I can understand how frustrating and discouraging it is. When it comes down to it, we all want the ideal situation of finding many other people who are looking for the same type of RP experience.
But it's complex, because there are so many factors and preferences when it comes to an individual seeking RP. With every interaction, there's the unspoken question of "is my current RP partner looking for the same experience I am?", and when those expectations don't align, it can get very awkward and uncomfortable, very fast.
It could be a mismatch in romantic expectations, lore interpretation, social versus plot-driven preference, ideal amount of time spent IC, or any number of things. When you find yourself feeling like you're surrounded by people who don't want the sort of RP you want, it can feel lonely.
Acknowledging all that, I will reassure you that you're not alone. I feel this described mismatch a lot, and I'm very certain a LOT of people feel this way. It can be hard to find RP partners who match you in terms of what they want out of RPing, but they are out there, and they may be struggling just as much as you.
So don't give up! I will echo that joining a few linkshells might help you find RP beyond the setting of people trying to hook up in an IC bar. Also, if a linkshell has any sort of screening process, it will be a good opportunity for you to ask their officer questions about their community and the style of RP they offer before joining. Most leaders are happy to answer said questions, as they want someone who will fit in well with their group, too!
The crazy thing is with so many people around trying to hook up you'd think that more people's characters would be interested in something other than open relationships and flings, and would look for something serious eventually. A verly large portion of people my character has interacted with, male and female, seem to be interested in just "having fun" with multiple partners, no strings attached. My character always displays surprise and tells folks they are special whenever he meets a married couple, lol.
(05-24-2017, 10:41 AM)ckingch Wrote: [ -> ]The crazy thing is with so many people around trying to hook up you'd think that more people's characters would be interested in something other than open relationships and flings, and would look for something serious eventually. A verly large portion of people my character has interacted with, male and female, seem to be interested in just "having fun" with multiple partners, no strings attached. My character always displays surprise and tells folks they are special whenever he meets a married couple, lol.
It seems I picked up a new type of compliment from this thread...
(05-24-2017, 09:13 AM)ExAtomos Wrote: [ -> ]As others have mentioned; it's very much a ymmv thing. Some friends of mine can't walk ten fulms without being propositioned; I can plant a character* in the QS and only get regular RP every time. (I was actually just discussing this the other day in an attempt to figure out what /I'm/ doing differently that keeps ERP away so I can pass the secret to others. xD )
"What makes people bug my friend for ERP and not me" is the philosopher's stone of RP. Â Whoever definitively figures it out will be truly enlightened.
I first started MMO RP in WoW BC, and it was often a really upsetting experience. Â I'd engage some random new person who seemed really interested, and I'd think "wow they must really like this character profile I've lovingly written", only for things to take a swift turn to the explicit. Â I'd nope out, confidence bruised over the fact that my character was some interchangeable avatar with a body type/hair color/whatever that the other person was into.
That hasn't happened to me for several years now, and there are too many variables to really pin down why.
Like I said before, though, I don't mind being asked and saying no. Â What's more of a bummer is when someone springs the idea after you've scened together a bunch of times, and when the answer is no they up and vanish. Â I haven't had that happen in a good while either, but I've read posts here from those who have.
(05-24-2017, 08:37 AM)Hathaway Wrote: [ -> ] (05-23-2017, 09:23 PM)Lydia Lightfoot Wrote: [ -> ]For others, it's just one element of a fully-realized story arc. Our literature and media are replete with tales in which, even if the overall story has nothing to do with the pursuit of romance, nevertheless include characters who fall in love and deal with relationship turmoil (even if they really ought to be waiting for all of that until they've finished impeding the imminent resurrection of Carnage Emperor Zoglorth).Â
Your mileage may vary, but my experience has been that I get out of RP more-or-less what I put into it. That means if I want long-term character friendships and story arcs wherein the acquisition of love is but an aspect rather than a priority, I must be prepared to take it upon myself to provide that story arc, to seek out others who are of a like mind, and to keep at arm's length those who too readily seem willing to try and attach their character to mine in a manner which as her storyteller I'm not yet prepared to accept. I can't expect that others will change their behavior based on my own interests and expectations - we don't lack for roleplayers, so let them find their needs met with someone else, as I will.
