rare.
---
I don't remember if it was 2008 or 2009 that the New England area was hit by a really massive ice storm that destroyed a good portion of the electrical network. Almost everyone experienced blackouts, some for weeks and months before power was restored. Anyways, it was about two weeks after the storm had gone through and a man came in. He was angry, I knew he was angry before he even got into the building because I could hear him shouting out in the parking lot. He comes in with a door and practically throws it at me while screaming.
Customer: I came here just after the storm because someone broke into my house during it and destroyed my back door and I needed a new one! I didn't have the extra money, so I got the cheapest door I could find, got it home and put it up, but since I didn't have power I went to stay with relatives and when I came back all my pipes had frozen and burst and now I'm going to sue <insert company here> for the damages and repairs cause I don't have the money and you sold me a defective door!
Me: ... *looks at door* How is the door defective?
Customer: It let in a f'ing draft!
Me: ... Let me get you the store manager... *looks at the screen door* (... The draft is between his left and right ears... and they don't pay me enough to deal with crap like this)
---
Man walks in carrying a log splitting maul. A BIG man, as in tall and broad.
Me: ... Can I help you?
Customer: *with a VERY heavy, eastern European accent* Yes. Would like to return axe. Does not fit in suitcase.
(Note: area I lived in had a very high population of eastern European immigrants. This man was a repeat customer, he had only moved to the US from Russia about five years prior. He meant to say "tool box", so this was more of a WTF moment)
---
Customer: What do you mean, I can't pay with this check that wasn't signed by the account holder and you won't accept the three different forms of identification that I carry that all have different names next to my picture, and none of these names match the two on the check?! <insert President at the time> is a Lizard Man and he's turned you all into sheeple for his race to eat!!!
Me: *shoots supervisor and manager a look of "Please, save me..."*
---
Customer: I'm returning this wallpaper remover solution because it's known in State of California that consuming this stuff will cause cancer.
Me: (... Whhhhy are you drinking wallpaper remover solution..?)
---
Me: ... Christmas trees are not returnable...
Customer: But it died, and you have a one-year guarantee on shrubs!
Me: The tree was already dead when you bought it, though. It was a cut tree.
Customer: The needles are all falling out!
Me: ... If this had been a problem before December 24th, we would've exchanged it. But it's the second week of January.
Every April to December 24th, I worked almost exclusively in the garden center of <insert big name hardware/home improvement store> as a cashier, because for some reason I knew more about plants, seeds, soils, and fertilizers than 80% of the garden department. That whole situation can have it's own discussion another time... I wanna tell stories about what I would do from December 26th to when the garden center re-opened after the winter:
Returns Desk.
Doing a return should be an easy task. You come in with the unwanted/extra/wrong/broken item along with the package and your receipt before ninety days pass. I check the item, ask you why you're returning the item, you answer truthfully, I scan the receipt and item, stick a tag on it, hit a few more buttons, and you get your money back in a way that reflects your original purchase. The ONLY trouble we should have is if the package was destroyed/lost and I need to manually search the system for a UPC or SKU.
But some people want to make up stories. Or prove that they shouldn't have bred, or just be all-around pains in the butt. Sometimes they're innocent and it's just a horrible misunderstanding... but that was always VERY rare.
---
I don't remember if it was 2008 or 2009 that the New England area was hit by a really massive ice storm that destroyed a good portion of the electrical network. Almost everyone experienced blackouts, some for weeks and months before power was restored. Anyways, it was about two weeks after the storm had gone through and a man came in. He was angry, I knew he was angry before he even got into the building because I could hear him shouting out in the parking lot. He comes in with a door and practically throws it at me while screaming.
Customer: I came here just after the storm because someone broke into my house during it and destroyed my back door and I needed a new one! I didn't have the extra money, so I got the cheapest door I could find, got it home and put it up, but since I didn't have power I went to stay with relatives and when I came back all my pipes had frozen and burst and now I'm going to sue <insert company here> for the damages and repairs cause I don't have the money and you sold me a defective door!
Me: ... *looks at door* How is the door defective?
Customer: It let in a f'ing draft!
Me: ... Let me get you the store manager... *looks at the screen door* (... The draft is between his left and right ears... and they don't pay me enough to deal with crap like this)
---
Man walks in carrying a log splitting maul. A BIG man, as in tall and broad.
Me: ... Can I help you?
Customer: *with a VERY heavy, eastern European accent* Yes. Would like to return axe. Does not fit in suitcase.
(Note: area I lived in had a very high population of eastern European immigrants. This man was a repeat customer, he had only moved to the US from Russia about five years prior. He meant to say "tool box", so this was more of a WTF moment)
---
Customer: What do you mean, I can't pay with this check that wasn't signed by the account holder and you won't accept the three different forms of identification that I carry that all have different names next to my picture, and none of these names match the two on the check?! <insert President at the time> is a Lizard Man and he's turned you all into sheeple for his race to eat!!!
Me: *shoots supervisor and manager a look of "Please, save me..."*
---
Customer: I'm returning this wallpaper remover solution because it's known in State of California that consuming this stuff will cause cancer.
Me: (... Whhhhy are you drinking wallpaper remover solution..?)
---
Me: ... Christmas trees are not returnable...
Customer: But it died, and you have a one-year guarantee on shrubs!
Me: The tree was already dead when you bought it, though. It was a cut tree.
Customer: The needles are all falling out!
Me: ... If this had been a problem before December 24th, we would've exchanged it. But it's the second week of January.