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The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Printable Version

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+--- Thread: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) (/showthread.php?tid=3086)



The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Swift - 07-25-2013

Hello again, everyone ^^
After plenty of daydreams and a few hours of typing, I finally managed to put together the first draft of my character's profile and backstory! I'm really excited to share it (so much so that I'm still in the process of revising it, so please excuse the mistakes that are bound to show up D:) and get some feedback so that I can start finalizing some details. So please feel free to give me your honest opinion and any constructive comments you may have about what you do and don't like--I handle criticism very well :3

(Note: For your convenience, I summarized the "important" elements of the story by numbered points, so you can easily reference specific paragraphs if you need to.)

Anyway, moving on to the character himself, allow me to explain the central premise behind him.
Rather than go with the approach that gives the character some sort of pressing matter of importance that would frequently drive him to the spotlight, I started withe vision of one who would play more of the "supporting actor" role. To this end, I sought to ensure that he carried enough depth and personality to be likable, while making sure that he didn't have so much baggage that it weighed him down, so hopefully that sort of lean gets further emphasized by the details associated with his story and personality.

So without further delay, here's the big wall of text straight from my Word Pad document~
Show Content



RE: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Kyatai - 07-25-2013

I thought it was very good...
... despite my disappointment that you won't be on my server Sad
Very well thought out and logical. Other than a few typos (which you admitted would be there in this rough draft), great job Smile


RE: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Martiallais - 07-25-2013

Agreed! This is a really nicely done character concept. I'm no lore expert by any means so you may want to get one of them to skim it to verify but just from a character building perspective I'd say it's well done. Smile


RE: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Swift - 07-25-2013

(07-25-2013, 05:34 AM)Kyatai Wrote: I thought it was very good...
... despite my disappointment that you won't be on my server Sad
Very well thought out and logical. Other than a few typos (which you admitted would be there in this rough draft), great job Smile

I know, I know D:
I wasn't aware that Balmung and Gilgamesh were going to be the "unofficial" RP servers when I picked Leviathan during the beta (doing so because it was my server on FFXI). As much as I'd enjoy a switch, I'm reluctant to abandon the awesome people I met on Levi, especially after we all made a big deal about find each other again when Phase 4 starts.

If I'm able to get a server-transfer though, I should be able to transfer my 1.0 character over to Balmung. But even then, I'm not sure how active I would be on that character. So... we'll see ;x

(07-25-2013, 09:55 AM)Zarek Wrote: Agreed! This is a really nicely done character concept. I'm no lore expert by any means so you may want to get one of them to skim it to verify but just from a character building perspective I'd say it's well done. Smile

I'm certainly hoping that one comes around ^^;
I was really reluctant to specifically mention where some places in the story were located out of fear of stepping on the lore's toes a bit--though I suppose leaving them vague allows for some flexibility once the character gets thrown into the chaotic mesh of other roleplayers. I tried my best to keep up with the lore and do some research where necessary, but it'd be reassuring to have someone double-check that for me, especially considering that Dalamud and the Echo played a pivotal role in M'kharis's plot.

Also, thank you both for checking things out for me. I appreciate it ^^


RE: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Sounsyy - 07-29-2013

Hey, Swift, don't know if it was a typo or not, but your nameday doesn't exist. ;P
Here's how the Eorzean months(moons) work, which is a little backwards from how eras are.

1 - First Astral Moon - Halone (January)
2 - First Umbral Moon - Menphina (February)
3 - Second Astral Moon - Thaliak (March)
4 - Second Umbral Moon - Nymeia (April)
5 - Third Astral Moon - Llymlaen (May)
6 - Third Umbral Moon - Oschon (June)
7 - Fourth Astral Moon - Byregot (July)
8 - Fourth Umbral Moon - Rhalgr (August)
9 - Fifth Astral Moon - Azeyma (September)
10 - Fifth Umbral Moon - Nald'Thal (October)
11 - Sixth Astral Moon - Nophica (November)
12 - Sixth Umbral Moon - Althyk (December)

Don't confuse the order of months with the order of Eras. Months follow Astral Umbral Astral Umbral. Eras follow Umbral Astral Umbral Astral.


