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**07-21-2014, 06:39 PM**

He shakes he head and looks up into Askier's golden eyes, contemplating the man's face. His friend's face. Yes. That sounded right.

"Should focus on arm. Believe part of brain controlling it vas damaged. Is nothing that can be done. Am learning to live vith." He points to Askier's hand. "Now, please try."

Askier · **07-21-2014, 07:15 PM**

"Hells, Alexei." Askier snorted in amazement at his friend's disposition. "Everything that happens to you is just something you'll life with."

Askier shook his head, marvelling at the hyur's ability to shrug off physical damage with zero negativity arising. The miqo'te felt a small degree of jealousy, wishing he possessed the same mental strength to be so dismissive in regards to some of his own, personal ordeals.

"Alright. Lets give this exercise of yours a test.". Askier licked his lips as he looked down at his metal hand, studying the steel and the screws. He focused on his middle finger and shifted it as his eyes watched. He felt the nerves spark where the wires met flesh and bone and watched the finger move.Â

The miqo'te took a deep breath and then closed his eyes. He tried to picture the finger in his head. He tried to simulate the sensation in his nerves. He swallowed and kept focusing. The metal hand was still. Â After a few moments, Askier opened his eyes and blinked at Alexei.

"Anything?" Askier asked tentatively.

**07-21-2014, 07:34 PM**

Alexei frowns a little at the motionless hand and shakes his head. "Do not see movement. Is not unexpected. Vould have been surprised if could move already." He looks up at Askier. "Still. Am sorry. Know that movement vould have made happy. Perhaps vhen talk to Oria can ask for advice."

The arm lies there cold and motionless, Alexei stares at it and thinks. After a moment he speaks up again.

"...Oria vill know more. Am not sure trust self to try and help. Sensation are feeling in shoulder must be fault of installer. Apologies. Vill refrain from doing more. Do not vish to cause more harm."

Askier · **07-21-2014, 07:43 PM**

Ya, I was hoping it would work." Askier sighed as he looked down at the hand again and shifted the thumb slowly, the electric tingle in his muscle tissue letting him know it had worked. "But Oria said it could be years before I had full and subconscious control over the wait a moment..."

The miqo'te's head jerked up, fixing his gaze at Alexei as Askier gave the hyur a surprised expression.Â

"Did you just use the words 'happy' and feel?" There was a mixture of both excitement and surprise Â in the Garlean's voice as he realized he had never heard the emotionless Alexei use such words in such a context before.

**07-21-2014, 08:05 PM**

Alexei turned his grey eyes to look at Askier and cocked his head in question. Had he used happy? Yes. But that was not unusual. Knew what emotions were, had even used word before. But why did he feel surprised when Askier told him what he'd said. Odd. Had...he cared? Alexei was silent for awhile, deep in thought. ...Yes. He had cared. Strange.

The grey eyes blink, they looked less cold than normal. "...Da, said happy. Vanted you to be...happy." Alexei's face broke it's normal impassive visage and he looked genuinely confused about what he had just said. His looked straight ahead and repeated himself softly, as if he was having trouble understanding what he had said.

"...Vanted you to be happy..."

He looked back up to Askier again. "...I-I don't-" His face contorted in pain and he fell back onto the floor, clutching his head.

Askier · **07-21-2014, 09:20 PM**

Askier felt his lips pull back into a big, stupid smile, his sharp teeth dull in the dim room. His ashen cheeks were tinged a slight red in embarrassment at Alexei's words but he was delighted. The hyur had wanted him happy. His friend was exhibiting emotions.Â

Askier's sense of jubilation died as swiftly as it had begun as the hyur suddenly looked at him and Askier felt a sense of dread wash over him as he saw the look of confusion on Alexei's face. The miqo'te's smile disappeared and hepushed himself off the table as the hyur grabbed his own head and knelt.Â

"Nononono." Askier said flatly as he rushed to his friends aid and knelt before him. Askier let his left arm hang limp and useless as his right hand went to the side of Alexeis head and tried to tilt the man's head to look at him.

"Alexei its all right. Look at me, Alexei. Look at me."

Askier's voice was flat but his eyes were darting, revealing his unease. The last time he had seen Alexei like this the hyur had shoved a scalpel into his own hand to reinforce his 'conditioning', to bury his past and his emotions.Â

"Come on Alexei, it's alright mate, its alright."

**07-21-2014, 10:34 PM**

Double post. Oops.

**07-21-2014, 10:34 PM**

Alexei had begun shaking a bit, he looked up into his friends eyes and shook his head.

"...D-Do not vant to go back." His eyes were full of sorrow and regret as he pleaded with Askier. "...Please...have caused too much pain, too much death." His voice shook as he fought through the pain to speak. "Please...do not let cause more-" A sharp spike of pain interrupted him and he gasped.

