Hydaelyn Role-Players
Performance Anxiety? - Printable Version

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Performance Anxiety? - Rila - 03-23-2015

After two months as an active roleplayer on Balmung, this is something I've really struggled with, and I'm wondering if anyone here has the same issue.

I love the idea of RP. I do. I enjoy reading transcripts and hearing about other people's characters, and am excited about the backstories and personalities I've come up myself. It's safe to say that thinking about RP is one of my favorite FFXIV-related past times.

But then I try to actually RP, and that's when it goes to shit.

I'm not a great writer, and when I'm in an RP, I become extremely aware of this fact. I see other people come out with these delightful, interesting and well-written paragraphs in less than a minute and when it's my turn to respond, I panic. It can take me a few minutes to give a satisfactory response, and even then it's not impressive writing. Despite the fact that I've given both my characters a lot of thought, they still seem to come out sounding like caricatures. And the more I panic, the more wooden they seem to sound, the slower my responses tend to get, and the more I panic.

Like logically I know RP is not supposed to be a competition, but it really feels like an exam that I didn't study for a lot of the time.

Does all this sound familiar to anyone? If so, did it get better over time? Have you found anything that helps with this?

RE: Performance Anxiety? - Warren Castille - 03-23-2015

In "live" roleplay, I'm pretty basic. A lot of dialogue punctuated by /em nods. and /em shrugs. a lot of the time. The important thing to remember is what you alluded to: Roleplay isn't a competition. It's a collaborative writing effort. If someone's writing long flowery paragraphs, it's because that's what they're wanting to write. If someone else sticks to just dialogue, it's not worse or lesser than someone being eloquent, it's just different.

Stage fright is a pretty natural thing. The best way to combat it, I think, is to surround yourself with folks you're comfortable being with in public. Go to the Drunken Wench with a partner, someone who knows you. Meet people in a tag-team setting.

RE: Performance Anxiety? - Gegenji - 03-23-2015

I was nervous as heck when I first got onto Balmung. I had a character all thought up and ready to go but... I was afraid of RPing poorly or screwing up some other way. I spent most of my first day on the server wondering if I had gotten in over my head and jumped into something without thinking it through.

Then I got into an RP, then another, and another. As I found people that I started regularly RPing with, I feel like I've become more comfortable with doing it as a whole. I still worry about doing something dumb here and there, but I don't feel quite as anxious anymore.

Also, don't stress too much about the size of your RP posts. Large or small, you can play either way! Just write how you feel comfortable writing, and I'm sure you'll be fine. If you're RPing with someone who's going to judge you for not writing paragraphs, then you're probably better off finding someone else, after all.

... Um, hope that helps? Blush

RE: Performance Anxiety? - Aya - 03-23-2015

You're definitely not alone, its something that people mention pretty frequently..

You've already hit upon the best advice that I can imagine.  Its not competitive, its not sport, and there certainly are no judges waiting to write down a score.  Its interactive, and its meant to be fun and enjoyable for those involved.  And it is those last two things that should really be the focal point for determining how to respond: fun and enjoyment. 

People RP in different ways, and characterize their characters in a lot of different ways.  Sometimes there's good reason to focus on subtle body language, or on tone of voice, and other descriptions, and these can make for long posts. 

This does not necessitate a long or wordy post in response, if anything the length of the response should be determined only by your own individual judgement on what you feel like should be expressed.

Sometimes the best, and most meaningful response to a very long post could be immensely short.  A nod.  A smile.  A shrug of the shoulders, or a several word verbal response.  There's no need to feel like it should be in some way equal to the one that came before it in detail or length.

No one will look down upon you for writing responses shorter than theirs.  Just do what you feel is appropriate, and more importantly, what you feel is fun.  In other words: don't worry, be happy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU

Edit: I just want to re-iterate what Warren said. In public, especially, say, QS RP, I tend to keep my emotes much shorter and less flowery. Pretty basic body language, expressions, and short sentences where possible. Sometimes someone asks what is available to order though... then it may get a little bit longer!

