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First draft


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First draft
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Sounsyyv
Sounsyy
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RE: First draft |
#3
11-06-2015, 12:33 AM
I read over your wiki and just had one timeline continuity note to bring up:

Quote:Her coming of age saw the apparition of two events that were to change her life forever. The first, her family welcoming one of the wandering Keeper males and trying to set her up with him for his stay, just for the poor guest to inexplicably fall off a cliff, leaving him with only half of his senses. And the second, the following fall of the city state of Ala Migho, after which Suen inconspicuously freeloaded into a garlean magitek armour near the brand new Castrum Oriens, eventually leading her native village to be burned to the ground.

Perhaps I'm just misreading this, but the fall of Ala Mhigo occurred twenty years ago in the Year 1557 of the 6th Astral Era, a year after Suen was born. Castrum Oriens was not constructed until shorty after the Calamity, five years ago, which seems in line with Suen's coming of age, supposing she was 15/16 or so? So there's a fifteen year gap between those two events. So that bit confused me.

Other than that it looks pretty solid. You may find some of these links useful and feel free to post up more questions if you have them! ^^

-Race (Keeper) Lore
-Conjurer Lore Compilation

Sounsyy Mirke | Razia Haiib | R'jahkob Nunh
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Messages In This Thread
First draft - by Valence - 11-05-2015, 03:44 PM
RE: First draft - by Warren Castille - 11-05-2015, 03:55 PM
RE: First draft - by Sounsyy - 11-06-2015, 12:33 AM
RE: First draft - by Valence - 11-06-2015, 09:41 AM
RE: First draft - by Sounsyy - 11-06-2015, 02:40 PM
RE: First draft - by Garalona - 11-06-2015, 01:11 AM
RE: First draft - by Valence - 11-06-2015, 05:25 PM
RE: First draft - by Valence - 11-09-2015, 08:55 AM
RE: First draft - by Scaraphae - 11-09-2015, 09:36 AM
RE: First draft - by Valence - 12-25-2015, 07:09 AM

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