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+--- Thread: [Discussion] Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? (/showthread.php?tid=20684)
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Fox - 10-05-2017
(10-05-2017, 03:54 PM)Zhu Wrote:(10-05-2017, 03:39 PM)ExAtomos Wrote:That's been my experience so far. Perhaps it's unrelated but I began to associate it with people that don't commit too much. I did had a few regulars with them of course but I tend to get dropped by tagged people way more often than those that aren't. I can't exactly explain the science behind it as I'd like to know, myself. Maybe they just have too many people to keep track of. The tags are meant to interact with as many randos as possible, after all.(10-05-2017, 03:11 PM)Zhu Wrote:Use of RP tags in the search info - I know that this is a little specific but I noticed that people that sports those 'M/[insert length post reference here]/whatever' can really struggle with committing to specific RP partners and completely forget or ignore promises they made to you because they jump from random to random so much they just forget about you in the mix. Not always true, of course and maybe I've simply been unlucky. Still my experience.
I'm really curious about this one. Are you saying that people who have RP info in their search info tend to be flaky? O_o
I think this might be a bit of causation vs correlation here. I've known a lot of people who use tags and aren't flaky. I think it's honestly the fact that a LOT of people use them. I've used them just so people are aware of what I am comfortable and not comfortable with. It is not because I have a lot of people to keep track of; infact I'm quite introverted and keep a small friends list. Lately I honestly haven't had a lot of time to rp because of IRL obligations (ie. full time industry work). I've run into flaky both with and without the tags so I wouldn't say it's "all them tag rpers are flakes".
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Nako Vesh - 10-06-2017
When I think of the term "red flag" I usually don't think of minor complaints about how other people conduct their RP. "Red flag" usually, to me, means something about personal safety. For example someone who acted possessive of me or my RP time would raise a red flag for me, and I would be wary of spending more time with them. Another big red flag for me is when someone OOC excessively comments on the appearance of my characters.
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Kieron Lohengrin - 10-07-2017
Green flags exist too though. In my experience, if a player:
- is generally chill about you needing to log for the night or wanting to do something else
- is able to clear most non-Savage content and doesn't whine in dungeons
- keeps ooc mostly in PMs or party chat
- contributes to RP plots/relationships without sacrificing their day job or being a NEET
Then you have all the indicators of a functional human being who won't get weird later and waste your time. Tbh about half of the decent RPers I know and have ongoing plots with don't even post on here, it's more about private FC sites and Discords these days. Good players exist, it's just that not everyone shares the same timezone
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Kismet - 10-07-2017
This might be more of a pet peeve than a red flag... but I honestly can't recall a single time when RP with anyone who put any variation of "has weird/disturbing/abnormal aether" in their search info ended well.
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Arashin Kujqai - 10-07-2017
Tbh, I feel people need to loosen up their judgements a bit more. More specifically any prejudgements they hold. Some red flags may indicate warning or something bad but that alone doesn't actually constitute the person is bad or something's wrong with them or RP'ing with them. Everyone's got a life of their own specifics and understandings both IRL and in game, just should respect each other and move on with it. Maybe I sound too "peace and love" atm but I think some areas of RP in many servers would get along much more if they just learned to have fun and loosen up themselves a bit, than to get offended or see reasons to not get along over all the reasons they COULD get along with.
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Mermaid - 10-07-2017
(10-07-2017, 12:34 AM)Kieron Lohengrin Wrote: Then you have all the indicators of a functional human being who won't get weird later and waste your time.
This is one of those things I take with a grain of salt. There is a surprising number of people in hobbies like gaming, role playing, and art who are there because they have difficulty being functional. I'm not talking about the people who do things like look for romantic role play because they can't get a girlfriend/boyfriend. I'm talking about the people who get into it because they have mental or physical illnesses and it's something they can actually do and enjoy. It often comes down to being able to judge which ones are dependent on it and which ones do it for enjoyment.
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Mermaid - 10-07-2017
(10-07-2017, 03:51 AM)Arashin Kujqai Wrote: Tbh, I feel people need to loosen up their judgements a bit more. More specifically any prejudgements they hold. Some red flags may indicate warning or something bad but that alone doesn't actually constitute the person is bad or something's wrong with them or RP'ing with them. Everyone's got a life of their own specifics and understandings both IRL and in game, just should respect each other and move on with it. Maybe I sound too "peace and love" atm but I think some areas of RP in many servers would get along much more if they just learned to have fun and loosen up themselves a bit, than to get offended or see reasons to not get along over all the reasons they COULD get along with.
