Hydaelyn Role-Players

There were times as Kathenna traveled that she would take the old, worn letters out to read. She knew them by heart now. Still, there was something comforting about them, even during the times where she felt nothing but frustration and confusion for not being able to remember the person who had written these letters to her. Somewhere inside, she felt she should love the man, but it was hard to love someone you couldn't remember. It was as if she were reading the life of someone else, and was unable to connect that life with her own memories, try as she might. A bleakness had stolen over her the first month this had happened, when she would revisit the letter she'd been writing to him. Him, whoever he was. The him who would never receive her last message, because suddenly he was gone from her life. She still didn't know how to feel about it. Should she mourn someone she felt she no longer knew? Should she cry over letters that spoke of deep love? 


As the airship made its descent into Ul'Dah to dock, she put these letters away, then twisted the small silver band about her left ring finger. It was more in homage to a memory than because she felt that tug of love she should have felt that she still wore the band. That, perhaps, was what saddened her the most. She should love this man, should feel pain at his being taken away. But there was nothing ... In a way, that broke her heart more than the realization she had lost her fiance in the Calamity.

Dearest K - 
I have reached my first location, right on the outskirts. It's still quite chilly, but not to the degree we are used to. There's a thin dusting of snow along the ground. I see plumes of smoke when I breathe, thin little misty smears on a clear sky. It's so beautiful, K, to see the actual hint of green beneath the snow. It was rare we ever go to travel this far. Do you remember? The sun was so bright when it came up that we would shield our eyes as it gleamed on the glassy ice. We laughed at how it barely penetrated the thick veneers to reach our chilled skin. Here, the snow can barely endure against the sun. The intensity of it is incredible, my love.

I almost didn't make it to the border, you know. I felt such a moment of weakness, hating myself for leaving you behind. I know it's what we both decided. It was safer for us both if he thought we were no longer together, that we had broken the engagement, and that I had left in anger. He would be less likely to seek me out. I pray this is true. After everything that I've fought through to get this far, I would hate to have our plans ruined by his finding us out. We're one step closer to our freedom, my love. It's a small step, but one that is completely necessary. It's that alone that keeps me from turning around, coming to drag you along with me. 

There are so many 'if only' moments that have gone through my mind in the short week that I've been away from you. If only we could have taken more to pay for your passage. If only there had been a way to smuggle you in the chocobo cart. If only his eye had not been directed on you so often. My being a lesser peasant helped my escape. I don't say this to brag, my love, but to fret. I would have willingly traded places and been the focus of his hateful eye, if I could have traded places with you. I have already begun to plan my destination in order to save up gil for your passage. 

Please, have patience, my love. I know he's unbearable to endure. If I am lucky, in less than six months, I will have you stowed away on a chocobo or goods cart, and have you travel with a larger pack for safety's sake. I saw no dragons on my path, but the larger caravans have safer measures, and they'll be less likely to take notice of you. I will be moving from the cart to the airship station within a few days, I've been told. But this man is kind enough to deliver this letter back to you. I've paid him with some of the few gil I have left and am helping to tend his chocobo in return. I will find ways to continue sending letters to you, I promise, love. Hide them, guard them well. Destroy them, if you must. If you can send me any response with him, please do. I love you, K, eternally.

Forever yours,
-M

Dearest K –
I write to you from a distant hill, beneath trees that bloomsuch shades of green that I couldn’t begin to imagine in all my dizzying dreams. We’ve seen pictures and seen such vibrant colors in clothing. It’s not the same as seeing the sun glimmer through the leaves in golden hues. I can’t begin to express the beauty I see all around me. I see it, and I wish you were here to see it with me. I miss you, my love, with an ache that becomes more unbearable each passing day. Each bite of apple I take is shared with you in my mind. The rich smell is delightful. They’re not chilled from the snow or baked through, but fresh and tart, and utterly delightful.

How is it there? Has he gotten worse? I know in your last letter you expressed fears of his changing. I don’t fully understand how you mean. Has madness begun to touch his mind? His paranoia seemed to be worsening before I left, but not to the levels you’re hinting at. Please, dearest, stay strong. Do as he asks, as long as it keeps you safe. I will send for you as soon as I have gil enough to bring you here. I can’t disclose where I am currently, should this fall in the wrong hands. It’s best that you be cautious in how you send your letters, too. You never know who will apprehend them.

Think instead of my lips on yours. Think of our tender nights together, and how we would gaze at those dark windows through the night, with only a candle burning, sharing our dreams with each other. Think of my hands in your hair, and I will think of how you would always touch my arm when you laugh at one of my deplorable jokes.  I’ll think of youat night, when my arms ache to hold you. I hope you’ll think of me and brush that part of your neck I know you love for me to kiss. Don’t forget me, my love. No matter what happens, I will send for you.


