Franz smirked just slightly at the mention of her finally kicking him. "You should have just put me out then. Seems I caused quite a lot more trouble after." He couldn't understand why Ave found it so strange to attack someone who honestly wanted it. "Suppose I'll find out if I ever made it back to my room, though." In the back of his mind, something was telling him the answer was no. That after the scene in the bar, he must have wandered out of the city. He thought back to the dirty clothes he'd be left in. They were not his.
"So then, I sent some letter and dressed up?" If it had ben a more lighthearted conversation, he might've laughed. But the look on Ave's face said otherwise. He'd gone to a castrum, murdered people for a Garlean get-up, and then sent a letter to ambush her? It was a lot to take in. "Remind me to get myself goaled if you ever see such behavior again. Or just swivvin' beat me down." He looked serious for a moment. "I think... I may have killed people. In whatever state of mind I was in." It seemed to sink in. "It honestly sounds too much like old behavior. The person I was when I was nobody. When I didn't have a name to go by. Or anything to remember of Garlemald. Of when I may have well have been a broken weapon." He just continued to look at her. "Please. Don't let me end up like that again. For anyone's sake."
Another thought lingered. "You mentioned Lho'a. I haven't seen him since that one sighting by the airship landing pub. Did he...look...well? Or say anything strange? I may have my fair share of problems, but I'd sacrified a lot to save him once. Would be a pity if his second chance were wasted." He continued to watch as she seethed with anger. "The hells did he do to deserve such words?" Franz knew he wasn't quite himself, or rather, that whatever had been in control was a part of him he could not control. A monster that lurked within. One that fed his vices.
"You say I wasn't myself. But...," he paused for a moment, looking deathly serious, "what if I had been? Wouldn't be lying if I said the thought had crossed before. For all I know, my past could all have been a fabricated lie, meant to keep me going." He expression darkened, became almost sad. "What if I am just some kind of trash left over from Garlean experiments?" He nearly sniffled. "What if all of it's a lie? Lydia? The desire to return to Garlemald? The intentional holes in what I think my past is?" He looked to shake a little in his seat. His eyes turning red because he wouldn't blink for fear of tearing up.
"There's no honor in a lie. No stability. For all you know, all of this could be an act. Just some clever ruse to drop your guard. Kill another 'Mhigan monk to benefit the Empire?" There was an odd smile on his face. "What if I had to accept that? I know at least...one of them could manipulate memory. Hells, that person scares the shite out of me even now. Treats me like a beast. Suppose it's why I've tried to cling so hard to who I am. Or was. It's...complicated. I don't doubt that I'd start hearing voices if I finally lost myself. Probably made for more efficient slaughter that way...."
Franz slumped in the chair, continuing to talk himself down, sometimes repeating the same phrases, as if mulling them over would mean they were true. "I just, I'm sure Lho'a had his reasons too. Maybe it was for my own good that he did whatever he did. Maybe I needed it...".
"So then, I sent some letter and dressed up?" If it had ben a more lighthearted conversation, he might've laughed. But the look on Ave's face said otherwise. He'd gone to a castrum, murdered people for a Garlean get-up, and then sent a letter to ambush her? It was a lot to take in. "Remind me to get myself goaled if you ever see such behavior again. Or just swivvin' beat me down." He looked serious for a moment. "I think... I may have killed people. In whatever state of mind I was in." It seemed to sink in. "It honestly sounds too much like old behavior. The person I was when I was nobody. When I didn't have a name to go by. Or anything to remember of Garlemald. Of when I may have well have been a broken weapon." He just continued to look at her. "Please. Don't let me end up like that again. For anyone's sake."
Another thought lingered. "You mentioned Lho'a. I haven't seen him since that one sighting by the airship landing pub. Did he...look...well? Or say anything strange? I may have my fair share of problems, but I'd sacrified a lot to save him once. Would be a pity if his second chance were wasted." He continued to watch as she seethed with anger. "The hells did he do to deserve such words?" Franz knew he wasn't quite himself, or rather, that whatever had been in control was a part of him he could not control. A monster that lurked within. One that fed his vices.
"You say I wasn't myself. But...," he paused for a moment, looking deathly serious, "what if I had been? Wouldn't be lying if I said the thought had crossed before. For all I know, my past could all have been a fabricated lie, meant to keep me going." He expression darkened, became almost sad. "What if I am just some kind of trash left over from Garlean experiments?" He nearly sniffled. "What if all of it's a lie? Lydia? The desire to return to Garlemald? The intentional holes in what I think my past is?" He looked to shake a little in his seat. His eyes turning red because he wouldn't blink for fear of tearing up.
"There's no honor in a lie. No stability. For all you know, all of this could be an act. Just some clever ruse to drop your guard. Kill another 'Mhigan monk to benefit the Empire?" There was an odd smile on his face. "What if I had to accept that? I know at least...one of them could manipulate memory. Hells, that person scares the shite out of me even now. Treats me like a beast. Suppose it's why I've tried to cling so hard to who I am. Or was. It's...complicated. I don't doubt that I'd start hearing voices if I finally lost myself. Probably made for more efficient slaughter that way...."
Franz slumped in the chair, continuing to talk himself down, sometimes repeating the same phrases, as if mulling them over would mean they were true. "I just, I'm sure Lho'a had his reasons too. Maybe it was for my own good that he did whatever he did. Maybe I needed it...".
