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Help with my Character Bio/Background

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Kuji The GR8 Wolf Kuji The GR8 Wolf Find all posts by this user Visit this user's website Junior Member Posts:28 Joined:Sep 2016 Character:Kuji Zarufu Linkshell:https://discord.gg/Nhn4S Server:Balmung Reputation: 0 Timezone:UTC-5 Help with my Character Bio/Background | #1 11-12-2016, 07:29 PM THE BASICS: [Still work in progress and being updated everyweek] Character name: Kuji Zarufu Nickname: Kuji-sama, Kuji-kun Birthdate: 30th Sun of the 3rd Umbral Moon Place of Birth: Southern Thanalan, Town of Little Ala Mhigo Ethnicity: Miqo'te Religion: Worships the Twelve, spec. Halone. Height: 5'8.2" Weight: 130 lb Body type: Slim Eye color: Left Eye is Blue the Right is Red Glasses or Vision Enhancements: No Skin tone (pale, tan, olive, brown, etc) brown Face shape: (round, square, oval, chubby, heart-shaped): oval Prominent features: Hair, Ear-rings, Eyes Tattoos or distinguishing marks: marks under each eye Casting choice (what actor do they resemble?): No one, but wears a kimono/samurai like outfit General health: Disabilities, illnesses, or weaknesses: Anxiety, Overthinking Everything Fashion and style: Special jewelry: Aetherial Garnet Earrings (special), enchanted for communication among other things. Hair color: Black, with red highlights Hairstyle: Typically shoulder-length Grooming: Re-applys red hair dye for the highlights, for the end tips of the hair. Additional information: Garments variety base on what the character is doing. Mining He wears tunics for mining safely, and effectively. Making armor protective eye wear and heavy duty gloves. Same goes making weapons. He has always made his own equipment. In which he is highly known for, and often made a lot of gil doing so. COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Languages spoken: Eorzean. Accent or dialect: Standard accent for Eorzeans, though with a very dark often gothic difference from is brother and sister Miqo'tes. Vocabulary/reading level: Very good. He was mentored throughout life by his parents, father being a weaponsmith and mother a blacksmith.  Voice tone: Calm, dark sometimes, but firm, Favorite phrases: "Its All Good in The Hood", "Konnichiwa (Hello)", "Kun", "Sama", "Chan". Do they curse: Swaring under his breath in intense/baffling situations. Demeanor: Typically calm or lil bit of an attitude when annoyed. Mannerisms: hard-work and respect, but distant and overly quiet while over-thinking everything. Gestures: Bowing his head, plays with his hair while being quiet, overly called cute when seen lost in thought or sleeping. Habitual behaviors (nail-biting, drumming fingers, hair fixing, etc.): Hair fixing, crossing his arms. Posture: Hands behind her back with one leg behind the other, head tilted to the right or left based on her mood, staring off into nothing. PROFESSIONAL INFO: Current occupation:  Miner/Armorer/Blacksmith Level of job satisfaction: High Standards Years at current occupation: Miner (1) /Armorer (1)/Blacksmith (1) Income: Fluctuates depending on job, enough to be comfortable with high necessities. Professional skills: Gladiator (training); Mineral mining, Crafting Metals for Armor and Weapons. Combat skills: Close-combat with swords and shields. Some magic to heal his own wounds. Additional information: --- LIVING CONDITIONS: Place of residence: Drifting around a lot but made a home in Limsa Lominsa. Type of residence: Inn. Surrounding area (city, rural, etc): City. Describe residence: A mid-size, cozy, known inn with good drinks and a kind staff. His rented room is big and cluttered with organized armors, metals, weapons, minerals, market spreadsheets/prices, and maps.  Who do they live with: No one. Pets: None (plans to one soon). Overall quality of living conditions: Very organized. Home décor: Work in procgress - a bed, a nightstand, a chair, a chest. Walls are full of hanging tools, save for a few pinned maps and minerals for research. Important features of home: Lots of Mannequins for trying on armors, weapons stands to hold weapons, chests filled with different types of low-to-high minerals. Etc. Type of vehicle: Bennu and a Chocobo Age of vehicle: Unknown for her Bennu, chocobo appears to be an early adult. Defining characteristics of vehicle: Bennu red with orange for the tips of the wings and tail, chocobo with scoot black feathers. Quality of vehicle: His bestist buddies! Describe vehicle: Brave but over-protective chocobo that Found being badly hurt surrounded by wild dogs. When he first found him, his feathers were bloody and broken, but as she took care of the bird, then later their true brightness began to show through. Kujiza isn't a large bird, and due to his upbringing, he has a thing about