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Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Blue - 12-06-2014
Hi, it's me again. The one who posts a lot but that almost nobody seems to have roleplayed with (And the server instability isn't helping one bit right now). I am here to expose two odd cases that have occurred to me of late with my main character, Jet'a Vann, who is an introvert character.
I suppose this ties a little to the over-friendly people thread that was made a while ago, but I felt this needed its own topic to be opened.
Case 1:
I'm crafting in my house when I get this tell:
"Hey, wanna RP?"
It was the first time someone sends me tells to actual RP, and while I was excited, my shyness also lead me to think the person was maybe thinking I was someone else, or worse, that it was the mule of a stalker I had a while ago (you should already know that story). So I ask:
"Sure. It's the first time someone asks me to RP! Have our characters met before?"
"Nope. I was just bored and you were the first I found."
She wasn't in my same area, so either she made a very odd search for comments in-game, or she browsed the wiki. Fearing she had done the first thing and didn't really know my character, I felt a fair warning was due.
"Ah, well sure, why not? Just a warning though, my character is a bit of a introvert."
"
 "And with that, she never contacted me again. I admit I was a bit hurt, and spent a good while talking with my friends and trying to figure out if I had somehow pushed her away or if she simply did not think I was worth her time by not being super-friendly. Oh well.
EDIT-UPDATE:
I'd like to inform everyone that this person has actually found this thread and has gotten back to me. After talking a bit, it came out that she hadn't intentionally avoided me, but that in a moment of distraction she forgot to get back to me to talk more about our characters and RP possibilities. I have now roleplayed with this person and it went very well! Even had a discussion that linked to my personal plot and could possibly open a branch from it.
Case 2:
This is the most recent, occurring just the other day before the DC-fest. A girl approaches me in Camp Bronze Lake, and things seem to be going fine. She tells me a lot of herself IC (without me really asking for details, because my character is way too polite to intrude privacy, but oh well), and me giving bits here and there, trying to respect my alignment of introvert but at the same time not sound like I just want the conversation to end.
At some point she begins nudging towards relationships and inquire on my status, which I personally (OOC and IC) felt was a bit pushy, but I still kept my cool and revealed that yes, I was single, but I just didn't have the head to find a soul mate at the moment.
This is when the tell comes "So are you interested in a romance partner?"
I was a little stunned at that, as I thought my IC explanation had been plenty sufficient and didn't need OOC enlightenment, but all the same I politely explained that rather than RPing towards a relationship, I preferred to RP with people, spend time and meaningful events with them and see how my character's feelings would change and mutate towards them, much like in a real RPG stories, where romantic relationships aren't really formed if not much later in the story or at the end (VIII, IX, X come to mind, and other games I've played but that are probably not known here much)...
While in tell I get an "Ah, ok ^^", IC she quickly gets up and excuses herself out. I later randomly see her to the other side of the spa introducing herself to another male character.
I'm just... eh...
As I've already said in that thread I did not make, I seem to have a very hard time finding RPers that will get back to me after a first encounter IC. So far, the only ones who have were the stalker that almost chased me away from the game, and my two close FC friends. Open-RP seems to be where I struggle to make connections.
So I want to reach out for advice to my other fellow introvert characters. How do you cope with the stigma (introvert = boring) some ('most', to me. But if I haven't RPd with you, then I'm not talking about you, so don't feel insulted) of RPers seem to have towards us? Do you force yourself out of characters and spill out all your IC secrets on the first meeting for the sake of "making friends"? Or did you figure out some other trick?
My own strategy as of now is one of acceptance. Choosing to be introvert, I accepted that I'd be mostly in solitude. There's less RP, but I do enjoy what little I get. I am not wishing to change myself nor others, I just seek to know if there's other ways to expand the RP possibilities that I didn't think of.
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Atoli - 12-06-2014
Hmm. Those are some odd stories! Regardless, if I find you online and unoccupied at the same time as myself I'll poke you for expectation-free roleplay.
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Atoli - 12-06-2014
Hmm. Those are some odd stories! Regardless, if I find you online and unoccupied at the same time as myself I'll poke you for expectation-free roleplay.
 In regards to introverted characters, something's rewarding about seeing them open up to individuals or others as a whole to me. I don't view them as boring, maybe just "needing work", and that could be what made those two others drift off.Edit: Hrrngh. My phone is doing mysterious things and despite being presented the option to delete my first pst I can't seem to. The struggle is real
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Nebbs - 12-06-2014
It' a world of all sorts. Don't feel bad when it does not work and find places/groups who can help rather than leaving it to chance?
I can recommend Ilwe's events.. aimed at people who like smaller events and for people shy or introverted or just trying to find a supportive place to RP.
LC Small Themed Events
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Sahja Elahka - 12-06-2014
Every character I've played before Oswain here has been an introvert so I feel your pain. That being said, reason I created Oswain was to kool-aid man through everyone's bubble, be that person who will walk up to randoms (for better or worse), and ask the questions that everyone avoids.
Back on topic, yeah, introverted characters do find less RP, but more substantial ones. That being said, next time I see you I'm kool-aid manning your personal bubble.
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Blue - 12-06-2014
(12-06-2014, 04:46 PM)Nebbs Wrote: It' a world of all sorts. Don't feel bad when it does not work and find places/groups who can help rather than leaving it to chance?
I can recommend Ilwe's events.. aimed at people who like smaller events and for people shy or introverted or just trying to find a supportive place to RP.
LC Small Themed Events
Thanks, I had no idea this existed. I'll definitely look it up.
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Aris - 12-06-2014
Maybe as well as seeking RP in-game, if you enjoy it look for opportunities for RP on here or where you can write a more? If I was RPing with someone who is an introvert, is shy or often didn't feel the need to say much, I'd look at their mannerisms or other things to gauge where the conversation is at and work from there. It seems quite restricted in-game to be able to do that, though.
But that's just my personal solution and preferred method of RP.Â
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Titor - 12-06-2014
This post might be blunt but I am going to write it anyway.
I rped an introvert character for a while. Nothing hermit-like but just quite shy. It turns out a lot of people got annoyed with my character because she was an introvert. You need to think of it from a real-life scenario. If you walked up to someone who very clearly did not want to talk, would you keep trying to drag it out of them to talk? Probably not. It would come off rude if you were clearly making a person uncomfortable who did not want to talk or was shy and uncomfortable with sudden social interactions.
This is the issue with rping an introvert character. RP conversations will die and connections will be missed because other characters will not want to try to drag the conversation on (especially if your character is giving short replies or otherwise looking uncomfortable), and it is very hard on the OOC person to keep trying to figure out points that might grasp your characters attention/interest and break out of the bubble. While you can discuss things OOCly, at some point you reach a meta barrier that might force interaction a bit too much. (Ex: "Hey! Talk about astronomy. My character loves astronomy and will open right up!") especially if the other character has little or no interest in the fields that would cause your character to open up.Â
Most introverts and shy people IRL have a small set of very close friends. It would be unreasonable to think that your character would suddenly get into a good conversation with every character he or she meets and become best friends (or even friends) with anyone. An introverted character is a very hard task to manage, and I know from experience. The task was a bit too hard for me, so now while I have a slightly introverted character, I have, for the sake of interactions and plots, made him a bit more sociable (though not a social butterfly by any means).
Sorry if this post was blunt, I do not mean this specifically towards you or that you are doing anything wrong, just trying to share my experiences and what people have told me about my own introverted/shy characters.
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Artigan - 12-06-2014
I'm just here for the cyber stalking and erotic role play. Want to be my online boyfriend?
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Aysun - 12-06-2014
My advice: if someone is looking for RP that you can't provide them due to it not being what you like/what you're looking for in RP, don't take it to mean you are doing something wrong. You have your preferences and your goals, as do they (obviously). When they realize that you are not what they're after and part ways, don't take it personally! Simply wish them well in their hunt and continue your own.
 That's what I do! This applies to the romance aspect, character ppersonalities meshing (only certain kinds of characters get along with other kinds, not everyone can get along IC), etc!
