RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes

Caspar · **10-15-2015, 07:40 PM**

(10-15-2015, 07:22 PM)Nero Wrote: Having a roleplayer crush would require actually involving myself in the community or something. No way.

Joking aside, I don't think I've ever really had anything of the sort. At least, not to the point where I felt like I couldn't or shouldn't approach them. All of the roleplay I have kind of just...happened, or came from people who approached me. That said, it's probably good to mention that I basically never do walk-up, spontaneous, or public channel open roleplay. I'm so jaded that China could claim me as a historical artifact and these avenues of interaction have little to no quality control save for the simultaneously loveable and dreaded, reprehensible mechanic of the retcon.

At the risk of revealing my incredible ego, I have been told by others before about being the subject of a crush of this sort, but the names are usually withheld from me and I've not been contacted directly by anyone new in more than a year on this forum.

An ego? How could anyone jaded and avoiding RP with the general public develop an ego? Impossible. XD
Never been contacted though, in a year? Given your visibility, that's surprising.

I think that I don't have a right to complain about lack of RP, or avoiding RP, because there are definitely people who want to play with me, but I've been scarce lately. I still need to play with people on my friend list that wired me here on the RPC or through /tell with some interest.

A lot of people involved with my character left my FC or aren't playing much though. Realistically, the connection shouldn't die, but it's put a damper on my plans, and sapped at my will to develop substantive plot lines or events. I need stability now to really feel comfortable creating more interesting scenes that involve more than a few other people. I think a big problem is me not belonging to an ls with those players, and needing to use /tell to get in touch with them.

I have a lot of confidence in my ability to write, but I've definitely seen better days. I spent a long time not RPing and as a perfectionist, I always feel I can do better. Since it's been said I type at the speed of thought, sometimes when I get nervous I unload something cumbersome and verbose with 90wpm. Thus the constant editing. There are still so many RPers I want to play with, and I often feel like I'm the one who's eager to impress. Thus I get a bit anxious, not because I don't think I can write well enough to play with them, but because I fear self-sabotage. Of course, that in itself self-sabotages. I think a big wall to me playing with others is that overwhelming tendency to ramble.

The other thing I'm always anxious about is meshing well. Do they feel there is a place in their character's story for mine, even in a minor role? Are they wary of me as a person? What they think of me OOC seems to be important to a lot of players, and quite a few are so wary of others, it feels like I'm walking on candy glass trying to speak to them. I've a strong paranoid streak, so I'm intimately familiar with that anxiety, but I also find it a bit sad. So many people have had bad experiences RPing and are extremely guarded, and it's really a shame they had to go through that. After years of playing with people from the perspective of a veteran, it was an odd experience to me to have to prove myself a safe pick, a capable RPer worthy of playing with. I went through incredible effort compared to my old forum just to get in an FC. I'm happy that I did, but initially at least it caught me off guard. I understand very well the struggle of new players to find people to interact with.

But I think it's important to know what kind of person you're going to play with, and talking through tells and PM has helped a lot. If you've wanted to play with me and I have been quiet about it in game, please follow through and I'll do everything I can to free up time for it. Of course, it goes both ways. RL hasn't been kind to me lately, to put things lightly, and I've honestly not had the energy to write anything substantive; even my story is sort of disappointing to me as far as the first post goes. A lot of times when people can't play with you, it's due to RL demands too, and not any particular dislike of you or your character.

But anyway, I've quite a few people who want to play with me, and quite a few people who I want to play with, and the anxiety about initiating RP or finding a reason to meet up goes both ways. I usually PM or /tell, but a lot of interactions I've started up just by happening to be in the area they're in. I did, after all, specifically gun for the FC I was interested in from when I read the wiki, as well as several characters whose wikis I read. I felt a bit like a stalker, but I knew what I wanted out of the game and went for it. I had Virara be in the area those characters were, and interactions formed naturally. Of course, I also used /tell and PM to hit them up for RP as well. It's not like I followed them everywhere or orbited around them, but just being available for RP where they liked to play was very beneficial. I'm always really eager to play with people who want to do something more than casual interaction, but in that regard I've had mixed success. There are definitely a lot of players who participated in a story event I ran who clearly have an interest in following my character around and learning more about the people she happens to know, as it's really more about them than her, but most of those characters have scattered since then and like I mentioned before, communicating without an ls or FC is really tough.

How can I hold all these roleplayer crushes?

RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes