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+--- Thread: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC (/showthread.php?tid=6615)
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Erik Mynhier - 03-12-2014
(03-11-2014, 02:33 PM)ExKage Wrote: Perhaps people from FCs and those who might have been in a similar situation may have better input so I'm hoping that I can see what others' thoughts are on this.
I'm currently feeling a little out of place or uncomfortable in the FC I am in. Perhaps I'm just not meshing well with what the FC is for. I joined the current FC I am in because practically all of my irl friends are in it (I'd say a quarter to a third of the actives in the FC are my irl friends and I). I came to FFXIV to enjoy the game with my friends. I currently do but now I'm at the point where I just don't... feel like I'm meshing with it well. Perhaps it's because I want to experience and learn to raid Coil with a group of friends and not have to pug it all the time because my FC's just small enough to really only support 1 static. Or that I also really want to involve myself into RP things and yet I lack the imagination or creativity to plot anything.
At the same time, my FC and I do enjoy doing small things together such as tome runs between 3-6 of us. We did relic/HM primal runs on Sunday for a while together... A few have greatly helped me to get where I am at in the game as well. So I also feel like if I leave that it feels like I am betraying them.
It's been something that has been bothering me for a month or so, at least around the same time I started to RP and join RPC @_@.
tl;dr I really don't want to leave my FC behind and yet... I do. Thoughts? Advice? Opinions?
If you want to stay I suggest having a sit down with your friends. That said, I'm looking to hire spies Kage.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Evie - 03-12-2014
Talk with your friends in your FC and with your friends out of your FC. A certain vain cat that goes by the name of Salem has always given me sound advice in the past
. You can tell him Evie called him vain by the way, I swear he changes his character's appearance weekly 
.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Roen - 03-12-2014
(03-11-2014, 04:22 PM)Steel Wolf Wrote: The thing is, though, you shouldn't try to get too caught up in the endgame arms race, especially the attitudes that most of those PUGs seem to foster. You're perhaps getting pressure laid on to you by complete strangers and you're feeling like you need to hurry to catch up.^Â
You don't. Not really.
I think the LS contacts advice is sound here--form your own static, or try to find some others who will fold you into theirs. I have to think that there's places and folks in this very forum who will take someone of you iLVL BLM'ness into their rotations, especially if they're forming multiple statics.
The best advice I can provide you, personally, is don't feel pressure. You're supposed to play this game for fun's sake, not to be under a falling Damocles of raider's pressure.
This!
At least that's how I feel and enjoy the game. But Kage, you are not me, and perhaps the endgame progression is a large part of your enjoyment. It sounds like you are looking for a static coil group and is perhaps looking for an FC that would provide that. So if you leave your current FC, then definitely look for an FC that may have space for you, else I think you may feel all this was for naught.
As for RP... you don't have to look to your FC to provide RP! You are already in one LS that has plenty of RPers! My first FC, while it was RP oriented which is what drew me there, was very small and intimate, and I was often left to my own devices to seek out my own RP. And I met plenty of folks that way! My current FC loves to RP so I am in a happy place, but even in between FCs, RP was never in question. You just gotta go look for it. Or create your own.
You know I would help! Â
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Kage - 03-12-2014
(03-12-2014, 12:33 PM)Evie Wrote: Talk with your friends in your FC and with your friends out of your FC. A certain vain cat that goes by the name of Salem has always given me sound advice in the pastHe's only been sending me /tells lately ;A; Where is my favorite miqo'te shoulder when a Lalafell needs it?! Not on the rail in Quicksand that's for sure ;o;
I feel like at some point the growth of the FC stalled and while we all help each other (CT runs? Relic Runs? Oh we have X mats we can craft for gear for X person), those outside of the core group doesn't really do anything like Ex primals or Coil together. I feel like most of the people who do a lot of the pugging like I do who stick around do it cause, like me, they really enjoy most of their company.
I just also feel extremely selfish because almost all of the members, especially my irl friends, have helped me a lot (in terms of dungeon runs, relic runs, mats, getting experience, etc) but outside of the higher content I feel like I'm left out because I'm not high i80s or i90. At the same time I understand that I'm not geared as high as they'd like or that I don't have the experience that they may like, but I feel that by pugging it I'm better off finding a steady group for me to get that experience.
