Hydaelyn Role-Players

Full Version: Some history feedback
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I rewrote my character's history (and pretty much everything else) recently and am muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch happier with it. So, I wanted to get some feedback before I put it up on the wiki. I have been talking to Uther about my history so I could avoid making a character with an identical history to his. Anyhow, I wrote the whole thing IC because I figured it'd be fun and fresh and really give my character a voice. I hope it's good, but don't be afraid to tell me if it's the worst thing you've ever read.

Edit: I know there are some spacing errors. For some reason, the site doesn't like it when I copy paste from word.

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Sounds very good. Your tempting me to redo Xha'li's in first person during the break between phase 3 and 4 as well.
(07-13-2013, 12:03 AM)ManaaniWanderer Wrote: [ -> ]Sounds very good. Your tempting me to redo Xha'li's in first person during the break between phase 3 and 4 as well.
Thank you for the feedback. I was starting to worry that it was terrible or something. I like writing in first person and I figured him telling the tale would be really interesting, almost like an interview or something of that nature.
I always liked first person. Gives more insight into personality and mannerisms and the like.

As for actual backstory, I like it. Makes sense, well explained. But as for most aspiring lancers, won't we all have essentially the same tale? Dragoons seem to be almost exclusive to Ishgard, and since we can't start there we'll all have to come up with a reason to have left. And as a closed, religiously fanatic society self-exile seems to be the only way out.

If I'm wrong or off base, feel free to correct me. That's just the impression I'm getting. My alt will be a Roe Dragoon and -should- I decide to use her for RP as well, I want to know my stuff.
(07-13-2013, 12:59 AM)Seregelleth Wrote: [ -> ]I always liked first person. Gives more insight into personality and mannerisms and the like.

As for actual backstory, I like it. Makes sense, well explained. But as for most aspiring lancers, won't we all have essentially the same tale? Dragoons seem to be almost exclusive to Ishgard, and since we can't start there we'll all have to come up with a reason to have left. And as a closed, religiously fanatic society self-exile seems to be the only way out.

If I'm wrong or off base, feel free to correct me. That's just the impression I'm getting. My alt will be a Roe Dragoon and -should- I decide to use her for RP as well, I want to know my stuff.
I don't believe Dragoons are "exclusive" to Ishgard, more like Ishgard is the origin of the best lancers/Dragoons. I believe. Self-exile is... the most logical way, I believe. I suppose the story path for being a Dragoon of Ishgard is, essentially, the same regardless. It's what happens before and after that makes your character unique, I guess. That's kind of why I focused so little attention on his actual training and time at war. It was year after year of fighting dragons, much like every other person he served with. Maybe I went about it wrong, I don't know. So far, out of the people I've gotten to read it outside of the site, I've gotten nothing but positive responses.

Edit: WOO! Post 100!

Double Edit: And proved wrong about Dragoon exclusivity by Isilme.
(07-13-2013, 12:59 AM)Seregelleth Wrote: [ -> ]I always liked first person. Gives more insight into personality and mannerisms and the like.

As for actual backstory, I like it. Makes sense, well explained. But as for most aspiring lancers, won't we all have essentially the same tale? Dragoons seem to be almost exclusive to Ishgard, and since we can't start there we'll all have to come up with a reason to have left. And as a closed, religiously fanatic society self-exile seems to be the only way out.

Dragoons are exclusive to Ishguard, but Lancers are NOT, nor are they exclusive to Gridania, though Gridania is considered the best place to learn the art.

Lancers came from several sources. Some took the lances mounted riders used to joust and learned to use them on foot. Others took fishing spears and learned to use them as weapons. Over time all the different sources were blended together to create the monster skills.

Lancers are found throughout Eorzea, and the skill is fairly common. Weapons are easier to come by (Again, fishing harpoons) compared to swords, easier to handle, and give a reach advantage. You could literally come from any part of Eorzea and have a lance strapped to your back, and no one would bat an eyelash.

Since adventurers are attempting to improve their skills, they would tend to gravitate towards Gridania to learn from the Wood Wailers. But you don't need to feel restricted by game mechanics. Just because you have to start in Gridania as a lancer doesn't mean you have to be from Gridania or Ishguard, or even spend any significant time there. Be a fisherman's son from Limsa if you want.

As for the Op's backstory, I love that you used the naming conventions, and I like how you started things off. I gives you an opening for more plotlines when Ishguard finally opens up.