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Blue - 12-06-2014
(12-06-2014, 05:21 PM)Titor Wrote: This post might be blunt but I am going to write it anyway.
I rped an introvert character for a while. Nothing hermit-like but just quite shy. It turns out a lot of people got annoyed with my character because she was an introvert. You need to think of it from a real-life scenario. If you walked up to someone who very clearly did not want to talk, would you keep trying to drag it out of them to talk? Probably not. It would come off rude if you were clearly making a person uncomfortable who did not want to talk or was shy and uncomfortable with sudden social interactions.
This is the issue with rping an introvert character. RP conversations will die and connections will be missed because other characters will not want to try to drag the conversation on (especially if your character is giving short replies or otherwise looking uncomfortable), and it is very hard on the OOC person to keep trying to figure out points that might grasp your characters attention/interest and break out of the bubble. While you can discuss things OOCly, at some point you reach a meta barrier that might force interaction a bit too much. (Ex: "Hey! Talk about astronomy. My character loves astronomy and will open right up!") especially if the other character has little or no interest in the fields that would cause your character to open up.Â
Most introverts and shy people IRL have a small set of very close friends. It would be unreasonable to think that your character would suddenly get into a good conversation with every character he or she meets and become best friends (or even friends) with anyone. An introverted character is a very hard task to manage, and I know from experience. The task was a bit too hard for me, so now while I have a slightly introverted character, I have, for the sake of interactions and plots, made him a bit more sociable (though not a social butterfly by any means).
Sorry if this post was blunt, I do not mean this specifically towards you or that you are doing anything wrong, just trying to share my experiences and what people have told me about my own introverted/shy characters.
Do not apologize, I understand what you said and I know you are right. IRL I have been an introvert for all of my life (26 yo old now, with just one relationship on my back that lasted in my 19-21 span) so I know how it feels. But IRL I have never had occurrences in which people immediately walked away upon learning I was shy, or upon learning I didn't want them as my boyfriend (yes, I'm a girl IRL). Friends, I've had cliques, and it was all of people who were forced to stay around me for set amount of times (great way to break through shells, imo.
It's why I had proposed to make school-like RPs. School/work is a good place where to make friends as well as enemies, because you are forced to stay together with others for some hours and that is plenty of time to really get to know each other). I just feel people walk away way too easily sometimes, I guess. That's not really what I am used to when I socialize with someone. Clearly these two cases in particular walked away driven by OOC reasons, not giving me much of a chance to give them more of my character.
Again, I'm a real-life professional and licensed introvert (probably borderline antisocial, if we don't count my sociality in virtual OOC chats), so I understand your opinion, and it's what I have been thinking all along so (again, I'm in acceptance with what I do and its consequences, as stated at the bottom of my OP). What I am struggling to come to terms with is these OOC-driven decisions from others to not even try to RP with or quickly move on when they learn I won't be their e-dating partner. It hurts to feel like I have to be what others want rather than what I want to be.
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Aris - 12-06-2014
Maybe you could arrange a story arc beforehand. At first the characters mightn't talk much, but then a relationship slowly forms and your character opens up more as it progresses.
Or maybe have a task to do. Even if your character might not talk much about personal things, they'll talk about the task at hand eg. making a plan, and there'll still be some sort of progression.
Edit: I realise I didn't add my reasoning behind this.
I don't know about anyone else, but if I RP'ed with someone and they didn't talk much, it would put me off trying again for many reasons. But if they let me know beforehand that there's potential in the long run for some good RP, I'd be happier to stick it out and let grow slowly.Another idea might be at first have smaller interactions. Say, 10 minutes at a time. They keep bumping into each other (maybe in Jet'a's case, at that Alchemists Guild). That's another way of slowly building a natural relationship, but avoiding the awkwardness if your character might not be very social when you first meet them.
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Blue - 12-06-2014
(12-06-2014, 05:53 PM)Aris Wrote: Maybe you could arrange a story arc beforehand. At first the characters mightn't talk much, but then a relationship slowly forms and your character opens up more as it progresses.
Or maybe have a task to do. Even if your character might not talk much about personal things, they'll talk about the task at hand eg. making a plan, and there'll still be some sort of progression.
