Hydaelyn Role-Players
I need critics and opinions. - Printable Version

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I need critics and opinions. - ZacharyVolfire - 05-08-2015

So I''ve been slowly chipping at my wiki for Zachary 'Zetsu' Volfire with what little I know about Lore.

Merchant Of Despair

So far I'm basing it on some actual game play  I experienced. Scenes, Instances, and Arcs acted out with friends and role playing compatriots.

I realized as I'm typing however I might be doing a shoddy job of it. So I wanted to see what might i change or edit to be more accurate or at least easy to roleplay with? I don't want to make any sort of Mary Sue character so any advice, criticism, or even opinions about my character are greatly appreciated. If you don't want to read the wiki here's a cliff note summary of the character.-plus alot of stuff i haven't written yet or explained- OTL

Zachary is an adult Au Ra. 

Pros:
Has practiced and has weapon skills in Guns, Knives, 2hand swords, Axes, and books.
Magical Skill is linked to Arcanist, Summoning, Alchemy, Dark Thuarmaturgy Magic
Fairly Rich thanks to smart investments and sales.
Has an above average intelligence.
Has average physical prowess.
Works as a financial contributor to the Scions of Seventh Dawn.
Has fought 5 primals.  3 fights he won. 2 he settled diplomatically.
A true warrior of light works under him in his guild.
He owns a Shop which doubles as a Lab for him in the mist.
His Guildhall functions as Hostel and bar for members in Lavender Beds.
Really great at sewing dresses and suits.
Has great experience in most crafting classes thanks to sea life.
Can perform healing magic with the Mognificent Mogtome Bible.
Willing to sell to all races and people as long as they are using what's bought for the good of the realm.
Gets along with 4 beast tribes Sahagin, Kobold, Amaljaa, Moogles.
Has an elemental affinity for Water and Fire.
Is apart of a trading network.

Cons:
Has experienced near death thanks to the battle of Certeneau.
Due to his dying state when he was teleported by Master Louisoix he relived the last painful moments over and over again til meeting the dark crystal Zodiark.
A very perverted individual.
His cooking could slay behemoth if eaten.
Can gain slightly above average strength in a crisis at the cost of a bit of sanity.
Can be manipulated easily if angered.
His limit break although powerful uses the powers of chaos.
Hates the cold due to his trauma.
An unhealthy addiction to green tea needs a cup every two days or withdrawal symptoms show up.
Obsessed with studying aspects of raising and controlling the dead.
Easily stressed with work.
Quick to misjudge a situation.
Acts prideful when insulted.
To easily trusting.
His limit break ability uses his despair to cause an explosion around him.

That's what i have plan or acted out so far. The initial concept i was going with was a fusion of Jecht (FFX) and Miroku (Inuyasha). And after orleplaying it out just sort of came here.

RE: I need critics and opinions. - Nero - 05-08-2015

Note the following: I know you mentioned that you didn't have much knowledge on lore. I'm not super strict on lore adherence, so bend the lore however you feel like. That said, some of my notes will be directed to lore adherence or the lack thereof, and that certain players may avoid you depending on how plausible your character is. If that bothers you, feel free to ignore these pointers as you wish.

First off, consider taking this test and seeing how your character scores.

An important thing to note is this: your roleplaying character shouldn't be tied into what you have accomplished in-game. Generally speaking, your roleplaying character isn't the protagonist or the hero, your character is a smaller part of a much bigger setting. If you want to roleplay as the protagonist and hero, then that is acceptable so long as you understand and accept the implications as well.

Quote:Zachary is an adult Au Ra. 
Where does your character's name come from? Naming conventions for Au Ra haven't been released yet, but it's highly unlikely that the a mundane Western name would be common from a foreign race originating in Othard. Was he raised somewhere else? Is he Raen? Xaela? How might his heritage have affected how he operates within his chosen profession? Why is he an Au Ra?