                Love,
                                -M

My dearest K - 

     My first time upon an airship was fascinating, and I wish you could have seen it. It was expansive! There weren't many people on it, and I was smuggled on as "help" for the merchant I traveled with. Not a gil was given, for which I'm grateful. I would have walked had I needed to, just to make it to where I need to go. It's different to hear the engines on board compared to overhead. The light hum resonates through the floor so when you press your teeth together, you can feel the faint sensation of vibration through them and into your gums. It almost tickled at times. 

     I'm grateful that you were able to send a letter to me so soon, by the by. I didn't thank you for it before, when I should have. I treasure the words. It's a part of you, something to keep dear until I have you close to me again, my dear. However did you get this to me, though? No, it's best that I don't know. What if you were to tell me and someone were to intercept it? Then our secret would be done for. It's why I don't share my location or plans here, though I would tell you everything if it were possible. It's enough that I'm telling you about the airship. There are enough of them, and there are so many travelers that use them, it would be hard to find one lone man among the rest of them, especially one who most will forget as soon as they saw him. 

Your bright beacon of hair, however, would draw attention. When it comes time for your escape, you'll have to wear something to conceal yourself. You are too bright, too pretty, and they would notice you at once. I would keep my soon-to-be wife safe. I've already met a few ... let's say eager individuals along the city I'm in. I would never have expected to be given the invitations that I have. I assure you that I've turned down every one, but still I laugh at them. I know that their offers aren't free, and even if they were, they would still not be enticing. They don't give me the same thrill or anticipation as you do, my love. This will be a difficult time, I assure you, so expect that I will pounce you as soon as we're able to be alone. 

I won't be long in this city, I should warn you. Long enough to establish myself with a guild, I anticipate, then I'll move along. Once I have a location that you can send letters to me, I will send it to you in code. You remember how to decipher it, I hope. Otherwise, this will be an interesting means of getting letters back and forth. This may be my only letter in the next twenty days, I should warn you. I can't know until it comes time to move to the next location. Until then, be safe, my love. Be watchful of him and his doings. 

All my love,
             -M

My dearest K - 

     I'm in the city and I should tell you, it is swarming with life of all sorts. I can stand in one place and hear snippets of stories from all sorts. It's intriguing to hear the things that you do, just standing in one small section of this large land. I can't understand why we cut ourselves off from them, but I have always been of the mind that our masters were crazy, though in a different way from what they seem to have been turning into as of late. 

    I'm sad to say I have little to offer in this letter. I didn't want to make you wait for another message from me, though I haven't received word from you since getting here. Please don't think I am complaining, my love. Your situation is far more precarious. I am only saying that I miss you intensely, and I feel I should remind you of this often and in many ways. I was tempted to add along a flower with this letter. However, I fear that by the time it arrived there, it would be either wilted or frozen solid. Either way, it would be pointless to send one now, much as I want to. I'd rather shower you in their petals in person. 

     For now, I am keeping more to myself, though I have signed up with a guild to continue learning blacksmithing. There's little money in it, since I'm mostly polishing weapons and keeping the fires heated up. It's a blow to my pride, I admit, because I'd hoped to hop into learning how to shape weaponry from the beginning. It seems I have a long journey of knowledge in this as well. I met a friendly fellow the other night while I was tending to his armor. I won't share his name, it's safer not to, but he's a Miqo'te with large, black ears and a long tail. He laughs often and loves to dance. He forced me to accompany him to a nearby tavern to have a few drinks in gratitude for my tending so diligently to his armor for him. He means to pay me without informing my teacher, as long as I willingly do the work at his inn room. 

     That may seem like an odd request, but then he does odd work, he admits. I've been hesitant to ask him more about it, because it's clear he doesn't wish to share. As we have only become acquainted, I can understand his reticence. His inn room is filled with objects from his travels, too. He shares stories with me. I hope to introduce you to him within a few months, if everything works out successfully. I have told him stories of you, too. He understands how dire it is to get you here, and he has offered to help in any means he can. He intends to introduce me to a friend in the next few days, to see how I can help them.

     There are plans set in motion to get you here, my love. You know this is my only desire above anything else. We will be together again, I promise you.

