Oddly enough, I don't like putting a lot of thought into this sort of question. It can get... depressing.
Mostly because I can look around and see people who are so much further along or doing greater things than I am. I see the twelve-year-olds with amazing artistic skill on DeviantArt, I hear about my friends who have gotten to work on comic books or are group-funded to work on their video game. I talk with folks and they're so certain and definite in what they want to do in life, and are gunning to do it.
Meanwhile, I just feel like I'm eternally floundering. When I was a kid, I wanted to get a science-y job. Then I joined the military. Then I went to college to major in video game design. Now I'm a contract programmer jumping from programming language to programming language and feeling forever lost. I get told to seek certifications, but I don't know which ones to go for, which ones will be valid in this ever shifting work landscape I find myself in.
I get I ideas, I start on my own projects, I feel insignificant and ignored, and I drop them. I've had multiple stories and ideas I've started on, sheepishly reached out for opinions, and lost my nerve when no one answers. I have ideas and concepts still floating in my head that I keep refining over and over again, feeling like they're not ready or I'm missing something crucial.
Maybe that's the meaning of my life, my purpose. To be forever flailing between content and worried, between self-assured and afraid of screwing up. A nebulous life of rubber-banding from emotion to emotion and somehow managing to stay somehow afloat despite all of it. I kinda hope I'm wrong, really.
Mostly because I can look around and see people who are so much further along or doing greater things than I am. I see the twelve-year-olds with amazing artistic skill on DeviantArt, I hear about my friends who have gotten to work on comic books or are group-funded to work on their video game. I talk with folks and they're so certain and definite in what they want to do in life, and are gunning to do it.
Meanwhile, I just feel like I'm eternally floundering. When I was a kid, I wanted to get a science-y job. Then I joined the military. Then I went to college to major in video game design. Now I'm a contract programmer jumping from programming language to programming language and feeling forever lost. I get told to seek certifications, but I don't know which ones to go for, which ones will be valid in this ever shifting work landscape I find myself in.
I get I ideas, I start on my own projects, I feel insignificant and ignored, and I drop them. I've had multiple stories and ideas I've started on, sheepishly reached out for opinions, and lost my nerve when no one answers. I have ideas and concepts still floating in my head that I keep refining over and over again, feeling like they're not ready or I'm missing something crucial.
Maybe that's the meaning of my life, my purpose. To be forever flailing between content and worried, between self-assured and afraid of screwing up. A nebulous life of rubber-banding from emotion to emotion and somehow managing to stay somehow afloat despite all of it. I kinda hope I'm wrong, really.
~