This is pretty much spot-on. I figured I'd add my two cents, especially seeing as I've, uh, flat out stated my character's a prostitute. Personally, I didn't want to restrict myself to just doing "vanilla" roleplay scenarios, because I enjoy watching a relationship form between two characters over some period of time. I didn't want to box myself in and remove sex/ERP from my character's story entirely. Also I think watching him struggle with it makes him more interesting, since there's plenty of Miqo'te out there.
And yeah, I'm open to quick, one-shot scenarios. But does that mean that I'm trekking down to the Quicksand every night and getting lewd in public chat? Of course not. If it isn't private, if my partner doesn't fit, or if the scenario isn't written well, then I'm going to be less inclined to RP, no matter what kind of content's involved. But I like doing short little scenes occasionally, so I created a character where that was possible.
I can't say if it's become more prevalent, but I think in the past good writers might have been dissuaded from it because it was sort of looked down upon. I wanted to be upfront about it because I think there's a lot of writers/roleplayers who might want to try it but haven't, and I want people to know what they're potentially getting into. ERP's always been here. It's just more accepted now.
These two posts are pretty much on the nose, and like Hathaway, I'm writing as someone who is playing a prostitute who has no reservations about saying that she's exactly that.
In my experience, nothing has changed over the years. I can't think of a time where I have not seen or had a romantic or erotic aspect to a roleplay. I learned rather quickly that I preferred such things to happen for a reason rather than be the focus of it - it is the same even with Tsukiko, and much like Hathaway's own experience, if things don't line up the right way then they just don't happen. Having a character with a sexual aspect to them doesn't mean that is all they do - though I will never discount that there are characters who are made exactly for that.
I think that the only thing that has really changed is how common the role-play hobby is these days, and you can often see that more and more people are using it as a method of escapism. How or why a person uses role-play is up to them, just as much as it is up to an individual on where they stand on certain aspects of role-play.
But, generally? If you keep looking for something, especially if it is something that annoys you, you are going to find it. I would much rather see and encourage people to learn to 'live and let live' rather than see people continue to complain that the role-play they are seeing isn't to their taste. It is very easy to say 'this isn't to my taste, no thanks' and move on.
(05-24-2017, 10:41 AM)ckingch Wrote: [ -> ]The crazy thing is with so many people around trying to hook up you'd think that more people's characters would be interested in something other than open relationships and flings, and would look for something serious eventually. A verly large portion of people my character has interacted with, male and female, seem to be interested in just "having fun" with multiple partners, no strings attached. My character always displays surprise and tells folks they are special whenever he meets a married couple, lol.
Part of me blames the Calamity. When the World all but ends, and then you have a series of wars/conflicts with a multi-continent spanning Empire built upon nigh-invincible technology, not to mention the constant cropping up of Primals in every corner of your land... People cope in different ways, but hedonistic cultures are one of the most popular forms of coping.
(05-24-2017, 10:05 AM)Dayuuqi Wrote: [ -> ] (05-24-2017, 03:58 AM)Faye Wrote: [ -> ]Call me young, but I can't remember any times or communities where a good chunk of RPers weren't just trying to get their rocks off, barring very small spaces that were niche and/or private.
Gotta agree here. I've been at this for... almost ten years, now, and can't remember a time where romance/sex didn't feature heavily in MMO roleplay culture.  Balmung's culture is fairly open about it compared to some servers/games I've been on, but compared to say, Moon Guard in WoW, Balmung is still kind of tame.  It all depends on your own experiences and perspectives, I guess.
And it's not just MMOs. You see this in chat rooms and in play-by-post RP games and any other kind of collaborative experience. I've even seen this in tabletop roleplaying. A DM doesn't even have to describe someone as attractive and you'll see one party member insist on hitting on them.
