I'm an overnight grocery worker for a canadian grocery store chain, our stores remain closed during our shift, so we get a certain type who tends to be employed here.
This story is about the legend we still tell to our new employees, to scare and amuse them, and to teach "No matter how bad you are at this job, you'll never be this bad."
This is the legend, of Deep.
So as i was coming in for my shift one night, about a couple of months after i had started, there was another wave of new people in, at the time i had not known that standing amongst the three new people was to be a legend.
Night one, A few of my coworkers and i were gathered around and chatting, this one guy decides to come up and introduce himself, walking up behind me and letting out a high pitched "DEEEEEEEEEPPP!" which we assumed at the time was his name, though later due to his accent we couldn't figure out the right pronunciation, it was a close match between deeb and deep.
weirded out i decide to introduce myself and shake the man's hand, he grabs my hand with the wrong hand, holding it from the rather than the inside, weirded out but not going to judge, i continue with my night. I had heard nothing but complaints from a couple of my coworkers, at the time i thought nothing of it as they complain about everyone, apparently he stood looking at the top shelf with a box over his head, frozen in time, when one of said coworkers came to set the box down for him he said only "Deep strong."
After a couple hours he leaves at first break, claiming he had a stomach ache, one of my coworkers who was complaining was freaking out that this new employee who was middle eastern had planted a bomb in the store and left, which was not the case.
He had left through one of the customer doors, unlocking it and prying the sliding door open, leaving it that way when he left.
a few of them had complained to one of the day managers about him and the day manager said he would fire him, but because no one knew his name, he couldn't.
Night two, a couple of my coworkers were begging me to train deep, and because i had not experienced him before, i was like "How bad could he be?" Within 5 minutes the guy had broken 3 boxes of salsa. he picked them up in the asian food aisle and started wondering around searching for them, i kept telling him those weren't in the aisle, ten times before he even looked at me. he then placed them back onto the skid, sitting half on the edge. i needed to push the skid out of the aisle, with pillars, because people came in behind so i couldn't pull out, i told him to step out of the way and keep an eye so i don't hit anything, he runs away somewhere and as soon as i moved the skid 3 boxes containing salsa fell over and completely busted.
Fast forward into the night, we're in the taco section of the chip aisle, i'm pointing to the item on the skid i want him to find, and where it is on the shelf "This is the chip aisle, we're looking for cookies, chips, /salsa/, and taco shells." i point to an obvious box of tacos on the skid and where they are on the shelf, he begins walking around the skid, looking intently, as i continued pointing back and forth for those three minutes. He walks like a drunk confused chicken, constantly pecking his head forward and wobbling around (this will be important for later). eventually he picks up a box of pasta sauce "No, that's pasta sauce, that's in the pasta aisle, look for SALSA". he says in return "Pasta salsa?" "No, that's pasta SAUCE" "pasta salsa?"
eventually i had given up hope. fast forwarding into the night, one my lazier coworkers was whining about me not dropping everything i was doing, a nearly full skid of product to spread and training a legend, to ask the boss a question when he had finished his skid. so i decide i'm going to go off on some speech, mostly sarcastic "The world is a terrible and cruel place, you gotta fight for yourself, gotta fight and suffer, can't expect me to hold your hand for you" this obviously confused him and threw him off his guard, but then deep came in "the british" "Huh?" "The british" "what about them?" the british, he kept responding to our questions with the british, so i decide i don't have time for this and take the one item for the aisle we're infront because i can't trust him to do so. I come back "the british" "what about them?" he kept nodding and saying the british, eventually he says "the British war with Argentina" "what about it" then something about a plane bombing, freaked out i walk away from the situation.
fast ward, I come back from the local Tim Horton's with my midnight lunch, and he's talking to the salad girl "What race you?" "Armenian" "Genocide against them, very bad" "...yes"
Fast forward, the coworker who begged me to train him was stuck with him in the drink aisle, next to the chip aisle where i was. The boss was yelling at deep because he couldn't put things on the shelf, and the boss we had at the time was normally very chill. Both of them keep telling him to work. Now, i'm in my aisle and i have like 15 items dropped, which isn't even a one person job, deep walks over "I help you now." "Aren't you with matt?" "Yes, i help you now." "Did matt send you over?" "I help you now." "Go back and help matt." five minutes later both of them are in the aisle, matt is asking about some product or something, i ask him if he sent deep over "Hell no." five minutes after that, matt started sending him around the store like a hot potato, people refusing him or sending him back after 5 minutes. The boss tells him not to come back tomorrow or any other day, or he will be sent back home. So during the second break he leaves without telling anyone.