     All my love, 
                       -M

My Dearest K - 

                Your last letter is concerning, but I’m relieved to know that you came from the situation unharmed. I should have warned you of his compatriot, but I never believed you would meet him. It’s quite unlike the man to act in such a wild way, as he has never seen us as worthy of time or attention to introduce us to the nobility before. Please, guard your tongue, watch your back, my love, and bide your time until I can come for you. I have been accepted on here, and have been running along hotter lands from time to time. It’s nearly unbearable when you’re so used to constant winter. There is a caster who has perfected the right level of chill on the skin to protect you from the brutal heat, though. I have been in his company more as the days have gone, and I’ve joined with his companions in a small company. They’re speaking of wetter lands, as they dislike the heat nearly as much as I. It will be a long trip, and I don’t know how long it may take for us to land.

                I dreamed of you last night, by the by. Your hair was loose along your shoulders and you were wearing that soft white gown you know I like best. You were laughing, and nothing more. Your eyes were warm and tender as you whispered, “I love you” and slipped down beside me, still laughing happily. I woke and reached for you, not realizing it was a dream until the coldness of the night crept over me. The stars were watching my every action, and I’m certain they were laughing at me, as well. They can’t know the misery in my heart, not as you do. I know that I keep telling you soon, and nothing more. I want badly to give you promises, but I can’t. Not yet, K, my love. I have heard of a place that I can bring you, one that there are homes along water, that you could build a garden at and cook to your heart’s content. You could roam the waters with bare feet and sing sweetly to me as we walk the sands. I haven’t the money to afford it, mind you. I’m still struggling to afford my own food, though my new compatriots are generous to share meals with me at this point. I have been learning skill with swords and have become proficient with bows, too. I wish you could see me here. I wish I could see you here, see how you would blossom.  

Soon, my love.
                - M

My Dearest K –


                I have not heard from you in two weeks and confess concern. I understand that there are trite times when you’re unable to reach out to me. As soon as you are able, please give me word that you are safe. 

I’m still on the paths myself, so my responses are precarious at best until we’ve settled again. We have been on the run as a new enemy has made himself known. There have been increased altercations as of late, and I am grateful you’re not here to experience them. Attacks from dragons are difficult enough, wouldn’t you say? These men … these monsters, I would say, hate our skills and intend to punish them for us. These are the words that have spread along the cities and have come to our ears. We have lost two of our company, but where we lose those precious few, we find more refugees who run from these attacks. I am afraid, my love, in a way I didn’t believe could be possible here. I thought it would be safe to bring you here. First I must know that you’ll be fine. 

                Our company has met up with another, a larger, and I believe we are to begin training in earnest. K, something is coming, something that they fear. A war, they say. I don’t know if this is true, not really. They are only words, after all. Still, I would know that you’re safe. Please, write to me as soon as you are able.

                My heart is with you forever.
                -M

Dearest K -

I’m relieved to know that you’re well, and am surprised at what he is now teaching you to do. Still, having a unique skill will be highly valuable once you have come here. I know that I continue to say soon, but I cannot yet say when. All I can do is share with you the life that you would live once here, one I’m forced to share with you in my mind and heart only. I swam yesterday for the first time. Mind you, I did not go deep, for I’ve never been in the water before. It was fresh and cool. I could feel fish, small ones, running along my legs. A few nipped at my toes in a ticklish way. I could almost hear your laughter join mine as I moved my arms clumsily through the cool blue depths. My friend is teaching me things here and there, things I have not known. Their government is so odd to me, so freeing in some ways, that I can’t begin to understand their means of freedom compared to ours. I wish I could explain this to you, and know you will understand immediately once you have come here.

We shared a meal with our new company, a grand feast that had quite unique foods that we often served but were denied to taste. You and I would often bites, all the same, my love. It’s not the same, however, not when the food is fresh compared to dried and congealed in grease. The food was not half eaten, but prepared beautifully and with such aromas, the mouth watered. I went back for more and more, and my friend laughed that I would gain so much weight, I wouldn’t be able to fit into my new clothing. I have had to learn to mend to keep myself garbed, and have learned to make a shirt for myself so far. I wanted sorely to make something for you as well. I’m certain I could get your measurements correct. It wouldn’t be safe, though. I’m afraid that something would give away my location. Even in my descriptions, I fear I give too much.

I asked that they make your favorite food one evening. They had never heard of it. Can you believe that? I taught them how to make it. I even went out to catch the necessary items myself. I told them all of you as we spoke. Your beauty and sweetness, and how you would dance into my arms when you were happy with something I had done. How bright your eyes would become when I would kiss you. Your exuberance would flow through the room, and you would sparkle. Ah, my love, how I miss you. I cannot help but think of you in everything I do. I wish you were here to bathe with me, and to rub at my shoulders as only you know how. The company has skilled healers to attend to the aches, but I would rather have you tending me with your sweet kisses. I would rather have you in my lap so I could find that ticklish spot on your ribs and lure you down onto the fragrant grass to make love to you.

