Alright. I think I’m finally settled enough to write properly.
So…yeah…We’re together now. And it’s really nice.
I think it’s kinda funny…I didn’t really think of Zenge in that way for a long time. Maybe it was denial. Maybe I was just lying to myself. I look back over my previous entries, and I wonder at what point it happened. I think about what I did when I gave his Garlean background away like I did…and I’m ashamed. How could he think of me in this way knowing that I betrayed him once? Maybe that’s just it. I know some of his past. He knows some of mine. But we both know that we change and grow. We’re not the same people we were moons ago, or even suns ago for that matter. As long as I keep bettering myself, maybe I’ll be good enough.
We went out on a date last eve. We wandered the city hand in hand. Went shopping in the market wards. He bought me a match to the black pearl earring I wear in my ear. Now they’re a pair. “Now they won’t be alone,†he said. It made me smile.
After shopping, we went to the Mineral Concern for a drink. No, I didn’t get drunk. We just sat there and listened to the other people there, and talked a little. We spoke about Relani and Oskar, about our families and how we miss them. But I didn’t feel like I needed to speak to be comfortable. It was enough just spending time together. I’d forgotten what that was like.
Then we went back to headquarters…home. It’s nice feeling like this is my place once again. And that’s not just because of Zenge. For a while, I lost sight of what was important. I was neglecting my friends. I was neglecting my own wants and desires for myself. Now…I’m not beholden to anyone, but I want to be with them. I want to be with the company, with my friends and acquaintances. And I want to be able to choose where I am instead of feeling like I’m obligated to be somewhere. I choose to be with my company. It’s made tensions there a whole lot easier.
I’m not worried about pleasing anyone else anymore. If I can please others by pleasing myself, that’s the way to do it. Hopefully that doesn’t change. I am happiest when I can be myself. I don’t see this relationship taking any turns in the opposite direction. Finally I feel settled and happy again.Â
So…yeah…We’re together now. And it’s really nice.
I think it’s kinda funny…I didn’t really think of Zenge in that way for a long time. Maybe it was denial. Maybe I was just lying to myself. I look back over my previous entries, and I wonder at what point it happened. I think about what I did when I gave his Garlean background away like I did…and I’m ashamed. How could he think of me in this way knowing that I betrayed him once? Maybe that’s just it. I know some of his past. He knows some of mine. But we both know that we change and grow. We’re not the same people we were moons ago, or even suns ago for that matter. As long as I keep bettering myself, maybe I’ll be good enough.
We went out on a date last eve. We wandered the city hand in hand. Went shopping in the market wards. He bought me a match to the black pearl earring I wear in my ear. Now they’re a pair. “Now they won’t be alone,†he said. It made me smile.
After shopping, we went to the Mineral Concern for a drink. No, I didn’t get drunk. We just sat there and listened to the other people there, and talked a little. We spoke about Relani and Oskar, about our families and how we miss them. But I didn’t feel like I needed to speak to be comfortable. It was enough just spending time together. I’d forgotten what that was like.
Then we went back to headquarters…home. It’s nice feeling like this is my place once again. And that’s not just because of Zenge. For a while, I lost sight of what was important. I was neglecting my friends. I was neglecting my own wants and desires for myself. Now…I’m not beholden to anyone, but I want to be with them. I want to be with the company, with my friends and acquaintances. And I want to be able to choose where I am instead of feeling like I’m obligated to be somewhere. I choose to be with my company. It’s made tensions there a whole lot easier.
I’m not worried about pleasing anyone else anymore. If I can please others by pleasing myself, that’s the way to do it. Hopefully that doesn’t change. I am happiest when I can be myself. I don’t see this relationship taking any turns in the opposite direction. Finally I feel settled and happy again.Â
![[Image: DI0sJH6.png?1]](http://i.imgur.com/DI0sJH6.png?1)
