Entry 12 - Weakness:
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I did it. I captured Tray and everything was fine. Everything was fine. Everything was fine until the Black Lotus caught my trail, I didn't say anything, I wouldn't tell them. I couldn't fail again, I couldn't. I came with them willingly, I had no other choice, I couldn't run and I couldn't fight back.
The one who subjugated me to such pain scares me, I never saw his face but I know his voice and the voice and what he did and can do scare me. I don't want to find the voice, I don't want the voice to find me. I told him to stop, I pleaded for help, but it never came. Even so, I told them nothing. It likely would've been easier if I did, but I won't fail him.
I've failed enough times, I can at least try to get one thing right. But how much can I take? I keep trying to do something right and there is always someone there to keep pushing me down. All I want is just a brief time of safety, I thought I had it when I was finally free. I was so, so wrong. People like to toy with me, it brings them pleasure to see me suffer. I hate it, I hate them, I hate them! They scare me....
I thought taking Tray was going to be easy, that once we had him, we would be able to escape things easy, but I miscalculated like I always do. Things are getting worse and worse and there is no one around to keep me sane.
I'm a hypocrite. I don't want people to help me, I want to figure things out on my own, I want to prove that I'm strong, I don't want to burden people and risk them getting hurt. Yet here I am, wishing that I had help. I wanted Valen to help me, but he was right, his efforts would be in vain.
I'm tired. He's more trouble than he's worth, but I have to finish the task I was given. I will complete the task but after that, I'll rest.
I'll finally rest.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I did it. I captured Tray and everything was fine. Everything was fine. Everything was fine until the Black Lotus caught my trail, I didn't say anything, I wouldn't tell them. I couldn't fail again, I couldn't. I came with them willingly, I had no other choice, I couldn't run and I couldn't fight back.
The one who subjugated me to such pain scares me, I never saw his face but I know his voice and the voice and what he did and can do scare me. I don't want to find the voice, I don't want the voice to find me. I told him to stop, I pleaded for help, but it never came. Even so, I told them nothing. It likely would've been easier if I did, but I won't fail him.
I've failed enough times, I can at least try to get one thing right. But how much can I take? I keep trying to do something right and there is always someone there to keep pushing me down. All I want is just a brief time of safety, I thought I had it when I was finally free. I was so, so wrong. People like to toy with me, it brings them pleasure to see me suffer. I hate it, I hate them, I hate them! They scare me....
I thought taking Tray was going to be easy, that once we had him, we would be able to escape things easy, but I miscalculated like I always do. Things are getting worse and worse and there is no one around to keep me sane.
I'm a hypocrite. I don't want people to help me, I want to figure things out on my own, I want to prove that I'm strong, I don't want to burden people and risk them getting hurt. Yet here I am, wishing that I had help. I wanted Valen to help me, but he was right, his efforts would be in vain.
I'm tired. He's more trouble than he's worth, but I have to finish the task I was given. I will complete the task but after that, I'll rest.
I'll finally rest.
![[Image: LeN1WVo.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/LeN1WVo.jpg)
