(04-07-2016, 02:51 PM)Osena Rhen Wrote: So, what I'm hearing is that the two who just replied to me have never had any problems with their friends that they needed to resolve, or, they don't have any friends, because as soon as someone feels bad, they cut them off entirely that instant. Is that a correct understanding?
Of course it's not a correct understanding. Of course you both have friends, and of course your friends have sometimes done some bad stuff that you had to talk out with them. Please try not to encourage a behavior in others that is unlikely to correspond to behavior you do yourself.Â
Is it excusable to be controlling towards another player? Of course it isn't. But this other player may not realize that their behavior is coming across as controlling. Is it cool that the OP feels like she has to hide on an unknown alt? Of course not, but their partner may not even be aware that the OP is feeling like that (in fact, the alt being a hidden alt all by itself suggests that their partner may be ignorant of the effect of their behavior).Â
It's very, very easy to have a misunderstanding if communication isn't clear. For instance, Player A says to Player B, "Hey, after you finish your dungeon later, come RP with me?Â" and Player A means only to express that they enjoy the other person's time and company and would like to RP with them if they're available. Player B, however, depending on their own disposition and history, might interpret this request as controlling, and so begins to shy away from Player A who didn't mean to seem like that at all.
Point being, we don't know what was said or what the intent of any of it was. All we know is that the OP feels badly and has an interpretation of a situation, but that is possibly not the only interpretation of the situation which would be valid, and as easy as it may be for her to simply cut the person off, it may be that if they have a constructive conversation they can discover that one of them was reading subtext where there wasn't intended to be any subtext, and one of them was misunderstanding a cue from the other that the other had meant to have a different meaning entirely, and in the end, everybody has a chuckle, they have a hug, and they're sure glad that they talked and cleared it up.
I mean, their characters got married, so we have to assume the friendship and the RP were going pretty well for a good long time. This isn't a situation of "I met this person yesterday and they're being a super creeper". Sure, in that case, you have no investment in them and no reason to try and bother retaining whatever friendship that may have turned into, because there's nothing yet. Here, there's been development, there's been friendship, and now something is different. In my opinion, it's worth trying to talk it out.
If someone other than my boyfriend attempted to control my RP and manipulate me into feeling guilty about RPing with other people, I would first give them a piece of my mind, and then kick them to the curb. Full stop.
Actually, if the boyfriend was doing that, I would probably give him an earful.
See, I've tried the cutesy, nice way, "Oh, maybe they're just confused and don't realize that trying to control other people's behavior is really creepy and wrong," but it's been a long road and I no longer have the patience or the willingness to put myself through that particular brand of suffering. No. If someone can't figure out on their own that guilt tripping people for RPing without them, and telling them that they can't RP with others is really creepy and not okay, they have problems I can't solve for them.
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