being over protective of him and envy by other chocobos. Kujiza likes to be close to Kuji, for his comfort and protection. Additional information: --- PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS: Marital status: Single Significant partner(s): None How did they meet partner: Unknown Nickname for partner: None Previous romantic partners: None Children: None Relationship with children: Unknown Step-children: None Important family: Zarufu Mother: Yayamo Zarufu Age: 47 Living or deceased: Living Mother’s occupation: Blacksmith Father: Zorido Zarufu Age: 57 Living or deceased: Living Mother’s occupation: Armoer Siblings: 2 Older Brohers Describe the quality of relationship with any significant family members: Loved by his parents, loathing rivalry between him and his older brothers, Fafajoni and Jajariku. Extended family: None Friends: Few Best Friend: Currently? None Describe relationship with friend(s): Mostly those within both his mother's blacksmith store and father's armor shop. Still no friends yet from the gladiator, marauder, conjurer guilds. Additional information: --- Relations: How does the character relate to: Spouse: Unknown Lover: Unknown Past lovers/spouses: Unknown Children: Unknown Friends: Unknown Employer: Respectful Underlings: Minions: Pets: Spoiled, Curious, gentle. Strangers: slient, distant. Opposite sex: flirty  Same sex: Hardly impressed, but gets alone with them. Family members: Hatefulness towards her borthers, but loves her parents to heart. Competitors: Honor and respect Authority: Obedient to only her master's and teachers Enemies: No mercy, especially with the lives of close to her are on the line. Additional information: --- CHARACTER PERSONALITY AND PSYCHOLOGY: Any psychological issues or illnesses: Anxiety, Overthinking Everything Meyers-Briggs Personality Type: INTJ What do they love: Family, Work, Mentors What is their passion: To Protect everyone What do they hate: Her brothers, those who hurt others, beggers, careless people, highly rich people who care only for coin and not his/her fellow man. What would they die for: Honor, Protecting those close to his and those who need it. What do they value: Honor, Respect, Friendship, and Hard-work Secret loves: Adorable animals, high-quality equipment and minerals, sweets, same sex Sexual behavior: Kinky, flirty, romantic Personal philosophies: Politics: Distant, uninvolved, supporter of personal freedom and creativity. Spirituality: Worships the Twelve, with Halone as his patron deity. Accepts others' beliefs, such as those held by races. Prejudices: Not very prejudiced, being a imaginative/strategic sort. He is intimidated by some males. Greatest strength: Honor , Hard-work & Loyalty Greatest weakness or flaw: Intimidated by other males Their favorite attribute: (others) Optimism/hope. Least favorite attribute: (others) Cruelty, selfish. Biggest secret: Into very kinky stuff with the opposite sex Biggest fear: That his biggest secret will be discovered by his parents Most likeable trait: (About self) Creative, Passionate.  Least likeable trait: (About self) Being Intimidated. How are they perceived by others: Depends. Often Respected and known for his work. Proudest accomplishment: Having a supportive parents. Other accomplishments: Becoming a successful Paladin to protect people. Becoming an Leader of his own free company. Biggest regret: Not having loving brothers. Most embarrassing moment: His tail wages quickly and stumbles over his words when he meets a cute female lalafell, Miqo'te, Roegadyn or Elezen. Personality quirks: Too honest, works often to the point of passing out. Would they like to change anything about themselves: His physical and mental strength. He desires to be stronger and to surpass his superiors.   Short term or long term goals: To protect those he cares about, and to complete his work. Obstacles: Bring too eager and impatient. Heroes or role models: Mother and Father Negative role models: His Brothers Fafajoni and Jajariku Biggest life influence: His Parents Likes or dislikes: female lalafell's/ other females (like), cruelity (dislikes), animals/wolves mostly (likes), candy (likes), hard-work (likes), yelling (dislikes), honesty (like). Favorite book, movie, music, etc: Unknown Additional information: --- PAST HISTORY: Hometown: Little Ala Mhigo Past relationships: Romantically none First love: None First sexual experience: None Major childhood events: Best memory: Finding a rare shiny mineral when playing around her home. Worst memory: Brothers picking on him and always taking his stuff. Saddest memory: Seeing his grandfather pass away. Quality of childhood: Loved but sheltered. Educational experience/level: Home taught through books and learning from her experienced mother and father. Knows basic history, geography, mathematics, and