I'm not good with words and talking about things really make me scared to do it with friends ;A; I've had lots of dramallama incidents where one or a couple of us did the misunderstandings-the-anime thing... ._.;
(03-12-2014, 12:26 PM)Erik Mynhier Wrote: That said, I'm looking to hire spies Kage.Why are you hiring spies? *suspicious!*
(03-12-2014, 12:52 PM)Brynn Wrote: It sounds like you are looking for a static coil group and is perhaps looking for an FC that would provide that. So if you leave your current FC, then definitely look for an FC that may have space for you, else I think you may feel all this was for naught.Yes. I really want to progress through end-game. That's something I myself want but the attitude that I feel in the core group is that I have to PUG it to get to the level of being considered to go through it. So while I don't mind pugging it once in awhile if I couldn't meet the times... I don't want to live end-game like that. I want to be in a stable consistent environment where I know my place in that? I've found nice PF groups for T1-2 that I do now but I'd like to actually have a sorts of relationship with the people I do this part of the game with. If that makes sense.
As for RP... you don't have to look to your FC to provide RP! You are already in one LS that has plenty of RPers! My first FC, while it was RP oriented which is what drew me there, was very small and intimate, and I was often left to my own devices to seek out my own RP. And I met plenty of folks that way! My current FC loves to RP so I am in a happy place, but even in between FCs, RP was never in question. You just gotta go look for it. Or create your own.
You know I would help!
And part of wanting to have an RP FC is to help my lack of creativity and imagination. I always find it easier to be involved in peoples' plots than to... plot something? XD; (As imaginative as a rock I am).
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - synaesthetic - 03-12-2014
When I bring new recruits into Unity, we do not make them PUG their way to Turn 5 and i90 average. I can't count how many new Unity members that I've brought in, and then we helped them kill Titan HM on their first day in.
If you apply and are interested in raiding, but are behind gear-wise, we'll start by bringing you to Turns 1-4 so you can absorb gear that would normally go to freeroll, vanity or simply be trashed. Other members of the FC would certainly be keen on getting you CT runs, running normal dungeons for myth, attempting EX primals on the side...
TBH, it's pretty horrible that your FC expects you to catch up to them. It's much more efficient and far, far faster if they simply help you catch up. If you were to apply to Unity, that's exactly what would happen--we'd pull together and get you up to speed with the rest of the raiders in your group.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Steel Wolf - 03-12-2014
I agree with synaesthetic, it is pretty spectacularly crappybad that the FC you're in has you PUG'ing to get to their level. That's....stupendously unfortunate.
And also the attitude that keeps me from even touching anything 2.1 beyond the Beastmen dailies. XD
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Kage - 03-12-2014
I think part of my issue with holding out is that one of my best friends in it is sorta holding out for me too. With the weekly lockout etc he's stuck in the core group while he'd love to help me out (and would generally prefer to). I've pugged coil 3 out of four times with at least one FC member except for this past week so it's been great except the first time was because the static couldn't come together at a good time that week and the other times I was with the people who generally are left pugging as well. It's sort of "man if only we weren't locked out we'd love to run it with you but this is also our best shot at it" so I understand why they (general not all) would rather I pug.
@synaesthetic: You make wonderful points. ^^ To be very honest, Unity has been very welcoming and kind to me here on RPC.
 I really appreciated all of the advice and help everyone has given me (even though my own friends had.. helped me go on to make odder decisions about how to gear my BLM >_> <_< >_>). My friends and the FC have been of great help with the end-game area (everyone) up to the point where people start considering Ex primals and coil. I was pretty disheartened when they decided to run Ex primals as an FC last last Sunday. They had hinted or eluded to the fact that hey I'd get to try my shot at Garuda Ex because I'd mentioned having no luck with PF learning groups over it ("we can even take kage along then"). While people were logging on for it, my friends decided that I had reached the level so that I could tank Darkhold. During that time I had started to think that I'd be going with them. Upon exit the 4 party group disbanded, I got on vent and realized that when they said they were only waiting on one tank... they were literally only waiting on one tank. They already had all the DPS they needed (all better geared than I). I stuck around on vent and decided to do my PLD job quests but I eventually grew a little too bitter listening to them so I had to get off it so they would continue.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Steel Wolf - 03-12-2014
:c
You should sit on my head. That'll make you feel better.