Personally having that kind of mentality is part of what lead me to create this thread. I'm the kind of person who will role play with pretty much anyone willing to put in the effort of setting it up with me. I may be wary of some things but ultimately I end up giving everyone a chance. Recently, I had one of those very rare times where I thought "Huh, maybe I should stay away." and that made me wonder about reasons other people might think that.
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Firefly - 10-07-2017
(10-07-2017, 03:51 AM)Arashin Kujqai Wrote: Tbh, I feel people need to loosen up their judgements a bit more. More specifically any prejudgements they hold. Some red flags may indicate warning or something bad but that alone doesn't actually constitute the person is bad or something's wrong with them or RP'ing with them. Everyone's got a life of their own specifics and understandings both IRL and in game, just should respect each other and move on with it. Maybe I sound too "peace and love" atm but I think some areas of RP in many servers would get along much more if they just learned to have fun and loosen up themselves a bit, than to get offended or see reasons to not get along over all the reasons they COULD get along with.
You're absolutely right, and I wouldn't worry about sounding too 'peace and love'-y, since your point here is entirely reasonable. False positives are a thing, and considering some people here have listed some incredibly bizarre, borderline petty things that could simply be either personality quirks or them on a bad day, or not being native English speakers/writers.
My insignificant opinion, is that Kieron's green flags are integral to 'categorising' or figuring out whether you'd like to RP with someone or not.
When it comes to finding friends/meeting people, it's both immature and unrealistic to expect said friends/potential co-writers/whatever to be 100% perfect. Watching out for 'Green Flags', imo is just as (if not more) important as looking for 'Red Flags'.
I've known amazing RPers with horrible, bland writing or florid, purple prose; I've known people who use the 'I'm an asshole' tag because they have a low self-esteem and are really just beating themselves up over having an opinion; and I've known people who get embroiled in drama because they're people pleasers and don't know how to say 'no', at no fault of their own. Do these traits/flags make them bad RP Partners? Yes and no.
Probably stating the obvious here, but ultimately, whether they're a good RP Partner or not falls to you -- can you put up with the crap for the good they have, or are you just going to look at the bad sides and not their potential?
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Eses Fafa - 10-07-2017
"Hefty"
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Zen Ares - 10-07-2017
One thing I've learned through 20 years of RPing is that a red flag in one person may not be a red flag in another person. Human beings are so complex! And there are no two people alike in the world. It boils down to my preferences and perspective as to whether I'll get on with someone, and how our little "crazy patterns" do with each other.Â
For example, I'm a very time-oriented person, so it can be a red flag if I'm RPing with someone who's late or blows off a RP session. That's because I tend to block out my free time and tend to know what I'm doing at a certain time in the near future. I keep calendars to keep track of my appointments, both in RL and in-game, so time is valuable to me.Â
A person who doesn't value time is going to be someone that I won't want to play in-depth with, or commit to. Not because they're a bad person, and not because I'm right, but because we're different people in this aspect. From past experience of trying to make RP relationships work involving this, I know it ends up with OOC issues eventually.Â
On the internet, especially since we're missing face-to-face communication and can't read when a person is joking, serious, mad, depressed, etc (although we can pick up on clues over time), I'd rather recognize this from the beginning and not encourage interaction with a person like this involving times, so that we can remain on friendly terms.Â
It's just recognizing that I have a quirk that doesn't mesh well with someone else's quirk, habit, issue, etc, and moving on from them. It's learning to trust my gut instinct about people the first time it pops up, even if I can't quite place my finger on what it is in the beginning. I always trust that. In other words, what may be a red flag to one person may not be to another, and it's easy for threads like this to delve into personal pet peeves instead of what constitutes red flag behaviors.Â
There are people out there bent on maliciousness, stalking and other sociopathic/psychotic behaviors, and when you come across one of these people, if you're in tune with yourself, you'll get the biggest NOPE feeling crawling down your spine and little alarm bells going off in your head saying, DON'T ENGAGE, RUN AWAY. Thankfully they're not as abundant as they once were, since more victims are stepping forward and naming names. But always listen to that inner voice when engaging people, even if you can't explain it.