The truth is that many people are highly interested in romance and sex. Internet anonymity is a great enabler for people who have hangups in the real world. MMO RP will never have strict controls for people hoping to avoid romance/erotic role play outside of the confines of small groups of individuals. And even that can change on a 1-1 basis between individuals.
To an extent this is what has kept me from portraying parts of the personality of my character. I have no intersting in ERP, I have no issue with it but it isn't going to happen. I want to portray her as flirtatious because it get people to do what she wants in character. She's a manipulator, and knows sex appeal makes people do what she wants. So I only portray that trait with people i know, and have explained it to OOC to avoid the problems that arise from it.
First off - my only experience RPing via text/MMO is FF14. I have done tabletop back in the day, but romance never part of it.
It /feels/ slightly different in the Quicksand now as opposed to when I moved to Balmung. But that might just be our population/rp'ers increased. It did get a lil more weird late at night.XD
Now, I honestly do not go to the Quicksand very often anymore. If I do, I tend to get asked about ERP via a tell. More often, the tells are polite and let it go when declined. I have had a few bring it to a weird place, but I block and move on.
My two cents on it, you do you. There are a fair chunk of players looking for more platonic relationships, I am one of em!!
(05-24-2017, 10:05 AM)Dayuuqi Wrote: [ -> ] (05-24-2017, 03:58 AM)Faye Wrote: [ -> ]Call me young, but I can't remember any times or communities where a good chunk of RPers weren't just trying to get their rocks off, barring very small spaces that were niche and/or private.
Gotta agree here. I've been at this for... almost ten years, now, and can't remember a time where romance/sex didn't feature heavily in MMO roleplay culture.  Balmung's culture is fairly open about it compared to some servers/games I've been on, but compared to say, Moon Guard in WoW, Balmung is still kind of tame.  It all depends on your own experiences and perspectives, I guess.
I'm pretty old compared to most of you (35) but yeah this is true. My first experience with seeing any RP in any game was two people public ERPing in a church in FFXI. That was in 2003. The day 1.0 launched, my boyfriend caught three people erping in the wards were you went to sell stuff. Also in public.
I think it's a little more vocal nowadays but it's never not been a thing. Back in my day you had to be kinda sneaky about it or you were shunned (Smaller communities, don't ya know). Bit people are right, it's YMMV mostly. We all have stories about people wanting to to just erp with our characters but that doesn't mean it's a common thing to happen to us. I've been here three years and blatant erp has only been offered... once or twice.
(05-24-2017, 07:10 AM)Flynn Rosenberg Wrote: [ -> ]I think it's fine to have this kind of reaction. I can't say whether RP has changed or not for other people, but for me it has and it comes down to what you're used to seeing. Before last year, most of my RP didn't involve as much sexual content as you would see today. Sure, my character got with someone around the start of 2.0, but that wasn't our goal. It just happened and we still continued with our stories. Anything ERP related, we kept it completely to ourselves. Before that, ERP and relationships were looked down on in the RP communities I was used to. I welcome them, but like real life I don't want it in my face.
After coming back to the RP scene after a break, it did baffle me going to events that were slice of life, fight clubs, tavern openings, etc. Roughly around 15 people. But when I was helping a new RPer in the game, we had a job done, got wounded, I took him to Bronze Lake to get healed (because that's where war veterans go), but there was a date auction (and orgy) there and it was literally full. I think I counted 50+ people, and I mean full as in you couldn't see the water. Lore wise, I found it disrespectful, but it kind of tells me is this what the majority of people are really into. Sadly this new RPer was uncomfortable as this wasn't what he was expecting or used to seeing, and neither was I.
TL;DR Your reaction is perfectly normal IMO.
I haven't noticed a difference at all - it's always been frequent (even in other communities decades ago, when I first started). Date auctions are popular events, too, but you can't generalize them because it serves as a party that may not even include romantic or sexual overtones (there are date auctions for platonic time spent with a person, too). Events have grown in general, and any headlined event will garner lots of players, if just out of curiosity.
