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MBajihri · **03-09-2016, 09:59 AM**

Hey everyone! To start off, I'm going to say that it's taking a lot of courage for me to make this post. I'm stepping outside of my usual comfort zone to talk about something that I don't quite understand fully, yet have endured for most of my life. That something is severe clinical anxiety.

About me: I'm 26 years of age, and have suffered from various forms of anxiety, depression etc since about ten years of age, if I remember correctly. I've never been very good at learning to cope, which is why I'm posting this. Before anyone may get the wrong idea about this post, this is not a post saying to pity me, this is a post of me admitting that I could use advice from someone who may have been in my shoes at some point in their life and had improved.Â

As some of you may know, Anxiety is a very real but also very silly thing. When I say silly, I do not mean in terms of severity or seriousness, but just how it makes you think. You may see a plane crash on the news, and think 'Oh god, what if that happens to me?!' even if you never intend to board a plane. It plays upon your fears and projects them upon you as if they are happening at the very moment. (Even posting the plane scenario got me a little choked up. @.@).Â

For most of my life, this has kept me from being as functional as I -know- I can be. I just keep saying 'I know I can beat this', but some days it completely whoops my arse. Sometimes words, or medicine isn't enough, and I confide in friends but can sometimes find it difficult to keep a conversation going or keep reciprocating. I know for a fact my anxiety has caused me to lose a lot of friends due to things I didn't mean to say, or due to shoving them away when I simply couldn't handle the pressure. In the event someone I did that to is reading this, I want to sincerely apologize, as I likely didn't mean it and do feel genuinely apologetic.Â

The point of this thread is: Has anyone overcome this, or at least gotten to a point where you can function fully and push it aside? I want to get to that point, and I know it's not just a magical happy switch. I know it's a long process, and I know a lot of the days are going to be tough. A few of my friends have already talked to me about some steps, which is how I continued to pursue a few methods. Still, some days(Namely yesterday and today) I feel that those methods have fallen short and I feel entangled in those clutches again. Comparative to weeks or months before this, what I'm feeling now is not as severe as it once was, which soothes me a little. Thank you all for reading, and I'm very much looking forward to responses. If your response may border on more personal subjects, you're also willing to send me a PM!

Kodie · **03-09-2016, 10:18 AM**

I think for me, I am guilty of years ago thinking depression and anxiety a "Oh get over it" thing. But my wife suffers from both, and it's been a learning process over the past 12+ years of our relationship. It also made me realize I had depression and anxiety as well, I began to realize I had them a few years ago, and then realized that through out the years before hand there was plenty of evidence. The depression hit me even harder this past year after having multiple fall outs with friends. I dislike my current job, but depression made me loathe coming to work on Mondays that I had to fight the urge to say "meh fuck it, I'm not coming back." which in turn would be a big financial risk. Granted I had the thought of my wife knowing she had it tougher than me (she had other things going on that I won't disclose) and also didn't want the financial burden to be put solely on her. But I hated that feeling of dread. I also suffered from the downward spiral where if something made me angry, I would eventually get to a self loathing feeling like it was some how my fault, and I even took personal offense to almost anything, even if said subject was not about me.

So finally after advice from my wife, I decided to take the medication route. I'm on 20mg ofÂ citalopram which I take daily. Initial side effects really did suck though, I couldn't get a decent night sleep for almost a week, and I was very shaky. But after those effects wore of, I was feeling better, things didn't bother me as much, I didn't feel that dread. I do feel moments of depression still, but it wears off quicker than it did before hand, I didn't have the "spiraling down" feeling most would feel. It also helps with with anxiety, but it's an SSRI which may work or not work well with your body, it really depends. I know my wife had to try multiple medications to find the one that worked for her.

So I'd suggest going that route, I know the stigma is still out there that "Medications are baaaad!!" and people are afraid they won't be themselves (I know I was worried about that hence why I took so long to try and take them) but I think it was one of the best decisions in my life, things are not perfect, but they are certainly better.

Hope this advice helps.

MBajihri · **03-09-2016, 10:25 AM**

(03-09-2016, 10:18 AM)Kodie Wrote: I think for me, I am guilty of years ago thinking depression and anxiety a "Oh get over it" thing. But my wife suffers from both, and it's been a learning process over the past 12+ years of our relationship. It also made me realize I had depression and anxiety as well, I began to realize I had them a few years ago, and then realized that through out the years before hand there was plenty of evidence. The depression hit me even harder this past year after having multiple fall outs with friends. I dislike my current job, but depression made me loathe coming to work on Mondays that I had to fight the urge to say "meh fuck it, I'm not coming back." which in turn would be a big financial risk. Granted I had the thought of my wife knowing she had it tougher than me (she had other things going on that I won't disclose) and also didn't want the financial burden to be put solely on her. But I hated that feeling of dread. I also suffered from the downward spiral where if something made me angry, I would eventually get to a self loathing feeling like it was some how my fault, and I even took personal offense to almost anything, even if said subject was not about me.

So finally after advice from my wife, I decided to take the medication route. I'm on 20mg ofÂ citalopram which I take daily. Initial side effects really did suck though, I couldn't get a decent night sleep for almost a week, and I was very shaky. But after those effects wore of, I was feeling better, things didn't bother me as much, I didn't feel that dread. I do feel moments of depression still, but it wears off quicker than it did before hand, I didn't have the "spiraling down" feeling most would feel. It also helps with with anxiety, but it's an SSRI which may work or not work well with your body, it really depends. I know my wife had to try multiple medications to find the one that worked for her.

So I'd suggest going that route, I know the stigma is still out there that "Medications are baaaad!!" and people are afraid they won't be themselves (I know I was worried about that hence why I took so long to try and take them) but I think it was one of the best decisions in my life, things are not perfect, but they are certainly better.

Hope this advice helps.

Thank you, truly. I'm taking Buspirone and the last two days it's almost felt like it was doing nothing. My doc said that's normal, since I just had the dosage adjusted and your body needs time to fully adjust. I understand the shakiness and dread. I laid in bed for 2 hours this morning before working up the strength to get up. As per the job scenario: I know that ALL too well. I had this one retail job worse than the others that actually nearly ruined a relationship of mine due to how badly it messed me up. Your advice definitely helps, by the way. Smile

Kodie · **03-09-2016, 10:30 AM**

Oh yeah I'd give it a couple of weeks until you see any difference, I know mine were subtle. Of course now I'm kicking myself going "Why didn't I do this sooner!?!?"Â

Good luck, I'm hoping for the best turn out!

Gabineaux · **03-10-2016, 01:29 AM**

If it's possible for you to get into some one on one therapy, do that. It worked out pretty ok for me. In the province I live in there's a certain number of times you can meet with someone for free and a certain amount of steps they put you through before they send you on your way. With anxiety, group therapy is just awful. I hate group therapy. Growing up that's what my parents seemed to think was best, but honestly it only made me more of an anxious and shelled in person. Depression is something everyone's going to struggle with at some point but if you're like me and you won the shitty brain lottery you'll probably be popping pills and paying people to whine at them forever. As for pills, you might go through a LOT of different pills and combinations of pills before you find some that work for you. It took me literal years to find the winning set. I'm sorry if that sounds discouraging but eventually your doctor and you will find what works. Different things work for different people.

If you can't see a therapist try looking into cognitive behavioural therapy online. I want to say there's some free options out there. Don't make the mistake of googling the abbreviation though. The TLDR of cognitive behavioural therapy is 'think positively and positive changes will happen in your life'. THAT might sound silly but it's really not so bad and the actual programs for it are pretty ok.

Lephise · **03-10-2016, 03:22 AM**

Hi there, it's very nice to meet you MBajihri! :)
I am so happy that you made this thread. To find someone who shares the same struggles is something I never thought I'd find, and here of all places to boot!

As for me, I am (nearly) 21 years old. I, too, suffer from severe clinical anxiety and depression. I have had it my whole life as well. Unfortunately, it is still very severe. I go to several doctors and am on many medications. Every aspect of my life revolves around anxiety. I do not leave home and I struggle with accomplishing the simplest of daily tasks. Talking to people is the scariest thing in the world for me, but at the same time it's the thing I yearn for more than anything else. I also wear a fitbit watch at all times to monitor my heart rate because anything and everything can make it spike out of control. I don't know a time when I'm NOT anxious, after all!

Oh, and don't feel bad at all about airplane anxiety, I have it too... which is why I have never ridden one! I mean, I can barely even play FFXIV when it's with other people (dungeons, primals); I even quit playing for over a year when I fought Garuda... it affected me that badly and I still feel silly for it! Part of me going back to playing this is part of my own therapy, though. I truly hope this game can help me socialize as well as feel good about myself by accomplishing goals!

