Travel the world, they said. See the sights, smell the roses. I knew there would be trouble but did THEY listen? Of course not! I trudge through a cool, mildew-scented tunnel with untold dangers ahead of me. The omnichromatic glow of arcanima emanating from my grimoire is the only thing separating me from the sun-starved murk. In layman's terms, It's blacker than a duskwight with a sun-tan and I can't see shite but for a few yalms ahead. Smell the roses.
Bah! It's La Noscea! The roses want to kill you, and unlike the bandits they aren't even motivated by sensible economics and work ethic. Stupid landtraps, stupid salt air, stupid cave, stupid kobolds--
In my vehement ramblings I had somehow strolled right into the kobold dig I was explicitly warned to avoid. Kobolds... Eugh. Disgusting creatures. With their beady eyes and their crooked teeth and their goofy, hunchback posture... Yuck!
"You, overdweller! Why you say such hurtful things? Why you come here?" I gulp audibly. I had switched thinking with talking again.
"Does overdweller realize she is looking at self in puddle reflection?"
"She does have bad teeth! Haha!"
My pride is wounded, and judging by the drawn pickaxes they do not intend to leave it at that. I appear to be surrounded, so the only option is diplomacy... I take a deep breath...
"Come no closer, knaves! It is I, The Warrior of Light! Cringe before my Titan-felling might!"
"No you aren't! Warrior of Light is taller!"
"Scarier!"
"Does not shiver and shake!"
"Is much prettier!"
In my panic I let it slide, but the kobolds are closing in! One more thing to try...
"There's strong mineralogical evidence of gold-bearing quartz along your eastern dig! I recommend explosives!"
The press of tiny, rat-like bodies halts. The cave is dark and cold but I sweat profusely nonetheless. They begin to chitter amongst themselves... A helmetted, armored kobold steps ahead of the encircling mob. Has to be a foreman, he looks more important.
"Ha! Your amateurish stunt cannot work on us!" His pick raises menacingly, this is not how I expected to die.
"Did she say gold?" I wanted to die in a hectic siege.
"Can't use explosives, too fragile." Or a lab fire.
"Too valuable? Time is money! Money is crystals!" I close my eyes and wait for death.
"Foolish! Must take care with gold!" Still waiting.
"Dumb! Must extract before Limsans come!" Waiiiiting.
"Idiot bedesman!"
"Stupid linesman!" A lantern flies past my head, striking the foreman. A melee ensues. I flee in the most respectable, tactically sound fashion possible until I grow winded from crying and sprinting simultaneously. The sound of self-contained civil war echoes behind me as I exit the tunnel. Fools. The avarice of kobolds would be their downfall.
I hurry onward to Mist, eager to sell my wares. Good potions sell almost five percent higher than back in Ul'dah.
(Posted on mobile. Sorry for awful formatting.)
Bah! It's La Noscea! The roses want to kill you, and unlike the bandits they aren't even motivated by sensible economics and work ethic. Stupid landtraps, stupid salt air, stupid cave, stupid kobolds--
In my vehement ramblings I had somehow strolled right into the kobold dig I was explicitly warned to avoid. Kobolds... Eugh. Disgusting creatures. With their beady eyes and their crooked teeth and their goofy, hunchback posture... Yuck!
"You, overdweller! Why you say such hurtful things? Why you come here?" I gulp audibly. I had switched thinking with talking again.
"Does overdweller realize she is looking at self in puddle reflection?"
"She does have bad teeth! Haha!"
My pride is wounded, and judging by the drawn pickaxes they do not intend to leave it at that. I appear to be surrounded, so the only option is diplomacy... I take a deep breath...
"Come no closer, knaves! It is I, The Warrior of Light! Cringe before my Titan-felling might!"
"No you aren't! Warrior of Light is taller!"
"Scarier!"
"Does not shiver and shake!"
"Is much prettier!"
In my panic I let it slide, but the kobolds are closing in! One more thing to try...
"There's strong mineralogical evidence of gold-bearing quartz along your eastern dig! I recommend explosives!"
The press of tiny, rat-like bodies halts. The cave is dark and cold but I sweat profusely nonetheless. They begin to chitter amongst themselves... A helmetted, armored kobold steps ahead of the encircling mob. Has to be a foreman, he looks more important.
"Ha! Your amateurish stunt cannot work on us!" His pick raises menacingly, this is not how I expected to die.
"Did she say gold?" I wanted to die in a hectic siege.
"Can't use explosives, too fragile." Or a lab fire.
"Too valuable? Time is money! Money is crystals!" I close my eyes and wait for death.
"Foolish! Must take care with gold!" Still waiting.
"Dumb! Must extract before Limsans come!" Waiiiiting.
"Idiot bedesman!"
"Stupid linesman!" A lantern flies past my head, striking the foreman. A melee ensues. I flee in the most respectable, tactically sound fashion possible until I grow winded from crying and sprinting simultaneously. The sound of self-contained civil war echoes behind me as I exit the tunnel. Fools. The avarice of kobolds would be their downfall.
I hurry onward to Mist, eager to sell my wares. Good potions sell almost five percent higher than back in Ul'dah.
(Posted on mobile. Sorry for awful formatting.)
