That wish fulfillment thing has been such a huge problem from some experiences I've had with role-play in other games. So far my experiences in Final Fantasy XIV role-play have been very positive. Previous to this game, much less so..
In other games I have run into problems with that sort of obsessive behavior which transitioned from a cute relationship to something where it became apparent that it was much more meaningful to my "RP partner." I was followed to another server, then followed to another game (even using a totally different character name). Cutting off ties was more difficult, but the real friends I made understood why I left, and I kept away from pretty much all kinds of role-play for almost three years. I was very nervous even about coming back last year.
I don't talk much about this because I don't know where he has gone, if he still role-plays, or is in ARR at all. He was pretty consistent about a name he used and after searching the HRPC before joining I'm convinced he's gone and found some other rock to hide under.
I have totally reinvented myself in that space in-between, and I like to think that I am a little older and a little wiser and definitely a lot more guarded. I do think relationships make the role-play experience more fun and enriching, but I do not invest myself to that degree, and have gone so far as to give my character reasons to be guarded, and while I think she is a beautiful character in a lot of ways, I still remember how "cute" became "awkward", then "uncomfortable", then "obsessive" before finally spiraling into something that made me simply not ever want to log in anymore.
Now I go to certain lengths to keep my "character life" apart from "real life." The people with whom I role-play have been very understanding and I don't feel a lot of pressure to talk about real life stuff more than I want. I just play and enjoy the storytelling aspects of it and it helps fuel my own personal writing ambitions so I am really glad I came back, and grateful to the other role-players around here!
I think Dimona could one day have a [serious] boyfriend but there would be a lengthy screening process of the complimentary role-player and I would want to make sure that we were both invested in the telling of the story and not misusing the relationship to fill some other vacancy of life. It's not something I'm looking for. Her story is still unfolding and I have enjoyed watching her adapt to her environment as it changes around her. She is a lot more than arm candy anyway and I would never want to discredit her like that.
It does amaze me just how many "couples" there are in RP, and at times I wonder/worry if anyone else is enduring what I had to suffer through, but I feel like coming back to role-play has empowered me. My character name and the type of character I used to RP is totally different from Dimona and exploring a lot of the differences in this character has really helped me to partake in a totally different sort of role-play than what I was accustomed to. For a long time I thought if I ever did come back it was going to have to be as a character who was ugly, unattractive, or just crazy. I'm happy to be able to role-play a character who is still beautiful, a totally different kind of beautiful than that groove I fell into so many years ago. She is bold and confident and fun and I have been enjoying role-play so much more lately than I think I ever did back in those days! So the story has a happy ending.
But like so many others said, this line between what is reality and what is fantasy is soooooooooooooooo important. And if it ever seems like it's getting fuzzy for someone it is very important to communicate, like so many of the posts above have stated. And if that communication isn't being met in a receptive and positive way, than it is best to get out quickly and move on.
Invest in the STORYTELLING.
In other games I have run into problems with that sort of obsessive behavior which transitioned from a cute relationship to something where it became apparent that it was much more meaningful to my "RP partner." I was followed to another server, then followed to another game (even using a totally different character name). Cutting off ties was more difficult, but the real friends I made understood why I left, and I kept away from pretty much all kinds of role-play for almost three years. I was very nervous even about coming back last year.
I don't talk much about this because I don't know where he has gone, if he still role-plays, or is in ARR at all. He was pretty consistent about a name he used and after searching the HRPC before joining I'm convinced he's gone and found some other rock to hide under.
I have totally reinvented myself in that space in-between, and I like to think that I am a little older and a little wiser and definitely a lot more guarded. I do think relationships make the role-play experience more fun and enriching, but I do not invest myself to that degree, and have gone so far as to give my character reasons to be guarded, and while I think she is a beautiful character in a lot of ways, I still remember how "cute" became "awkward", then "uncomfortable", then "obsessive" before finally spiraling into something that made me simply not ever want to log in anymore.
Now I go to certain lengths to keep my "character life" apart from "real life." The people with whom I role-play have been very understanding and I don't feel a lot of pressure to talk about real life stuff more than I want. I just play and enjoy the storytelling aspects of it and it helps fuel my own personal writing ambitions so I am really glad I came back, and grateful to the other role-players around here!
I think Dimona could one day have a [serious] boyfriend but there would be a lengthy screening process of the complimentary role-player and I would want to make sure that we were both invested in the telling of the story and not misusing the relationship to fill some other vacancy of life. It's not something I'm looking for. Her story is still unfolding and I have enjoyed watching her adapt to her environment as it changes around her. She is a lot more than arm candy anyway and I would never want to discredit her like that.
It does amaze me just how many "couples" there are in RP, and at times I wonder/worry if anyone else is enduring what I had to suffer through, but I feel like coming back to role-play has empowered me. My character name and the type of character I used to RP is totally different from Dimona and exploring a lot of the differences in this character has really helped me to partake in a totally different sort of role-play than what I was accustomed to. For a long time I thought if I ever did come back it was going to have to be as a character who was ugly, unattractive, or just crazy. I'm happy to be able to role-play a character who is still beautiful, a totally different kind of beautiful than that groove I fell into so many years ago. She is bold and confident and fun and I have been enjoying role-play so much more lately than I think I ever did back in those days! So the story has a happy ending.
But like so many others said, this line between what is reality and what is fantasy is soooooooooooooooo important. And if it ever seems like it's getting fuzzy for someone it is very important to communicate, like so many of the posts above have stated. And if that communication isn't being met in a receptive and positive way, than it is best to get out quickly and move on.
Invest in the STORYTELLING.
