This is an actual conversation at SE's headquarters. It totally is.*
------------------------------
SE Exec: "Let's make a teaser trailer for our upcoming HD remaster of FFXII."
Media employee: "Okay, I'll put together an HD video of it that will..."
SE Exec: "No."
Media employee: "Huh?"
SE Exec: "I want the trailer video to be crappy resolution."
Media employee: "But then how will they see the true glory of the remaster and..."
SE Exec: "NO."
Media employee: "..."
SE Exec: "What else should we change about it? Hmm."
All the fans: "Retell the story from the eyes of Balthier or Basch instead of dumb Vaan?"
SE Exec: "In-over-their-head teenage assholes are kind of our thing for male heroes."
All the fans: "Cloud wasn't that, and Final Fantasy VII was..."
SE Exec: "We're already remaking that one. It's going to be an action game now."
All the fans: "But we didn't ask for that kind of change, and..."
SE Exec: "Shut up. Keep talking and I'll make it a rail shooter."
All the fans: "..."
SE Exec: "That's what I thought. Okay. Changes. What do we change."
Activist: "How about retelling it from the perspective of Ashe?"
SE Exec: "Eh... we're moving away from female characters. Did you see the XV preview?"
Activist: "I'd been meaning to talk to you about that, because women..."
SE Exec: "Breasts are expensive to animate with realistic physics."
Activist: "What? Compelling characters can be female without that, all you have to do is..."
SE Exec: "Cooties. It's a cooties thing."
Activist: "..."
SE Exec: "I've got it. I know what we'll do new in it besides the shinier visuals."
Everyone: "New mini-games? Added dungeons? An expanded license board?"
SE Exec: "Better."
Everyone: "A new villain who is possibly even more emo than Anakin or Luke?"
SE Exec: "For the last time, this isn't Star Wars."
Everyone: "Are you sure?"
SE Exec: "Yes. Shut up. Do you want to know what's changing or not?"
Everyone: "Please!"
SE Exec: "Subtitle it 'The Zodiac Age'. Awesome, right?"
Everyone: "..."
SE Exec: "People are going to buy this regardless."
Everyone: "..."
SE Exec: "Let's also package a small fart inside the blu-ray case."
------------------------------------------------
*not actually a conversation by anyone at SE
------------------------------
SE Exec: "Let's make a teaser trailer for our upcoming HD remaster of FFXII."
Media employee: "Okay, I'll put together an HD video of it that will..."
SE Exec: "No."
Media employee: "Huh?"
SE Exec: "I want the trailer video to be crappy resolution."
Media employee: "But then how will they see the true glory of the remaster and..."
SE Exec: "NO."
Media employee: "..."
SE Exec: "What else should we change about it? Hmm."
All the fans: "Retell the story from the eyes of Balthier or Basch instead of dumb Vaan?"
SE Exec: "In-over-their-head teenage assholes are kind of our thing for male heroes."
All the fans: "Cloud wasn't that, and Final Fantasy VII was..."
SE Exec: "We're already remaking that one. It's going to be an action game now."
All the fans: "But we didn't ask for that kind of change, and..."
SE Exec: "Shut up. Keep talking and I'll make it a rail shooter."
All the fans: "..."
SE Exec: "That's what I thought. Okay. Changes. What do we change."
Activist: "How about retelling it from the perspective of Ashe?"
SE Exec: "Eh... we're moving away from female characters. Did you see the XV preview?"
Activist: "I'd been meaning to talk to you about that, because women..."
SE Exec: "Breasts are expensive to animate with realistic physics."
Activist: "What? Compelling characters can be female without that, all you have to do is..."
SE Exec: "Cooties. It's a cooties thing."
Activist: "..."
SE Exec: "I've got it. I know what we'll do new in it besides the shinier visuals."
Everyone: "New mini-games? Added dungeons? An expanded license board?"
SE Exec: "Better."
Everyone: "A new villain who is possibly even more emo than Anakin or Luke?"
SE Exec: "For the last time, this isn't Star Wars."
Everyone: "Are you sure?"
SE Exec: "Yes. Shut up. Do you want to know what's changing or not?"
Everyone: "Please!"
SE Exec: "Subtitle it 'The Zodiac Age'. Awesome, right?"
Everyone: "..."
SE Exec: "People are going to buy this regardless."
Everyone: "..."
SE Exec: "Let's also package a small fart inside the blu-ray case."
------------------------------------------------
*not actually a conversation by anyone at SE
Lydia Lightfoot ~ The Reliquarian's Guild «Relic» ~ Lavender Beds, Ward 12, #41
This player has a sense of humor. If the content of the post suggests otherwise, please err on the side of amusement and friendship, because that's almost certainly the intent. We're all on the same team: Team Roleplayer! Have a smile, have a chuckle, and have a slice of pie. Isn't pie great?
This player has a sense of humor. If the content of the post suggests otherwise, please err on the side of amusement and friendship, because that's almost certainly the intent. We're all on the same team: Team Roleplayer! Have a smile, have a chuckle, and have a slice of pie. Isn't pie great?
