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Charater Feedback?


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Charater Feedback?
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CrimsonMarsv
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RE: Charater Feedback? |
#16
08-10-2013, 04:12 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-11-2013, 08:48 PM by CrimsonMars.)
Here's my Elezen character:

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SpoilerName: Sinette Leclerc
Originally: Sofine Guerre
Nickname: Sin
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Race: Elezen, Duskwight
Appearance: Under Constitution
Birthplace: Garlemald
Birth date: TBD
Family:
-Father: Josseloux Guerre (Deceased)
-Mother: Faine Guerre (Deceased)

Favored class/job: Arcanist (both Summoner and Scholar), Thaumaturge, Conjurer (generally prefers magic with the exception of Archer)
Personality: Usually mild-mannered and elegant, but can come off arrogant and blunt at times. She is fairly intelligent through her education and has a willingness to learn. She secretly holds a burden of being part of the Garlean Empire, and is fairly careful of keeping it a secret.
Sexuality: Closet-lesbian

Background History: Sofine had grow up in a fairly rich fairly. Throughout her childhood, Sofine followed strict rules by her mother and father, behaving in a certain manner, only speak when stoking to, and bowing to her superiors. Generally speaking, her parents were controlling, and delivered reasonable, but harsh punishments should she misbehaves, sometimes even slightly.

Sofine didn't have a lot of friends growing up. She was strictly home-schooled under a private tutor as well as her parents until her teenage years were she went to school in hopes of becoming a strategist for the Garlean Empire.

Around her 18[sup]th [/sup]birthday, she and her parents were suddenly accused of treason after Sofine's refusal to kill an Eorzean lalafell spy that was suddenly discovered. At the time, it was difficult for Sofine to tell if he was an actual child or not, as lalafells were a minority as well as Elezens growing up. Because of this, Sofine spared him, accusing he was child, but was sentenced to execution in turn.

Her parents were the first to get executed and Sofine was next. During her imprisonment just before her death penalty, the same lalafell spy managed to help her escape as a token of his gratitude via teleportation. He later explain to her the benefit of leaving the Garlean Empire and that he was actually much older than her.

Duringthe years of her escape, Sofine changed her name to Sinette Leclerc and wondered aimlessly inthe lands of Hydaelyn briefly before eventually arriving to Eorzea in hope's of a fresh start, knowing that it was originally her enemy. From then on, she slowly realize the error of Garlean's ways and hopes that they will be corrected, as well as discovering Eorzea's true culture.

Likes: Dueling, reading, socializing to an extent, fashion, challenges, magic, girls (secretly)
Dislike: Her past, uncivilized behavior, Garlean in general, being forced to tank, crudely flirtatious men

Chiyo Hoshi
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Ildurv
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RE: Charater Feedback? |
#17
08-10-2013, 04:44 PM
Officialy, Ala Mhigo was conquered by the garleans 20 years ago. It is stated that Ala Mhigan children are sent off the city for military training and heavily brainwashed to serve the Empire. This would mean that Sofine wouldn't have spent much time with her parents at all.
You can solve this in a couple of ways. The first one is making her older for about 12 years (so that she is outside of 'adoctrination' age). The second is to move them to the garlean mainland (I forgot the name), but lore about how life is there is bare-boned. Not that it matters much, though. Just use some generalizations and avoid talking about everyday life or how tidy/untidy the cities were.

You should also have an answer of why she and her parents were accused (and found guilty) of treason. It doesn't have to be anything complicated. Maybe her parent refused or failed to comply some higher up order, or maybe an overzealous officer was angry at her for not responding his romantic advancements and took revenge by planting evidence and whatnot.
I would also change being exiled to 'escaped execution' or 'escaped during her parents execution'. The reason for this is that most military cultures threat treason as a very, very big deal punished by death. It makes sense in the case of the garleans, too, because they wouldn't want their soldiers to spill details about how their military, training or technology works.

[Image: DWv3oGi.jpg]
Ulanan |Ildur | K'airos | Amaury | Aiswys | Thiereia
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CrimsonMarsv
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RE: Charater Feedback? |
#18
08-10-2013, 10:39 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-10-2013, 10:40 PM by CrimsonMars.)
Thanks for your help. I'll be sure to make the necessary changes when I get a chance.

I figured she would only be exiled because she was a minor at the time, lol.

Chiyo Hoshi
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CrimsonMarsv
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RE: Charater Feedback? |
#19
08-11-2013, 08:50 PM
I added into her lore and had her change her name. I hope it makes more sense now.

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