Quote:Has practiced and has weapon skills in Guns, Knives, 2hand swords, Axes, and books.
Magical Skill is linked to Arcanist, Summoning, Alchemy, Dark Thuarmaturgy Thaumaturgy Magic
What age is he? A very common mistake for inexperienced roleplayers is to make very broad assumptions in how long it takes to master a skill. Excelling at a skill enough to be called a "master" should take a wealth of experience and, for magical arts, many years of study, and to label your character as a "prodigy" in these fields is classic Mary Sue material. How has he had the time to adequately learn combat arts and magical arts? Where did he find the soulstone to learn summoning, and how did he survive the tempering process in order to learn it? How long has he spent as an acolyte to learn Thaumaturgy? How long had he spent as an arcanist? If he's also an experienced trader, then how did he have the time to consistently practice these skills enough to be combat-effective with them?

Essentially, you need to trim the fat. Don't tie your character's abilities to everything you have levelled in-game. When you are assigning him abilities or skills, think about why he has those skills, and what purpose they serve in defining him as a person.

Quote:Fairly Rich thanks to smart investments and sales.
Has an above average intelligence.
Show, don't tell. Don't just "tell" people that he's "above average in intelligence", that does nothing. If he's a businessman, merely mentioning that he is wealthy and successful is generally enough to give the general idea that he is keen. Otherwise, don't mention his intelligence as part of his backstory, demonstrate it through interactions or stories. Other people and characters will, on their own, determine whether or not he is intelligent.

Quote:Works as a financial contributor to the Scions of Seventh Dawn.
Has fought 5 primals.  3 fights he won. 2 he settled diplomatically.
A true warrior of light works under him in his guild.
BZZZZZT

Like I said, lore bending and lore breaking is, in and of itself, perfectly fine, as long as you're aware that many people will avoid you or refuse to roleplay with you as a result. If that's acceptable for you, then play however you feel!

That said, having been directly involved with storyline events or storyline characters is a huge Mary Sue red flag. We're talking "The Japanese are bombing Pearl Harbor, Mr. President" levels of red flag. The only one who'd successfully fought the primals and worked directly with the scions is the "main character", that is, the Warrior of Light. Again, it's acceptable for you to roleplay as the WoL as long as you accept other roleplayers avoiding you.

I'm not even going to bother asking how one wins a fight with a Primal "diplomatically" unless it consists of defeating Titan at Monopoly or something.

Quote:Has great experience in most crafting classes thanks to sea life.
See my point above about mastering abilities and the amount of time it takes. How does being at sea relate to him being good at these abilities? How has he had the time to adequately learn these abilities enough to be called "skilled"? What, specifically, is he skilled at? And again, how has he had the time to master these skills while also, apparently, being a skilled melee combatant, marksman, and magic user?

Quote:Can perform healing magic with the Mognificent Mogtome Bible.
The internet has robbed me of my ability to distinguish satire so this honestly confuses me. What form of healing magic? Is this tied into him being an arcanist? Why is this worth mentioning? How does this tie into his character?

Quote:Gets along with 4 beast tribes Sahagin, Kobold, Amaljaa, Moogles.
Okay, this isn't all that unreasonable so long as you adequately explain how he managed to do this. Is he a skilled negotiator? A diplomat? Has he traded with the beast tribes for years, long enough for them to trust him with commerce? Moogles are invisible unless they choose to reveal themselves, so how did he manage to associate with them on a large scale?

Quote:Has an elemental affinity for Water and Fire.
Elaborate. Simply telling me this does nothing to describe who your character is.

Quote:Has experienced near death thanks to the battle of Certeneau.
How is this a "con"? This is just an experience. If I stub my toe on a coffee table, is that somehow a detriment to my personality?

Quote:Due to his dying state when he was teleported by Master Louisoix he relived the last painful moments over and over again til meeting the dark crystal Zodiark.
BZZZZZT

See my above point about tying your character into story events.

Quote:His limit break although powerful uses the powers of chaos.
Your character should be completely separated from in-game mechanics.

Quote:Hates the cold due to his trauma.
Trauma? Trauma where? From what? Is this actual, legitimate psychological trauma, the kind that has a lasting effect on someone's psyche and damages them on a consistent basis, or the five minute disposable "oh no I accidentally rear-ended someone on the freeway" brand of trauma?

Quote:An unhealthy addiction to green tea needs a cup every two days or withdrawal symptoms show up.
Is this an actual addiction with observable, negative effects on him? Where does it come from? Have his relationships been affected by his addiction?

---

Okay, so here are some notes for you to use.

First things first: listing your character in terms of "pros" and "cons" isn't an unworkable method but is generally very inflexible and very poor at defining who your character is. When you're writing your character, simply thinking "how is he good" and "how is he bad" is an incredibly narrow mindset when it comes to, essentially, defining another person.

Your character is defined by his character; that is, the central element is his personality. How does he react to certain things? How does he handle failure? What makes him laugh? What makes him angry? Is he talkative? Silent? What kind of person is he? Is he stoic? Serious? Lighthearted? Cocky? How are these elements tied into his past? Was he inspired to be one way or another? Does he refuse to act a certain way? Why?

In addition, character "flaws" need to be actual flaws. They need to be things that will actually damage him or impede his progress in overcoming obstacles, and should present a meaningful challenge to himself and his relationships with others. If he's prideful, then demonstrate or think of an occasion where his pride lead to him failing. Perhaps he gambled everything on an investment and refused to drop out, leading to him being in debt or losing most of his money.

Tying into the above, things like "trauma" or "addiction" are not terms to be thrown around lightly unless they are clearly used as exaggeration or jest. How does his "trauma" affect him? Is he actually affected by it, or is it something used just to make the character look edgy and cool for surviving it? What implications does trauma have? Does he suffer from flashbacks or nightmares? How does this affect how he deals with other people? Similarly, "addiction". How has his addiction damaged himself or his businesses or his relationships with other people? If he's suffering from withdrawal, does it seriously affect him? How? Is this a major obstacle in who he is?

In the end, the lesson is this: a character is built through adversity. A character who is the hero who wins and succeeds all the time is just a boring self-insert power fantasy. It's the characters who struggle with themselves and with others, the characters who try their damndest yet still fail that compel people.

So, as you write your character, constantly ask yourself the five "W"s of narrative structure: who, what, where, when, and most importantly, why. Who is he? Who is important to him? Who does he hate? What does he do? What does he want to do? What got in his way? Where did he learn things? Where does he want to go? Where are his priorities? When did he learn his skills? When did parts of his past happen? When is he going to advance his ambitions? Why is he the person he is? Why does he want to do a certain thing or things? Why should other characters take him seriously?

I wish you luck.

RE: I need critics and opinions. - Max - 05-08-2015

Hey Zach! I just wanted to say before I begin that you can RP whatever you want and I'm not dictating what you should or shouldn't do [/disclaimer]

With that said, Zachary seems to be an all-around character. By that I mean he has A LOT of specialities. He's a Machinist, Warrior, Ninja, Scholar, Summoner, Dark Knight, Thaumaturge, and he also seems to have healing capabilities thanks to a primal relic (Munificent Mogtome).

Additionally he's a blacksmith, armorer, goldsmith, alchemist, weaver, leather worker, carpenter, miner, tailor, botanist, and a charismatic merchant...

He's 'obsessed with raising and controlling the dead', so he's a necromancer of sorts as well.

Now, this is understandable from a GAMEPLAY perspective. You have no class limits due to the mechanics. But from a lore/immersion perspective it's a bit of an overkill.

You'd probably want a character that specializes in one or two things mainly, with the other things being minor hobbies and talents. To become skilled in a certain craft you have to dedicate a lot of time and energy into it. It's not something like "Oh, I'm going to be a X today, and then become a Y next week." Realistically, it doesn't work that way.

It's like.. the Dragonborn being the master of all the factions in Skyrim.
Gameplay perspective = doable.
But in the sense of realism it isn't very probable.


I'm no lore expert so I won't touch his history regarding the Zodiark and Moogle stuff. Unnamed Mercenary is really good with lore though and I'm sure he'd help you make sense of things if you message him!

So yeah, that's my criticism. He's over the top.

RE: I need critics and opinions. - Hammersmith - 05-08-2015

As said above, this train needs to be unhooked from gameplay, walked back to the start, and rebuilt, if you want it to interact on a wider scale with other people in contexts that will actually occur in RP.

Edit: I'll come back when I'm home with some writing and story guides that can give you a better, more stable framework than the in-game quests and mechanics, which are terrible places to weave a char from.

RE: I need critics and opinions. - Warren Castille - 05-08-2015

Lore drop on Zodiark:

Show Content


RE: I need critics and opinions. - ZacharyVolfire - 05-08-2015

Wasn't expect replies so fast thought i'd have to give a bump. 
First of all thank you all for this i really needed the advice since it's my first time typing out a wiki page and using a mmo for a roleplay so thanks. 
I'll reply to all that's address after i finishing taking this quiz. 
I may not be bale to play on balmung with you all. ((OTL my net trys to abort itself when I try making a character on the server))
But that's what forums are for. Anyway -goes off to read and reply and edit-

RE: I need critics and opinions. - Warren Castille - 05-08-2015

(05-08-2015, 01:10 PM)ZacharyVolfire Wrote: Wasn't expect replies so fast thought i'd have to give a bump. 
First of all thank you all for this i really needed the advice since it's my first time typing out a wiki page and using a mmo for a roleplay so thanks. 
I'll reply to all that's address after i finishing taking this quiz. 
I may not be bale to play on balmung with you all. ((OTL my net trys to abort itself when I try making a character on the server))
But that's what forums are for. Anyway -goes off to read and reply and edit-

A word of advice as the Devil's Advocate:

The things stated here are simply interpretations of your ideas. If someone says "This is a bad idea, don't do it" don't feel obligated to go changing your guy if that's something you wanted to work with. It's good to listen to conflicting opinions, but nobody is under any obligation to obey.

In short, don't let anyone make you rewrite your story. Just be open-minded to perhaps adjusting things, if you feel that's a better direction for you. Roleplay is all about balancing the self-indulging parts of our ego with the teamwork parts of a community.

RE: I need critics and opinions. - mongi291 - 05-08-2015

On a side-note, I just did that Mary Sue test, and I think it's pretty reliable. Although I discovered that Ophelie is almost a Mary Sue, scoring 38 points. Damnit.

RE: I need critics and opinions. - Blue - 05-08-2015

(05-08-2015, 12:34 PM)Nero Wrote: Note the following: I know you mentioned that you didn't have much knowledge on lore. I'm not super strict on lore adherence, so bend the lore however you feel like. That said, some of my notes will be directed to lore adherence or the lack thereof, and that certain players may avoid you depending on how plausible your character is. If that bothers you, feel free to ignore these pointers as you wish.

First off, consider taking this test and seeing how your character scores.

Very interesting link. Is there a version for males too? I wanted to do the test for Jet'a, but most of questions seem to apply just for females.

RE: I need critics and opinions. - Melkire - 05-08-2015

(05-08-2015, 01:38 PM)Blue Wrote:
(05-08-2015, 12:34 PM)Nero Wrote: Note the following: I know you mentioned that you didn't have much knowledge on lore. I'm not super strict on lore adherence, so bend the lore however you feel like. That said, some of my notes will be directed to lore adherence or the lack thereof, and that certain players may avoid you depending on how plausible your character is. If that bothers you, feel free to ignore these pointers as you wish.

First off, consider taking this test and seeing how your character scores.

Very interesting link. Is there a version for males too? I wanted to do the test for Jet'a, but most of questions seem to apply just for females.

The test linked above is for characters of all gender & sexual identities. The usage of "xe" and "xir" are basically stand-ins for "he, her, it" and "his, her, its".

RE: I need critics and opinions. - Blue - 05-08-2015

(05-08-2015, 01:48 PM)Melkire Wrote:
(05-08-2015, 01:38 PM)Blue Wrote:
(05-08-2015, 12:34 PM)Nero Wrote: Note the following: I know you mentioned that you didn't have much knowledge on lore. I'm not super strict on lore adherence, so bend the lore however you feel like. That said, some of my notes will be directed to lore adherence or the lack thereof, and that certain players may avoid you depending on how plausible your character is. If that bothers you, feel free to ignore these pointers as you wish.

