The crackling of the fire and smell of its fuel burning filled the sitting room that Reinhold had remained in since Madison’s departure with Ebraux. The passage of time meant nothing to him as he sat there staring into the dancing flames as his mind was elsewhere. Two years of committing sometimes unspeakable acts and now he was just supposed to be free of it, yet he didn’t know how to be. In the darkest corners of his mind those memories lingered to remind him that it had all been done with his hand. “As if that alone wasn’t enough,†he finally muttered to himself as he shook his head slowly. It was the truth, in addition to the nightmare that undoubtedly lay waiting for him when he closed his eyes there was also the now evident pang of loneliness.
He stood slowly and walked over to the fireplace with small and steady steps, still obvious lost in his own mind. Perhaps it was a mistake to offer Madison the hospitality of the estate… not that I didn’t enjoy her company, I just think I enjoyed it too much, he thought to himself as he stopped before the flames and crouched down close to the floor while reaching for a poker. The enjoyment of the evening was quickly replaced with the knowledge that she was with someone already, and that she will need to go back once more. The thought of being alone in the estate with just the servants and his ailing father made him cringe slightly as it quickly reminded him why he didn’t take the chance to retire from the Order before his disappearance.
The sound of the door to the sitting room opening broke his concentration as his head only just barely turned to see who interrupted his thoughts. As before the doorway was again filled with the figure of his elderly manservant who had just returned from taking Madison to the guest rooms. “I apologize for interrupting my lord, but I do believe it would probably be best if you turned in for the night as well,†Ebraux said in a concerned tone as he made eye contact with Reinhold.
He glanced back at the flames briefly as his now closer inspection gave away that the embers were started to die off. With a heavy sigh he nodded and carefully rose to stand up straight. “Perhaps you are right. Nothing can be accomplished by remaining here alone anyway,†he responded in a neutral and guarded tone.
The elezen looked at his charge with a curious expression at the tone but decided not to press just yet. Instead he stepped out of the way to make room for Reinhold to pass before following him out of the sitting room. The halls were all dimly let as they made their way to the private rooms of the estate. Stopping in front of a worn yet warm looking brown double door, Reinhold hesitated for a moment before pushing the doors open and walking into what was a small study. The man wasted no time as he moved to stand behind the desk and began to undo the various fasteners and belts of the coat he was wearing. While he did so Ebraux moved silently to stand next to the desk before speaking in a slightly worried tone, “You can’t keep going along like this my lord. Being as isolated and alone as you are, you just can’t do it alone forever.â€
As the armored coat finally fell loose, he slipped out of it to reveal a black undershirt and then let it drop the the floor causing the chains and plates of the coat to give off a metallic clink. Once that was done he finally turned his gaze to Ebraux with an expression that was a mix of pain, anguish, and anger before almost growling a response, “I thought we agreed we weren’t going to talk about this Ebraux. I’m tired of father and you trying to meddle in my life, especially my love life. Or have you forgotten what happened the last time you tried to interfere? Just drop it, alright. I am used to being alone, and perhaps it is better that way.â€
It was now Ebraux’s turn to give a heated response as his own composure started to slip, “How can I stand by and let you do this to yourself? You are doing nothing but torturing yourself day in and day out over decisions you didn’t have a say in. I cannot ignore what I saw today. I saw you actually happy for once. Content to share the company of another, and a fine lady on top of it all. Why can’t you just take a chance for once? Were you not present in that room? All I was able to do was listen from the other side of the door and I can tell you whether she knows it or not, deep down she fancies you. And well you were so obvious with your feelings that you might have been riding a dragon.â€
“You speak of things that do not matter, not to mention I doubt very much that she feels that way about me. It doesn’t matter what I feel or think, there is nothing that can be done for it can never happen,†Reinhold replied in a less angered voice as it was obvious Ebraux was hitting the truth spot on. Still trying to put on a show he angrily unlatched his metal boots and let them go sprawling across the floor as he almost kicked them off, yet it wasn’t enough. He decided it was best if he tried to remove himself from the conversation and made for his room to finish changing. “Besides how do you know my feelings are not simply created by gratitude?†he asked as he looked at Ebraux’s expression of mixed emotions, “You simply cannot know my mind… and again it matters not anyway.â€
Reinhold turned to step through the door to his bedroom and the second he took his eyes off his manservant he realized that had been a mistake. The man made a point to stand right in the doorway so the door could not be closed and interrupt what was being said. “I know your mind because I practically raised you my lord. If anything I am probably more of a father than Lord Nicolas. That is why I am able to know what you are feeling. You could always hide yourself from the world Reinhold, but you know better than to try that with me,†Ebraux stated giving the feeling that he was indeed now lecturing Reinhold as a parent would a child, “It is because of all of that, that I am able to notice that she has caught your eye in a way no other before her managed to do. The mere fact alone is why it matters, because you who have shunned all those around you for their failings and weaknesses of character, rightly so though, now have come across one who is able to put you at ease and make you smile.â€
The chastisement from the old man caused him to avert his gaze and turn around completely. The next few minutes passed in complete silence as Reinhold managed to remove the chain pants and let them fall where he stood. Yet instead of then moving to retire he grabbed a pair of cloth pants and slid them on making it clear he was not going to let things end where they were. For his part Ebraux remained silent as well as he watched the effect his words had on his lord knowing these were things the man needed to hear. “You know quite well I a cannot refute what you have said… for a liar that would make me,†Reinhold muttered finally breaking the silence, “Yet there are still reasons why you and I both know it cannot be. While it may not matter to me, you know there would be those dead set on preventing a noble from courting a merchant’s daughter, not to mention the uproar it would cause should things go further. This does not even touch upon the more important reason of that she is with someone else.â€
“You bring up to non issues,†came the servants response as he leaned against the doorframe, “We all know class would not matter to you, especially since she carries herself like a noblewoman. As for her other interests, I say it matters not still.â€
“Has Halone finally struck you so hard that you have last your wits? Of course it matters!†Reinhold shot back as he finally turned to face Ebraux once more.