(05-24-2017, 10:41 AM)ckingch Wrote: [ -> ]The crazy thing is with so many people around trying to hook up you'd think that more people's characters would be interested in something other than open relationships and flings, and would look for something serious eventually. A verly large portion of people my character has interacted with, male and female, seem to be interested in just "having fun" with multiple partners, no strings attached. My character always displays surprise and tells folks they are special whenever he meets a married couple, lol.
My characters know countless married couples, both monogamous and open. It seems to be a common thing in FFXIV RP in particular that some couples choose to have other partners solely because a lot of players in the RP community are on and off again characters, so they might find it difficult to stay consistent in story, or they might not be able to pursue certain story lines, without that role - perhaps they miss playing those dynamics! I don't think there are solely open partnerships on our server, though.Â
(05-24-2017, 03:34 PM)Araatan Wrote: [ -> ]To an extent this is what has kept me from portraying parts of the personality of my character. I have no intersting in ERP, I have no issue with it but it isn't going to happen. I want to portray her as flirtatious because it get people to do what she wants in character. She's a manipulator, and knows sex appeal makes people do what she wants. So I only portray that trait with people i know, and have explained it to OOC to avoid the problems that arise from it.
Indicate that you don't ERP in your player info. People tend to follow this.
In the days of AOL/Yahoo RP, people pretended like they didn't ERP, and frowned on it, because AOL and Yahoo had active moderators that would regularly spy on each chat, or respond to moderations very quickly to keep their rooms family friendly. So RPers generally wanted to not get in trouble so it was very much discouraged, some groups even outright forbidding it's players from participating in it in private. (This never, ever worked)
Once the big companies started to dwindle and not pay attention, the rooms people created became much more relaxed and open about their intent. (Anyone that ever played on AOL and went to a Gor room or an "Unclaimed Market/Palace" and didn't think ERPs was going to happen was dumb or ignorant)
It was the same in early MMOs. Dark Age of Camelot, Everquest and UO had quicker GM response early on to lewd reports and stuff. So people discouraged that. But the companies stopped making it a priority at all, so people did it more openly, or outright advertised for it. There isn't anything wrong with that.
Regardless, ERP was ALWAYS sought, in roughly the same % that it is now. THe method has become more public, that is all.
[quote pid=293687 dateline=1495664860]
In the days of AOL/Yahoo RP, people pretended like they didn't ERP, and frowned on it, because AOL and Yahoo had active moderators that would regularly spy on each chat, or respond to moderations very quickly to keep their rooms family friendly. Â So RPers generally wanted to not get in trouble so it was very much discouraged, some groups even outright forbidding it's players from participating in it in private. (This never, ever worked)
[/quote]
Yahoo's default rooms were moderated, but the user created rooms (back before Yahoo took the option away) weren't. People did seek it out then, both privately and not, and it wasn't discouraged.
(05-24-2017, 07:14 PM)Hilde Wrote: [ -> ][quote pid=293687 dateline=1495664860]
In the days of AOL/Yahoo RP, people pretended like they didn't ERP, and frowned on it, because AOL and Yahoo had active moderators that would regularly spy on each chat, or respond to moderations very quickly to keep their rooms family friendly. Â So RPers generally wanted to not get in trouble so it was very much discouraged, some groups even outright forbidding it's players from participating in it in private. (This never, ever worked)
Yahoo's default rooms were moderated, but the user created rooms (back before Yahoo took the option away) weren't. People did seek it out then, both privately and not, and it wasn't discouraged.
[/quote]
I didn't stay on Yahoo very long before I migrated to AOL, I was only 16 or so and never ventured into their created rooms. I know that on AOL created rooms didnt have moderators IN them, but moderators stepped in if people called them. (messaging/booting people that were vulgar)
(05-24-2017, 05:58 PM)Hilde Wrote: [ -> ]Indicate that you don't ERP in your player info. People tend to follow this.
This is something we shouldn't have to do though, strangely. Indicating that we RP should really be enough.