RE: Performance Anxiety? - Zhavi - 03-23-2015

It's a confidence thing. As in, you're lacking confidence in your writing abilities, and as a result you're biased towards other people over yourself. Pretty much everyone who has ever confided in me that they think they're writing sucks I've found to have perfectly delightful writing.

If you can, I would try going into it with a learning mindset. Look at how people write that you like, and aim to steal techniques from them. Copy methods you like, adapt them to suit you. Try new things, come at it with the headset that you're not where you want to be, but that you're looking to improve. If you need to, tell your rp partners that. That way it makes it more acceptable to 'not be as good' as those around you -- hey, you're learning and improving, and there's never anything wrong with that. I mean hell, there's always something new to learn anyways!

It's helped me during those times that I feel like my writing is shit, my ideas are shit, everything is shit.

I think most writers go through that, even some who are wildly successful. Sometimes you can work your way out of it, sometimes you just gotta muddle for awhile feeling like shit and take a break to reset your brain, as it were.

RE: Performance Anxiety? - Rila - 03-23-2015

Wow, thanks for the responses so far. It's good to know that I'm not alone in this.

I feel like I should clarify something though: my personal writing style actually tends more toward longer paragraphs. I like to describe my characters' tone of voice and body language, though I definitely do not judge anyone for making shorter replies instead. But because I tend to want to be more descriptive, it also adds to my response time - which is another thing I'm self conscious over.

But yeah, when I'm really stressing out, it's the content of the responses that I'm worried about more so than the length.

@Zhavi You know, I hadn't really thought of doing it, but now that you mention it, I'll give it a shot next time. Admitting that I'm learning does seem a lot more genuine than pretending I know what I'm doing, and it also seems like a good way to make OOC connections.

RE: Performance Anxiety? - No Longer Exists - 03-23-2015

*Rises up from beneath the hat on the floor, adjusts it on his head* 

RPers can be very much like writers, hypercritical of their own works. This is common of any creative outlet and those who use them though, even musicians go through such angst when composing score or lyrics. So the most important thing to remember in a situation like this is...


Don't Panic!


If you're not a Douglass Adams fan, that's alright. The point is that RP is first and foremost about FUN!

[youtube]RADFMEZCjeM[/youtube]

Fun doesn't involve fear or apprehension. That's what makes it great. So just enjoy yourself, don't worry about "less or more" in your emotes or replies. Enjoy the character you wrote the way you want to enjoy it. Cool

Cheers!

-Black Hat

*Disappears back under the hat, leaving it on the floor*

RE: Performance Anxiety? - C'kayah Polaali - 03-23-2015

I'll second what Zhavi said. Always be learning. That works for pretty much anything you could ever do in life. People love to look like they know what they're doing, that they're experts, and it is fun to be perceived as an expert. The fact of the matter is, though, the only thing that really makes someone an expert is a willingness to learn and lots of practice.

RE: Performance Anxiety? - Nebbs - 03-23-2015

Fear not, I am very dyslexic and fail hard at both the writing of those symbol things into words, as well are the reading thing.

My number one tip for you is provide responses that add to the roleplay, so rather than yes/no/maybe, ..

eg
Q - "What is your favorite colour?"

A - "Well red, and my eyes were drawn to your red robes, they are just wonderful. Where did you find such a thing?"
or
A - "Well red, and I was looking for some red shoes in the market, would you happen to know where that is?"
or
A - "Red, no blue, maybe green.. it all depends on why you asked?" she blinks her eyes up at the stranger with a hopeful smile

RE: Performance Anxiety? - Jerciex - 03-23-2015

Cheers!
There are all-kind of RPers in-game and it means there different type of Role-players. Some people are very creative, use "fancy words" and have awesome style in RP, and someones are little bit more simple (I'm simple one and I tend to feel same as you do about my performance). Even styles are different, it doesn't mean another one is 'inferior'. You can experience great moments with both.
Reason why we get easily anxiety about our own performance is worry that we don't give same experience another person as this does. We don't wanna disappoint anyone. I have noticed that talking OOCly about performance with someone you have RPed with, allows to see good points in performance. With feedback I have been able to improve and cheer someone else. I think feedback is always good, it prevents "bad thoughts" in head (Like: "I wonder if (s)he hated RP with me." "I bet (s)he was bored whole session"). As long feedback is honest, it great!