A knowing smile tugged at the man’s face as he continued to dispute the words Reinhold was saying, “No it does not.â€
The lord swung his fist into the wall angrily, causing the wall to shudder and some of the wall to chip away. “You truly have lost it. I will not stoop to the level where I must put someone in a situation like that, let alone the Lady Madison,†he finally whispered in a low and dangerous tone.
“Stop acting like a child because you already have. I could see that much when I walked into the sitting room, and confirmed it when I escorted her the guest room. As I spoke of you I could see the conflict inside of her emotionally,†the older man informed Reinhold in a still very parental tone, “And despite everything she was dealing with, she still managed to think of you enough to ask me to make sure you were not left alone with your thoughts.â€
Reinhold went cold at Ebraux’s words as they sunk in. Deep down, he knew the elezen was right, it was already too late to suddenly decide against putting her in that situation. His footsteps were slow and small as he made his way to stand next to his bed. Carefully he sat down on the edge of it before looking over at the one who considered his most trusted friend and advisor. Twelve help me, I am a fool, he thought as he stared at the wall in front of him.
“You should go to her my lord,†the elezen prodded once more as he tried to ease the tension in the room.
The lord was shaking his head slowly in response before actually trusting himself to speak, “I cannot… those things may not matter to you… but they matter to me…â€
“I give up! You are a stubborn child and shall just have to get used to the fact that you will always be alone,†Ebraux almost shouted while throwing his hands into the air helplessly. With a stiff bow he turned to leave Reinhold alone, but was stopped by a voice.
“Are those really my only options Ebraux? Try and play my hand and risk driving her away or stay quiet and let the moment pass me by knowing the chance of this happening again at my age is beyond slim?†Reinhold questioned his manservant in a hurt and tired voice.
As Ebraux looked over his shoulder and offered a soft smile he responded in a gentle way, “Do not think of it like that… think of it as the greatest risk you will ever make. Succeed and all in life can be your… fail and you shall be miserable for eternity. I am not saying you will never meet someone like her again… but there is also no promise that there are others like her.†Not waiting for a response the manservant took his leave and left his lord at his bed to reflect on what had been said.
_________
It was bells later that Reinhold found himself for some reason standing in front of the door that led to the guest rooms. He had no idea what he was doing there or what he hoped to accomplish, but Ebraux’s words weighed heavily on him. A sigh escaped his lips as he began to pace in the hall wondering what he should do. There is nothing I can do for now… I would not be able to bring myself to wake her… let alone for something like this. Yet even with that faint resolve he wasn’t able to bring himself to just leave. Why can I just not let this go? It would be better for everyone’s sake.
His turmoil went one for at least another half a bell and ended with him sitting on the floor before those doors with a look of acceptance. I guess I can’t just walk away from this. I may not be willing to go as far as others… it is still clear to me that I have to try. He got to his feet with ease before looking about the hall for something. It wasn’t much, but perhaps it would be a sign that he had been there, one that did not require her to wake. I guess knowing those over in Haillenarte is a bonus, there are roses everywhere and they give you plenty of ideas. He had plucked a rose from an vase that had been in the hall and slid the flower into the crack of the door in a way that it would stay there until the door was opened. I know not what is wrong with me that I chose to walk this path… but at the very least I know where to walk.
