Twelve…what am I doing…
I’ve never been one to casually date. Normally, I run from one relationship to the next. But ever since what happened with Para happened…
Let me go back. Para and I are no more. We broke off the engagement, and that same night, he was in bed with another woman. I am…was…am…upset. For 3 moons he was the center of my world, and so quickly, it was all thrown away. He regrets what happened. But I have learned that we cannot take those things back. They happen for a reason. Perhaps I will give us another shot, but I cannot give him my heart again, not like before.
Which brings me to the immediate problem. I feel like I am drowning. At first, it was Eric. Then K’anko. Now Mikael. And they all call to me differently.
Eric…He is the one who wrote me the poem. He’s the mage who ran into Lini. He is…so different from any man I’ve ever met. He thinks that he is weak because of his curse…but he is not. Every time I look into his eyes, I see who he is. He is so much more than that which has plagued him for all of his life. With him, I feel like I could forget what I’ve done. He is sweet…and tender…and a damn fine kisser. It is so easy to lose myself with him, talking about life and my worries, my fears and my desires. He does not clamor for my affections, and his silent confidence is a draw. He doesn’t feel the need to posture or fight. He is ever Eric…
K’anko…is the opposite…and yet not. I met him in Soliloquy, and he challenged me to a fight then and there. When I happened upon him at the docks a few suns later…things changed. K’anko is a man of depth, of honor, although he does not see that in himself. I understand his need for release, for the physical manifestation of his frustrations. Where Para ran, K’anko stands and fights. He is honest, and expects that honesty in return. With him, I want to be…free. He helps me to see that there is more to life than this role that I have chosen, that I can be more than what my past has taught me to be.
And Mikael…that was…sudden. And a pleasant surprise. First, he attacked me outside of Fallgourd Float…to test my mettle and see who “I†am. Then, a few suns later, he offered to watch me train. It was all fine until after my bath…then we spoke of our pasts. Twelve, he is like me, driven by a desire to make up for the mistakes of the past. No one has ever understood in that way. Not a soul.
And I am so confused.
Menphina, I beseech you…help to show me the way…before I hurt them, and myself in my indecision.
I’ve never been one to casually date. Normally, I run from one relationship to the next. But ever since what happened with Para happened…
Let me go back. Para and I are no more. We broke off the engagement, and that same night, he was in bed with another woman. I am…was…am…upset. For 3 moons he was the center of my world, and so quickly, it was all thrown away. He regrets what happened. But I have learned that we cannot take those things back. They happen for a reason. Perhaps I will give us another shot, but I cannot give him my heart again, not like before.
Which brings me to the immediate problem. I feel like I am drowning. At first, it was Eric. Then K’anko. Now Mikael. And they all call to me differently.
Eric…He is the one who wrote me the poem. He’s the mage who ran into Lini. He is…so different from any man I’ve ever met. He thinks that he is weak because of his curse…but he is not. Every time I look into his eyes, I see who he is. He is so much more than that which has plagued him for all of his life. With him, I feel like I could forget what I’ve done. He is sweet…and tender…and a damn fine kisser. It is so easy to lose myself with him, talking about life and my worries, my fears and my desires. He does not clamor for my affections, and his silent confidence is a draw. He doesn’t feel the need to posture or fight. He is ever Eric…
K’anko…is the opposite…and yet not. I met him in Soliloquy, and he challenged me to a fight then and there. When I happened upon him at the docks a few suns later…things changed. K’anko is a man of depth, of honor, although he does not see that in himself. I understand his need for release, for the physical manifestation of his frustrations. Where Para ran, K’anko stands and fights. He is honest, and expects that honesty in return. With him, I want to be…free. He helps me to see that there is more to life than this role that I have chosen, that I can be more than what my past has taught me to be.
And Mikael…that was…sudden. And a pleasant surprise. First, he attacked me outside of Fallgourd Float…to test my mettle and see who “I†am. Then, a few suns later, he offered to watch me train. It was all fine until after my bath…then we spoke of our pasts. Twelve, he is like me, driven by a desire to make up for the mistakes of the past. No one has ever understood in that way. Not a soul.
And I am so confused.
Menphina, I beseech you…help to show me the way…before I hurt them, and myself in my indecision.
![[Image: DI0sJH6.png?1]](http://i.imgur.com/DI0sJH6.png?1)