Like many others might have said that already: You aren't alone with this! We learn and grow from our experiences.

RE: Performance Anxiety? - Roen - 03-23-2015

I agree with all of the posters above.

And I too completely understand what you mean about performance anxiety. I have played with RPers where I have paused and said... "MAN. That was a great way of phrasing that" or "Geez this person is good..." and then look at my own post and find it somewhat lacking.

But I will tell you this. I have NEVER went the other way and said "Wow that person said -that- twice" or "that was a horrible way of phrasing that" ... like ever!

Live RP is fast paced and I think all of us know we are put on the spot to react right away and type out something. Some of us do it better than others. I know I have admired other people's skills and tried to learn something while RPing with them. But I know I am too busy to knit pick at other people's RP -while- I am actually RPing.

So just get in the moment and write your heart out! And don't go back and judge yourself! It's the most surest way to get yourself out of the moment! MOST likely people aren't judging you. They are in the moment going along with the scene and trying to decide what they are going to say next with THEIR character.

And as other people have said... have fun with it!

RE: Performance Anxiety? - Melkire - 03-23-2015

I took regular piano instruction for twelve years.

For nine of those years, I attended every small recital and concert that my instructor recommended me to. I practiced various pieces for them, depending on the theme: Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, Chopin, Mendelssohn, Tchaikovsky, Brahms, and more. There were generally two or three, sometimes four recitals and concerts in a year. One was always hosted by my instructor for her studio. The others were always these get-togethers for instructors of the community to show off their students, raise their prestige, and push those students to the forefront so that they could be seen and heard, perhaps earn accolades, and maybe even be "scouted".

Nine years. Eighteen recitals and concerts at least, twenty-seven at most.

Trust me when I say that I know exactly how you feel.

I didn't get into music, didn't choose to play piano, because I wanted to be a professional, or because my parents forced me to it, or because I was looking to show off. I genuinely love music, especially the works of the Romantic era (Classical and Baroque pieces still hold a strong place in my heart). I love listening, and even more so I love making music, knowing that I can sit down, on my own, whenever I want, place my fingers on the keyboard, and create something beautiful.

But here's the rub: instruction, my teacher told me, is guidance, and practice is, well, practice. The best way to improve was to be exposed to what others could do, so that I'd find my drive, so that I'd strive to better myself, to improve, to be lit on fire, so to speak. Public performances, I was told, were for my own good.

It never feels that way at the time. You're sitting there, hands in your lap, head tucked down, and then, at last, after an eternity of waiting, you hear your name called, and you panic. Except this isn't the sudden panic of cartoons, where the person in question is twitching and running about like a spaz. No. It's not sudden at all. It's a cold chill throughout your entire body, a heavy weight in your chest, a thousand butterflies in your stomach and a million needles across your skin, and that feeling has been building ever since you walked in and sat down. You’re sitting there, and you’re listening to everyone before you, who had their turn first, and they’re setting their fingers to the keys and something marvelously divine is filling the air, but you can’t soar with them, no, that weight in your chest is holding you down, because they’re so good, you’ll never be that good, you’re awful, why didn't you practice more, why couldn't you be better, why are you even here, you sit down at home and turds fall from the sky when you play, you can’t take this, you don’t belong here, you’re a miserable waste of space, you never belonged here and you never will, and that’s when you hear your name called. Now you’re on a precipice. Part of you wants to stand. Part of you wants to stand up and burst into tears, and regretfully inform the crowd that you’re sorry, you can’t, you have to go. That same part of you wants to walk out, wants to run even because you can’t bear the feel of their eyes on you, you want to leave and go home and cry and never come back.