"Do n-not vant harm anyone again." He caught his breath and looks Askier directly in the eyes, his face twitch in pain. "Cannot bear thought of harming-" The pain became too much and he shut his eyes and rolled onto his side, body twitching as the pain continued.

Askier · **07-22-2014, 11:47 AM**

"Alexei, it's alright!."Â Askier exclaimed, trying to keep his friend staring into his golden eyes.Â "No one is making you go back anywhere."

Askier was stern, though his mind was running a thousand different ways, trying to figure out how best to calm this fit the hyur was experiencing.Â When Alexei fell over onto his side, Askier leaned in, his head over the shuddering hyur as his golden optics darted around.Â His right hand went on Alexei's shoulder and he gripped it reassuringly as his left arm hung still.

"Alexei, no one here is making you hurt anyone!"Â Askier said frantically, his teeth chewing on his lower lips every time he stopped speaking.Â "You haven't hurt anyone in awhile!Â Hells you keep fixing me up!Â Patching my wounds and all, just like Osric ordered you to do.Â I'd be dead at least once so far if you hadn't been around, Alexei. It's alright, it really is!Â You're with friends now."

**07-22-2014, 12:00 PM**

Through clenched teeth Alexei speaks again. "...Am sorry...Cannot handle, must go back..."

Alexei stops shaking as his eyes go out of focus. A moment later they refocus, empty and cold once more.

He blinks and looks at Askier. "Is done, am fine now." Feeling the scar on his forehead he pushes himself into a sitting position with his other hand. The bad leg twitches for a moment as his damaged brain misfires. Alexei looks back at Askier's face, his own impassive once again.

"Is getting vorse. Deterioration is more rapid. Not sure how long until collapse." He forces himself onto his feet and smooths out his clothes.

He paused and looked his friend in the eyes. "...For small moment, vhen saw you smile, felt happy."

Askier · **07-24-2014, 08:40 PM**

"Why are you so afraid of letting it collapse, letting the emotions out?"Â Askier inquired urgently, his golden eyes staring into his friend's face, desperately looking for the answer there.Â "What happens when it falls, Alexei, please, tell me so I can help you.Â You're my friend, dammit,and hells take me if I don't help you through this as best I am able."

**07-24-2014, 09:01 PM**

Looks back into Askier's golden eye, his own dull, grey eyes a stark contrast. He starts to answer then stops to re-think what he was saying. "...Vas not only one to be conditioned. Vere once hundred of us...and have seen vhat happened to others."

He drops his gaze to the floor for a moment, taking a deep breath before looking back up. "Vhen it all comes out, is overvhelming. Many vent mad, those that did not became depressed and took own lives." His eyes soften but the rest remains impassive. "Do not know vhat vill happen. Might die, might go mad." Twitching slightly, he places a hand on Askier's shoulder. "Do not fear death, vant as much time as can to care for you and others. Are alvays in need of care, vill feel better vhen time comes if know have done all I can for you."

Askier · **07-24-2014, 09:51 PM**

"Alexei...I'm Askier Mergrey...I get hurt weekly.Â Who is going to fix me up if you die?"Â Askier growled angrily, disappointed in his friend's defeated tone.

"You have orders to protect me.Â You cannot protect me if you are dead!Â I'm ordering you, no matter what happens with this conditioning, you are not to die or go mad.Â I will be by your side through it all, damn it!Â You fight this mentally!Â I did after Itar carved me up.Â Sure I have nightmares and have to sleep with a stuffed animal, but I'm mostly functional!Â Even if you aren't at optimal capacity, you are going to live, even if I have chain you in a cell until you manage to get through this.Â Got it?Â I am here for you."

**07-25-2014, 12:52 AM**

The corners of Alexei's mouth twitch a little bit as he almost starts to smile, then becomes impassive again. "Vill not follow order. Have decided to follow Sizha'to's advice and make own choices. Am resigning from Osric's service." He cocks his head at Askier. "But vill do everything that can to live. Are patient and friend, do not vant to cause emotional distress."

Alexei offers Askier a nod and walks over to the cot he sleeps on. Squatting down he pulls some of his things out and gathers them up. "Am heading to city. Medical supplies are depleted and need to acquire more." He stands up and walks back over to Askier. "Also believed have recovered as much as can. Am not sure can stay here, vas here for safety vhile mending. Do not vish to impose. Vill ask Captain vhen see him next."

Askier · **07-25-2014, 10:53 AM**

"You're doing a piss poor job if you didn't want to cause emotional distress!' A skier groweled as the hyur started collecting his things. The miqo'te male rose to his feet and walked over to Alexei and hugged him tightly with his right arm. He held the man there for a moment and then let Alexei go, spinning on his heel as he released him.

Askier walked away, pausing at the base if the stairs to fix his golden eyes at Alexei on last time.

"You are always welcome here you dummy. Â I better hear from you soon."

With that, Askier ascended the straits and left the building after reaching the top.

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A Broken Mind and a New Life (Semi-closed)

RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes