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Melodia · **12-02-2014, 12:30 PM**

I have a question as I seem to run across this problem a lot in this game and so much so that I have had to do mass purges of my friend list lately.

Why is it that people I tend to meet in this game are friendly to a point and then decide to cool and not to a minor degree but to a point where they no longer even want to talk? It's baffling to me. I have many many of my "friends" tell me one thing and then do the complete opposite, so long as it is with someone else. It's almost like a shiny object syndrome with some folks and I am wondering...is this common in MMOs? Or just here? Is this common mostly with rp'ers? Because my "friends" (not all.....but a lot) seem fairweather type and discourages me from getting out and meeting folks because I don't want to get burned or lied to or treated coldly again. :-/Â

Any thoughts?

Warren Castille · **12-02-2014, 12:33 PM**

It's not limited to MMOs, but I think the internet in general. I've got a fair few friends in game that I never run into, never speak to and never hear from, so I doubt it's anything you're doing specifically.

I fully admit to being an awful friend when it comes to keeping in touch with people, though.

Ashren Dotharl · **12-02-2014, 12:44 PM**

Like Warren said above, it's not really limited to MMOs, more to the internet. Distance and anonymity make it far easier to forget that you're not just dealing with some pixels on a screen but an actual person. This is also probably a broad generalization, but you can also assume that if someone spends a great deal of time online they probably aren't very good at social interaction to begin with. That may not always be the case, but in my experience it has been more often than it has not been. Many people turn to MMOs as a method of escape, and more specifically people turn to RP as an even deeper method of escape. Because of that I think it's easy for people to simple fall into the mindset 'out of sight, out of mind.'

g0ne · **12-02-2014, 12:45 PM**

Sounds like real life to me...Â Undecided

Â Or am I the only one who has to deal with that kind of treatment IRL?

Anyways... people can be cold, it's just the way things can be. Times like this, you just gotta listen from one ear and let it out the other (what? It helps!), in your case just chill and forget about it. That said, I'm pretty sure all of here on the RPC won't do something like that.Â Smile

So, don't let little things like that get you down. Be happy, positive. There's so much to be happy about... wait, I'm rambling here, aren't I?Â Dodgy

If someone treats you coldly and stuff, don't fret too much. Happens to everyone. At times like that, be grateful for the real friends you have. And I'm always around for cuddlies if you need them, and I will be more than willing to be friends (like a nice RP buddy/nice person, okay, stop rambling) as well. :3

edit: Good thing I have a small friend list...Â Dazed

**Unnamed Mercenary** · **12-02-2014, 12:45 PM**

I think Warren summed it up well.

But to make a distinction, I wouldn't consider every single person on my "friends list" in a game to necessarily be a "friend". The game just lacks a better way of letting a player add contacts.Â

It sounds a little cold, but I kinda wish they had either separate lists, or didn't call it a "friends list" at the start. I know I've got a few people on mine that are simply there. Of course, these are people I'm not going to ignore, but I generally also just use the friends list as "that thing that changes someone's name color so I know I've talked to them on multiple occasions".Â

I'm also too lazy to bother setting up the friends list grouping to try sorting things that way. It's much easier to just add someone and if I'm looking for open-world RP, I'll walk up to the first person with and orange name plate. Same goes for real life too though. Phone's contacts are just a list of people I speak to often. ...but I'm not going to scroll through it and say "hey! I don't know who this is. ...LEMME CALL THEM!"

edit: I should note, while the above probably sounds harsh, I'm also terrible with names. I'm pretty terrible at planning things because of it. I've yet to find a person I have ever needed to ignore in game so more than anything, if I'm not talking to someone, it's probably because I forgot their name or I have opened my friends list in like.....a month? I'm /tell-able always. (Unless in a duty for for obvious reasons)

Kage · **12-02-2014, 12:53 PM**

(12-02-2014, 12:33 PM)Warren Castille Wrote: I fully admit to being an awful friend when it comes to keeping in touch with people, though.

*raises hand in agreement*
This is not just in-game or the internet.

I'm an awful friend in real life.

My birthday's coming up and the amount of friends I'll see is probably the amount as my immediate family. Like.. 4 people. lolyeah..

g0ne · **12-02-2014, 12:56 PM**

What everyone (except me, lol) said is basically it, summed up pretty nicely.

When I try to make friends in real life... I just end up scaring people away for some reason... D:

edit: I know I'm not good when it comes with friendships in any form... but I try! I really do!! ):Â

Warren Castille · **12-02-2014, 12:57 PM**

(12-02-2014, 12:56 PM)Eleni Wrote: What everyone (except me, lol) said is basically it, summed up pretty nicely.

When I try to make friends in real life... I just end up scaring people away for some reason... D:

Yelling over the chainsaw only makes it worse. Remember to stop revving first, or you can just leave the whole thing out!