First off, consider taking this test and seeing how your character scores.

Very interesting link. Is there a version for males too? I wanted to do the test for Jet'a, but most of questions seem to apply just for females.

The test linked above is for characters of all gender & sexual identities. The usage of "xe" and "xir" are basically stand-ins for "he, her, it" and "his, her, its".

Oh, weird. Then I guess that it's just a case of most of these sentences not applying to my male Miqo'te >_<; ....

RE: I need critics and opinions. - Mercer - 05-08-2015

(05-08-2015, 01:48 PM)Melkire Wrote:
(05-08-2015, 01:38 PM)Blue Wrote:
(05-08-2015, 12:34 PM)Nero Wrote: Note the following: I know you mentioned that you didn't have much knowledge on lore. I'm not super strict on lore adherence, so bend the lore however you feel like. That said, some of my notes will be directed to lore adherence or the lack thereof, and that certain players may avoid you depending on how plausible your character is. If that bothers you, feel free to ignore these pointers as you wish.

First off, consider taking this test and seeing how your character scores.

Very interesting link. Is there a version for males too? I wanted to do the test for Jet'a, but most of questions seem to apply just for females.

The test linked above is for characters of all gender & sexual identities. The usage of "xe" and "xir" are basically a stand-ins for, "he, her, it" and "his, her, its".

Side note: I dislike that pronoun. It sounds like slang when spoken out loud.

Oswin is rocking a 3 so I'm pretty content. Back to the main topic!

Quote:Wasn't expect replies so fast thought i'd have to give a bump. 
First of all thank you all for this i really needed the advice since it's my first time typing out a wiki page and using a mmo for a roleplay so thanks. 
I'll reply to all that's address after i finishing taking this quiz. 
I may not be bale to play on balmung with you all. ((OTL my net trys to abort itself when I try making a character on the server))
But that's what forums are for. Anyway -goes off to read and reply and edit-


First of all, read this all the way through. Lots of great info for first time roleplayers: Roleplay Guide


If this is your first time roleplaying on an MMO, there's a few common pratfalls to watch out for. The first is what everyone else has already been talking about, disconnecting your accomplishments as the 'main character' and creating a more dedicated version to roleplay as.

By dedicated, I mean specialized. A good character shouldn't be the end all be all champion of an MMO, but a flawed individual who's background and skills should give opportunity for others to comment, work with and create conflict with.

Out of all the jobs and classes your character has done, which stands out as the one that represents your character the best?

Is your character proficient with melee skills? Which one?
Does your character prefer magic? How do they specialize?
Is your character a crafter? Which craft have they mastered?

Generally it's alright to have a handful of hobbies, but true skill only comes around after long periods of training. Rule of thumb is one class to master, or better yet, one class you are in the process of mastering. Character growth is an important, probably the most important, part of RP. Don't jump the gun to master, you're only taking away quality RP.

Be careful with naming conventions and origins. At the moment, Au Ra are all foreign until more lore comes out about them. The ones that we know about are all Doman so have feudal Japanese type names.

Also be careful about making them extravagantly successful. There's no problem with having a rich character (Especially with the ongoing conflict in Ul'dah), but this should be a flaw as well as a strength. Having wealth makes you a target and a potential victim. It also lets you wield influence and power against the lower classes. If you do wish to keep their business success, be prepared for conflict in one way or another.

But my biggest suggestion is to go into RP with an open mind. Your other players are your equals, they are here for the same reason you are. They aren't competition or rivals, even though their characters might be. Talk with them, learn from them and grow with them. At the end of the day despite the conflicts we have over lore, character struggles or rivalries we are a community trying to foster RP growth.

RE: I need critics and opinions. - Warren Castille - 05-08-2015

Figure it can't hurt to throw out a rule of thumb most of my collaborators work with.

In an MMO setting, it doesn't hurt to follow the 1/1/1 concept: 1 Class, 1 Gather, 1 Craft. Find the job you do best at and be that job. Find the craft you do best and do that craft. If there's multiple gathering options (XIV's lacking, really) find the one they do for fun.

