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Describe your backstory in the worst way!


Momoka

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Osric: Big sis bites it pushing a little one out of the oven, dad commits sudoku out of grief, upper middle class whelp grows up a resentful murder hobo instead, loses his temper, has to run away and leave home forever, enlists, gets suckered into defusing terrorist plots.

 

Tengri: Garlean schemes, Garlean dies, Garlean gets raised as undead, Garlean revolts, Garlean raises an army of darkness, Garlean regains mortality, Garlean aspires to world domination, Garlean wishes validation from his peers, Garlean boohoo.

 

Haruko: Spoiled brat of an heir to a fortune goes down the wrong path and flees after an experiment in thaumaturgy goes horribly wrong. Returns years later and enlists for a time before deciding that jarheads are, indeed, morons. She opts out and signs up for traditional law enforcement instead.

 

Emerissel: Head of a minor Ishgardian house, renown for producing high-quality dragoons, gets suckered by the woman he considers his adopted daughter into playing patron, benefactor, and employer to a company of misfits, troublemakers, and assholes. He takes more than his fair share of amusement from this, to go with his fair share of grief.

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Oh two more

 

 

Throbbing Pillar: Young Roe was born a girl instead of the boy their parents wanted, got a name to match. 

 

R'elend Tia: Brass Blade makes a deal with the god of death in order to escape it. Can't die until his task is completed. Makes no effort to complete said task.

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Wood Wailers suck and the forest is boring. Yer a wizard Harry. Trusting people sucks and being alone is boring. Stop playing with ancient magics you'll hurt somebody. Nothing sucks and life is pretty good now.

 

Alternatively: Cat plays with fire, gets burned. Cat plays with bigger fire, except wearing protective gear this time.

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Roen: A runaway from home finds being an idealist is hard.

 

Brynnalia: She too fine and carefree to settle down. Except she kind of wants to.

 

Raelisanne: Woman with daddy issues takes it out on everyone else in the name of science.

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Avelyn: Warrior woman gets fucked over by several people. Deals with this by fucking things up more instead of solving issues. And alcohol.

 

 

Virella: Racist, xenophobic elezen makes bad life choices, including getting a halfbreed baby with a hyur. Is still racist and xenophobic, and doesn’t see the flaw in it.

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The Keeper : Clanless Keeper makes the worst friends and life choices

The Roegadyn : Handicapped Roegadyn solves all problems by punching

The Noble : Murderer is no longer sure who to murder, adopts child instead.

The Killer: Insane Revolutionary turns people into candy colored rocks.

The Lalafel Crimelord struggles with crime vs. Public Opinion. Frequently cannot reach drinks on tabletops

The Au Ra : Lonely lizard is overly concerned with masculinity. Carries an overly long spear to compensate

The Elezen : Crazy cat lady winds up homeless and unemployed. Still keeps cats.

The Highlander : Bro spends all of his time picking on overweight ginger. Claims to be father of the year, daughter is never seen.

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