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Emotional distress from RP


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Honestly, the best thing for both of you may be to "retcon" the entire RP, or in other words, say it never happened. She can merge her characters together and keep RPing her character in a sense. You can either keep RPing your character, or make them into a new character altogether, and that way she won't be changing aspects about your character like trying to make him gay when he was not. It'll be a fresh start, you both have freedom to do what you want with your own characters, and there will be no IC baggage constantly reminding you of the things you're trying to get over OOC. Also, it is not okay if you asked her to stop sending you things about her RP and her characters and she just shrugged and continues to do it. Don't ignore that. Be firm and remind her you aren't okay with that, tell her you won't tolerate it, block her or tell her off or stop responding to her entirely if she continues. It's not all right for her to disregard your feelings and your boundaries like that.

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Sorry that you had to go through this, OP! It seems like there was a severe lack of communication here, which led to the downfall of what you guys had. Given, you both are free to RP with whomever you please, however, if one is no longer interested in RPing with the other,  then that should be stated as soon as possible so that one is holding out false hope from the other.

 

I had someone tell me once that "If someone no longer wants to RP with you, then they shouldn't have to report to you", and I feel as though that's the most disrespectful statement I've ever heard in all my life. (Hence why I don't speak to that person anymore.) What people tend to forget is that behind these immersive characters, there are human beings with feelings, whose heart can get broken as easily as anyone else's. It seems like in the end, you both were able to find a common ground for both of you to work with, even if it meant your characters had to go their separate ways. Hope things get better for you, both IRL and RP-wise!

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I'll be blunt.

 

Ditch anyone who strings you along and manipulates you when you try and smooth things over with them. It may be painful to cut them loose but in the long term you'll be happier and healthier for it...especially if it's souring the game for you and causing you stress. Unfortunately there's a lot of role-players who are manipulative and lack much in the way of empathy and social skills. I've seen even close friends suddenly drift apart based on a lack of acknowledgement of any issues - sometimes no matter how much you try and smooth things over with someone they'll just continue to be blind to their problematic behaviour. 

 

Basically, if you've reached a point where you're consistently feeling like you need someone to stop doing something because it's hurting you and they aren't listening...then it's time to move on. There's thousands of other players that you can befriend and get to know - you won't be starved for opportunities!

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On 3/14/2018 at 5:26 AM, Faye said:

Honestly, the best thing for both of you may be to "retcon" the entire RP, or in other words, say it never happened. She can merge her characters together and keep RPing her character in a sense. You can either keep RPing your character, or make them into a new character altogether, and that way she won't be changing aspects about your character like trying to make him gay when he was not. It'll be a fresh start, you both have freedom to do what you want with your own characters, and there will be no IC baggage constantly reminding you of the things you're trying to get over OOC. Also, it is not okay if you asked her to stop sending you things about her RP and her characters and she just shrugged and continues to do it. Don't ignore that. Be firm and remind her you aren't okay with that, tell her you won't tolerate it, block her or tell her off or stop responding to her entirely if she continues. It's not all right for her to disregard your feelings and your boundaries like that.

 

Strong +1 to this. OOC conflicts happen, and the best way to deal with them is OOCly. There’s nothing wrong with retconning story if the relationship has fallen apart out of the game. Trying to solve OOC problems with IC solutions can muddy what the actual problems are. 

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I know I'm a bit late to the replies, but it's been a hell of a week...

 

While I have to kind of agree with the above.  In that deal with the problem OOCly first.   

 

I have found, however, that if you have been rather social with the characters, a retcon just makes matters worse over time as you'll have to remind other people time and time again that certain events didn't happen.  That swings you back into the OOC side of things and revisits old baggage.

 

The easiest way to do it is to apply a little self godmodding.   The mantra I've used in the past is for my character to reply to any question with  "We parted ways.  It's cool, don't worry about it."  and OOCly adjusting your character to where they are cool with it (unless you want a bit more angst for your RP, that's up to you).  The situation dies off a lot faster.  It keeps a lot of things from recurring and questions about "what about this thing, did that happen? Well hell then this wouldn't have happened." that keeps you buried in mire so to speak.

If people get insistent  on digging for details send them an OOC ping at that point of "I don't want to deal with it."  and often they'll just back off and change topics.

Edited by Erah'sae
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If it consoles you any, OP. All RPers goes through this at some point. In some shape or form. As much as we all want to separate ourselves from the scene, RP is still an emotional investment and a plot you invested a lot of time in will inevitably get you worked up if it goes to shit all of sudden.

