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+--- Thread: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? (/showthread.php?tid=10906)
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RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Alothia - 04-02-2015
I've had to do this. I had to cut the player out of my life entirely, and I wrote it into my character's backstory that she left him during the time that she was on "hiatus." I left it open ended so that if he ever came back, he could still interact with other people who happened to know my character, but I am not going to actively seek this player out, and if they ever do show back up, I am not going to interact with them. It would not be healthy for me, and I know that.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, that you've got to figure out what is best for you. I know that some people can cut someone out OOCly but still interact with characters on an IC level. More power to them. I am not one of those people. The amount of anxiety that I was caused was causing me problems IRL, and I knew at that point that it was a bad idea. There is no way that I could manage that now. And I've surrounded myself with a much better set of friends and RP partners.
Hope that helps some.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Scaraphae - 04-02-2015
I have to second Alothia here. If the rp or person behind the character causes you anxiety on an ooc level I think it's more than justified to cut ties in any way you see fit. It's simply not worth it. In my case I'm a horrendous coward and tend to just run away and hide until things blow over but I wouldn't hesitate to cut somebody out of my rp no matter what the ic relationship might be if it was affecting my state of mind. I've tried to roll with it too many times in the past, and it's just not worth the stress.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - ArmachiA - 04-02-2015
(04-02-2015, 06:49 AM)Nebbs Wrote: I'm not replying to the main question here but I just wanted to say there are many people either in this situation now or who have had to deal with this experience. I have met several (dozens even) in the past few months.
That leads me to two points:
1. You are not alone, and there are others out there affected by similar experiance and still hoping to find some others to RP with, and they are clearly wary.
2. Try to come to terms with why this happened to you and why it upsets you so much, so that next time you might spot the signs or at least be prepared. However, each situation is different and hope seems to be more powerful than fear.
Find a group of people who support you and build you up, don't put your energies into things that drag you down.
It is unfortunately common among Roleplayers that drama is inevitable and the people you started RPing with, one or two is likely to cause problems with you OOCly and you won't be rping with them forever. I honestly think everyone who RPs has been in this situation before. There's no real way to avoid it unless you stop rping all together.
It's a sad truth. I've lost some really good friends this way.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - cuideag - 04-02-2015
It is absolutely OK. Do what you need to do to keep yourself happy and safe. It might be easier said than done, and I say this as someone who has a very difficult time saying no to people for fear of letting them down and guilt and all that, but... honestly, if you aren't comfortable then whatever situation you have has a good chance of getting far, far worse.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Faye - 04-02-2015
It's 100% okay. I don't know what else to say. I think that just covers it and that's the bottom line--it is 100% okay.
RE: Cutting IC ties for OOC reasons? - Gone. - 04-12-2015
I know this one hasn't seen replies in a few days, but I thought I'd chime in while the topic is still fresh on my mind on a personal level.
There's a lot of reasons to cut off IC ties. Sometimes characters just don't get along and not in a way that's pleasing for everyone involved. Perhaps RP styles differ, or maybe you're simply concerned with a questionable attitude on the other end.
It's never really a pleasant situation, though, no matter how insignificant the reasons might be, nor does it ever really end well outside of exceedingly rare exceptions.
I recently retconned out a sizable chunk of Vetiver's life. I had reached a point where I just... dreaded signing on to her. The way things had played out were so far from what I had intended, even more so when some of the interactions with others left me uncomfortable on an OOC level. You pile that on top of someone that's already dealing with countless RL struggles and the results are just... disastrous.
I basically panicked in a moment of extreme distress. Dropped a lot of people without warning, reworked months of history just to bring Vetiver back to a clean slate I would be content with. Was it my finest moment? Not in the slightest. It was for the better, sure, but I still feel terribly guilty about it, especially when it nearly cost me a close friend in the process. I don't even know if we'll be able to mend our bond at this point. The situation is that dire.
But what's done is done and sometimes that's all you can do. Roleplay is supposed to be enjoyable; when it ceases to be, it's time to evaluate the reasons why and address them because at the end of the day, one's emotional well-being trumps maintaining toxic or otherwise unhealthy relationships just for the sake of pleasantry.