He stood slowly and walked over to the fireplace with small and steady steps, still obvious lost in his own mind. Perhaps it was a mistake to offer Madison the hospitality of the estate… not that I didn’t enjoy her company, I just think I enjoyed it too much, he thought to himself as he stopped before the flames and crouched down close to the floor while reaching for a poker. The enjoyment of the evening was quickly replaced with the knowledge that she was with someone already, and that she will need to go back once more. The thought of being alone in the estate with just the servants and his ailing father made him cringe slightly as it quickly reminded him why he didn’t take the chance to retire from the Order before his disappearance.
The sound of the door to the sitting room opening broke his concentration as his head only just barely turned to see who interrupted his thoughts. As before the doorway was again filled with the figure of his elderly manservant who had just returned from taking Madison to the guest rooms. “I apologize for interrupting my lord, but I do believe it would probably be best if you turned in for the night as well,†Ebraux said in a concerned tone as he made eye contact with Reinhold.
He glanced back at the flames briefly as his now closer inspection gave away that the embers were started to die off. With a heavy sigh he nodded and carefully rose to stand up straight. “Perhaps you are right. Nothing can be accomplished by remaining here alone anyway,†he responded in a neutral and guarded tone.
The elezen looked at his charge with a curious expression at the tone but decided not to press just yet. Instead he stepped out of the way to make room for Reinhold to pass before following him out of the sitting room. The halls were all dimly let as they made their way to the private rooms of the estate. Stopping in front of a worn yet warm looking brown double door, Reinhold hesitated for a moment before pushing the doors open and walking into what was a small study. The man wasted no time as he moved to stand behind the desk and began to undo the various fasteners and belts of the coat he was wearing. While he did so Ebraux moved silently to stand next to the desk before speaking in a slightly worried tone, “You can’t keep going along like this my lord. Being as isolated and alone as you are, you just can’t do it alone forever.â€
As the armored coat finally fell loose, he slipped out of it to reveal a black undershirt and then let it drop the the floor causing the chains and plates of the coat to give off a metallic clink. Once that was done he finally turned his gaze to Ebraux with an expression that was a mix of pain, anguish, and anger before almost growling a response, “I thought we agreed we weren’t going to talk about this Ebraux. I’m tired of father and you trying to meddle in my life, especially my love life. Or have you forgotten what happened the last time you tried to interfere? Just drop it, alright. I am used to being alone, and perhaps it is better that way.â€
It was now Ebraux’s turn to give a heated response as his own composure started to slip, “How can I stand by and let you do this to yourself? You are doing nothing but torturing yourself day in and day out over decisions you didn’t have a say in. I cannot ignore what I saw today. I saw you actually happy for once. Content to share the company of another, and a fine lady on top of it all. Why can’t you just take a chance for once? Were you not present in that room? All I was able to do was listen from the other side of the door and I can tell you whether she knows it or not, deep down she fancies you. And well you were so obvious with your feelings that you might have been riding a dragon.â€
“You speak of things that do not matter, not to mention I doubt very much that she feels that way about me. It doesn’t matter what I feel or think, there is nothing that can be done for it can never happen,†Reinhold replied in a less angered voice as it was obvious Ebraux was hitting the truth spot on. Still trying to put on a show he angrily unlatched his metal boots and let them go sprawling across the floor as he almost kicked them off, yet it wasn’t enough. He decided it was best if he tried to remove himself from the conversation and made for his room to finish changing. “Besides how do you know my feelings are not simply created by gratitude?†he asked as he looked at Ebraux’s expression of mixed emotions, “You simply cannot know my mind… and again it matters not anyway.â€
Reinhold turned to step through the door to his bedroom and the second he took his eyes off his manservant he realized that had been a mistake. The man made a point to stand right in the doorway so the door could not be closed and interrupt what was being said. “I know your mind because I practically raised you my lord. If anything I am probably more of a father than Lord Nicolas. That is why I am able to know what you are feeling. You could always hide yourself from the world Reinhold, but you know better than to try that with me,†Ebraux stated giving the feeling that he was indeed now lecturing Reinhold as a parent would a child, “It is because of all of that, that I am able to notice that she has caught your eye in a way no other before her managed to do. The mere fact alone is why it matters, because you who have shunned all those around you for their failings and weaknesses of character, rightly so though, now have come across one who is able to put you at ease and make you smile.â€
The chastisement from the old man caused him to avert his gaze and turn around completely. The next few minutes passed in complete silence as Reinhold managed to remove the chain pants and let them fall where he stood. Yet instead of then moving to retire he grabbed a pair of cloth pants and slid them on making it clear he was not going to let things end where they were. For his part Ebraux remained silent as well as he watched the effect his words had on his lord knowing these were things the man needed to hear. “You know quite well I a cannot refute what you have said… for a liar that would make me,†Reinhold muttered finally breaking the silence, “Yet there are still reasons why you and I both know it cannot be. While it may not matter to me, you know there would be those dead set on preventing a noble from courting a merchant’s daughter, not to mention the uproar it would cause should things go further. This does not even touch upon the more important reason of that she is with someone else.â€
“You bring up to non issues,†came the servants response as he leaned against the doorframe, “We all know class would not matter to you, especially since she carries herself like a noblewoman. As for her other interests, I say it matters not still.â€
“Has Halone finally struck you so hard that you have last your wits? Of course it matters!†Reinhold shot back as he finally turned to face Ebraux once more.
A knowing smile tugged at the man’s face as he continued to dispute the words Reinhold was saying, “No it does not.â€
The lord swung his fist into the wall angrily, causing the wall to shudder and some of the wall to chip away. “You truly have lost it. I will not stoop to the level where I must put someone in a situation like that, let alone the Lady Madison,†he finally whispered in a low and dangerous tone.
“Stop acting like a child because you already have. I could see that much when I walked into the sitting room, and confirmed it when I escorted her the guest room. As I spoke of you I could see the conflict inside of her emotionally,†the older man informed Reinhold in a still very parental tone, “And despite everything she was dealing with, she still managed to think of you enough to ask me to make sure you were not left alone with your thoughts.â€
Reinhold went cold at Ebraux’s words as they sunk in. Deep down, he knew the elezen was right, it was already too late to suddenly decide against putting her in that situation. His footsteps were slow and small as he made his way to stand next to his bed. Carefully he sat down on the edge of it before looking over at the one who considered his most trusted friend and advisor. Twelve help me, I am a fool, he thought as he stared at the wall in front of him.
“You should go to her my lord,†the elezen prodded once more as he tried to ease the tension in the room.
The lord was shaking his head slowly in response before actually trusting himself to speak, “I cannot… those things may not matter to you… but they matter to me…â€
“I give up! You are a stubborn child and shall just have to get used to the fact that you will always be alone,†Ebraux almost shouted while throwing his hands into the air helplessly. With a stiff bow he turned to leave Reinhold alone, but was stopped by a voice.
“Are those really my only options Ebraux? Try and play my hand and risk driving her away or stay quiet and let the moment pass me by knowing the chance of this happening again at my age is beyond slim?†Reinhold questioned his manservant in a hurt and tired voice.
As Ebraux looked over his shoulder and offered a soft smile he responded in a gentle way, “Do not think of it like that… think of it as the greatest risk you will ever make. Succeed and all in life can be your… fail and you shall be miserable for eternity. I am not saying you will never meet someone like her again… but there is also no promise that there are others like her.†Not waiting for a response the manservant took his leave and left his lord at his bed to reflect on what had been said.
_________
It was bells later that Reinhold found himself for some reason standing in front of the door that led to the guest rooms. He had no idea what he was doing there or what he hoped to accomplish, but Ebraux’s words weighed heavily on him. A sigh escaped his lips as he began to pace in the hall wondering what he should do. There is nothing I can do for now… I would not be able to bring myself to wake her… let alone for something like this. Yet even with that faint resolve he wasn’t able to bring himself to just leave. Why can I just not let this go? It would be better for everyone’s sake.
His turmoil went one for at least another half a bell and ended with him sitting on the floor before those doors with a look of acceptance. I guess I can’t just walk away from this. I may not be willing to go as far as others… it is still clear to me that I have to try. He got to his feet with ease before looking about the hall for something. It wasn’t much, but perhaps it would be a sign that he had been there, one that did not require her to wake. I guess knowing those over in Haillenarte is a bonus, there are roses everywhere and they give you plenty of ideas. He had plucked a rose from an vase that had been in the hall and slid the flower into the crack of the door in a way that it would stay there until the door was opened. I know not what is wrong with me that I chose to walk this path… but at the very least I know where to walk.
“...most people need to believe in something. There are a few who don't, but they're a bit unusual.â€Â
-The Redemption of Althalus
“Sparhawk grinned. "If Martel finds out that he's drinking again, he'll reach down his throat and pull his heart out."Â
"Can you actually do that to a man?"Â
"You can if your arm's long enough, and if you know what you're looking for.[...]â€Â
-The Diamond Throne
-The Redemption of Althalus
“Sparhawk grinned. "If Martel finds out that he's drinking again, he'll reach down his throat and pull his heart out."Â
"Can you actually do that to a man?"Â
"You can if your arm's long enough, and if you know what you're looking for.[...]â€Â
-The Diamond Throne
