Maybe...I dunno..yeah, I mean sure.I just gotta say I ask around how to do shit or verify shit because from how I've seen people post here with absolute knowledge and certainty in what they're doing I feel like if I don't churn something that even barely hits their expectations, I'm never gonna see role play again.Â
This from a guy who, even until now(like 4 months in the making, maybe more), still gets shoved aside because cliques or something. I mean seriously why bother in the first place amirite? I get the feeling that I'm doing something wrong and that it's just not the cliques that factor into it but my own inability to step in tune with everyone else's standards because of a lack of knowledge.Â
I'll simply reiterate what I said when I put up that combat RP advice shit thing. See I got into some combat RP not the first, mind you but the one that really really made me realize how inadequate I am like holy shit, I can't do a fraction of what you're doing so I'll just let Ramen get the living shit beaten out of her because I have no idea how to retaliate that would...I dunno make sense to you who's been doing it for a while. I dun wanna disappoint.
Granted, I'm still poring over everything that's said in that thread and frankly I can only understand a fraction of it half the time. Freeform or rolls, I still think I could use that to construct something that would at least hit the high standards I see you people put around. Synthesize the use of aether in it, etc etc. Take note, I see, my perception as a complete noob cake to the whole business of role playing in general. No, this isn't about just combat RP but RP in its entirety.
I feel like I'm flying blind into a dungeon run for the first time and I'm afraid I let people down due to my lack of expertise. You all churn out walls and the best I can do is a paragraph that's like fraction of it and I don't know if I have enough substance in it to work on or bounce something off. I liken it to the anxiety of waiting for the queue to pop.Â
Then I finally jump into the dungeon and everyone is helping me along the way, maybe it's cuz I'm new blood maybe it's because of my extra soldieries they probably couldn't be bothered to care about. Seriously dangling extra soldieries to get help for dungeon runs does not work 80% of the time anymore but that's beside the point. I get in there, we're all doing fine but I get the feeling that I'm holding them back because I'm not nearly confident enough to speed run something which seems to be the norm.Â
I'm fucken afraid that I can't seem to hold anyone's attention at all whenever I see someone walking around the QS or something and want to RP. Yeah I know, I'm the problem, yeah I know I just need to take that first step, yeah I know don't worry about a thing cuz every little things is gonna be alright. Now I can't say I don't get RP, I do but nothing lasting. A short 3 minute convo that included less words than if you were to tell introvert A to go make small talk to introvert B, and I don't even warrant being remembered on more than one occasion.
Granted they never got the names sure but not even a vague description of hey that dude in the red coatee that guy with the scars on his face, that bitch, that naive girl, that cat with a stick or that shin-sized puntable thing upon the next interaction. Na da, zilch.Â
Ah but for the customary tl;dr:
The high standards of everyone else in the RP scene, I feel like I have to reach them or I'll never get any lasting RP at all. I have to be a student of the lore and get consistent A's or I don't get remembered. I have to learn how to churn out some sort of martial art's master's grade of combat post of simply saying Kurt's getting his ass kicked or I'm only going to be a fleeting memory.
I have to solve all these 99 problems or I'm not getting jack shit. It's been demoralizing but what can you do amirite?Â
Stress stress stress stress stress
/rant