NIGHT THREE. He's being denied at the door by security, not because he was fired, our store was under going construction at this time, and it was a week night so construction was in, everyone needed their hard hats and steel toes. eventually he comes in because someone gives him a hard hat, he comes right to me. "I need holiday for tonight." "You know you were fired right?" doesn't understand why "Why did you leave last night?" "I was sad" one of my other coworkers chimes in "You left without telling anyone, because you were sad?" we're all just done with this guy "You can't be doing that" so we send him over to the guy in charge since the boss wasn't in, he gets sent home, on his way out he see's the overnight temperature check guy (since bakery was under construction he got promoted to temperature checking, same pay for almost no work, lucky bastard) and glares him down for 20 seconds before wandering off into the night.
We were expecting a night four to happen, but it never did ....
DAY FOUR! So a few months later, during the autumn, i was walking home one morning, not from work, it was a day off and i had decided to go to the local ebgames and get a 'breakfast' gyro. On my way back, about 20 minutes from my home, i see this guy stumbling around down the street, a familiar, signature walking style like a drunken confused chicken ... "Oh dear god ... that's not ..." it was. He see's me on the street, and glares me down for 30 minutes, stumbling around in spot, pecking his head forward like a chicken, at this point i'm freaking out, i have no idea what he's going to do and since i'm not coming from work, i don't have my box cutter on me to defend myself if things go south. after 30 seconds of him glaring, he steps back, and taps on his chest, kinda like what a rapper would do after dropping the mic and going "represent!" but rather than saying that "I am deep." then he walks off, looking over his shoulder at me, i pick up my pace and start rushing him, looking over my shoulder to make sure he's not following me.
And that's the end, the legend of deep, only to be continued by the legend of deep jr (Not his son or a racial thing like some coworkers have thought when we start naming him deep jr, but this guy was half as bad (yet took around much longer causing more damage) as deep and warrented a second age of deep.))
This story is about the legend we still tell to our new employees, to scare and amuse them, and to teach "No matter how bad you are at this job, you'll never be this bad."
This is the legend, of Deep.
So as i was coming in for my shift one night, about a couple of months after i had started, there was another wave of new people in, at the time i had not known that standing amongst the three new people was to be a legend.
Night one, A few of my coworkers and i were gathered around and chatting, this one guy decides to come up and introduce himself, walking up behind me and letting out a high pitched "DEEEEEEEEEPPP!" which we assumed at the time was his name, though later due to his accent we couldn't figure out the right pronunciation, it was a close match between deeb and deep.
weirded out i decide to introduce myself and shake the man's hand, he grabs my hand with the wrong hand, holding it from the rather than the inside, weirded out but not going to judge, i continue with my night. I had heard nothing but complaints from a couple of my coworkers, at the time i thought nothing of it as they complain about everyone, apparently he stood looking at the top shelf with a box over his head, frozen in time, when one of said coworkers came to set the box down for him he said only "Deep strong."
After a couple hours he leaves at first break, claiming he had a stomach ache, one of my coworkers who was complaining was freaking out that this new employee who was middle eastern had planted a bomb in the store and left, which was not the case.
He had left through one of the customer doors, unlocking it and prying the sliding door open, leaving it that way when he left.
a few of them had complained to one of the day managers about him and the day manager said he would fire him, but because no one knew his name, he couldn't.
Night two, a couple of my coworkers were begging me to train deep, and because i had not experienced him before, i was like "How bad could he be?" Within 5 minutes the guy had broken 3 boxes of salsa. he picked them up in the asian food aisle and started wondering around searching for them, i kept telling him those weren't in the aisle, ten times before he even looked at me. he then placed them back onto the skid, sitting half on the edge. i needed to push the skid out of the aisle, with pillars, because people came in behind so i couldn't pull out, i told him to step out of the way and keep an eye so i don't hit anything, he runs away somewhere and as soon as i moved the skid 3 boxes containing salsa fell over and completely busted.