biology. Significant school experiences:  Apprenticeship at the Gladiator, Armorer, Blacksmith, Conjurer, Marauder, and the Mining Guild's each for several months. Special skills or training: Gladiator, Armorer, Blacksmith, Conjurer, Marauder, and the Mining Anything un-skilled, needs work: All protection and healing forums of magic, cooking, making time for others. Hobbies: Finding rare items, reading cartoons, making money off his work, running his own company, and playing with his 2 pets. Major illnesses, accidents or traumas: Anxiety, Overthinking Everything Police record/criminal record: stealing food even if it's to help his family DAILY LIFE: Morning routine: Work Afternoon routine: Work Evening routine: Relax Sleep habits: balls up in the covers only his nose sticking out. Additional information: -- BACKSTORY: Born in little ala mhigo in the harsh desert. His mother was a blacksmith while her father was a armoer, they both raised and taught their him how to work in their fields. His brothers where always mean and rude to him giving him a reason to hate them alot. Went to learn other stuff then what his parents had been teaching him, becoming a gladiator, while also learning different skills from conjurer for healing and protective magic, marauder, and mining

Faye Faye Find all posts by this user Visit this user's website The fairest of them all. Posts:3,096 Joined:Aug 2013 Character:Faye Covington Linkshell:Teatime Server:Balmung Reputation: 623 Timezone:UTC-4 RE: Help with my Character Bio/Background | #2 11-12-2016, 10:02 PM (This post was last modified: 11-12-2016, 10:03 PM by Faye.) A few things that could use improvement... - A few grammatical/spelling errors. I'd recommend reading through it again. - You switch back and forth between male and female pronouns when describing your character. Is this intentional? It makes things a little confusing, particularly when you mention at least twice how your character acts around the "opposite sex" (we don't know which sex is the opposite one when we don't know your character's gender). - You seem to have a lot of allusions to anime and Japanese culture in your character's biography, talking about wearing kimono, your character using Japanese words and honorifics, etc. Is there a reason for this? FFXIV's equivalent of Japanese culture is not native to Thanalan, or Eorzea in general. XIV's version of Japan is Doma, which is another country entirely. Your character was born in Thanalan and I didn't see any mention of him/her traveling, so I'm not sure why he/she would know those things and regularly use them. - "It's all good in the hood" doesn't really fit the setting/time period of Hydaelyn or the typical speech of Eorzeans. If you're going for a very casual approach to RP that's fine, but otherwise, it's not really lore-compliant. - I'm not certain what a "gothic" accent sounds like and I don't think that's a known thing. Maybe rephrase the description of your character's accent in a way people could easily understand and hear in their heads? - Unless I missed it, I don't believe you specified your character's age, which would be a useful detail to include. Faye Covington / X'unmei Noh / Shadiyah Amari / Aelius Corinthius

Silmanos Silmanos Find all posts by this user Sharlayan Book Worm Posts:87 Joined:Sep 2015 Server:Balmung Reputation: 20 Timezone:UTC-9 RE: Help with my Character Bio/Background | #3 11-13-2016, 03:53 AM Faye hit a lot of the main points I would have covered. But here are a few I would like to reiterate and others that I noticed: -It is really confusing how the pronoun used kept changing through the sheet and left me wondering what the actual gender of the character actually is. -Also as Faye so the region of the world that is Japanese culture based is Doma and would be where all of that would come from. As Little Ala Mhigo would be a rather unwelcoming place most likely for Doman refugees it would be unlikely to run into many there if any at all. Another thing to note is the use of Japanese words themselves. As stated in the lore book Domans and Raen speak the exact same language as Eorzeans just in a different dialect. Now there can be a bit of confusion as Ninja abilities are very much Japanese heavy in their names but it should be noted that the game is originally written and intended for Japanese audiences so to them there literally is nothing off about it in the slightest cause it is all the same language even as they see it in game. Just food for thought there. -I am going to assume based off of the names used for his siblings and parents that they are actually lalafell. If not it would be something to note that male miqo'te are not common and for more than one, or even two from a single pairing to happen is beyond rare. -As for his experience with the guilds there are a