balmung Seeking Social Atmosphere

[Nara'to]

Hello to any who take the time to open this thread and read what I have to say.  I know most of my posts in the past have been rather....depressing....but I found that taking some time away from the game and reflecting on things was good in the long run.

 

With that being said I am back on Balmung and I am looking to change some old habits so I no longer feel alone.  I am a very shy person who doesn't run up to random people and try to make friends with them right away nor am I the type to spark a conversation in order to befriend others.  Sadly I am the person who sits in the corner wondering what it is I am doing that has people avoiding me like I am contagious.  I want to change this.

 

As I type this it is taking every ounce of strength I have to press on in hopes my plea will be heard.  I wish to find someone I can be social with on a daily basis who says a friendly hello when I log on, actually wants to hang out with me during my time on then says a simple goodnight as we both log.  I know this is an awful lot to ask of anyone but I really dislike this feeling of loneliness in this game and as each day goes by I play less and less because I can not work up the simple courage to just talk to people.  No, my shyness and overthinking keeps me from simple interaction with anyone.

 

I apologize if this comes off at all creepy or disrespectful in any way but I have no idea what else I can do.  It is very difficult for me to talk to random people in an MMO which in turn leaves me playing solo and I hate it.  I do not wish to play alone, that is why I ask for companionship.  I know I could join an FC or Linkshell but anything I do come across is heavily cliquish and people just forget you even joined. No one understands that saying a simple hello to someone who logs on can make a world of difference.  It's a very painful experience and honestly I don't wish to go through it anymore.

 

If you have continued to read this far I thank you and apologize for the wall of text.  I just respectfully wish that someone out there actually take notice of my existence and actually converse with me.  There is nothing worse than being treated like you are non existent in an MMO, well except if you have a hard time actually talking to anyone like I do.

 

Again apologies if I come off at all creepy, it isn't my intention. Also I fear to check back on this post as people tend to dislike posts like these and I can't handle negativity very well. Feel free to respond as you like, I am honestly just satisfied with anyone knowing I am out there.

[Miss Gaz]

I'd be happy to chat with you!

[Oli!]

Hi! I would also be happy to help with this.

 

If it's not too much trouble, could you talk a bit about your character, so that others would know what would be a good fit for you?

[Ehzo'ir Tyaka]

I understand completely what you are saying about being the person that sits in the corner and wonders what they are doing wrong. It is the duality of being in an MMO and not wanting to approach people. 

 

Feel free to look me up (Selarian Cloverbloom, Renathian Fierlaine, and O'bahk Tia are the characters I play) and I would be happy to chat you up. I know how frustrating it can be to not feel like you have friends in a game that is inherently social.

 

I can't promise that I would be there to do dungeon runs or anything with you, but if it is just a friendly face that you want, and someone that will chat with you, I would be happy to do that.

[Halfway Decent]

Wow, I'm glad I found this post today... I'd just like to say that you're going through exactly what I'm going through right now. For some reason when it comes to an MMO, I just have the hardest time working up the courage to actually try to jump into any kind of social interaction. 

 

I've just start my old account back up and am really getting back into the game, but I don't have any friends who came with me, nor do I have any of that courage to try and make new ones.

 

Whether it's for RP, which I haven't done any of yet either, or just to chat, hit me up on Wy'kayah Tia. I know I'll be checking to see if you're on, since one of us has to be the person to start talking!

[I'nhalki]

I looked over a few of your previous posts. You seem to have this feeling a lot, and I really understand--I started here about two months ago and had similar observations about how 'closed' the culture can feel. It can be hard some days. I went through a lot of character concepts and fantasias trying to think of what kind of character would "fit in" with the RP on the server that I wanted to be a part of, and wouldn't attract the kind of RP I wasn't looking for. At the end of the day I realized I just had to stop worrying about "the community" and do what made me happy. When you make yourself happy and stop relying on others, you spread happiness everywhere.

 

So, the only advice I can give you is that you need to change your perspective. You seem to feel like the community owes you something in terms of interaction. You should instead start considering what you can do to offer something to the community. Are you inspired by your character? What story do you have to tell? What do you want from the game? How can you make Balmung a better place? I guess, just be the change you want to see.

 

Unless you start embodying the positivity and welcoming attitude you wish to see, you probably won't find yourself happy even if you make a friend or two over the next couple of weeks. You are responsible for your own happiness and outlook in a game like this where there is so much to do and it's something others come to in order to have fun and share.