Fast forward into the night, we're in the taco section of the chip aisle, i'm pointing to the item on the skid i want him to find, and where it is on the shelf "This is the chip aisle, we're looking for cookies, chips, /salsa/, and taco shells." i point to an obvious box of tacos on the skid and where they are on the shelf, he begins walking around the skid, looking intently, as i continued pointing back and forth for those three minutes. He walks like a drunk confused chicken, constantly pecking his head forward and wobbling around (this will be important for later). eventually he picks up a box of pasta sauce "No, that's pasta sauce, that's in the pasta aisle, look for SALSA". he says in return "Pasta salsa?" "No, that's pasta SAUCE" "pasta salsa?"
eventually i had given up hope. fast forwarding into the night, one my lazier coworkers was whining about me not dropping everything i was doing, a nearly full skid of product to spread and training a legend, to ask the boss a question when he had finished his skid. so i decide i'm going to go off on some speech, mostly sarcastic "The world is a terrible and cruel place, you gotta fight for yourself, gotta fight and suffer, can't expect me to hold your hand for you" this obviously confused him and threw him off his guard, but then deep came in "the british" "Huh?" "The british" "what about them?" the british, he kept responding to our questions with the british, so i decide i don't have time for this and take the one item for the aisle we're infront because i can't trust him to do so. I come back "the british" "what about them?" he kept nodding and saying the british, eventually he says "the British war with Argentina" "what about it" then something about a plane bombing, freaked out i walk away from the situation.
fast ward, I come back from the local Tim Horton's with my midnight lunch, and he's talking to the salad girl "What race you?" "Armenian" "Genocide against them, very bad" "...yes"
Fast forward, the coworker who begged me to train him was stuck with him in the drink aisle, next to the chip aisle where i was. The boss was yelling at deep because he couldn't put things on the shelf, and the boss we had at the time was normally very chill. Both of them keep telling him to work. Now, i'm in my aisle and i have like 15 items dropped, which isn't even a one person job, deep walks over "I help you now." "Aren't you with matt?" "Yes, i help you now." "Did matt send you over?" "I help you now." "Go back and help matt." five minutes later both of them are in the aisle, matt is asking about some product or something, i ask him if he sent deep over "Hell no." five minutes after that, matt started sending him around the store like a hot potato, people refusing him or sending him back after 5 minutes. The boss tells him not to come back tomorrow or any other day, or he will be sent back home. So during the second break he leaves without telling anyone.
NIGHT THREE. He's being denied at the door by security, not because he was fired, our store was under going construction at this time, and it was a week night so construction was in, everyone needed their hard hats and steel toes. eventually he comes in because someone gives him a hard hat, he comes right to me. "I need holiday for tonight." "You know you were fired right?" doesn't understand why "Why did you leave last night?" "I was sad" one of my other coworkers chimes in "You left without telling anyone, because you were sad?" we're all just done with this guy "You can't be doing that" so we send him over to the guy in charge since the boss wasn't in, he gets sent home, on his way out he see's the overnight temperature check guy (since bakery was under construction he got promoted to temperature checking, same pay for almost no work, lucky bastard) and glares him down for 20 seconds before wandering off into the night.
We were expecting a night four to happen, but it never did ....
DAY FOUR! So a few months later, during the autumn, i was walking home one morning, not from work, it was a day off and i had decided to go to the local ebgames and get a 'breakfast' gyro. On my way back, about 20 minutes from my home, i see this guy stumbling around down the street, a familiar, signature walking style like a drunken confused chicken ... "Oh dear god ... that's not ..." it was. He see's me on the street, and glares me down for 30 minutes, stumbling around in spot, pecking his head forward like a chicken, at this point i'm freaking out, i have no idea what he's going to do and since i'm not coming from work, i don't have my box cutter on me to defend myself if things go south. after 30 seconds of him glaring, he steps back, and taps on his chest, kinda like what a rapper would do after dropping the mic and going "represent!" but rather than saying that "I am deep." then he walks off, looking over his shoulder at me, i pick up my pace and start rushing him, looking over my shoulder to make sure he's not following me.
And that's the end, the legend of deep, only to be continued by the legend of deep jr (Not his son or a racial thing like some coworkers have thought when we start naming him deep jr, but this guy was half as bad (yet took around much longer causing more damage) as deep and warrented a second age of deep.))
