Hydaelyn Role-Players
You are allowed to Fail - Printable Version

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You are allowed to Fail - McBeefâ„¢ - 07-16-2015

Hello all, I've wanted to make this thread for a while, as it is both personally cathartic, and I think it will help others.

So often in this game (and in life) I see people stay away from things they desperately want, because they are afraid of failing in the attempt. May it be RP, PVE, Social aspects or even real life issues, people (including myself) let the fear of failure keep them away from their goals. Eventually people even give up on them.

I want to let you know that you are allowed to fail, and when you do fail, the consequences won't be as bad as you think. You might even find yourself better off than having done nothing at all. In the spirit of that, this thread is for our failures, and the discussion of the fear of failing.

Hopefully the examples here will show others that they're not alone, and that everyone has their failures. Do not let the fear of them keep you from what you want.

Here are a few from me to start off:

I made an FC, a long time ago. It was an RP FC with my friends in real life. Countless days of work were poured into it. Plans were made, a house was acquired, friends joined. However largely due to my failures, the thing fell apart, something I was angry and bitter about for a long time. However despite my failure, I learned a great deal from the failure, and try to use that as I go forward in this game.

PVE - I think everyone can relate to this, unless you mainly clear content with a very solid static. PUG groups can tend to expect perfection (from others, not from themselves), and can kick you or insult you if you fail. However everyone has to learn at some point, yet it can be very intimidating going into a group of strangers, not knowing that you can competently do the fight. So people just don't do them. I have failed at content more times than I can count, I've been insulted and kicked. I've joined groups where people have seen my name, and kicked me because of past performance they've seen. Yet... despite all that, I still manage to find groups, and I still manage to find content. Balmung is a huge server, and your failures will not be as widespread as you think. There is always a chance to try again with another group.

And that group, won't remember you as the person who failed, but the person who had some experience, and helped them clear. And they'll be the group that will want you back, and be happy to see you.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling, if anyone else can relate, or has stories of their own failures to get off their chest, please, feel free.

RE: You are allowed to Fail - Caspar - 07-17-2015

This a million times. Every death is a learning experience for me. Wiping in unfamiliar content is a teaching tool, not something to be feared.

RE: You are allowed to Fail - -no longer matters- - 07-17-2015

I actually enjoy content that is hard and that me and my team (PuG or premade) fails at. This way the triumphant feeling of finally over coming it is so much greater!

RE: You are allowed to Fail - Viola - 07-17-2015

It's not a failure, it's a temporary setback.

Failure implies that you did not succeed. Big deal, you didn't complete it this time or the next. Failure starts when you give up. Not when you wipe, not when you decide to take a break from what you're doing.

RE: You are allowed to Fail - Aya - 07-17-2015

Very well put Nat!

RE: You are allowed to Fail - Kellach Woods - 07-17-2015

Yeah uh like a lot of my personal issues have to do with this. I've been on and off therapy for years now.

I'll let you know how that goes.

RE: You are allowed to Fail - McBeefâ„¢ - 07-17-2015

(07-17-2015, 06:28 PM)Kellach Woods Wrote: Yeah uh like a lot of my personal issues have to do with this. I've been on and off therapy for years now.

I'll let you know how that goes.

Same here buddy. The only thing that's really helped me is to just do the things that scare me.

The real big one for me was transitioning (I'm transgender), it was sort of tearing me apart, feeling the need to do it so strongly, but also the fear of losing my friends and family.

In the end I just had to do it, scary and depressing as it was. I still have issues surrounding it, but even the failures haven't been as bad as I feared. I try to just take the leap with other issues in my life, but it's still really scary.

The few failures I do have seem to just destroy me, and all my successes and confidence can be wiped away by a single failure.

RE: You are allowed to Fail - Kellach Woods - 07-17-2015

Funnily enough, my ex is trans.

I've got the same problem too - regardless of the gravity of the failure. It's fucking stupid for a 30 year old to be completely fucking destroyed by performing badly at a video game but that's how it is.

RE: You are allowed to Fail - McBeefâ„¢ - 07-17-2015

(07-17-2015, 06:41 PM)Kellach Woods Wrote: Funnily enough, my ex is trans.

I've got the same problem too - regardless of the gravity of the failure. It's fucking stupid for a 30 year old to be completely fucking destroyed by performing badly at a video game but that's how it is.

Yep, I can have a good job, kitty purring in my lap, people who love and respect me...

And then some little setback happens and suddenly I feel like I'm less than shit. I wish my emotions could have like a little review, and go over past performance before immediately torpedoing my self worth.

RE: You are allowed to Fail - Kellach Woods - 07-17-2015

for me I just feel I've gotten all of these failures, but damn if I've had successes and shit, so it's like... okay i fail and fail and fail and fail and keep on failing with more failure.

but when is it my turn to succeed, y'know?

also seems like I failed to stay on topic Big Grin

RE: You are allowed to Fail - Zhavi - 07-17-2015

I feel like this is simplifying the emotional struggle too much.

The failures you fear the most are the most complicated, the ones that hit you on multiple levels. The last straws, the big, impactful, long-lasting ones that take more away from you than you know how to deal with. Especially if you've already exhausted your avenues of help, or know that there is not really anything else you can do. Those suck, and they suck hard, and there is no way around that except to accept it and pick yourself back up.

