After the flood of words he had so desperately tried to keep inside, it was comforting to have let them go, as if they had been washed away from him. Tension from silence. To not cause worry. To appear strong. But it had gotten him nowhere. Done nothing to help his situation. If anything, it only pushed his worries onto others.
There was no strength left to resist trying to further push himself away. There was an attempt to wipe some of the tears from his likely bloodshot eyes. Perhaps he would simply keep them closed instead. Seeing Jancis’ expression could possibly send him over again.
What would she think of him now?
It was exhausting holding onto all of those feelings. It was exhausting to voice them. Franz could not push himself away, even if Jancis’ touch felt uncomfortable. How could he? She had stayed. Listened. Wanted to understand.She’s certainly gotten that. But how will she react? It was a frightening thought. There was so much he had spoken about. Any number of things that could not only bring her trouble, but cause endless trouble for himself.
Murder. Thievery. Abandonment.
Just to think of a few.
Of course he was aware that some of them may have been outside his control. Part of being a mercenary meant he would take any job, regardless the suitor and regardless the task. It meant surviving.But a lack of malice or ill intention does not make a bad action any less regrettable.
Only when the room became completely silent did he break the silence with a response to her words.
“I believe you would know better than I in that regard.â€
And with those final words, consciousness drifted away once again and he felt himself easing into the embrace of sleep in a child-like manner. Pride was of little concern after everything else he had said.Had I always been this frail?
--
In his dreams, small fragments of the past found their way back into the seams holding his soul together. Indistinct voices and scenery. Garlemald. A little girl looking up and smiling at him.She has her mother’s eyes. The girl running away, laughing. Playing.
In another scene, he was in another room. A kitchen? Pots and pans on a large stove. An oven, baking.Will there be enough patrons today? How long can we stay open like this? A magitek timer buzzing.Prepare the next batch.
Then he was in an unfamiliar building. Sterile. Bright. An announcement that all participants would be allowed to opt out.That was a lie. We knew we were never going to be able to leave the moment we stepped in. A white-haired woman with glasses talked about the betterment of the Empire. How they would be making a difference.Her eyes seemed so cold.
The final dream was perhaps the strangest. Warm. No, hot. Burning. He and others had been sent somewhere. Flames danced around his line of sight. A large beast drew near.The units had never been designed to hold that much aether. They....I....I watched as they all burned. All of them. He'd seen the create breath flames onto the group, magitek failing. Overloading. Broken.Burning. Everything had been burning.
--
As he had slept, a peaceful expression could have been seen on his face. Fond memories. Simpler times that he had enjoyed. But happiness was something the man was accustomed to being deprived of. Slowly, the content expression worsened, becoming almost pained. The last dream eventually became too much, jolting him awake, sweating. Reliving the sensation of burning from the inside out. It was an unbearable pain that spread to even the tips of his fingers and toes. A muffled sound of pain despite wanting to cry out. Instead, he only grit his teeth with clenched fists until the pain faded. He dare not open his eyes for fear of what he would see.
There was no strength left to resist trying to further push himself away. There was an attempt to wipe some of the tears from his likely bloodshot eyes. Perhaps he would simply keep them closed instead. Seeing Jancis’ expression could possibly send him over again.
What would she think of him now?
It was exhausting holding onto all of those feelings. It was exhausting to voice them. Franz could not push himself away, even if Jancis’ touch felt uncomfortable. How could he? She had stayed. Listened. Wanted to understand.She’s certainly gotten that. But how will she react? It was a frightening thought. There was so much he had spoken about. Any number of things that could not only bring her trouble, but cause endless trouble for himself.
Murder. Thievery. Abandonment.
Just to think of a few.
Of course he was aware that some of them may have been outside his control. Part of being a mercenary meant he would take any job, regardless the suitor and regardless the task. It meant surviving.But a lack of malice or ill intention does not make a bad action any less regrettable.
Only when the room became completely silent did he break the silence with a response to her words.
“I believe you would know better than I in that regard.â€
And with those final words, consciousness drifted away once again and he felt himself easing into the embrace of sleep in a child-like manner. Pride was of little concern after everything else he had said.Had I always been this frail?
--
In his dreams, small fragments of the past found their way back into the seams holding his soul together. Indistinct voices and scenery. Garlemald. A little girl looking up and smiling at him.She has her mother’s eyes. The girl running away, laughing. Playing.
In another scene, he was in another room. A kitchen? Pots and pans on a large stove. An oven, baking.Will there be enough patrons today? How long can we stay open like this? A magitek timer buzzing.Prepare the next batch.
Then he was in an unfamiliar building. Sterile. Bright. An announcement that all participants would be allowed to opt out.That was a lie. We knew we were never going to be able to leave the moment we stepped in. A white-haired woman with glasses talked about the betterment of the Empire. How they would be making a difference.Her eyes seemed so cold.
The final dream was perhaps the strangest. Warm. No, hot. Burning. He and others had been sent somewhere. Flames danced around his line of sight. A large beast drew near.The units had never been designed to hold that much aether. They....I....I watched as they all burned. All of them. He'd seen the create breath flames onto the group, magitek failing. Overloading. Broken.Burning. Everything had been burning.
--
As he had slept, a peaceful expression could have been seen on his face. Fond memories. Simpler times that he had enjoyed. But happiness was something the man was accustomed to being deprived of. Slowly, the content expression worsened, becoming almost pained. The last dream eventually became too much, jolting him awake, sweating. Reliving the sensation of burning from the inside out. It was an unbearable pain that spread to even the tips of his fingers and toes. A muffled sound of pain despite wanting to cry out. Instead, he only grit his teeth with clenched fists until the pain faded. He dare not open his eyes for fear of what he would see.