Our FC is actually preparing a theater play event in which Jet'a will be forced to play (very badly so, too) the role of villain. Hopefully when it'll be ready, some interesting stuff will happen. It's our very first event too!
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Chlodomer - 12-06-2014
Regarding Case 1 above, introverts are generally tricky to play off because most people expect your character to either be:
1) Unrealistically social
2) Supra nice and happy go lucky!!!!
3) All about making their character "feel good"
That is the general perspective of folks in FFXIV RP. Folks are predictable and I've seen some exceptional characters who are indeed - well played under rare circumstances.
Anyways onto Case 2, a most amusing case for me because that is a very phenomenal issue that terrorizes a grand majority of RP communities out there, espeicially FFXIV.
Romance in RP, is incredibly delicate if the person you're dealing with is someone you just met and hardly know. From the scenario you were describing however I am going to cross my fingers and hope that the lady in question was just ICly promiscuous, but somehow I typically can tell that there's a lot of OOC desires just bleeding into "her" roleplay (a reason that seems highly common everywhere).
If you want an actual romantic relationship ICly however, make sure to know the person well OOC. I hate bleeding in IC and OOC sometimes but this is the only great exception (including guilds or FC invites) where you need to greatly evaluate the person beyond the character. You dodge a lot of problems that way, otherwise you can simply avoid romance in RP entirely and I think that can benefit you a lot more. Shame that ERP is all people tend to look for these days other than proper storytelling.
Something happened to a friend of mine who was RPing as my character's lover. She ended up getting a hostile tell from an old "friend" of mine who was most likely jealous. The comment "you stole my man you slut" came forth from a level 1 alt made by said old friend. I've also been taken note of the numerous cases of such scenarios happening to other people have been surprising, the mere female character receiving a tell saying "wanna get on a relationship, im betta than yo man" is high to the point where it worries me since the RP community here isn't very big.
Anyways, I've heard reports of stalkers and ERP fanatics in countless RP communities to the point where I've grown to just ask "why?". To me these people are like strange creatures, aliens from other planets. When someone just falls under the spectrum of participating in countless ERP sessions or just stalking others, makes me want to ask a lot of questions.
Why? How? What?
Provocation tends to happen, miscommunication is a big one from what I've known, or the person is generally a poor excuse of a roleplayer and should go back to his eroticas/stalkings in places other than a vidya game. This type of activity is what gave the server in WoW's Moon Guard a bad name, despite the fact that there are plenty of good and legit roleplayers out there (more than here to say the least) which is normal since it has a large and evergrowing population.
RE: Of Introvert Characters and RPers who don't look for E-dating... - Dasair - 12-06-2014
I have a rather introverted character myself, and while he has reasons to be social in his 'purpose' for being about in the first place (he'll awkwardly approach people who catch his interest, or seem to have interest in him), I've still gotten some.. off-reactions from people too, all OOCly. Â My character explicitly does not care for loud places, crowds, nor big cities (as per most Duskwights, I'd imagine), and I often tell people about this before I start RPing with them. Â Not only is it considered a 'general lore thing', but it's also a notable part of my character's personality. Â Because of this, and my own preferences in RP, he rarely hangs around in bars (which is where a lot of RP happens, it seems). Â And even if I make it clear that he wouldn't stick around in such a place long if he had a choice, I've still gotten.. weird OOC reactions to this, about how I should 'change my character to be more suitable for RP', even though bar and city RP is definitely not the end-all-be-all of interaction, nevermind all that is possible for RP in this game. Â
That aside though, I have had some pretty nice RPs outside the city walls (or even in them, on rare occasion) with different people, so there's that.
But I know what you mean, when you say some people have some strange thing against characters that don't necessarily want to hang out in the most social of places, or are on the more introverted side.
All that said, I'd be quite willing to play with one of yours to see if our characters might get along if you're having a hard time finding anyone to play with. Â :> Â My nerd does much better with one-on-one conversations than group gatherings anyhow, and I know how it can be difficult to find people to RP with at times, especially given a tendency to shy away from crowded places.