Do they have a knack for finding ore? Can they identify dangerous plants? If they use armor, are they able to repair it themselves? Did they make their own weapons?

This sort of stuff can lend to a rounded character without needing to sacrifice depth. The big scary lancer might help to undent his armor and tan the hides to repair the leather portions. Rather than paying vendor prices, perhaps he skins his kills and learned how to properly gut and handle a carcass.

You can always pick up extra hobbies through roleplay (Someone deciding to learn how to handle precious metals, so they can make a ring for the hot chick at the Starlight Festival!) or learn to swing a different weapon. Give yourself a solid foundation to build from, and let it grow through RP interaction.

Or, don't! That's kind of the most fun part. There's nothing wrong about playing a prodigy who is also a master of arms before they turn 18, but you'll find that it can be awful lonely at the top of the mountain.

RE: I need critics and opinions. - ZacharyVolfire - 05-08-2015

My score 9 was nine on the http://www.springhole.net/writing/marysue.htm
Generally based on reading all your post however OTL It still is Mary Sueish.
I'll start over with him but first!

Quote:Where does your character's name come from? Naming conventions for Au Ra haven't been released yet, but it's highly unlikely that the a mundane Western name would be common from a foreign race originating in Othard. Was he raised somewhere else? Is he Raen? Xaela? How might his heritage have affected how he operates within his chosen profession? Why is he an Au Ra?

I have seen ic, ooc, and also in game with npcs Cross species relationships. Now for a Limsa pirate I'm unsure the traveling ability of one if a ship could even reach the eastern continent *aside from the Doma's fleeing for their lives*. It is confirmed Xaela travel and are a aggressive race. In the actual wiki I made Zach's mother a Blacksmith and his father a Scholarly rouge. (Not the job just smart enough to work as an informant.) As for the naming conventions I used  a goto name until i know more about Au ru concentions. I'll either keep it out of laziness or use a name change.

Quote:What age is he? A very common mistake for inexperienced roleplayers is to make very broad assumptions in how long it takes to master a skill. Excelling at a skill enough to be called a "master" should take a wealth of experience and, for magical arts, many years of study, and to label your character as a "prodigy" in these fields is classic Mary Sue material. How has he had the time to adequately learn combat arts and magical arts? Where did he find the soulstone to learn summoning, and how did he survive the tempering process in order to learn it? How long has he spent as an acolyte to learn Thaumaturgy? How long had he spent as an arcanist? If he's also an experienced trader, then how did he have the time to consistently practice these skills enough to be combat-effective with them?
he's he 32 although he Seems 27 5 year time skip gives him the appearnce of his 27 self). As for how he's got the many craft skills from a young age he slowly worked up from a cabin boy to a boatswain for 9 years. Repairing sails (weaving), Repairing the boat (carpentry blacksmithing). Of course when the boat was under attack the char got better with using knives he kept form his father. However he wasn't perfect at all learning how to fight dirty to survive. After retiring from the sea to further his wallet gain he went ot study how ot use an axe balancing it out with magical studies for 2ish years (after the big fight) 7 more years. Now I might take off warrior and focus only on Rouge and magic classes.

Quote:Show, don't tell. Don't just "tell" people that he's "above average in intelligence", that does nothing. If he's a businessman, merely mentioning that he is wealthy and successful is generally enough to give the general idea that he is keen. Otherwise, don't mention his intelligence as part of his backstory, demonstrate it through interactions or stories. Other people and characters will, on their own, determine whether or not he is intelligent.
Roger hopefully with all this tpying I'll do with the wiki that's jsut what I'll do. Thanks for elaborating this.

Quote:Like I said, lore bending and lore breaking is, in and of itself, perfectly fine, as long as you're aware that many people will avoid you or refuse to roleplay with you as a result. If that's acceptable for you, then play however you feel!