But there’s also a part of you that wants to swallow down all your doubts and fears, wants to nod and step out of the aisle and walk up there and sit down at the bench. You want to set your hands and feet in their places, take as many long, deep breaths as you think you can afford, and then play. You will fuck up. You will hit a wrong note here and there. You’re too loud on this section, and too quiet on the next. You might even freeze up, your mind blanking because you don’t remember what comes next, and you either have to stand and bow, or else suffer the intense silence and the murmuring that follows until memory, mind or muscle, kicks back in. And once you’re done, once you’ve played your part, the pressure is lifted, the weight is gone… but the dread isn’t. Because as you stand to bow, you’re aware: they’re judging you. They’ve been judging you the whole time. All you want to do is play, to have fun, to make music, to listen, to bask, but you have to perform and now they’re judging you for it and what right do they have and oh god they probably think you’re awful, you were nowhere near as good as the folks before you….

What you don’t realize until a long, long time after, years even, is that each and every person in that crowd is rooting for you. They are hoping to hear something beautiful flow from your fingertips. They are cheering you on. Why? Because they’re not here for a perfect rendition. Perfect renditions are boring.

They’re here for YOUR rendition.

Yes, they might have shown up for their child, or their friend, or someone they know. They’re not really here for you. But polite niceties require that they sit through the entire show, and that means that, when you get up on stage, they’re hoping you give it your all, that you can produce something that’ll catch their attention, their interest, that you’ll entice and seduce and enchant them. They don’t want to hear same old Beethoven’s Fifth as played a hundred thousand times by everyone else, their mother, the television and the film industries.

They want your take.

That’s how much you matter to them, at that moment.

I almost always cried when I got home. I was rarely satisfied with my own performance. But gradually, I learned that I was improving. My instructor would bring me the review and commentary sheets from the real judges, the instructors from colleges and universities and conservatories, and they’d be wonderful. “I really liked your take on this section!” “Work on your memorization, you missed a few notes, but I’m looking forward to hearing more from you.” “You have a talent for evoking feeling.” Always, they would know where I screwed up… but they weren’t interested in my faults. They were interested in what I, and I alone, could bring to the music. They loved hearing the way I splashed myself onto the pages, how I colored the music.

So you know what I did? What I kept doing?

I’d take those fears, and that pain, and the tears, and the regret, and I’d ball it up, and I’d feed that ball as fuel to the fire. I told myself I’d do better next time, that I’d practice, that I wouldn’t half-ass it, that I’d put more time and more importantly more attention into my time at the piano, and that I wouldn’t just fall back on muscle memory – that I’d listen to myself play. And you know what? I did. And I got better.

I still get that feeling, every time I sit down at the piano, whether it’s for a recital or for friends and family. Even when it’s for myself, because I can hear every mistake, every off-kilter note. The cold is always there. So is the weight. So are the butterflies and the needles. But it’s worth it. I love creating. I love soaring. And if I have to suffer a little so that I can soar with others, and they can soar with me, so be it. I’ll be smiling and laughing as I cry at the keyboard, so to speak.

Performance anxiety feels awful.

But it can be a good kind of awful. All you have to do to improve your self-confidence is to keep throwing yourself back out there, no matter how much it hurts. Eventually, those review sheets will come back with A’s and S’s and “EXQUISITE” and “I loved it, I was moved to tears."

Mine did. Took nearly seven or eight of my nine years to get there, but they did.

You can do it.

RE: Performance Anxiety? - Lekka Meyren - 03-23-2015

Sometimes I've had scenes between two people where it took a few minutes between each response; But I have a rather verbose style when others around me also do..

I think it's just a thing to get used to; and I think in many cases people will be happy to "wait" for you to act, particularly if you are currently being talked to or acted with.

It's also definitely something I had a lot more of before though, when I first came to balmung I was really unconfident in how to play my character and interact with people around me; but I guess having gotten to know her better through her interaction with others, it kinda comes easier?
Like now she can be a little rude at times to people she has only just met, simply because it would be her natural reaction.  When I started out I was more of a polite stick.

RE: Performance Anxiety? - Gegenji - 03-23-2015

(03-23-2015, 01:42 PM)Melkire Wrote: -A thing of complete beauty-

[Image: 565.gif]

... That's... that's all I can put, really.

RE: Performance Anxiety? - Rila - 03-23-2015

^ That gif right there is pretty much how I felt after reading it.