Hydaelyn Role-Players

(10-07-2014, 12:45 PM)Tiergan Wrote: [ -> ]If your 'soon-to-be-ex' doesn't give a damn about how you feel with something as minor as ERP, it's simply time to GTFO of the relationship.  If he's willing to risk potentially missing out on real life nookie in favor of virtual nookie, it's definitely time to GTFO out of the relationship.

In the grand scheme of things, this guy doesn't sound important enough to stick it out with.

Real Life Nookie > than anything that could happen in virtual world.

(10-07-2014, 01:39 PM)Askier Wrote: [ -> ]Real Life Nookie > than anything that could happen in virtual world.

Amen!

I firmly believe that if you're in a relationship with someone then you should be open and honest with them. It's easy to brush off ERP as just ERP but I think it shows a major lack of respect if it's being done behind someone else's back.
I engage in ERP from time to time. Usually it's with my real life partner but occasionally it's with close friends instead. My partner knows this because I established boundaries in advance and made bloody sure that he was comfortable with it.

I'll be the first to claim that ERP is very different to blatant cyber as it typically revolves more around story driven erotica but...let's be honest here, most people who ERP do it in part for the sake of a sly wank as well as telling a good story in the process.

So that's my two penny's worth on the subject. Anyone who has been part of any active MMO role-playing community for a decent amount of time should know what sort of nasty drama can emerge from ERP gone wrong. It's worth establishing what is and isn't acceptable if you don't want it leaking into the real world and if you do go behind someone's back don't be surprised when it blows up in your face.

(10-07-2014, 12:07 PM)thatgirl Wrote: [ -> ]My soon-to-be-ex boyfriend have been arguing constantly because he cannot - will not- stop engaging in ERP. He knows I feel it is akin to cheating, but he doesn't feel the same way. According to him, I am stupid and an idiot because I asked him to respect our relationship and stop playing out sexual fantasies online. I'd re

Okay.  I'm going to be serious about this, too, because I don't think this is a situation that should be made light of.  Emotional issues aren't funny or cute, even if you don't understand them.

Here's the deal:  If you are uncomfortable with the situation, then yes, there is a problem.  He may not see it in the same way as you do, but apparently he also doesn't see your relationship in the same way as you do if he has already cheated on you once.

If he doesn't care enough about you to stop doing something that is causing you emotional anguish, then you can extrapolate from that fact that he doesn't view the relationship with the same kind of importance that you do.  i.e.  He is less committed to this thing than you are.

I can't tell you what to do, but if I was in the same situation, I would dump him and move on.  He's not emotionally invested in your relationship the way you are, and he's never going to change.  Once a cheater, always a cheater.

(10-08-2014, 02:05 PM)LiadansWhisper Wrote: [ -> ][repsonse]

Here's most of the original post. ...I was uncomfortable saving a copy of the ERP below.

(10-07-2014, 12:07 PM)thatgirl Wrote: [ -> ]My soon-to-be-ex boyfriend have been arguing constantly because he cannot - will not- stop engaging in ERP. He knows I feel it is akin to cheating, but he doesn't feel the same way. According to him, I am stupid and an idiot because I asked him to respect our relationship and stop playing out sexual fantasies online. I'd really like some feedback. Please keep in mind that he has cheated on me IRL, with a girl from the game.

Below, I've included some examples of his ERP. Names have been edited to protect the perverts. 

[clipped]

Off topic, the responses to the thread kinda went both ways. There have been a lot of  constructive posts like yours (see Tiergan's, mine, etc) and we've also had some more....playful....ones. The RPC isn't a place to discuss RPC issues like the OP has stated, so I think it's thrown some comments off due to not knowing whether it's legitimate or a troll.


On topic, again. Nobody in a relationship should be dealing with that. It's a toxic relationship and should be ended ASAP.

Uh. Oh boy. Where to start with this?

1. Why did you not leave him the first time he cheated on you, and with someone online of all things? I'm sorry, but taking that into consideration, none of this should be a shock to you.

2. Not everyone who ERP's is a "pervert." It could very well be something that OOC is relatively non-sexual for him and his partner(s), hence his confusion that it upsets you. Have you sat down with him and had an actual in-depth discussion about why you think it's wrong, and why he thinks it's okay?

3. Imo you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't respect your feelings, especially if he's already crossed the line and cheated once before. Apparently, you've realized that, though, which brings me to my next point!

4. What's the point of this thread? You already seem to have decided to break up with him which is great, but considering that and the fact you felt the need to add unnecessary examples of their ERP, what's the point of this? It seems more like you want to drag your boyfriend (and possibly people who ERP as a whole?) through the mud rather than just wanting advice.

Ok, the following might be the only serious reply you're gonna get.

I know a woman IRL who is divorcing her husband because of text/audio sex in skype. These things mean different things to people on different levels. I, personally, wouldn't give a flying hoot about IC text sex however voice crosses a line cause that isn't IC anymore.

You're not gonna get the people here to "side" with you or shame your BF for his IC activities. Frankly, you shouldn't be here at all. You should be sitting in your living room with your significant other talking this out like adults and setting boundaries for your relationship that you are both comfortable with.

If neither of you are capable of the above then it might be time to break up because I sincerely doubt this is the only issue you two have.

/exit Dr. Ros.

(10-07-2014, 01:02 PM)Lyriell Wrote: [ -> ]I really don't like a lot of people being so onesided in their answers here.
We literally only know one side of the story and that side isn't even explained proberly.

Maybe I'm missing something here since the original post was edited, but was the guy cheating on you IRL or just via ERP?

If the latter is the case then you need to ask yourself, can this really be considered cheating? What if that guy looks at the picture of a naked woman? Is that considered cheating too? What about music videos? Lot's of them have naked booties and titties in them, is that considered cheating too then?

I don't want to be an asshat about it...but men...are men you know..?
Aside from that, just because he's doing ERP doesn't mean he does it to get off to it.

I for example consider ERP to be part of a characters development. If it fits the situation then I don't see anything wrong with it. We're playing out the life of a character and sadly the sexual life is a part of that as well.

Now if he's doing ERP constantly without any plot to it involved and if he's pretty much just an ERP whore then I'd understand your dilemma. But if it only happens occassionaly then I'd see nothing wrong with it.

I also don't like how people say the guy has to set his priorities right. You don't even know him. Maybe he cherishes his freedom?

I for one wouldn't like to be told what I have to do, not even by my girlfriend, my mother or anyone. If I feel I'm not in the wrong, then why should I have to change?

I hope that's some food for thought.

At the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend was not okay with the idea of me ERPing. I didn't view it as anything to akin to being unfaithful, but he did, so out of respect for him, I stopped ERPing for a few years because he is more important to me than a highly unnecessary facet of my RP. I did it because he asked me, not because he told me. Now, we've been together long enough and have had enough talks about it that he understands my reasons, so he doesn't really care if I do it. However, if he was never comfortable with the idea, I'd be perfectly okay with never ERPing again. I think that's perfectly reasonable.

The issue here isn't whether ERP can be considered cheating or not. Sure, it might be great if the OP opened her mind and stopped viewing all ERP as something OOCly perverse, but that's not the problem here. The problem is that he brushed off her concerns--something bad enough, made inexcusable by the fact that he (if I'm reading the post right?) cheated on her once before with someone online, thus giving her every right to feel uncomfortable and paranoid. Not only is he ERPing despite her not liking it and despite him possibly not doing a good job of explaining his reasoning, but he also insulted and berated her for feeling insecure after he cheated on her. That's not okay, regardless of whether ERPing is actually "cheating."

(10-07-2014, 12:07 PM)thatgirl Wrote: [ -> ]My soon-to-be-ex boyfriend

You're already about to solve the problem, why did you make a thread about it?

This is a boundaries issue. If the boundaries are stated and communicated clearly, and not respected, then it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. If the boundaries cannot be agreed upon in the first place, then it may also be time to re-evaluate.

I stopped caring as soon as this user only had her first post as this.



.... I really hate to say this, but please lock this thread.

Actually this thread reminds me of that other thread about IC/OOC mixing of ERP.

And then the person who made that thread made a thread about marriages (or was that the first one?)

Then they made a thread about a lalafell child as a social experiment who was lost and looking for the mother (but nope cause no PC mother and mother is dead).

(10-08-2014, 02:52 PM)Edgar Wrote: [ -> ]

(10-07-2014, 12:07 PM)thatgirl Wrote: [ -> ]My soon-to-be-ex boyfriend

You're already about to solve the problem, why did you make a thread about it?

The thread could be a legitimate discussion point--mentioning the circumstances BEHIND (heh) the whole thing was not something that should have entered into it at all. Even if the OP wasn't intending to troll, it sounds like trolling bait--the kind of questions one expects to see either a troll create or a troll to leap to respond to.

I'm not gonna say whether I think this is a situation that you should pull out of because for all I know, the OP is just fibbing, being over-dramatic is making things up.

All I know is that ERP is a thing. People that don't MMO are aware that it happens. If you do it and your partner in real life doesn't like it, then discuss it with them. This is talk for IRL since it is differs with every person, even MMO players in the same community.

This entire thread doesn't say to me 'I need some help here with this'.

It SCREAMS 'Lookitme lookitme!'

This topic has been here for over 24 hours and nobody called me?!

My partner and I are both ok with ERP happening, but if either one of us wasn't, you'd better believe we would find a way to compromise or stop ERPing period. Frnkly, the circumstances of the "cheating" aren't very important. Assuming OP ins't a troll, they're not ok with their partner ERPing and the partner hasn't respected that. It's time to move on.

(10-08-2014, 02:58 PM)Aldotsk Wrote: [ -> ]I stopped caring as soon as this user only had her first post as this.



.... I really hate to say this, but please lock this thread.

If the discussion is civil, why even lock the thread?  Just because you don't like the subject doesn't mean other people shouldn't be allowed to discuss it.  The OP did nothing wrong by posting, even if you disagree with her.