RE: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Swift - 07-30-2013

(07-29-2013, 12:36 AM)Sounsyy Wrote: Hey, Swift, don't know if it was a typo or not, but your nameday doesn't exist. ;P
Here's how the Eorzean months(moons) work, which is a little backwards from how eras are.

1 - First Astral Moon - Halone (January)
2 - First Umbral Moon - Menphina (February)
3 - Second Astral Moon - Thaliak (March)
4 - Second Umbral Moon - Nymeia (April)
5 - Third Astral Moon - Llymlaen (May)
6 - Third Umbral Moon - Oschon (June)
7 - Fourth Astral Moon - Byregot (July)
8 - Fourth Umbral Moon - Rhalgr (August)
9 - Fifth Astral Moon - Azeyma (September)
10 - Fifth Umbral Moon - Nald'Thal (October)
11 - Sixth Astral Moon - Nophica (November)
12 - Sixth Umbral Moon - Althyk (December)

Don't confuse the order of months with the order of Eras. Months follow Astral Umbral Astral Umbral. Eras follow Umbral Astral Umbral Astral.

Blah! I can't believe I did that, lol.
Without having access to the character creator/character information on the Lodestone, I actually took the time out to start counting on my fingers back to which moon July was in. After all that work to remember it was the fourth astral moon, I still wrote it down as the seventh by accident (since July is the 7th month and all). </derp>

Thank you for pointing it out! -Goes to fix-


RE: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Naunet - 07-30-2013

(07-29-2013, 12:36 AM)Sounsyy Wrote: Don't confuse the order of months with the order of Eras. Months follow Astral Umbral Astral Umbral. Eras follow Umbral Astral Umbral Astral.

I don't know why they had to do this. Is it so hard to have a logical date system?! D:


RE: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Sounsyy - 07-30-2013

I have a really hard time remembering off the top of my head too, which is why I use this link:

http://ffxiv.gamerescape.com/wiki/Time


RE: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Swift - 07-30-2013

(07-30-2013, 04:27 AM)Naunet Wrote: I don't know why they had to do this. Is it so hard to have a logical date system?! D:

Because then it would make sense! Can't have that, clearly.


RE: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Naunet - 07-30-2013

(07-30-2013, 02:50 PM)Sounsyy Wrote: I have a really hard time remembering off the top of my head too, which is why I use this link:

http://ffxiv.gamerescape.com/wiki/Time

Except there's no way Hydaelyn is rotating at a speed such that 1 year is only 18 days. That's insane.


RE: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Sounsyy - 07-30-2013

(07-30-2013, 03:06 PM)Naunet Wrote:
(07-30-2013, 02:50 PM)Sounsyy Wrote: I have a really hard time remembering off the top of my head too, which is why I use this link:

http://ffxiv.gamerescape.com/wiki/Time

Except there's no way Hydaelyn is rotating at a speed such that 1 year is only 18 days. That's insane.

Lol in game it's not. But that's the conversion from in-game time to real life time. If every minute in Eorzea goes by every 2 1/2 seconds in real life, an entire year in Hydaelyn happens in 18 days our time. If we take OOC into this, IC time goes very much like in the real world. 60 seconds equal a minute. 60 minutes equal a bell. 24 bells equal a sun.

But then we must remember that while actual time passes in game, the actual time frame remains the same in game. Like in Sunday Comics, the characters don't ever grow up. Time doesn't ever really go on in game cuz then our characters would age over 20 years every 1 year we played the game. Too many events to implement every 18 days lol.


RE: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Naunet - 07-30-2013

(07-30-2013, 03:36 PM)Sounsyy Wrote: If every minute in Eorzea goes by every 2 1/2 seconds in real life, an entire year in Hydaelyn happens in 18 days our time.

Yea, I really would like to see Squee slow down the day/night cycle in-game a tad. It's frustrating roleplaying a scene at night and watching the sky cycle through dawn, mid-day, dusk, night, dawn again, over and over and over.. D:


RE: The Moon and the Muse (Critique Desired!) - Sounsyy - 07-30-2013

Well they used to have Daytime and Nighttime only NMs. Which may hold true to some FATEs in ARR. So you kinda don't want to be sitting around for 2+ hours just for it to become nighttime either.