Alistaiir

Welp things have been bumpy with her. I’ve ended our original RP because I was not really getting any invested answers from her. During this time she’s been roleplaying with various people and I have found some other people to have fun with. She did admit to resenting me for asking her to stay for one more month so that I can get 80% back from the price of the mansion that we shared. The house was bought by me entirely. But she did wait and give me back every gil. While she was waiting though she was really pissed at almost everyone. I even got chewed out by her when I tried asking her what was wrong and if I could help. She just transfered her character today and hopefully she’ll be less angry. And just to clear things up: no, i didn’t fall for her. I just got invested and I feel really bad for my character but... oh well. Not sure if things will ever go back to how they used to be. Part of me regrets having gotten involved into RP with her in the first place cause it kinda ruined our friendship. While we still talk, it’s not the same. We’re not as close as we once were. I, for one, have distanced myself from her more. As for her? I don’t know what she thinks about it and confronting her directly about it (as i prefer to do with any problem) only makes her turtle up even more. Meanwhile, I’ve been focusing on my gaming. I met some new and nice peeps on the server I’m currently on and I even got involved with others on the server she’s transfered to. I managed to down Godka and I got all my lewt from him, which is nice. We’re doing him weekly now and I’m planning on staying here for a few more weeks before transfering myself. I’m curious to see how an RP server fits me. Only downside though is that it’s on a different data center so I’ll have quite a bit of lag which sucks. If the lag is unbearable i’ll just transfer back. I don’t think there’s anything I’ve missed in this post. If there are any other questions I’ll be happy to answer.

1. We stopped any form of RP between us. We’re still talking, but nowhere near as much as we did while we RPed. I avoid commenting on any of her current RP stories that she sends my way. 2. I admit to being jealous. It’s true. But i’m dealing with it. I guess it gets easier and easier with each passing day. At least i’m not and emotional wreck anymore. Not saying i’m completely over it though. 3. She invests. The proof of this was at the beginning of the RP where i use a fantasia to go back to my main for a bit to experience story content with him. During that time she kept asking for her wife back which was funny. I guess she just lost interest and that’s it. I did try. Problem is she has issues dealing with problems IRL. If she gets too stressed she just shuts down, ignores people and refuses to talk to anyone for awhile. It happened to me a couple of times on really silly subjects. So i also had to take this into consideration when talking to her. Yes. She’s sending me bits and pieces of info of what’s going on with her character on the new server. While i did tell her that I am saddened by the loss of our RP, I did not go into such detail with her as I did in this thread. Never mentioned to her that I was an emotional mess for 2 weeks haha... An online friend told us about this server. We both explored it together and she took a liking to it. Also, she did tell me what was going on on that server. We RPed together there aswell, but me being a gamer more focused on endgame content, i wanted to actually play on the character i’ve been playing for 5 years. The only problem was that at one point she just came to me out of the blue and said she wants to end our characters’ relationship on that new server. That was one of the many signs that lead to this situation. Honestly, it did cross my mind at one point. But I am, and always will be, a gamer at heart. And FFXIV is a game I love too much to abandon for something like this. I’ll see where this RP rabbit whole goes and if it’s not my thing, i’ll always have endgame content to keep me company i guess. ********************** Just going to add one more thing here to kinda finish the story. She did talk to me about wanting to somehow merge her main character with the character on the new server, but she wanted to do it in a way that would break her character’s backstory and our 6 month worth of RP. I told her that not only do I not agree with it because it would ruin my character and her ending, but it would also completely break her character’s integrity and personality because she tried to forcefully change him into something he’s not (i.e. turn him gay when it was clearly established in his backstory and in the RP that he’s straight). We talked about it and she decided against doing that. But right now, things seem to have calmed down. I thank everyone here that has read and talked to me about this issue. I believe that without your help I would’ve still been in that horrible state of mind. So thank you for taking the time to help me. If there’s anything else you’d like to say or talk to me about or just maybe need someone to listen, i’m willing to return the favor either here or on Discord. ^^ From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Perhaps. I was under the same impression. While it ended in a bad experience, I was, in fact, having fun with it while it lasted. I got to develop characters for which I had already created backstories for in my mind, but I never actually had the chance to do anything with them since I am not playing on a RP server. I think this is called being a closet RPer? To answer your question, I'd like to keep trying to RP. Not necessarily with her, but with other people. See what happens. I'm not gonna find them on the server I'm currently on since it's not an RP server. If i dislike it or feel like I'm just wasting my time, I'll transfer back to my usual server and keep playing the game as I have been these past... 5 years almost? I've talked to my FC leader and they said they'd welcome me back with open arms. The reason i keep talking to her is because, before this, she has been a good friend that I have known for aprox. 3 years. Both her and her fiance, which I have known for far longer and consider him one of my best friends, are IRL friends. We used to live in the same city and geek out together a lot, but since they had some life issues, they moved to another city but we still keep in touch.

I've been raiding savage content in FFXIV for more than a year and, yes, I can confirm this is, in fact, the case.

She never suggested I genderbend my characters. I did that as a way of trying something new and to have fun with them since they were abusing fantas over and over again. After awhile of playing as a fem char, she told me she's attracted to my character and she started hitting on her IC. It just happened, it wasn't planned.

I agree that communication is key and have taken that advice to heart. I've actually been quite communicative about what I've been feeling only to have her falsely reassure me everything was fine. She took me in with the idea that "she will teach me the wonders of RP". Either way, I've ended this discussion with her and will not bring it up with her again unless she starts talking to me about it. And she's apparently talking to me about it... I just have a few more questions: 1. What's the point of a long term RP if you're just going to throw everything out the window at the end. Let me clarify this question a bit. I know that all RP must come to an end at some point. It can happen for many reasons (wanting to end the story, boredom, losing interest, wanting to try something new, etc.). When we talked she told me our IC story would end with a simple "they lived happily ever after" with which i was fine. The next day she's telling me that her character would actually be transported to another world IC. That basically leaves my character's story as alone, pregnant and unmarried. It sucks, but I said nothing against it as it's her character. 2. Since i'm relatively new to RP, how can I make sure I can defend myself in the future from stuff like the above happening to me again? As in protecting my characters from experiences I don't want them to have or bad endings. Because it seems that sometimes even with polite communication some trouble can still pop up. 3. I've been honest with her and told her I'm not taking this very well so why is she sending me dramatic short stories and screencaps about her character dying or how every character involved in our RP will have some kind of dramatic moment to finding out her character died/vanished? Why even do that when I've already told you I'm not doing well? She even admitted to "knowing she's not helping" and I asked her why is she doing it if she knows that. All I got in return is a "¯\_(ツ)_/¯" Also I know I've been going on and on about this subject and I'm sorry for it. I appreciate each and every one of you for lending me your ears, your thoughts and advice.

So the consensus is to drop it. Well, drop it I have. I talked to her again and i told her what was on my mind. I told her we should stop RP-ing and not go through with the wedding, hoping to heaven and back that she would say no. She was hesitant at first, but as I bluffed and pushed slowly she began showing me that my fears were very well founded in reality. She told me that she has been interested in transferring her main character from A server to B... And what else could I do? I told her to go for it... We've already demolished most of the stuff we have in-game... our house, our apartments, our FC rooms. And we're getting ready to move. I'm gonna drop out of my raiding static and transfer with her at some point. I've already genderbent my character back to how he used to be. Even though he was also introduced in our RP, i did this as a way to force myself to move on. I might take up Faye's advice and transfer too. See if we can create something else. If I don't like it I'll just transfer back. I want to make it clear that I never joined this game to RP. I actually wanted to just play the game and brought my friends over with me. The moment she decided to pull me into RP that was my first experience with a romantic RP online. Anyway... yeah. It's over I guess.

I would if she’d just tell me she doesn’t want to RP with me anymore. It’s the fact that she keeps saying she wants to RP with me but does the exact opposite that has me in this state. I actually told her i’m willing to wait until she wants to come back and RP with me but she told me not to do that. Because if i do it will make her lose interest in the RP we’va had up until now.

Hello, I need your help/advice/anything you can offer. I’m going to give the tl;dr version of my situation first and go into more detail afterwards. Tl;dr: The gist of my situation is I am jealous of my RP partner because she’s roleplaying with someone else and I am now being mostly ignored. It makes me feel terrible and I don’t know how to stop feeling like this. My question is: how can i deal with this? Long version: Backtrack 6 months ago, i’m a normal player who barely dabbled in RP at a few D&D sessions. I’m a gamer through and through and that’s been my only past time for all my years. So I’m playing with 2 of my friends (these two are actually engaged to eachother IRL and are also my friends in IRL) and they decide at some point to change their character’s race. I thought i could join them in the fun since i’ve always played a male character in my games. So i went ahead and genderbent my character. Things were alright and we had fun together. Then one day one of these friends is attracted to my female character and starts flirting IC with her. It was awkward at first but i rolled with it and eventually i came to enjoy it. That was my first time RPing online. I've never done it before. We spent the past 6 months roleplaying our characters (4 to be exact) into a family together and we decided to marry 2 of them. We have everything ready for the wedding too we just need to set the date. We’ve always been talking during this period about our characters and what funny and sweet scenes we could put them through even outside of the game via Discord. She always called my toon "M'lady" and was very sweet the entire time we RPed. Sometime during these 6 months she discovered a roleplay server she liked and created a character there. Let’s call the server we’ve been on until now A and the roleplay server B. I joined her. Everything was fine until a bit over two weeks ago. When she stopped logging onto the A server and stopped replying even to our RP concerning the B server toons. I thought i should be polite and not pester her for an answer so i waited a week. Still nothing so i remind her. She brushes it off by telling me she’s busy. I knew she was RPing with the peeps on the B server which is fine because i’m not looking to be the only person she roleplays with. However after 6 months of investment into both our characters on A server i was expecting it would continue as it had until then. I keep getting hints that she’s distracted or that she’s not interested by her either giving me “bleh” replies, one liners, replying late or not replying at all. No more calling eachother wife or husband or lover or "M'lady" as we used to. No more of her toon dutifully offering me to get on the 2 seated chocobo mount. No more of her telling me that her heart can’t handle the cuteness of our characters as she used to. She’s got a sweetheart on the B server now and even though we had decided our characters would be together even there (in an open relationship) she pushed my character away to be with that person only. She says it’s because i’m not online on B server as much that this happened. Alright, fine. I can understand that. Even though i hated it, I RPed a very dramatic breakup scene with her thinking we still had our RP on A server. I came to her with a scene to RP for those characters. She told me she didn’t want to RP that scene. Alright. Then i asked her about the wedding we were supposed to have and if she still wants it. She said yes, but when i asked about when to set the date she told me she can’t talk now because she was RPing with someone else. Note that this has never stopped her before. I ask her once again the next day and she just says she doesn’t know and shows little to no signs of wanting us to decide together. Today, just a bit earlier from me writting this we went to the Chapel to set up the date for the marriage. Whenever we planned for the wedding she was always there at the Aetheryte waiting for me with the 2-seated mount. And I do mean always. This time she just dashed off by herself without even looking back. At one point i asked her if she was still interested in me as an RP partner. She said yes, but all the signs i’m reading from her state the exact opposite... ghosting, disinterest, bleh replies. I’ve confronted her about this before and she always says i’m fine but i think she only says this out of pity or something and I'm scared of confronting her again for fear that she'll get annoyed with me. I'm actually reaching a point where I'm starting to believe that everything I try to do whether IC or OOC is annoying to her. And so I come to my conclusion. I don’t know what to do... These past 2 weeks and a half i’ve been severely depressed because of it. I go to bed sad, i wake up sad and i can barely hold my tears in while at work. It's affected me so much that my parents, my sister, my coworkers and people on the street ask me why I'm sad although I try not to show it. I don’t know how to confront her about it without seeming like i’m pestering her because i still cherish her as a friend IRL and i don’t want to ruin that. At this point I just wish she would call it off if she’s just not interested anymore rather then stringing me along getting my hopes up for nothing. It will hurt a lot but at least it’ll give me the opportunity to get over it and heal rather than keep suffering. I’ve been reading many articles about this subject lately so I can learn about how to deal with this and try to not be the clingy guy or the annoying guy but at this point i just don’t know what to do. She can roleplay with whomever she wants as much as she wants. I won’t stop her. I just want to stop feeling like this. I just want it to stop hurting and i want to stop being a crying mess almost every day. What can I do to fix this? How should I go about solving our RP? Can it even be saved? How do I get her to be honest to me about it? Sorry for the long post, but i’m just lost... Thank you for your time.