I miss you, my love.
-M

My dearest K - 

Things are far more tense than I had expected. We are intending to move out soon, and join in a nasty skirmish. I'm not sure what to expect, and I fear this is the last chance I'll have to write to you in a few months. Knowing this, I am prepared to send you gil at the nearest convenience. It's not going to be enough, and I wish I could give you further information than what I have. In truth, I'm not sure what to expect, and I dread what may happen.

I'm not prepared to face whatever is there, waiting for us, but I've been tasked with protecting a great general. He and I have gotten on well, and we talk often about you, among other things. He is wanting to front your passage here. I think you'll like him, once you get to meet him. It pains me not to give you information on who he is now, because I truly think you'd like him if you were able to learn of him. Just know that this great stranger has been in our place before, with a cruel situation that took his lover from him, and delivered her over to his worst enemy. She died, and he endured the loss of her. Now he gives us a chance that he never had.

Please, tonight my love, keep my name on your lips as you whisper your prayers in the dark. Hope for our safety. Remember that soon, you and I will be together, once we have reached our location and are safe again. I will share more with you once I can. However, if things don't go as I wish, and I don't survive, please know that you are always in my heart and in my mind. You have been with me in every step I've taken. I have not gone anywhere that you weren't there with me, my dearest K.

All my love,
-M

Her back was bruised from the hard swats of wood over cloth. At least he hadn't used the whip, but one of his guard's arrows, the hard point of the tip sometimes digging into her back. He'd been angry with her. She was slow, weak, refusing to learn at the impossible pace he set. He wanted too much of her, and he was losing his mind at such an increase pace, Kathenna wasn't certain she could endure it much longer. It had been nine months since her lover's last letter, and she didn't think he knew of the child she'd endured and lost. She wanted to be in his arms when she told him of that tragedy. He'd assured her that he would write, that he'd let her know as soon as he was able to, what he was enduring. She fretted over him, feared the worst more as time endured. His silence agitated her to the point that she wasn't sure she could endure another day.

As tears slipped down her pale cheeks, she cautiously hobbled over to the slender stone table tucked in the corner of the tiny room. There, beneath the edge of the table, was a stone that had worked loose some years before. He had shown her when he'd found it by chance, and they had crept love letters to each other by use of this crevice. This is where she'd stored his letters this whole while, and kept those that she'd written to him until they could be delivered. Since his last letter, she had written over thirty to be given over. The old herder had assured her that he sent the letters off safely, but he never heard anything in return. He was certain the letters were getting to her lover, however. 

After today, however, Kathenna had her doubts. She kept as quiet as she possibly could as she wrote, huddled in the corner of the room with only a candle to light the paper.

My love, my only, M-

I cannot endure this any more. I have heard nothing from you in some time, and I fear your loss. I know you said that it would be some time before another letter would be sent, but I'd hoped to have heard something before now. Where are you? What has happened? Are you dead? Have you abandoned me? My heart tells me no, that you are safe out there and patiently waiting to bring me home, as you promised. Something tells me that you are at the side of your general, protecting him, and both of you have colluded the best way to bring me to you. If this is so, perhaps I'll meet your letter in route. I have decided that I will make my way to you. I intend to steal as much gil as is possible, and I'll travel as you did. Perhaps, if I'm lucky, I'll be with you in a month's time. Maybe two. Whatever it takes, I will be with you again, my love.

          Until then, be safe, my darling.
          My heart is with you.
         
Though she couldn't know it, that very moment was the creation of the Calamity. That very moment, in a blink, her mind was cleared of every memory. Each kiss, each touch of his hand, the way he would sweep her hair from her eyes, and how rough those fingertips were. How she'd come to love how he'd stroke the birth mark on her cheekbone and call it his special kissing spot. How low his voice would get when sleepy, or how he'd laugh deep from his belly when pleased. Memories gone in a blink as she held her quill aloft. 

A spot of ink dripped from it onto the bottom of the page. Tears were wiped away, though now she couldn't understand their purpose. She stared at the paper, read what she'd written in deep confusion, then set it aside. Why had she written that? Who was she writing? Twice more, in the night, she left her bed to creep back to read the letter. Though it hurt immensely, she kept huddled against that table, finding the love letters to read. They were to her, they had to have been. Or had they been to someone else whose name began with K? But then why was she writing back? Why had she wept and begged this stranger for information? Why had she feared their death?

As the sun rose up on a new day, she finally folded the letter to put it aside with the others, all decision to leave her master gone. That pleading ache in her heart to be with the man she loved was now replaced with a desperation and fear of the man who she served as courier and torturer. Thoughts of leaving would not enter her head for another five years.