Anyway, if you need anyone to talk to, please know that I am here :) Thanks again for making this thread and sharing your experiences, I really really appreciate it. I would write more but I don't want to turn this into an essay; I will add more to this later on!

Sev · **03-17-2016, 04:50 AM**

(03-10-2016, 03:22 AM)Lephise Wrote: I can barely even play FFXIV when it's with other people (dungeons, primals); I even quit playing for over a year when I fought Garuda...Â

Wow, me too. I occasionally get nightmares about failing the group and dropping agro or dyingÂ then getting yelled atÂ as I play a Paladin (Why of why do I keep doing that to myself?! The insta-queues are pretty nice I guessÂ Tongue

)

But oh man this thread.. I can relate well to all of you. Hugs for everyone!
Â
Iâ€™ve been dealing with nasty anxiety and depression burrowed deep like a barbed hook for a good 14 years now, and by now Iâ€™ve more or less accepted the black dog is here to stay after the better part of a decades worth of therapy and various medications struggled to drive it off. Now Iâ€™ve basically given up on doctors and medications.
Â
However, despite all the difficulties of real life Iâ€™m able to find some degree of solace online â€“ threads like this remind me Iâ€™m not alone in the daily slog and its comforting to know that.

raul · **03-17-2016, 05:14 AM**

Ditto on hugs for everyone. The worst part about it is that people who don't struggle with it don't understand why it's so hard, so it's honestly really nice to see people talking about it.Â Cactuar

Xanax is a lifesaver, if you can get a prescription for it. It'll keep you from making the dumb snap decisions that anxiety sometimes brings, and it can take down a full-blown panic attack in like a minute.

If you can't, there are some non-prescription alternatives you can try. A lot of people recommend kava (although I've personally found it to have no effect, even really good/expensive stuff). There's one I probably shouldn't name because of gray-area legality (it's illegal in like two states but legal in the rest) that works really really well, and some people swear by some nootropics, which are if nothing else very inexpensive and worth a try, imo.

13uddy · **03-17-2016, 11:14 AM**

(03-09-2016, 09:59 AM)MBajihri Wrote: Has anyone overcome this, or at least gotten to a point where you can function fully and push it aside?Â

I wouldn't say I'm anywhere close to "overcome", but I've at least gotten to a point where it is somewhat manageable except at the worst of the worst times. Â

I was diagnosed with Leukemia when I was 4, and through a combination of chemical imbalances, side-effects of treatments, stressful situations, an EXTREMELY bigoted and self-absorbed family and other things, I've pretty much been dealing with severe anxiety for 30+ years. Â Not fun, not fun at all. Â

And nothing aggravates me more than the "Get over it" mindset some people have. Â Do they think we WANT to be like this?!!?!

I have been on and off medications for years, but it is touch and go. Â When a medication stops helping, I get scared because I've had some REALLY bad reactions to some anti-anxiety meds and I am terrified history is going to repeat itself while searching for a new one. Â This last time was fairly lucky since I only had to try two before the third one worked without any major side effects (an occasional vivid nightmare, a little nausea and a minor migraine once or twice a month, but otherwise works fairly well).

Most of my management techniques are silly or sound pretty stupid, but they work for me.

One is something I learned from a kid I knew going through treatments for cancer at the same time I was. Â She had a "lucky charm" of sorts that she imagined helped keep her safe. Â I adapted a similar technique using my (of all things) DC Comics Lantern Rings. Â I'll hold one or slip one on my finger, close my eyes, do my breathing exercises and envision a bubble of light energy surrounding me, protecting me from whatever. Â If I've forgotten my rings, I'll start chanting the Sith codeÂ (because Jedi are scum)Â (out loud when alone, silently in public) and imagining I'm gaining power and strength from The Dark Side of The Force. Â I know it is ridiculous (and before anyone asks, YES, I know they aren't real), but it works for me.

Sometimes I use a distraction, like watching a comedy, fantasy or sci-fi movie or TV show, reading a novel, playing a video game or some other thing that can help me not focus on the anxiety. Â Other times, I start writing. Â If I focus on something else intensely, it can help the anxiety come down or go away since I'm "ignoring" it (imprecise term, but hopefully you get the idea).

I just hope anyone else with anxiety issues finds something that works for them. Â Doesn't matter how silly it might sound to others, if it works for you, it works for you.

Tatsu · **03-17-2016, 12:50 PM**

sent pm.