And, if I can be completely and totally frank? That your 'friends' would cold shoulder you like they did means they're not worthy of any single damn second of your stress.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Kage - 03-12-2014
*sits on hot femRoe's head* This is very high up @_@ <3
Nuu. My friends are usually cool...
It probably doesn't help that I usually am very anxious about content and start to feel that I'm not up to it..
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Steel Wolf - 03-12-2014
Irrelevant.
If they were real, good friends, they'd do what they could to assuage your fears. Full stop.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Evie - 03-12-2014
>.<
Yah, idk they bailed on you immediately after leaving a dungeon....to me that seems like they knew there wasn't space in the Extreme group, but didn't want to tell you, felt guilty and so ran a dungeon with you so that it wouldn't be so bad.
I've been trying hard to not talk poorly about your friends, because well their your friends, but that's really harsh. It most likely wasn't their fault, someone else making the group make up...but the actions make it looks like they knew.
Also....if you have highly geared people who don't really NEED the gear from Extremes cause they got tons of Allagen or myth...they should have filtered in a few lower geared people in order to HELP raise their gear levels, since it's so important that such things happen to run coil.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Kage - 03-12-2014
(03-12-2014, 04:36 PM)Evie Wrote: >.<
Yah, idk they bailed on you immediately after leaving a dungeon....to me that seems like they knew there wasn't space in the Extreme group, but didn't want to tell you, felt guilty and so ran a dungeon with you so that it wouldn't be so bad.
I've been trying hard to not talk poorly about your friends, because well their your friends, but that's really harsh. It most likely wasn't their fault, someone else making the group make up...but the actions make it looks like they knew.
Also....if you have highly geared people who don't really NEED the gear from Extremes cause they got tons of Allagen or myth...they should have filtered in a few lower geared people in order to HELP raise their gear levels, since it's so important that such things happen to run coil.
To be honest, I feel like you're getting my biased and colored representation of it so it's not fair to them. I think my bitterness may be coloring everything a bad way cause my friends aren't mean at all. I can't say for sure if I had left the party or if they had disbanded. But at one point I remember seeing no party as I returned from exiting darkhold and then getting on vent and asking FC chat "so garuda ex?" and getting the response about waiting on the tank. Then I saw on the FC tab that everyone was partied.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Evie - 03-12-2014
(03-12-2014, 05:01 PM)ExKage Wrote: To be honest, I feel like you're getting my biased and colored representation of it so it's not fair to them. I think my bitterness may be coloring everything a bad way cause my friends aren't mean at all. I can't say for sure if I had left the party or if they had disbanded. But at one point I remember seeing no party as I returned from exiting darkhold and then getting on vent and asking FC chat "so garuda ex?" and getting the response about waiting on the tank. Then I saw on the FC tab that everyone was partied.
I know there is some bias because of how everything makes you feel and I swear I've been honestly not trying to just automatically point fingers and go "THEY ALL SUCK!". But the way you told it just seemed incredibly sneaky.
I've had friends from one group rag on friends from another group and I hate when they do that and they don't even know them. So I've honestly been trying to not just straight out point fingers.
They are your friends...IRL friends more importantly, which makes me more inclined to say there's someone else building the groups, not your friends. And that the situation is more in this other nameless person's hands, a FC lead or officer. I don't know. It's just *spreads arms* a really terrible situation...
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - Ildur - 03-12-2014
I am the kind of person that thinks that if a group is actively or passively ruining your enjoyment of the game you should leave and find something else. Specially when it seems like the group is only shunning you because they don't want to invest time in your gear/training for endgame.
You can form a linkshell with your friends or join one they are already in to keep in touch with them in-game.
RE: Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC - synaesthetic - 03-12-2014
Ildoo has the right of it. You've got 8 linkshell slots for a reason; use 'em. The Free Company confers benefits for raiding beyond what an LS can possibly match.
I'm serious in that I'd absolutely approve your application in a second. We're so chronically short of black mages it's not even funny--we have only three BLM mains in the whole FC, one of which was asked to switch from MNK. No other job has the AE power that we do and I'm sure it'll become necessary in future content!