(08-10-2015, 06:35 PM)cuideag Wrote: My first RP character was made for Yahoo! Chat about 500 years ago and I honestly don't remember much about her except for her name and that she had one eye, a mechanical arm a la Vincent Valentine, and she had a sword or something. Don't remember anything else about her. I even drew her.I understand entirely the second one. I wanted to rp, but I'm always worried someone's gonna be busy with PVE, or they don't want to rp at that moment, or that they don't care for my character.
I'm super scared about asking people to RP. I'm just scared of people and their rad as heck characters.
The weirdest thing I've ever RPed was probably a kind of grisly take on the Trix Rabbit.
I used to be an admin and lore writer for a Minecraft RP server.
Because I spent so much time in chat RPs, I have a really bad habit of blabbing way too much when I RP in MMOs. I'M SORRY Y'ALL IF I'VE EVER FLOODED YOU. I'm trying really hard to get out of the habit, at least when RPing publically.
It's a surreal feeling. Back when I did pbp, I was constantly in demand for play until I had almost no free time. I even got called onto another forum by demand, and it inflated my ego a little... Now it feels like I'm the fresh meat, like I've got something to prove again. I'd forgotten how that was. It's exciting and also intimidating.
Everyone is established and has long character plotlines, and I've read their wikis and seen how much work they put into thinking up backstories and setting up non-canon locations and groups, and I'm impressed. That's the kind of work that made me want to rp again after years of inactivity. Before I saw the wiki, I hadn't even considered rp in an MMO. And yet, at the same time, it makes the world feel "full," like any attempt I'd be making to fit in would be shoehorning myself into a story that doesn't have any room yet. It's kind of unfair, but I'm super envious of the people who already have very exclusive, small groups, and I want to prove I won't mess things up by getting involved with them. Their stories are already so interesting, and I can't find it in myself to break their equilibrium, potentially. Yet I really want to get involved.
Other confessions:
1. Like Tiergan and Virella, I am a sadistic creator, and I gorge myself on drama. I haze my characters because I care. :D
A lot of my characters have had tragic ends, or would have. Off the top of my head, one was separated from his sire and both died, one was a child soldier and got disposed of by the corrupt government, one became a fascistic computer program to please his dad and was deleted halfway through micromanaging the world to peace, one was a pair of identical twins holding the same identity who committed joint suicide, one had brain cancer, one killed the only other person who understood them and was destroyed before they could escape the collapse of the universe, one would lose her personality and become an empty shell for spirits to inhabit, and one had oni blood and was destined to either go mad or die violently. Needless to say, Virara's prospects aren't exactly glimmering. I say "would have" because of problem #2.
2. My stories don't get finished. I want to blame this on others, really I do, as shameless as that is. Pbp is a really flaky place. It's easy to blow off posting out of tiredness for weeks on end, and people progress at such a slow rate that sometimes campaigns just peter out and lose steam. Almost all the endings I listed up there never happened in game because people lost interest, but I'm also to blame. If I'd held their interest, or moved things faster, the story would get finished, and I sometimes lose creative energy too. I want to be better about that in FFXIV.
3. Being nice. I think that it might surprise or not, but outside of Balmung I am thought of as the 'grump' of my friends. I'm trying really, really hard to be nice and friendly to people in Balmung so as not to hurt anyone needlessly and make enemies. I feel a bit dishonest in doing this, and I keep somewhat secretive to avoid any OOC affecting people's impressions of my character. Every once in a while it gets through though.
4. I try hard not to be petty, but I've got a few chips on my shoulder. I don't like erp and avoid it pointedly, especially with Lalas; romance is fine and cute, but I just *can't* think about it. I even picked lala because I figured nobody would make a pass at her for it. I'm sad that I was proven wrong.
I get kinda paranoid sometimes people don't like me or my characters, and even if it's irrational, worry they've got it out for me. When clear headed, that's never a problem. I have a lot of confidence in my ability to write. Every once in a while though, I get that itch.
I'm not afraid to snowflake a little, but I am afraid of people not liking it. It's a weird contradiction. I never want to play anything too normal, but at the same time, don't want to alienate others.
Worst of all though is my fixation with bad luck; I'm one of THOSE who rolls poorly and feels like they're cursed. If I think logically about it, all those bad rolls eventually even out, but sometimes when stressed I complain more than I should. I've had my share of run-ins with bad luck, but never to the point that I've exaggerated at times.
5. I didn't get my start in rp, but in an IAQ (Imaginary FAQ) similar to the "make your character a fighting game character" thread, over a decade ago. Mine were of that horribly chu2 seraph wings and overpowered attacks level of mary sue. I want to slam my head against the keyboard every time I'm reminded of them.
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AV by Kura-Ou
Wiki (Last updated 01/16)
My Balmung profile.
AV by Kura-Ou
Wiki (Last updated 01/16)
My Balmung profile.