 

OOC communication is key to avoid making things awkward, which is what malfunctioned here. I'm really sorry that you had to go through this trial as a first experience.

Edited by Zhu
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  • 3 weeks later...

I did not read any other replies aside from the main one. Just a disclaimer.
And also my reply is a month late, but myes.

 

First off, to me it sounds like you have fallen for this one more than just a friend. But that's okay, it happens.

Secondly, just as it seems to you, it also seems to me, that she is avoiding confrontation because she's evidently not good  with them.

 

Whatever warm feelings there used to be, are just not there anymore.

 

Personally, but this is how I deal with things, I place the cards out on the table and demand answers. An end to the suffering.

And if they aren't willing, then I end it myself right there and then. But.. That's my life experiences that makes me this direct and may not be right for you.

 

Either way,

The only thing I can say is that, it's time to move on.

Since I am one month late with this - How has things progressed?

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 4/14/2018 at 9:45 PM, Talamh said:

I did not read any other replies aside from the main one. Just a disclaimer.
And also my reply is a month late, but myes.

 

First off, to me it sounds like you have fallen for this one more than just a friend. But that's okay, it happens.

Secondly, just as it seems to you, it also seems to me, that she is avoiding confrontation because she's evidently not good  with them.

 

Whatever warm feelings there used to be, are just not there anymore.

 

Personally, but this is how I deal with things, I place the cards out on the table and demand answers. An end to the suffering.

And if they aren't willing, then I end it myself right there and then. But.. That's my life experiences that makes me this direct and may not be right for you.

 

Either way,

The only thing I can say is that, it's time to move on.

Since I am one month late with this - How has things progressed?

 

Welp things have been bumpy with her. 

 

I’ve ended our original RP because I was not really getting any invested answers from her.

 

During this time she’s been roleplaying with various people and I have found some other people to have fun with. She did admit to resenting me for asking her to stay for one more month so that I can get 80% back from the price of the mansion that we shared. The house was bought by me entirely. But she did wait and give me back every gil. While she was waiting though she was really pissed at almost everyone. I even got chewed out by her when I tried asking her what was wrong and if I could help.

 

She just transfered her character today and hopefully she’ll be less angry.

 

And just to clear things up: no, i didn’t fall for her. I just got invested and I feel really bad for my character but... oh well.

 

Not sure if things will ever go back to how they used to be. Part of me regrets having gotten involved into RP with her in the first place cause it kinda ruined our friendship. While we still talk, it’s not the same. We’re not as close as we once were. I, for one, have distanced myself from her more. As for her? I don’t know what she thinks about it and confronting her directly about it (as i prefer to do with any problem) only makes her turtle up even more. 

 

Meanwhile, I’ve been focusing on my gaming. I met some new and nice peeps on the server I’m currently on and I even got involved with others on the server she’s transfered to. I managed to down Godka and I got all my lewt from him, which is nice. We’re doing him weekly now and I’m planning on staying here for a few more weeks before transfering myself. I’m curious to see how an RP server fits me. Only downside though is that it’s on a different data center so I’ll have quite a bit of lag which sucks.

 

If the lag is unbearable i’ll just transfer back. 

 

I don’t think there’s anything I’ve missed in this post. If there are any other questions I’ll be happy to answer.

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Thanks for the update. Sounds like things have gone about as good as they reasonably can under the circumstances.

 

You are correct in that things will never be the same between you two. Hopefully, with time, your friendship will heal, but it WILL take time. The best thing you can do is let her have the space she needs to figure herself out, and let her know you're there if/when she's ready to talk. This doesn't necessarily mean cutting her off entirely, but you'll have to limit how much contact you have, and not bring up certain subjects. I know patience can be hard, but when the turtle goes further into its shell, all you can do is wait for it to come out.

 

And maybe, someday, with time and perspective, you two may actually become better friends in the end. At least I hope so.

Edited by Tregarde
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  • 2 months later...

Hi hello, someone with way too many alts here to offer my opinion. 

Renata is my main. Her story and my partner (her husband) come first above any other chars I may have. My partner is only available on the weekends and evenings, which is a time I'm rarely available. So when I am able to get on in the evenings or on weekends, Percival gets preference, always. 

I do not blow him off to go rp another char, unless there's a rare chance I don't feel like playing Renata. I think this has only happened once. I'm rambling though. 

The key to any rp partnership, whether on a main or alt, is OOC communication, and honestly, without that, any partnership will fail. Your partner has, for some reason, begun to fail to communicate. I would cut your losses and move on. Don't stress over it, don't make a scene, just be like okay, I get it. This is done and I'm not going to chase it.

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