lot there and depending on his age it would make him unusually well traveled, not to mention training in so many disciplines will over all make him rather weak in each one, especially since a few months is barely even enough time to cover basics. Its normally best to stick to one skill set for a character for them to focus on and have a few others that are okay. In addition to that while the Gladiator guild and the Marauder guild are welcoming of outsiders it should be noted that Gridania and the conjurer's guild not so much. So it would be good to highlight the kind of difficulties he would face. Remember in Gridanians are actually quite racist to even the Duskwights and Keepers of the Moon that already live in the Shroud. “...most people need to believe in something. There are a few who don't, but they're a bit unusual.”  -The Redemption of Althalus “Sparhawk grinned. "If Martel finds out that he's drinking again, he'll reach down his throat and pull his heart out."  "Can you actually do that to a man?"  "You can if your arm's long enough, and if you know what you're looking for.[...]”  -The Diamond Throne

Kilieit Kilieit Find all posts by this user Visit this user's website The Godless Blessed Posts:786 Joined:Mar 2016 Character:Aghurlal Qar-aKimusun Linkshell:RP Levelers; ROG of Limsa Server:Balmung Reputation: 219 Timezone:UTC RE: Help with my Character Bio/Background | #4 11-13-2016, 04:08 AM (This post was last modified: 11-13-2016, 04:10 AM by Kilieit.) (11-13-2016, 03:53 AM)Silmanos Wrote: As stated in the lore book Domans and Raen speak the exact same language as Eorzeans just in a different dialect. I just wanted to say that this statement is up for interpretation, and further passages in the lore book seem to make this particular interpretation very unlikely. I suggest it's more likely the passage you're referring to means "the huge majority of Domans and Raen speak trade languages that would allow them to be easily understood in Eorzea", not "Doma doesn't have its own local language". Other than that: OP, I agree with what the posters above me have said. I also think you should credit the person whose template you're using. [ tumblr | twitter | wiki | art ]

Valence Valence Find all posts by this user Has-A-Magitek-Kink Posts:1,177 Joined:Oct 2015 Character:Suen Shyu Server:Balmung Reputation: 119 Timezone:UTC+1 RE: Help with my Character Bio/Background | #5 11-13-2016, 06:28 AM (This post was last modified: 11-13-2016, 06:30 AM by Valence.) Alright so... if you don't mind me addressing the points I find confusing or somewhat nonsensical. Quote:Vocabulary/reading level: Very good. He was mentored throughout life by his parents, father being a weaponsmith and mother a blacksmith. The thing is... reading and an overall level of literacy is something you would expect from an upbringing among scholars, not blacksmiths. That is not to say that a blacksmith can't somehow be educated and literate and a bookworm or what you have, but your standard, run of the mill blacksmith is probably more concerned about his craft and trade, and probably know a lot how to bend and forge metals and alloys, but why would they bother with books, except as a hobby? In any case, there is absolutely no apparent logical link between having blacksmithing parents and a very good literacy upbringing. You might need another reason, or to elaborate on that a bit. Edit: you seem to elaborate on that a bit on the history section, that he actually taught himself due to his own passion for books. Sounds fine by me, but I think you might need an explanation to capitalize a bit on that. What made your character suddenly craving for books, reading stuff, etc? If I take mine for example, she loved that kind of stuff because she actually felt like a misfit in a society where books are not always the standard fare for children and adults alike, except scholars, guildmasters, archivists and conjurers. At best, her family was into books on botany and herbariums, because that was their trade. Why did she chose to chase after every spooky or cool book she could get her hand on? Because she felt like a misfit and tried to evade her condition through her own, naive, almost futile dreams. If that makes sense? The positives to me are the combat (basic sword and shield) and crafting skills (blacksmithing), that seem all but over the top, and flesh out the character more and are one of the best traits that give an overall direction to the character in my opinion. You can definitely capitalize on that. The chocobo story can also act as a good emotional story to forge your character personality. Character seems to be a good old fashioned, tradition ridden (values hard work and respect) paladin archetype. It might be a bit cliché left like that without any other twist, but it works. Wants to