That said, having been directly involved with storyline events or storyline characters is a huge Mary Sue red flag. We're talking "The Japanese are bombing Pearl Harbor, Mr. President" levels of red flag. The only one who'd successfully fought the primals and worked directly with the scions is the "main character", that is, the Warrior of Light. Again, it's acceptable for you to roleplay as the WoL as long as you accept other roleplayers avoiding you.
Now aside from the ifrit fight I thought the Main character (Someone I roleplay with on Behemoth has chosen that role) for certain primal fights could call on adventurers aid.(How we played it out) Since then Zach became someone who would support the WoL and give advice but in two fights be came a crutch thanks to his PTWD.

Quote:I'm not even going to bother asking how one wins a fight with a Primal "diplomatically" unless it consists of defeating Titan at Monopoly or something.

Becoming A Moogle Priest (Good Times) and helping Sell the point the WoL will work for the twelveswood.

Quote:The internet has robbed me of my ability to distinguish satire so this honestly confuses me. What form of healing magic? Is this tied into him being an arcanist? Why is this worth mentioning? How does this tie into his character?
with healing magic either one needs a ability to get permission from the elementals to use healing magics. While for scholarly incaitons i believe it uses the same mathematical and geometric equations to cast. In a instance where the party fought off the moogles attempt at good king moogle mog resseruction. After words after heated discussion I convinced them to give me a bible in the name of GKMM. Which if scriptures are read. Will bestow healing effects (more o a joke chapter but acidentally made the 'cult of the king' on behemoth. )

Quote:Okay, this isn't all that unreasonable so long as you adequately explain how he managed to do this. Is he a skilled negotiator? A diplomat? Has he traded with the beast tribes for years, long enough for them to trust him with commerce? Moogles are invisible unless they choose to reveal themselves, so how did he manage to associate with them on a large scale?
Trading and Sales taking three years of effort. Thanks to the help of the WoL while traveling Girdania he caught one trying to take his tea bottles. When they moogles thought it was liquor. Also the GGMM Bible i addressed before.

Quote:Elaborate. Simply telling me this does nothing to describe who your character is.
Being born and raised on and near the sea. As well as patroy deity being Nald'Thal

Quote:Has experienced near death thanks to the battle of Certeneau.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder it affects him constantly in several battles also agaisnt enimies wielding ice spells against him. He's nervous around users of ice magic on his side as well. Reasons for this was lsited in the wiki.

Quote:Like I said, lore bending and lore breaking is, in and of itself, perfectly fine, as long as you're aware that many people will avoid you or refuse to roleplay with you as a result. If that's acceptable for you, then play however you feel!

That said, having been directly involved with storyline events or storyline characters is a huge Mary Sue red flag. We're talking "The Japanese are bombing Pearl Harbor, Mr. President" levels of red flag. The only one who'd successfully fought the primals and worked directly with the scions is the "main character", that is, the Warrior of Light. Again, it's acceptable for you to roleplay as the WoL as long as you accept other roleplayers avoiding you.

I'm not even going to bother asking how one wins a fight with a Primal "diplomatically" unless it consists of defeating Titan at Monopoly or something
Show Content



Quote:Trauma? Trauma where? From what? Is this actual, legitimate psychological trauma, the kind that has a lasting effect on someone's psyche and damages them on a consistent basis, or the five minute disposable "oh no I accidentally rear-ended someone on the freeway" brand of trauma?

BoC typed up in the wiki it's PTSD so flash backs and the fear of dying by being what 'felt' like being impaled by ice (right now still trying to figure out how blizzard hits a target on impact)

Quote:Is this an actual addiction with observable, negative effects on him? Where does it come from? Have his relationships been affected by his addiction?
Immensely so Green Tea soothing properties help relieve the nightmares from the incident of the battle. However this has come to a nuisances to his guild subordinates and clerks of his own store.

I also will withhold all the game play mechanics i thought this universe worked like FF7 where game play mechanics were a part of the story but had actual effects like Meteor being able to destroy a city and holy negating black magic etc. That was a misunderstanding on my part.

Thank you once again Nero for your insight I hope i addressed some issues but Ill still rework some other things about my character.

RE: I need critics and opinions. - ZacharyVolfire - 05-08-2015

Oh wow....oh boy i might be working all days on these replies but thank you all immensely for your time!

-keeps typing away-