McBeefâ„¢ · **03-17-2016, 12:55 PM**

One thing I've never understood about other people's descriptions of anxiety is the need for hugs or comfort.

I have some pretty bad issues with anxiety, but the only thing that helps is solitude. If I interact with people, I just end up taking out my fear and frustration on them. I've lost a few friendships this way.Â

I just have to cloister myself until the feelings pass.

Klynzahr · **03-17-2016, 12:55 PM**

I won't go into details here, because it isn't my story to tell. However I will say that I love someone with anxiety and panic disorder, who has improved immensely over the last two years and is now able to function without medication.

Â Â Â I think that the most important point in his case was learning how to identify the major triggers of his anxiety and keeping constant watch for new ones. If there is a situation that he knows will be triggering, he doesn't try to avoid it but instead takes steps to prepare and calm himself.

Â Â Â If possible he plans out the steps that he will take in detail and mentally walks through the scenario before hand. Meticulous scheduling and planning ahead can prevent many problems before they even start. When facing a triggering situation, he uses key words, which he can think to himself or that I can verbally tell him if I spot early symptoms. He also keeps a lucky object on his person that he can hold if he feels overwhelmed. In certain cases he is able to refocus himself by listening to music. His employers allow him to use an MP3 for this and it worked wonders until it got wet and died.Â

Â Â Â In cases where all else fails, he uses breathing exercises in combination with the other aids to bring his panic levels down.... and yes there are still times when they are needed. Anxiety will always be a part of our life and in most ways it sucks. However we have also discovered that it's helpful when remembering car keys, planning trips, and keeping track of budgets. There is a bright side to everything and the organization required to cope with anxiety can prove to be very useful in other ways.

McBeefâ„¢ · **03-17-2016, 01:09 PM**

(03-17-2016, 12:55 PM)Klinzahr Wrote: I won't go into details here, because it isn't my story to tell. However I will say that I love someone with anxiety and panic disorder, who has improved immensely over the last two years and is now able to function without medication.

Â Â Â

I'm glad to hear about the medication. For me, anti-anxiety medicine seemed to do very little. I think actively trying to fight anxiety is empowering and has something of an affect all on its own.

Taking the medicine was very depressing for me, and I felt like it represented an inability for me to control myself. That I had no power over the situation. Since then I've worked on other ways to deal with it, many of which are similar to what you describe. Another one that works well for me is talking to a non-judgemental person about the situation.

"I'm not sure if this is just my anxieties talking, but I'm feeling like X" and then hearing from another person that you trust that reality might not be as bad as you feel. Helps me prevent attacks or episodes from getting really bad.

Edit: For the record, take medicine if you need it. For me though at least it was more of a band-aid, and while it helped a bit with the symptoms, actually engaging with my anxiety and getting therapy was what made more of a difference.

Klynzahr · **03-17-2016, 01:53 PM**

(03-17-2016, 01:09 PM)McBeefÂ© Wrote:
(03-17-2016, 12:55 PM)Klinzahr Wrote: I won't go into details here, because it isn't my story to tell. However I will say that I love someone with anxiety and panic disorder, who has improved immensely over the last two years and is now able to function without medication.

Â Â Â
I'm glad to hear about the medication. For me, anti-anxiety medicine seemed to do very little. I think actively trying to fight anxiety is empowering and has something of an affect all on its own.

Taking the medicine was very depressing for me, and I felt like it represented an inability for me to control myself. That I had no power over the situation. Since then I've worked on other ways to deal with it, many of which are similar to what you describe. Another one that works well for me is talking to a non-judgemental person about the situation.

"I'm not sure if this is just my anxieties talking, but I'm feeling like X" and then hearing from another person that you trust that reality might not be as bad as you feel. Helps me prevent attacks or episodes from getting really bad.

Edit: For the record, take medicine if you need it. For me though at least it was more of a band-aid, and while it helped a bit with the symptoms, actually engaging with my anxiety and getting therapy was what made more of a difference.

Now if only I could figure out how to apply the same techniques to my own issues. Frustrated

MBajihri · **03-17-2016, 04:23 PM**

Hey everyone. I wanted to make an update: I've gotten into extensive group therapy which will further into one-on-one, etc. It's been helping a bit, along with the use of medicines for other issues. I'm feeling more strong than usual, which I hope sticks and improves further. I'm very grateful for your advice and support! <3. You're welcome to message me in game if you ever want, as well.

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