protect everyone, gets riled up by human misery and exploitation... Over used troped just left at that I think, but it's a good start otherwise. Overall now, if I may be blunt, your character read like a mishmash of things put together with the hope they make sense. To me at least, they don't. You have some interesting bits that could form a basis for things to happen, but they get literally drowned into the amount of things that I find either rubbish or out of place. The whole thing feels to me like Mary-Sue-ism associated with Weeboo-ism, anchored in a good dose of a brooding Shonen manga main character tropes. Overall, and I know you didn't bring your FC concept here, but coupled with it, it tends to be reminiscent of your usual young shonen hero afflicted by being chosen by a primal as its bearer. Please keep in mind that a lot of those tropes are definitely not inherently bad, as some good fiction characters directly stem from them or even inspired them, but put that way and especially associated with generally very negative concepts like Mary-Sueism and Weeaboo-ism, especially in roleplay, it can lead to a few cringe worthy things. And generally it just ends up in breaking suspension of disbelief, at least for me. Then, to everyone's their tastes I guess. That's for my honest feedback. Balmung: Suen Shyu

Faye Faye Find all posts by this user Visit this user's website The fairest of them all. Posts:3,096 Joined:Aug 2013 Character:Faye Covington Linkshell:Teatime Server:Balmung Reputation: 623 Timezone:UTC-4 RE: Help with my Character Bio/Background | #6 11-13-2016, 03:00 PM (This post was last modified: 11-13-2016, 03:01 PM by Faye.) I have to echo Silmanos and Valence's posts (and the main reason I inquired about your character's age is the issue Silmanos brought up about how unlikely it would be for your character to master so many trades in such a short amount of time). Another problem (and it's not necessarily your fault, as you didn't create it) is the template. It's very long and difficult to read yet makes for short and choppy descriptions, some of the fields end up feeling repetitive, and a lot of it seems like relatively useless details - for example, the ages of his/her family members. Those details are good to know and maybe have written down somewhere to remember them, but your public biography should be a snapshot of your character for other players to learn more about him/her and decide if they want to RP with you. Details like the ages of his/her family members don't really help with that, and when we're already bombarded with so much information, they just become another trivia fact to wade through to find some substance. I'd recommend condensing the biography, or remaking it with a different template entirely. We don't need to know every detail of your character's life, we just need a feel for who they are as a person, what they do, and how they are likely to interact with others. Faye Covington / X'unmei Noh / Shadiyah Amari / Aelius Corinthius

Silmanos Silmanos Find all posts by this user Sharlayan Book Worm Posts:87 Joined:Sep 2015 Server:Balmung Reputation: 20 Timezone:UTC-9 RE: Help with my Character Bio/Background | #7 11-13-2016, 03:25 PM (This post was last modified: 11-13-2016, 04:53 PM by Silmanos.) (11-13-2016, 04:08 AM)Kilieit Wrote: (11-13-2016, 03:53 AM)Silmanos Wrote: As stated in the lore book Domans and Raen speak the exact same language as Eorzeans just in a different dialect. I just wanted to say that this statement is up for interpretation, and further passages in the lore book seem to make this particular interpretation very unlikely. I suggest it's more likely the passage you're referring to means "the huge majority of Domans and Raen speak trade languages that would allow them to be easily understood in Eorzea", not "Doma doesn't have its own local language". Other than that: OP, I agree with what the posters above me have said. I also think you should credit the person whose template you're using. Ah that I was unaware of. I was only aware of the main passage, honestly hoping to be able to get a copy of the full book myself eventually. Can't find a copy of the Ishgard pages anywhere, but hey the additional passages do sound like that discuss that a bit more which is nice since the one that alludes to that doesn't elaborate very much. Edit: Because my phone is a pain “...most people need to believe in something. There are a few who don't, but they're a bit unusual.”  -The Redemption of Althalus “Sparhawk grinned. "If Martel finds out that he's drinking again, he'll reach down his throat and pull his heart out."  "Can you actually do that to a man?"  "You can if your arm's long enough, and if you know what you're looking for.[...]”  -The Diamond Throne

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