MikoBehnen · **12-02-2014, 01:02 PM**

I would also propose that it's perhaps not just MMOs or online but simply nerd oriented creative groups. As a rule, creative people tend to be flighty, and nerds tend to be at least a little socially awkward. So add those two things together and you get a group of people that DO like the new shiny and aren't always great at being talkative.Â

And I am saying that as both an artist AND a giant nerd Wink

Â But I've worked for several years at a local Renn Fair and know a lot of people that LARP and it happens there a lot too.

Lost River · **12-02-2014, 01:04 PM**

I'm guilty of not talking to people for long periods of time; sadly, my real life gets in the way and I'm rarely on here. :/ Buuut, hopefully that will slack up a little.

Melodia · **12-02-2014, 01:05 PM**

(12-02-2014, 12:56 PM)Eleni Wrote: What everyone (except me, lol) said is basically it, summed up pretty nicely.

When I try to make friends in real life... I just end up scaring people away for some reason... D:

*has no friends irl anymore*

I know and agree with everyone here. I am just surprised because some folks I have even rp'd with tend to just stop saying hello or anything....it's just odd. This is my first MMO....first time I have ever really dealt with folks online. But it is HUGELY discouraging. Causes me to stick around my little tiny FC house a lot. Sad

**Unnamed Mercenary** · **12-02-2014, 01:14 PM**

(12-02-2014, 01:05 PM)Melodia Wrote:
(12-02-2014, 12:56 PM)Eleni Wrote: What everyone (except me, lol) said is basically it, summed up pretty nicely.

When I try to make friends in real life... I just end up scaring people away for some reason... D:
*has no friends irl anymore*

I know and agree with everyone here. I am just surprised because some folks I have even rp'd with tend to just stop saying hello or anything....it's just odd. This is my first MMO....first time I have ever really dealt with folks online. But it is HUGELY discouraging. Causes me to stick around my little tiny FC house a lot.

Important thing to consider: Rather than them actively ignoring you, you might've just fallen off the radar, potentially unnoticed. There isn't a malicious intent when these things happen, but it can certainly feel like being ignored. I know I turn off nearly all the in-game messages for just about everything, so I hardly receive a notification in-game unless I'm being invited to a party or got a moogle mail.

But this is the internet, and those personal connections and hints you'd normally get IRL when a person you know is around aren't really there. Greeting in a linkshell or FC with people who are active is about the only thing I could really recommend for such things.

Telluride · **12-02-2014, 01:14 PM**

(12-02-2014, 01:05 PM)Melodia Wrote:
(12-02-2014, 12:56 PM)Eleni Wrote: What everyone (except me, lol) said is basically it, summed up pretty nicely.

When I try to make friends in real life... I just end up scaring people away for some reason... D:
*has no friends irl anymore*

I know and agree with everyone here. I am just surprised because some folks I have even rp'd with tend to just stop saying hello or anything....it's just odd. This is my first MMO....first time I have ever really dealt with folks online. But it is HUGELY discouraging. Causes me to stick around my little tiny FC house a lot.

Take comfort. Yes, this does happen, and there are many people with whom I once talked with and had excellent connections online, myself, and whom either have moved onward or have found other outlets.

But I think you nailed it somewhat in that RPers are subject to Shiny Object Syndrome. Many of us see long lists of really neat, skilled, and entertaining people in forums and online, and we want to "RP ALL THE THINGS!" Since we do not have time to do that with EVERYONE (if you've figured out how, I want your mojo powers), some people and connections can become weaker. It isn't necessarily that they do not like you anymore - in fact, there are people with whom I no longer RP, because they have moved to different games, who I would love to meet with again and discuss this and that, but those same people are doing what we are doing - Finding RP, being creative, working on projects, and looking to see what Hawt New Faces ™ are appearing on the scene.

Melodia · **12-02-2014, 01:18 PM**

Oh, I am in deep trouble then.....I take that kind of stuff (the interaction engagement with others) super personal, each one lost breaks my heart. Cry

g0ne · **12-02-2014, 01:19 PM**

(12-02-2014, 01:05 PM)Melodia Wrote:
(12-02-2014, 12:56 PM)Eleni Wrote: What everyone (except me, lol) said is basically it, summed up pretty nicely.

When I try to make friends in real life... I just end up scaring people away for some reason... D:
*has no friends irl anymore*

I know and agree with everyone here. I am just surprised because some folks I have even rp'd with tend to just stop saying hello or anything....it's just odd. This is my first MMO....first time I have ever really dealt with folks online. But it is HUGELY discouraging. Causes me to stick around my little tiny FC house a lot.

Don't let little things like this discourage you, please. It's nothing. You can pester me whenever you want, and RP wise, Eleni is a very friendly person IC (ask Franz if you don't believe me) so she will stay in touch and be open to being buggered whenever Melodia wants.

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MMOs and Fairweather Friends

RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes