So, what I'm hearing is that the two who just replied to me have never had any problems with their friends that they needed to resolve, or, they don't have any friends, because as soon as someone feels bad, they cut them off entirely that instant. Is that a correct understanding?
Of course it's not a correct understanding. Of course you both have friends, and of course your friends have sometimes done some bad stuff that you had to talk out with them. Please try not to encourage a behavior in others that is unlikely to correspond to behavior you do yourself.Â
Is it excusable to be controlling towards another player? Of course it isn't. But this other player may not realize that their behavior is coming across as controlling. Is it cool that the OP feels like she has to hide on an unknown alt? Of course not, but their partner may not even be aware that the OP is feeling like that (in fact, the alt being a hidden alt all by itself suggests that their partner may be ignorant of the effect of their behavior).Â
It's very, very easy to have a misunderstanding if communication isn't clear. For instance, Player A says to Player B, "Hey, after you finish your dungeon later, come RP with me?Â
" and Player A means only to express that they enjoy the other person's time and company and would like to RP with them if they're available. Player B, however, depending on their own disposition and history, might interpret this request as controlling, and so begins to shy away from Player A who didn't mean to seem like that at all.
Point being, we don't know what was said or what the intent of any of it was. All we know is that the OP feels badly and has an interpretation of a situation, but that is possibly not the only interpretation of the situation which would be valid, and as easy as it may be for her to simply cut the person off, it may be that if they have a constructive conversation they can discover that one of them was reading subtext where there wasn't intended to be any subtext, and one of them was misunderstanding a cue from the other that the other had meant to have a different meaning entirely, and in the end, everybody has a chuckle, they have a hug, and they're sure glad that they talked and cleared it up.
I mean, their characters got married, so we have to assume the friendship and the RP were going pretty well for a good long time. This isn't a situation of "I met this person yesterday and they're being a super creeper". Sure, in that case, you have no investment in them and no reason to try and bother retaining whatever friendship that may have turned into, because there's nothing yet. Here, there's been development, there's been friendship, and now something is different. In my opinion, it's worth trying to talk it out.
Of course it's not a correct understanding. Of course you both have friends, and of course your friends have sometimes done some bad stuff that you had to talk out with them. Please try not to encourage a behavior in others that is unlikely to correspond to behavior you do yourself.Â
Is it excusable to be controlling towards another player? Of course it isn't. But this other player may not realize that their behavior is coming across as controlling. Is it cool that the OP feels like she has to hide on an unknown alt? Of course not, but their partner may not even be aware that the OP is feeling like that (in fact, the alt being a hidden alt all by itself suggests that their partner may be ignorant of the effect of their behavior).Â
It's very, very easy to have a misunderstanding if communication isn't clear. For instance, Player A says to Player B, "Hey, after you finish your dungeon later, come RP with me?Â
" and Player A means only to express that they enjoy the other person's time and company and would like to RP with them if they're available. Player B, however, depending on their own disposition and history, might interpret this request as controlling, and so begins to shy away from Player A who didn't mean to seem like that at all.Point being, we don't know what was said or what the intent of any of it was. All we know is that the OP feels badly and has an interpretation of a situation, but that is possibly not the only interpretation of the situation which would be valid, and as easy as it may be for her to simply cut the person off, it may be that if they have a constructive conversation they can discover that one of them was reading subtext where there wasn't intended to be any subtext, and one of them was misunderstanding a cue from the other that the other had meant to have a different meaning entirely, and in the end, everybody has a chuckle, they have a hug, and they're sure glad that they talked and cleared it up.
I mean, their characters got married, so we have to assume the friendship and the RP were going pretty well for a good long time. This isn't a situation of "I met this person yesterday and they're being a super creeper". Sure, in that case, you have no investment in them and no reason to try and bother retaining whatever friendship that may have turned into, because there's nothing yet. Here, there's been development, there's been friendship, and now something is different. In my opinion, it's worth trying to talk it out.
Lydia Lightfoot ~ The Reliquarian's Guild «Relic» ~ Lavender Beds, Ward 12, #41
This player has a sense of humor. If the content of the post suggests otherwise, please err on the side of amusement and friendship, because that's almost certainly the intent. We're all on the same team: Team Roleplayer! Have a smile, have a chuckle, and have a slice of pie. Isn't pie great?
This player has a sense of humor. If the content of the post suggests otherwise, please err on the side of amusement and friendship, because that's almost certainly the intent. We're all on the same team: Team Roleplayer! Have a smile, have a chuckle, and have a slice of pie. Isn't pie great?