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Kilieit - 10-07-2017
(10-07-2017, 11:40 AM)Zen Ares Wrote: One thing I've learned through 20 years of RPing is that a red flag in one person may not be a red flag in another person. Human beings are so complex! And there are no two people alike in the world. It boils down to my preferences and perspective as to whether I'll get on with someone, and how our little "crazy patterns" do with each other.Â
[...]
There are people out there bent on maliciousness, stalking and other sociopathic(...) behaviors, and when you come across one of these people, if you're in tune with yourself, you'll get the biggest NOPE feeling crawling down your spine and little alarm bells going off in your head saying, DON'T ENGAGE, RUN AWAY. Thankfully they're not as abundant as they once were, since more victims are stepping forward and naming names. But always listen to that inner voice when engaging people, even if you can't explain it.
This is what it comes down to for me. Although it's not a rare occurrence for me to avoid meeting up with someone a second time for RP due to red flags, I found I had trouble pinning down exactly what those flags were for me in the form of concrete, universal rules that I could post in this thread... and I think Zen put a finger on why I was struggling.
So many of my "red flags" are about recognising patterns I know from past experiences. I haven't RP'd in "grown up" communities for quite as many years as Zen on account of only having existed for 24, but it's honestly been almost as long, and I've learned a lot of hard lessons in that time about who not to associate with. It feels like a cop-out for me to say "I just have an intuition", but that's basically what it is.
One important thing, though - knowing when to listen to that intuition and when to disregard it can be just as difficult to learn as developing it is, especially if you've been through some really bad experiences like I have. But it's just as important for your enjoyment of any given community.
A big one for me is separating someone's mannerisms from their actions. I frequently meet people who remind me in one way or another of people who've treated me badly in the past, and I have to be very careful to dissect why they do. Is it just because they structure their sentences in a similar way, or use similar emoticons? If so, it's in my best interests for me to recognise the irrational fear for what it is, and work through it. On the other hand, is it because (for example) they're pushing boundaries and then playing it off like a joke when I object? Because in that case, it's probably in my best interests to heed my instincts and slow-fade.
And I do prefer the slow-fade in the huge majority of circumstances. When I'm pulling back not necessarily because they're explicitly doing something horribly wrong, but merely because I'm noting signs that they might do in the future... I see no reason to make it a big blow-out.
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Cassandra - 10-07-2017
(10-04-2017, 09:38 AM)Gegenji Wrote: To try and throw a general, vague one out there... I'd say be wary of characters/players who get clingy a little too fast (though I suppose being clingy at all is probably a bad thing)? This is mostly for relationship RP, and from what I've seen and heard more than any personal experience.
To touch on this further, I had someone start calling me pet names after one discord conversation. Now I don't mind when friends do that or if it's clearly being playful, but DMing me every other day with "Hi, dove" or "kitten" immediately triggers my "this person will be clingy!" radar. It didn't help the mentioned "adult content" more than once, which kinda put me on edge over what their intentions were.
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Arashin Kujqai - 10-07-2017
- is able to clear most non-Savage content and doesn't whine in dungeons
- keeps ooc mostly in PMs or party chat
- contributes to RP plots/relationships without sacrificing their day job or being a NEET
It's just even the green flags can be seen as red flags when mentioned like this. They're not inherently bad concepts always and making them seen as a plus builds some sort of standard that not everyone is able to be or keep up with. Some players can be of these circumstances because they're new or don't understand some things in FF14 yet. Some are getting the feel for RP for the first time and want to make sure everyone else is comfortable so they're comfortable. Then of course there's RL situations where not everyone is in a prime situation to have a job/schooling and etc. The flags themselves shouldn't immediately mark the person as "do not touch or else bad time" considering how coincidental some things like these may be. I'd say all the flags even I mentioned should be seen with a more grey perspective than black/white. With a more "it depends" vibe to it than "nope, never, out right NUPE!". It's always welcoming to see the opposite end of this with positive outlooks than just negative connotations applied all around.
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Faye - 10-07-2017
(10-07-2017, 03:51 AM)Arashin Kujqai Wrote: Tbh, I feel people need to loosen up their judgements a bit more. More specifically any prejudgements they hold. Some red flags may indicate warning or something bad but that alone doesn't actually constitute the person is bad or something's wrong with them or RP'ing with them. Everyone's got a life of their own specifics and understandings both IRL and in game, just should respect each other and move on with it. Maybe I sound too "peace and love" atm but I think some areas of RP in many servers would get along much more if they just learned to have fun and loosen up themselves a bit, than to get offended or see reasons to not get along over all the reasons they COULD get along with.
I don't think everyone here is saying they'll be sending hatemail or outright ignoring anyone who hits any of their red flags--that's just not part of the definition of "red flag" and isn't inherent in the discussion unless someone specifically says that. While I personally do think some of the red flags other have listed are a case of correlation rather than causation for any sort of unpleasant behavior and are therefore not necessarily fair or helpful, there's nothing wrong with the idea of having a checklist of things that make you uncomfortable or things that have always seemed to correspond with unpleasant experiences.
It's not disrespectful--and is indeed "moving on"--to keep your distance from anyone who throws up warning signs to you. All my "red flags" are either things that have always ended up poorly or very rarely ended well, they are either signs of patterns I have recognized in my 10+ years of RP or acts that in themselves make me uncomfortable. I don't have unlimited free time, and I do have my own happiness and safety to consider (I venture everyone is the same in that regard). I don't always want to spend my time and energy on interactions that make me uneasy and are very likely to be unpleasant all around.
It is not any absence of "peace and love" from anyone else, many people just value their own time and enjoyment and don't want to gamble it on a experience they think/know is likely to go awry, and oftentimes avoiding people you don't mesh with is part of keeping that "peace."
As you said, everyone has their own lives in game and out, some people don't have the time or temperaments to be always taking risks on interactions with other people who have already proven to be sketchy to them.
RE: Red Flags in RP/RP Partners? - Arashin Kujqai - 10-08-2017
(10-07-2017, 11:15 PM)Faye Wrote:Oh, yeah of course lol. Just about reading through some it, I started to get the feeling that combining all these red flags as things people can lookout for or things they themselves may not want to do... It gave me the thought that perhaps things can get trivial and we just needa sit back and enjoy ourselves. Just reading it altogether can seem like a lot of people find a lot of things distasteful without any context to it.(10-07-2017, 03:51 AM)Arashin Kujqai Wrote: Tbh, I feel people need to loosen up their judgements a bit more. More specifically any prejudgements they hold. Some red flags may indicate warning or something bad but that alone doesn't actually constitute the person is bad or something's wrong with them or RP'ing with them. Everyone's got a life of their own specifics and understandings both IRL and in game, just should respect each other and move on with it. Maybe I sound too "peace and love" atm but I think some areas of RP in many servers would get along much more if they just learned to have fun and loosen up themselves a bit, than to get offended or see reasons to not get along over all the reasons they COULD get along with.
I don't think everyone here is saying they'll be sending hatemail or outright ignoring anyone who hits any of their red flags--that's just not part of the definition of "red flag" and isn't inherent in the discussion unless someone specifically says that. While I personally do think some of the red flags other have listed are a case of correlation rather than causation for any sort of unpleasant behavior and are therefore not necessarily fair or helpful, there's nothing wrong with the idea of having a checklist of things that make you uncomfortable or things that have always seemed to correspond with unpleasant experiences.
It's not disrespectful--and is indeed "moving on"--to keep your distance from anyone who throws up warning signs to you. All my "red flags" are either things that have always ended up poorly or very rarely ended well, they are either signs of patterns I have recognized in my 10+ years of RP or acts that in themselves make me uncomfortable. I don't have unlimited free time, and I do have my own happiness and safety to consider (I venture everyone is the same in that regard). I don't always want to spend my time and energy on interactions that make me uneasy and are very likely to be unpleasant all around.
It is not any absence of "peace and love" from anyone else, many people just value their own time and enjoyment and don't want to gamble it on a experience they think/know is likely to go awry, and oftentimes avoiding people you don't mesh with is part of keeping that "peace."
Like atm, I'm helping a friend learn how to RP a char that isn't very social. Without attempting to make her look like a lamp lol. May be a red flag to some or a "I'll just avoid this" kinda thing to others, but for the most part, just gotta have people remember not to jump the gun. A red flag is like you said, just a lil check on the list to check out everything first.