If you've told them it's not okay and they don't respect that, then shame on them. I've had a very similar talk about this subject with my own partner a while ago, so I'm going to try to respond to this seriously.
TL;DR- Yes. Both partners should be okay with it. But neither partner should be so quick to deny the other. Compromises exist.
There are multiple facets to be looked at here.
Now, I will start by saying (should OP even still be reading this thread) that ERP is not always about fantasy fulfillment. It can, depending on the person, be used as a methods of plot or character development. My own experiences with it outside of FFXIV (I'm not ashamed!) are all 100% platonic. I know that sounds weird to a lot of people, but to me it's largely just character development. A character can just as easily and logically "discover themselves" through romantic development as with dramatic, or battle, or friendship, or anything else. It depends entirely on the character they've chosen to play, and how that character chooses to receive validation. I've played characters who only existed to win fights, become stronger. I've played characters who viewed their own worth relative to romantic conquests. I've played characters who chose to be instigators of drama and simply existed to try to drive people apart. ERP is not always a romantic, sexual experience between two people so much as it is two people developing their characters with each other in ways where a "fade-to-black" simply won't cut it. It's the same as in a lot of adult fiction; the same author could just as easily fade-to-black or write out an entire scene. The most mature author will only choose to do that latter when it's called for, because the characters somehow learned or evolved during the experience.
Now... all that being said... Most roleplayers are sadly, not that mature. For most of the RP subsets known as ERPers, it's really just about fantasy fulfillment. Whether we as humans like to admit it or not, we are only one person each who can (or are willing to) fill a finite list of fantasies. We're bound by our physical world, and our physical bodies. A little bit of fantasy fulfillment is not unhealthy. Too much, and yeah... It's very unhealthy. Especially if OoC feelings are involved.
I've been roleplaying for years. Years and years. ERP just became an accepted part of the hobby for me, even though I rarely participated myself. I knew people who did, and I didn't think any less of them for it. They were playing characters, and the characters would logically fall together. My partner does not roleplay, but she writes. She understands that development of sexuality can be an important crux in a story, or a character's lifespan. She learned about my hobby and what it entails after we had been together for a while; and her inital reaction was much the same as yours! She told me it was akin to cheating, that I shouldn't be sharing intimate moments with anyone but her...
Frankly, I hadn't even thought about it like that. The hobby was part of who I was, and romantic development was a part of that hobby. The two were inseparable in my mind. Where RP happens, so must ERP. But we sat down together and talked about it. We searched the internet for opinions and testimonies from couples in similar situations, and we landed on a compromise that served to make both of us happy. Though it's restricted the variety of characters I can play, I got to keep my partner, and I got to maintain my favorite hobby. Things couldn't have turned out better.
Whether such a course of action will work for you OP, remains to be seen. But I certainly hope, all things considered, that you both at least try.
TL;DR- Yes. Both partners should be okay with it. But neither partner should be so quick to deny the other. Compromises exist.
There are multiple facets to be looked at here.
Now, I will start by saying (should OP even still be reading this thread) that ERP is not always about fantasy fulfillment. It can, depending on the person, be used as a methods of plot or character development. My own experiences with it outside of FFXIV (I'm not ashamed!) are all 100% platonic. I know that sounds weird to a lot of people, but to me it's largely just character development. A character can just as easily and logically "discover themselves" through romantic development as with dramatic, or battle, or friendship, or anything else. It depends entirely on the character they've chosen to play, and how that character chooses to receive validation. I've played characters who only existed to win fights, become stronger. I've played characters who viewed their own worth relative to romantic conquests. I've played characters who chose to be instigators of drama and simply existed to try to drive people apart. ERP is not always a romantic, sexual experience between two people so much as it is two people developing their characters with each other in ways where a "fade-to-black" simply won't cut it. It's the same as in a lot of adult fiction; the same author could just as easily fade-to-black or write out an entire scene. The most mature author will only choose to do that latter when it's called for, because the characters somehow learned or evolved during the experience.
Now... all that being said... Most roleplayers are sadly, not that mature. For most of the RP subsets known as ERPers, it's really just about fantasy fulfillment. Whether we as humans like to admit it or not, we are only one person each who can (or are willing to) fill a finite list of fantasies. We're bound by our physical world, and our physical bodies. A little bit of fantasy fulfillment is not unhealthy. Too much, and yeah... It's very unhealthy. Especially if OoC feelings are involved.
I've been roleplaying for years. Years and years. ERP just became an accepted part of the hobby for me, even though I rarely participated myself. I knew people who did, and I didn't think any less of them for it. They were playing characters, and the characters would logically fall together. My partner does not roleplay, but she writes. She understands that development of sexuality can be an important crux in a story, or a character's lifespan. She learned about my hobby and what it entails after we had been together for a while; and her inital reaction was much the same as yours! She told me it was akin to cheating, that I shouldn't be sharing intimate moments with anyone but her...
Frankly, I hadn't even thought about it like that. The hobby was part of who I was, and romantic development was a part of that hobby. The two were inseparable in my mind. Where RP happens, so must ERP. But we sat down together and talked about it. We searched the internet for opinions and testimonies from couples in similar situations, and we landed on a compromise that served to make both of us happy. Though it's restricted the variety of characters I can play, I got to keep my partner, and I got to maintain my favorite hobby. Things couldn't have turned out better.
Whether such a course of action will work for you OP, remains to be seen. But I certainly hope, all things considered, that you both at least try.