[AuriLoreninia]

Heya! I know how you feel and sometimes I can feel lonely in the game (especially ATM since I just came back and don't really know anyone so it feels like I'm always playing alone!!).

 

So feel free to message me - I'm always happy to talk (and happy in general) and just mess around/rp/explore whatever with! I'm leveling currently so no raiding or anything like that but just to have fun.

 

My chars name is Auri Loreninia on balmung!

[Kaiz]

I know you said "I can join a FC, but", but honestly Remnant has basically provided every member with exactly the sort of thing you're asking. Nearly everyone gets greeted when they log in, we're chatting all the time in the OOC LS and RPing in the FC's house plenty, and usually there's goodbyes when people are going to log out. Sounds like exactly what you're looking for.

[Blue]

Welcome back Nara. I hope you find what you're looking for, as you remind me of a friend I had, and I certainly do feel your situation.

 

Here's my quick two cents on the matter:

 

I wish to thank everyone for responding.  However I will no longer be checking back on this post because I wish for truly random encounters in roleplay.  This is starting to feel like everybody on this server wants to schedule roleplay rather than it just being random.

 

I do apologize but this is how I feel.  Balmung feels like I need to file paperwork to do anything and I am finding that no one really does any actual random RP outside of their circles or cliques/friends.

 

I'm not trying to be rude or disrespectful but I just can't handle this.  I want random RP not try to hook up with someone via request.  My apologies for saying this.  I know what this site is for and finally find myself understanding now.  I've been doing this the wrong way.

 

If anyone ever sees Nara'to walking around feel free to bump into him randomly.  I won't be scheduling play dates, I'll be seeking random RP.

 

I'm not sure if you still feel the way you felt when you wrote this post a long time ago, but I do believe this might be your first problem, and the number one thing you should work on to improve yourself and become more social.

 

Do not discriminate pre-planning, scheduling, and OOC conversation. It is very important for roleplay, because friends will not read each others' minds and know when to log in, when one's free to RP, or when one's busy with raid, crafting, and the such.

 

Also please please please check this thread back. I'm not sure if you're doing it, or if you're waiting for all these lovely players who have reached out to you to contact you in-game. There is a chance they won't, if you don't respond back here. And the fact that you've already said you're afraid to check the thread worries me. In order to have others care for you, you must show the same care by checking out their responses, and reply accordingly. You have left many threads (that you started) unanswered in the past. Maybe it's because of the negativity, and I understand that can be scary... but at the same time, there can't be "yes" if there is "no". You can't just get one side of things, you know?

 

So the tl;dr of this is: read the answers to your threads, answer to people (either on the thread or via PMs) and do not discriminate pre-planning and scheduling. OOC communication is the only true way to social success.

 

I hope that you won't take these words as mean or negative or to come from someone who doesn't understand, because I do understand your feelings. I have been RPing in XIV since 2013, and I still have no people that I RP/talk with on a daily basis who did not come from my older RP group on XI. I don't really have any "XIV-only" friends yet. So I know the feeling. The only difference between you and me is that this does not hurt me as much as it seems to be hurting you (in fact, I'm not really doing anything to improve my social situation, because right now I have other priorities and I feel fine with the old friends I have).

 

Making friends is a matter of opening to others but also reaching out to others, and the latter cannot be done if you don't check posts and don't sit down to pre-plan or schedule time to spend with others OOC. Break these big two barriers of yours and you'll go great strides towards being a much more social person.

[Jerciex]

Hey!

This is problem among many RPers. Because of shyness of people, may great RPers are left into shadows. I have personally noticed those shy roleplayers are usually most interesting ones and they really do their best in RP!

 

You have take first steps and it is good! This way you will meet new people and get yourself into RP!

 

So! Feel free to add me to your friendlist in game! If I see you in game, I will approach you! Jerciex's lives in Gridania. Let's pull you into light from lonely shadows!

 

NOTE:  Jerciex is currently on Journey and his return date is unsure yet. He won't be around Gridania until this journey is over. So if you want meet him during journey, sent me tell and I think something so I can RP. He is currently in Coerthas with someone.

[Oscarlet Oirellain]

Without a linkshell I have the same problem. I don't play every day, and sometimes I take breaks, but I'll add you!

[arkamas]

Hey! I too recently bit the social anxiety bullet, and I've met a good number of people since, most of which have been great. If you'd like hit me up in game. My most commonly played characters are Fyrilsunn Fiandoensyn and Jujuwai Totowai. 

 

I'm around most afternoons, and I'll keep an eye out for you.