Sometimes a video game is the last piece of self-worth people have, and so yeah, of course it's a scary prospect.

Sometimes it isn't okay to fail. But you have to learn to keep trying anyways, and nothing will make it easier or better.

RE: You are allowed to Fail - LiadansWhisper - 07-17-2015

I'm speaking from a purely PvE, dungeon/raid standpoint.

Even the best players fail.  A guild in WoW called Method recently killed the hardest fight available in that game.  What a lot of people don't know is that they failed over four hundred times before they got the fight down.

When I was raiding with a progression guild in Mists of Pandaria, we wiped over two hundred times on one of the harder bosses, and almost five hundred times on the hardest boss in the raid.

When I read this thread, I went and pulled up the character that was my main for most of my WoW playtime.  I have died over five thousand times in raids.  I'm not even making that up - the exact number is 5,136.  I went and looked at my previous main, and she's died 2,974 times just in raid instances.  Put together, that means that over the course of my WoW career, I've died over eight thousand times.

Eight thousand times that I've failed.  I want you to think about that for a moment.  I've failed at my job as a healer (because ultimately, your job is to keep yourself alive) eight thousand times.

But, I've also been the Emperor's Twilight.  I was the Storm's End.  I was Hellscream's Downfall.  I was the Savior of Azeroth, the Dragonslayer, Blackwing's Bane, of the Four Winds, and the Firelord.

Part of raiding - in any game - is failing.  So if you want to raid, you will fail.  But so will everyone else.  And there is literally nothing sweeter in raiding than the moment when you finally get it right.  ^_^

So don't let the thought of failure turn you away from raiding.  Don't let it scare you off.  Throw yourself in head-first and be prepared to bash your head against the wall again and again and again until you make it up over that wall and into Nerd Glory.  Trust me, it's worth it! Big Grin

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RE: You are allowed to Fail - Seye Qhesu - 07-17-2015

(07-17-2015, 10:31 PM)LiadansWhisper Wrote: -snip-
You made me go on to the Wow Armory and check out my character which I haven't played in a raid scene since the end of Cata and stopped logging on to a few years ago.

11,103 deaths total, 7,795 of that in raids. (I pushed content throughout my 8 years. After ended top 50 world in Cata I quit for rp and school)

I agree with you on alot of what you said. I believe it is okay to fail. I am fine with people learning. I am a person who needs to see it in game. A video is not going to do much for me then give me a general idea. No one is perfect and I never expect anyone to be. Only thing I ask is if you need help, don't be afraid to seek it. <3

RE: You are allowed to Fail - DoomsdayClock - 07-18-2015

It took me a very long time to find a role I was comfortable with. Honestly I had so many awful experiences in PVE early on....
This being my first MMO, I had never played anything of the sort. With everyone I knew running around in fancy gear, with so much of a background I felt more than unworthy to even drag my sorry self a long on their dungeon runs and the like.
I think...I had done all of the start dungeons with friends holding my hand. I had gained a degree of confidence in tanking, and thought I knew what I was doing...
I decided to run Brayflox with randoms, to be bold and confident and just give it a go! We got to the first boss and wiped, and I hadn't realized that the boss areas locked when you stayed in them. So I quick teleported back to the entrance and thought I'd rush along and jump back in....only to be met with the wall keeping me from helping my team. But with the wall also came A LOT of hateful words my way...followed by a very quick vote to dismiss me. It was the first time I'd ever experienced such..I instantly logged out and took hours to regain the courage to even turn the game on ( as if the three randos would suddenly be there to complain more ).
That set a tone for me...and for a long time I never did content if I could avoid it.Folks force carried me along for the sake of having me able to get a room and junk like that lol.
I think I eventually found a better class to play..and through constant dailies I picked up more skills and tricks to help me along. But more than that I used the example of those doods to decide to ALWAYS be kind to the people I wind up with. Even if they are "bad", I will go out of my way to try to teach things..over and over if I must. More so I think I go a bit too far and take exception when party members aren't excellent to eachother. I left an Ultros once because they yelled at a DPS and dismissed him for not knowing the mechanic, then laughed about it....told them good luck finding another tank/healer ( can't remember) in mid battle lol.
That said, I will cherish my first EX Primal win forever...and hopefully will have more of them down the line lawl.
I might not be great..but damn it I want to have fun.

RE: You are allowed to Fail - Mae - 07-18-2015

Sometimes, you didn't fail... but you sure as hell believed it when you were told you did. 

And that's the problem I have out in the Real World. Most of the people in my life have been super supportive of me and my decisions. But despite that, the handful of those who weren't supportive often seemed to have the larger effect on me, probably because a couple of them had control of my grades.

I recently turned thirty-one. I am just now reaching a point where... yeah, I may actually manage to shake off those voices that told me I was a failure. For the past couple years, my husband has kept reminding me that he wants me to find the career that'll make me happy. I was recently offered space to set up a workshop/studio. I've acquired all the material I need to start... except a pair of safety goggles, rubber gloves, and a particle mask.

And I am so afraid to get those three items.

Not having them gives me an excuse to not actually start on this course of action. I don't want glass in my eyes, and my lungs are in bad enough shape without coating them in portland dust. And since I can't start, I can't fail. But once I have them? There'll be no more excuses. Will I be the failure that a few people told me I would be? Did I just waste all that money on nothing?

It's scary.