That person in the hood... Shiro... he was very helpful today. Helpful because I had someone to talk to... to empty my emotions at... the cuddle tightly. A complete stranger... and it makes me think... should I keep coming back to the one place that makes me feel upset more than anywhere else? Because when I'm at Corvus Cinis HQ, all I can do is watch the doors for the miniature chance that Miyuki might come through...
I havn't seen her in.. how long? Five suns? And then... when was the last time I saw her before that...? I can't remember... around ten suns, maybe... and it hurts... it hurts even more because the only other person who i can cuddle or talk to as openly is Alothia, and she's too busy to be around much nowadays. So I'm left with nobody... well except Leanna, but my relationship with Leanna is a lot less... deep. It's a surface-level friendship. Leanna's just not the kind of person I feel I can get deep with. Then there's the two brothers in Gridania... I definately feel a deeper relationship with Mickel than anyone except Miyuki and Alothia, but it's still not enough... And I can't come to him with my troubles because he's too young and immature to help me properly.
All these bottled up feelings...
Sadness from being away from Miyuki...
Sadness from not having a proper family... or parents...
Sadness from feeling like a burden on Corvus Cinis...
And there's never anyone around to help me deal with them... holding them in just makes me want to scream...
I'm still unsure about what to do about Corvus Cinis... I want to stay, but... every second I spend in HQ, I feel more and more upset...
And then there's this awful thought... the awful wish that none of this had ever happened... the part of my mind that tells me to forget everything and return to my wandering of the world, never to see anyone ever again. Because it is tempting to do.
I havn't seen her in.. how long? Five suns? And then... when was the last time I saw her before that...? I can't remember... around ten suns, maybe... and it hurts... it hurts even more because the only other person who i can cuddle or talk to as openly is Alothia, and she's too busy to be around much nowadays. So I'm left with nobody... well except Leanna, but my relationship with Leanna is a lot less... deep. It's a surface-level friendship. Leanna's just not the kind of person I feel I can get deep with. Then there's the two brothers in Gridania... I definately feel a deeper relationship with Mickel than anyone except Miyuki and Alothia, but it's still not enough... And I can't come to him with my troubles because he's too young and immature to help me properly.
All these bottled up feelings...
Sadness from being away from Miyuki...
Sadness from not having a proper family... or parents...
Sadness from feeling like a burden on Corvus Cinis...
And there's never anyone around to help me deal with them... holding them in just makes me want to scream...
I'm still unsure about what to do about Corvus Cinis... I want to stay, but... every second I spend in HQ, I feel more and more upset...
And then there's this awful thought... the awful wish that none of this had ever happened... the part of my mind that tells me to forget everything and return to my wandering of the world, never to see anyone ever again. Because it is tempting to do.
![[Image: RSig2015.png]](https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/51152173/RSig2015.png)
